Mistaken Trust
by Lisa87
Summary: When faced with a betrayal that could tear them apart, Edward and Bella must put their faith in the healing power of love. WARNING: this story deals with rape and its aftermath. Post-Eclipse, AU
1. Chapter 1

*****Earlier chapters have been edited and improved since originally posted*** [LAST EDITED ON: 13/05/13 (d/m/y)]**

**Mistaken Trust**

**A/N:** Before you read any further, please note that this story has mature content and will contain a rape scene in a later chapter. Also, I do not recommend you read if you are team Jacob because he is not portrayed in a good way in this story. It is not meant to be offensive in any way. It is meant to focus on the healing process after rape trauma. Unfortunately, rape occurs much more often than it should and is often committed by someone the victim trusted.

This story is set Post-Eclipse but with a few modifications. The main one that I should mention is that the timeframe of this story is slightly different. Basically, the major events of Eclipse (ie. the newborn battle, E/B's engagement, etc) have already happened, but Bella and Edward are still in their last year of high school (It's the beginning of May at the start of this story), while by the end of Eclipse they had already finished high school (End of June). So don't get confused by this. Also, Jacob was never more than Bella's best friend. Remember how at the end of Eclipse, she suddenly realizes she's in love with him too, just not as much as Edward? Yeah, it didn't quite happen that way in my universe, so keep that in mind. It should all make sense once you start reading, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

For the first few chapters the story will only be in Bella's POV but there will also be Edward's POV later on.

This is my first fan fiction and feedback is much appreciated.

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 1**

I awoke in Edward's arms—my favorite place to be—to the incessant buzzing of my alarm. Groaning, I reached out to slap my hand down on the snooze button, then snuggled back against Edward, nesting my head on his shoulder and settling a hand over his chest, marveling at its perfection through the thin cotton of his shirt. I wasn't ready to get up yet, being quite happy right where I was.

Chuckling softly, Edward pulled me closer and dropped a kiss atop my head. "Morning," he murmured.

"Mmhm" was my only response, and I allowed my eyes to droop closed again, a blissful smile touching my lips.

It was surreal how much my life had changed since I'd decided to move to Forks to live with my dad, Charlie. It was the best decision I had ever made because it was what had led me to Edward. I couldn't describe in words what he meant to me; they could never portray how much I loved him. I'd never realized that love like this even existed, let alone that I would find it. The craziest part of it all was that he loved me, too. How could someone as perfect as Edward love me? I was plain looking with my boring brown eyes and wavy brown hair. I was also probably the most uncoordinated person on the planet.

Edward on the other hand was good at just about everything, _and_ absolutely gorgeous—to the point where any female within a five-mile radius couldn't possibly be immune. He'd caught the interest of every girl in school before they'd realized that he had no interest in them. He could've had his pick of just about anyone he wanted, and yet he'd chosen me. I'd never understood it, but he'd told me many times how much he loved me and he'd also shown it in his actions, so I had no reason to doubt his feelings for me. Deep down, I think I knew he loved me as much as I loved him, but I couldn't help but sometimes feel a small nagging doubt in the back of my mind. I quickly pushed that thought aside.

Right now I was content. No, I was much more than content. I was going to spend the rest of eternity with Edward.

Twisting in his arms, my lips found his. His response was immediate, his lips molding softly to mine. No matter how many times he kissed me, the effect was always the same—heart thumping wildly in my chest, insides turning to mush…

And it was never enough. I wanted _all_ of him.

His hand moved to cradle the back of my head, pulling me closer with unconscious longing, then settling in my hair with gentle reverence when indulgence gave way to caution. As usual, he had to break it off before I got too carried away.

"Careful, Bella."

I sighed and let my head fall back against his chest. "Practice makes perfect, remember?"

Edward and I had made a compromise: before he changed me into a vampire I would marry him, and during our honeymoon he would try to move our physical relationship to the next level. I wasn't too keen on the idea of marriage. Not because I was unsure that Edward was what I wanted—I was more sure of that than anything else—but because eighteen years old was fairly young to get married, and I was worried about what the people in my life would think, especially my mother. Thus, we had made the compromise, and I was officially engaged, though nobody except Edward's family knew yet. Still, Edward seemed reluctant to hold up his side of the compromise, even though he'd promised me. He was worried that I would get hurt, since he was probably a thousand times stronger than me and was always reminding me how 'breakable' I was.

"True, but do you realize what time it is?" He arched a brow at me and pointed to my alarm clock on my bedside table.

"Crap!" I swore as I glanced over at it, realizing I had less than twenty minutes to get ready for school. "How could it've been that long since the alarm went off? !" I exclaimed, jumping to my feet.

"Well not since the last time you hit snooze, but possibly since the first time," he offered, his lips curving upward in amusement now.

"_What?_ I only remember hitting it once! Why didn't you tell me the time sooner? !" I grumbled.

He just laughed, and despite the fact that it was at my expense, my stomach gave a little lurch at the sound. He looked the picture of ease settled there on my bed with his arms folded loosely across his chest. Not to mention much too perfect than should be legal this early in the morning. I don't think I'd ever be immune.

He seemed to catch my momentary distraction, awarding me with a knowing smile that had my face flushing crimson.

I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him, but his hand moved at lighting speed and caught it just before it hit him in the face.

"Ugh, no fair!"

He laughed again. "I'll let you get ready. Meet me out front when you're…"

As he was talking, I was making a dash for the bathroom to have a shower, but of course, I tripped over the shoes that I had left near the exit to my bedroom; it was so typical of me. Fortunately, before I could fall flat on my face, Edward was suddenly beside me, catching me in his arms. "…ready," he finished. Having a vampire for a boyfriend…no scratch that…_fiancé_ (I was still getting use to that) definitely had its advantages.

He sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Kiss me?"

He rolled his eyes. "You're already late as it is."

I pouted.

He chuckled, but leaned down and gave me a quick peck on my lips before disappearing to wait for me out front.

With a weary sigh, I padded barefoot to the bathroom. It was Friday, I realized with disappointment. Edward was going hunting tonight with Alice and Jasper and wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon. I hated being away from him for long periods of time. He was hunting further away this time because, first of all, he and his family couldn't hunt in the same place all the time (the depleting animal population would attract attention), and second, because he was trying to give me space so that I could spend some time with Jacob. He never said as much to me, but I knew that although he and Jacob loathed each other, he was trying to be as civilized as possible because he knew I cared for Jacob, and as usual, he would do anything to make me happy. He also felt that he owed Jacob for being there for me when—well, I preferred not to think of that particular time in my life if I could avoid it.

But…_Jacob_. Every time my thoughts strayed to my best friend, I felt a stab of guilt for the pain I was causing him. I loved him like a brother, but he was _in_ love with me. He was still trying to win me over, but I would never feel the same way about him. Edward was everything to me; he was my soul mate.

I knew I was being selfish by continuing to be friends with Jacob, and that I should try harder to push him away. Holding onto any kind of relationship with him wasn't fair on him when it would only continue to cause him more pain. But it wasn't as if I hadn't tried. I'd told him many times that I didn't feel more than friendship toward him. Despite this, he still wanted to see me. I guess maybe he was hoping I would change my mind.

I sighed again. I'd rehashed this over and over in my mind many times. I'd known for a while now what I had to do, but a part of me just hadn't been ready to accept it yet. I had to face it now, I reminded myself. I could no longer allow things to go on as they were. I could no longer hurt them both like this.

I needed to tell Jacob we shouldn't see each other anymore.

My heart felt heavy as I finally admitted this to myself and set my resolve, but I knew it was the right thing to do for Jacob's sake as well as for Edward's.

**xxxxx**

Later that evening, I was preparing dinner while Edward quizzed me in preparation of my History test on Monday. As I tried to dig through my brain for the correct answer to the question he'd just asked, the phone rang. "Saved by the bell," I mumbled under my breath, reaching for the receiver over the stove, but of course, Edward still heard me.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Hi, Bells," Charlie greeted.

"What's up, Dad?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I have to work late tonight. I'm not sure when I'll be home, but don't worry about me for dinner. I'll grab something here."

"Okay, Dad. Nothing bad, I hope?" Charlie was the police chief and if he was working late it often meant bad news.

"No, no, nothing like that. I just have a lot of paperwork to catch up on." He didn't sound like he was looking forward to it. Then is voice perked up and he said, "By the way, have fun with Jake tonight."

Charlie much preferred Jacob to Edward, and he was always trying to push me in that direction.

I let out a breath through my teeth but decided not to start anything with him now, especially after taking note of the way Edward stiffened at the mention of Jacob. Though he was attempting to feign nonchalance by flipping through my History book, he didn't fool me. "I will, thanks, Dad," was all I said. I didn't bother to tell him of my plans to distance myself from Jacob. I would worry about that later.

After exchanging brief goodbyes we rung off.

"So…?" Edward prompted after I'd hung up, "what's your answer?" He was graciously avoiding the Jacob subject, but the elephant was still in the room, so to speak. I wished Charlie would just learn to keep his mouth shut. He may not have said it outwardly this time, but Edward and I both knew he liked Jacob for me far more than he did Edward.

I sighed. "I can't remember."

He took in my indignant expression and raised his brow quizzically. "This was your idea, remember?"

"I know. I'm not annoyed with the History. I'm annoyed that Charlie always wants me to choose Jacob over you." I opened the freezer and rummaged around for something simpler to make for myself, since Charlie wouldn't be there for dinner.

"He just wants what's best for you. Are _you_ sure you made the right choice?" He asked the last part so softly that I barely heard it.

I pulled my head out of the freezer to look at him. His stance was tense and expectant, as if bracing himself for my reaction, but his eyes seemed suddenly duller, almost in resignation.

I straightened abruptly. "Of _course_ I'm sure. I have never been so sure of anything in my life. How can you ask such a stupid question?" My eyes bore into his as I spoke.

A smile ghosted across his lips at my answer, and his eyes seemed to brighten infinitesimally. "I just want you to be sure, and for you to know that I would not stand in your way if you chose him. Your happiness is more important to me than anything else."

I pushed the freezer door shut and closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around his waist and gazing up at him. "It has always been and always will be you. There was never any choice to be made."

His mouth tipped into my favorite crooked smile, and I felt the familiar surge of electricity pass through me. He never ceased to dazzle me. Stretching up on my tiptoes, I threw my arms around his neck, trying to pull him down to my level. He wound his arms around me in response and lifted me off the ground so that he wouldn't have to bend down. That was fine with me; it gave me better access. I was five-foot four inches, while Edward was around six-foot three; my head just barely cleared his shoulders. His cool lips gently met mine, and his scent surrounded me. All other thoughts fled my mind. Nothing else mattered except Edward and I together forever.

He allowed the kiss to last longer than usual, and finally, I had to break away to take a breath. As I took a large gulp of air, I felt lightheaded—whether from the lack of air or just the passionate kiss, I didn't know. Probably a bit of both, I decided.

He set me back on my feet as I collapsed against his chest, and if his arms hadn't still been around me, holding me up, I was pretty sure my knees would have buckled beneath me. Chuckling, he pulled me tighter against him and planted a tender kiss atop my head. "See what happens when I try to throw caution to the wind? You forget to breathe!"

I ignored his comment. "I love you," I said simply, tilting my head back to look up at him.

His eyes went soft. Touching my cheek with his fingertips, he whispered, "And I love you. More than anything."

I pressed my face against his chest again, wanting…no, _needing_ to hold onto this moment, to his words, but not knowing why. It wasn't as if this was the first time I'd heard him say the words.

Finally, he broke the silence. "You should eat something," he said softy, loosening his hold on me.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms tighter around his waist, but my stomach answered for me when it rumbled lightly. I sighed as he pulled away and gently pushed me toward the fridge. I decided to keep it very simple and make myself a sandwich.

"So why did you ask me to quiz you for your history test, anyway? I don't know anyone who can do schoolwork on a Friday. I would know," he finished, tapping his temple with his index finger. Edward could read minds. Everyone's except for mine, that is.

"Well…I can never get any homework done while I'm with Jacob," I answered carefully, pausing slightly before resuming my task of spreading mayonnaise on a piece of bread. This was a subject to be broached with extreme caution. I had been dreading bringing it up, but if I didn't tell him of my extended plans for the weekend he may very well come running back prematurely from his trip after hearing it from Alice, likely with the intention of crossing the treaty line in search of me. He knew about tonight's plans and had already acquiesced to them, but I hadn't yet told him of my plans for tomorrow, the most consequential of which was they also involved Jacob.

I heard his intake of breath before he spoke, and the sudden tension surrounding him was almost palpable. "You're spending tomorrow in La Push." It wasn't a question, but I knew he was _not _happy with the idea, to say the least. He didn't trust Jacob one bit.

I debated whether or not to tell him this would be the last time he would have to worry about me visiting Jacob, but decided to wait until after he returned on Sunday. Telling him that I would be discussing a subject with Jacob that was bound to make said werewolf angry was probably not a wise idea; he didn't share my confidence in Jacob's self-control. "Jacob's not going to hurt me, Edward," I told him for what was probably the millionth time, trying to ease his worry, but his expression told me I hadn't succeeded in the slightest. I opened my mouth to try again, but he held up his hand to silence me.

"It's okay, Bella," he said. "You don't have to convince me. I may not trust him, but I do trust _you_. If you want to visit him, I won't interfere. You have my word on that." His voice had gone quiet, and his eyes shifted away from me briefly. "It was wrong of me to attempt to stop you seeing him before, I know that now."

Something in his tone had me wanting to comfort him, but before I could act on it, his eyes were steady on me again and he grinned lightly. "But that doesn't mean I'll stop worrying about you."

I rolled my eyes. "You worry too much."

His answering smile was softer, wistful almost, and my heart did a little flip when he reached out to gingerly brush the back of his fingers from my cheek down to my jaw. "Perhaps," he agreed, his voice soft as velvet. "But it cannot be helped. You're too important to me. If anything were to happen to you…" He trailed off.

I caught his hand in my own. "Nothing's going to happen to me," I assured him.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Would love to hear from you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I would like to thank you all for the story alerts, favorites and especially those of you who took the time to review!

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 2**

After I'd finished eating my dinner, Edward and I knew we could no longer delay the inevitable, so he said to me grudgingly, "I'd better get going before Alice and Jasper come over here and drag me out." He pulled out a cell phone from his pocket and placed it on the kitchen counter in front of me. It was one of those tiny flip phones that could easily be kept in a small-sized pocket. "Please keep this with you. My cell number as well as everyone in my family's number is programmed into the contact list. You can give it back to me when I return, if you wish."

I knew he added the last part in because he knew I didn't like it when he gave me things. I didn't like receiving gifts from him because I felt it threw us even more out of balance. It was already hard enough to believe that someone as average as me could be with someone as amazing as him, without tipping the scale even more in his direction. However, in this case his comment wasn't necessary; I liked that I would still be able to have close contact with him. I nodded my head and picked up the phone, sliding it into the right pocket of my jeans.

"You can call me for anything, at anytime, no matter what it is," he said firmly. He was attempting to disguise it, but I could sense his anxiety.

I suppressed a sigh. Worrying, always worrying. I knew that the fact that Alice couldn't 'see' werewolves factored into his concerns a great deal this time, given that I was visiting Jacob. To his credit, though, he hadn't brought up that detail again.

"I will. Don't worry about me." I smiled up at him reassuringly. "Have fun hunting."

Before I could even process it, he had me in his arms and his mouth was settling over mine.

My body melted against his, and I responded eagerly, my lips parting slightly to allow him full access.

Too soon, he pulled away, his arms loosening their hold. "I love you," he whispered in my ear, his cool breath wafting against my skin and causing my own breathing to quicken. I felt him smile at my reaction. "I'll see you Sunday afternoon. Take care of my heart. I've left it here with you."

I felt my throat go tight at his words, and I had to choke out my answer. "I love you, too."

He gave me once last crooked smile that had my heart skipping a beat, then disappeared out the front door.

Already, I felt empty.

I turned to gaze out the window but he was nowhere to be seen, and a sudden sense of foreboding filled me.

_Jeez, get a grip, Bella_, I chided myself. What was the matter with me? Everything was fine. In fact, everything was more than fine. Ever since the battle with the newborn army and Victoria's demise, life had been pretty perfect. But I guess that was just it. A part of me was still waiting for everything to be ripped out from under me again.

_Don't be ridiculous_, I told myself. Just because life was finally looking up it didn't mean something would have to ruin it. Edward would be back in a little over a day and a half and everything would be perfect.

Once I'd cleaned up the kitchen mess and pushed all negative thoughts from my mind, it was time for me to head over to Jake's. When I'd spoken to him on the phone earlier in the week, he'd complained that he didn't get to spend enough time with me and that he missed me. So he'd suggested that I come over Friday night for a leisurely evening catching up with him and Billy and then spend Saturday with him and the rest of the gang at La Push beach. I'd agreed because I also missed spending time with him. But now that I'd decided that I shouldn't see him anymore, I was thinking that maybe a shorter visit would have been a better idea. I didn't want to make this more difficult than it needed to be.

Grabbing the keys to my truck from the key rack in the kitchen, I started mulling over how I should gently break the news of my decision to Jacob. Should I tell him tonight and skip the get together tomorrow, or should I wait and tell him tomorrow afternoon? Edward wasn't going to be around, and I didn't have any other plans, so why not enjoy my last time with Jake? I decided that it wouldn't hurt to tell him Saturday, after I had spent some time with him.

The dull ache in my chest at the thought of removing him from my life completely was there but not quite as painful as it had once been. That day of the newborn battle, when Jacob had been injured and I'd finally had to make my choice clear to him…well, that was the day I'd truly said goodbye to him, the day I'd cried out most of that hurt. I would always love him in a way, but continuing to keep him in my life was selfish and painful for all parties involved, no matter how innocent our get-togethers were. One day he would find someone who would love him in the way I couldn't, and I could be happy for him. And maybe, when that time came, there could be a place for him in my life again. But until then, this just wasn't going to work.

I wouldn't change my mind. I knew I was making the right decision. I had originally wished that Edward and Jacob could get along so that it wouldn't be so difficult to continue being friends with Jacob. I had thought that it would solve all the problems. But now I realized that Edward and Jacob's distaste for each other (putting it mildly) was not the major nail in the coffin. Sure, it was definitely a contributing factor, but as soon as I'd realized that Jacob was interested in more than friendship, I should have seen that our friendship was just not meant to be. If I had, I would've saved both Jacob and Edward some pain. _At least I'm doing the right thing now_, I thought.

**xxxxx**

I pulled my truck into Jacob's driveway at 7:06 pm. He had obviously heard it, because he came strolling out the front door to meet me with a huge grin stretched across his face. His cheerful disposition was what had initiated our friendship because it had drawn me to him when I'd been in a major state of depression. My own personal sun, I'd often called him. I felt a brief twinge to my heart at the thought of what I would soon have to do. _It's for the best_, I reminded myself. Jacob may have been my sun in my time of need, but Edward was my world.

I had barely climbed out of the driver's seat when I was pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"Hi, Bella!"

"Oww, Jake, can you try to be a little more gentle?" I asked him, rubbing my arms after he had released me.

"Oops, sorry," he said, but he didn't look too concerned as he pulled me by my hand toward the house. He was much less cautious than Edward when it came to my safety. Or maybe he was just more confident that he wouldn't harm me with his above average strength.

"So is your bloodsucker finally loosening the chains he has on you so that you can have some fun?" he asked as he held the door open for me.

I pulled my hand out of his and crossed my arms across my chest. "If you aren't going to be nice, I'm not staying," I threatened, eyeing the door he was holding open.

He allowed it to slam closed again and turned to face me. "Oh come on, Bella, you know it's true. He's so controlling. You shouldn't need his _permission_ to visit me. I don't know why you put up with it."

"That's not true. He only tried to stop me from seeing you before because he was worried about my safety, and he has already apologized for it. Plus, he's not trying to stop me from seeing you now, is he?" Jacob opened his mouth to retort, but I held up my hand, indicating that I wasn't finished yet. "_Also_, his name is _Edward_, so stop calling him 'bloodsucker.' I know you two hate each other, but at least Edward tries to be civilized for my sake." Although Jacob looked much older than his 16 years, he often behaved pretty immaturely. His eyes flashed with anger after listening to me defend Edward, and it probably wasn't a very good idea to make a werewolf angry, but I stood my ground anyway. "So what's it going to be? Are you going to be civilized about this or should I leave?"

"Fine. Whatever. Let's just have some fun, okay?" He seemed to have put his anger in check.

_Good_. I could agree with that. I didn't want to fight with him now. I wanted to part with him on happy terms. I nodded to him in reply and walked through the front door.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **To my reviewers: Thank you soo much! You motivated me to get the next chapter up fast!

To those of you who added my story to alerts and/or favorites but did not review: you guys are awesome too! BUT not quite as awesome as the reviewers :)

And so here is chapter three! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books.

**Chapter 3**

Jacob's two-story house was small, but comfortable enough. Upon entering, the dinning room was directly to the left, and after removing my jacket I slung it over the back of one of the dinning room chairs before following Jacob into the living room.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" I asked him, tucking my hair behind my ears. Like most days, I was wearing it loose.

"How about we watch a movie first," he suggested, grabbing a DVD box from the small coffee table in front of the couch. "I picked this one up from the video store. I thought you might like it," he explained with a grin, holding it up for me to see.

I glanced over at it and raised my brow. "_The Proposal_?" Romantic comedies weren't exactly Jacob's style. He'd obviously only chosen it for my benefit. "Sure, Jake, that's a good idea," I said, smiling at him, hoping to lighten the mood. I was worried that the atmosphere had been tainted from our earlier argument.

Apparently, my worry had been unnecessary; Jacob appeared to have already forgotten about it. He beamed at me. "Awesome! I'll go make us some popcorn," he said, disappearing into the kitchen.

I realized that I shouldn't have been surprised. I'd never seen Jacob angry or upset for very long. However, when he did get angry…well, I often felt that he overreacted. In that way Edward was right; Jacob did tend to be more volatile and spontaneous when it came to his mood changes, especially ever since his werewolf transformation. I smiled sadly. I missed pre-transformation Jake. Everything had seemed much simpler then; he'd been my trusted friend, and that was all. Now…well, things were much more complicated.

I could hear the sound of popcorn popping in the microwave, and its soothing and homey aroma filled me.

Breathing it in, I settled into the big couch in front of the flat screen TV, and Jacob re-entered the room carrying a huge bowl of popcorn. He placed it down on the table and picked up the DVD.

"So, how are things going with the pack, Jake? How's everyone?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Same old, same old. Nothing interesting," he answered, slipping the DVD into the DVD player. Evidently he didn't want to discuss that subject any further. I guess it was because he didn't want to talk about his werewolf side. Out of all the others in the pack, Jacob liked being a werewolf the least.

I grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl, and Jacob settled down on the couch beside me, remote in hand.

I suddenly realized that I hadn't seen Billy, and he'd always greeted me when I'd come over there in the past. "Where's Billy?"

Jacob smiled at me, but something about the look he gave me made me feel uneasy. "I sent him away so that we could be alone. It's just you and me."

I felt even more uncomfortable at his words. Why would it matter if we were alone? It would only matter if…if we were a couple instead of just friends. Had he still not given up on trying to win me over? Maybe I should just tell him now that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore. _No_. I was just overreacting. If Jacob did try anything, I would firmly remind him that I did not care for him that way.

There was a sudden screeching sound, and I jumped, spilling my handful of popcorn onto the floor. I sighed in relief when I realized the sound was coming from the TV. Jacob had just hit play, and a trailer for a movie that appeared to have lots of car racing was flickering across the screen.

Jacob laughed at me. "Too loud?"

"Um, yeah. A little."

He turned the volume down a few clicks.

I bent to pick up the fallen popcorn, but Jacob's hand on my shoulder stopped me. "Leave it, we can clean it up later," he insisted before pointing the remote at the TV again. "Let's just fast-forward the trailers."

Sandra Bullock appeared on screen, and Jacob leaned back into the couch to watch.

About ten minutes into the movie I noticed that he'd slid closer to me. His legs were almost touching mine, even though the couch had enough room for three people to sit comfortably. My body tensed. Just as I was about to shift myself away from him, hoping he would get my message, he slung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer so that the right side of my body was completely pressed against his left side.

I sprung up from the couch. "Jake! I have a boyfriend, remember?" I didn't think that it was a good time to remind him that Edward was now my fiancé, so I said _boyfriend_ instead of _fiancé_.

"Chill out, Bella. I'm just trying to give you some more options. Haven't you at least thought about what it would be like to choose me over _him_?" His gaze was intense on mine now.

I puffed air into my cheeks and released it slowly, trying to curb my frustration. "I've already told you that I don't feel that way about you, Jake. There's nothing to think about."

He snatched up the TV remote and hit the mute button before unfolding his considerable length from the sofa and turning to face me. His height dwarfed mine by more than a foot, and I found myself taking a step back as I took in the anger blazing in his eyes. "How can you be so sure you've made the right choice if you won't even test the waters a bit?"

"I know what I want, Jacob. I love _Edward." _

His eyes seemed to darken at the mention of Edward's name. "I can give you so much more than he can, Bella!" He thrust a finger into his chest. "_I'm_ still human and you can live a normal human life with me, without having to change yourself into a bloodsucking monster!" The hatred in his voice as he spoke of his enemies was clear but I could also feel the anguish there as well.

"Jake…" My voice was softer now, a huge lump of regret for the pain I'd caused him forming in my chest. I never should've let this go on for so long. "I'm sorry…but you're going to have to accept my decision. I can't change how I feel. Can't you at least try to just be happy for me?"

I saw something snap in him then. "Be _happy_ for you? !" he thundered. "You're throwing everything away, Bella! You won't even give us a chance! You feel more for me, I know you do!" His entire body was shaking now, his anger reaching dangerous levels.

I'd never seen him like this before. Never. It scared me.

"Jake, please, you need to calm down and—" I broke off because the anger in his eyes had morphed into something else. Something worse.

He took a step closer. "Let me show you what it can be like," he said, his voice thick and gravelly, his eyes travelling down the length of my body, seeming to burn right through me.

An involuntary shiver traveled down the length of my spine as I saw the way he was looking at me, and I took another step back. "N…no, Jake. I…think I better g…go, now." My voice came out in a soft whisper, and I suddenly realized that I was terrified when I heard myself stutter. My hand went instinctively to my pocket where I'd put the cell phone that Edward had given me. It felt like a lifeline; my connection to Edward.

"I don't think so, Bella." His voice was hard, threatening, nothing like the Jacob I knew.

And all I could do was stand there, unable to absorb what was now staring me in the face. Where was my Jacob? My sweet, lovable, warm Jacob?

My mind attempted to come up with all sorts of excuses; it was just his volatile, werewolf side that was affecting him, I tried to tell myself. Soon he would snap back to my Jacob. Or; in the next second he would laugh it off. _"Just kidding, Bells, jeez,"_ he would say.

But, no. Neither of these things happened.

In the next instant he was roughly grabbing my arm and pulling my hand out of my pocket.

I was clutching the phone so tightly now that my knuckles were white.

"What's this?" he snarled, yanking the phone out of my hand. "You don't have a cell phone," he stated, frowning.

I didn't respond. I was too busy staring at the tiny phone in his big hand and thinking about how easily he could crush it.

He took in my expression as well as where my gaze was locked, and then he laughed. But just like his voice, I didn't recognize his laugh. It was a demeaning, almost menacing kind of laugh. I was paralyzed in shock and disbelief. "Oh, I get it. Your bloodsucker gave it to you, right?" He paused briefly before answering his own question. "That's what I thought. You won't be needing it then, will you?"

I managed to get over my initial shock and tear my gaze from the phone to Jacob's face, hoping to see something in his eyes to indicate that my best friend was in there somewhere. But his expression went from bad to worse, and in that very moment, I knew. It was as if a lightening bolt had suddenly shocked the horrible truth into my very core: the Jacob I'd thought I'd known, and loved like a brother, had never existed. I knew it was true with the upmost of certainty as I stared into the eyes of a stranger.

His hand came up suddenly, and I instinctively threw my hands up to protect my face. I felt something whiz past my shoulder, then…_CRASH_. The sound came from behind me and I whirled around to see my cell phone across the room on the floor, below where it had hit the wall. It was split in half, and various pieces were hanging out of it. As I stared in horror at the broken pieces of my lifeline, my hope shattered, just like my phone, and my trust for Jacob.


	4. Chapter 4

**IMPORTANT WARNING—PLEASE READ BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER:**

I warn you that this is not a very nice chapter. It contains the rape scene and some violence. It is a dark chapter. It was difficult and depressing to write. But unfortunately, it is necessary in order to get the impact of the story. So please, please bear with me here. It won't get worse than this chapter. As I said before, this story will focus on the healing, so the next chapters will be better.

Also, just a word about Jacob. Although I am an Edward/Bella fan, I don't really hate Jacob. I know it probably looks that way from this story but I wanted to have a villain that was someone Bella trusted (hence the story title). That's why I chose Jacob. But I did try to base it off something from the original story, which I tried to put across before this chapter.

Ok, I'm done. You can read the chapter now.

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 4**

"Why can't you see that we're meant to be together?" Jacob bellowed, grabbing me tightly by my upper arms and shaking me.

"Jake…stop! You're hurting me!" I knew it was probably hopeless, but I had to try.

Surprisingly, he released me. "It doesn't have to be like this, Bella. I don't want to hurt you. I love you. All you have to do is love me and leave that bloodsucker to be with me. We can be happy. You just have to stop fighting it. What do you say?"

"No, Jake, no," I choked out, attempting to take another step back but stumbling and having to right myself. I had barely caught my footing before I heard Jacob's infuriated roar and felt the sudden pain in my stomach when his fist connected with it. The force of the blow knocked me clear off my feet, sending me backward for an unpleasant landing on the floor. A soundless gasp came from me as I clutched my stomach and tried desperately to get air into my lungs.

"How can you be so _blind?_ He doesn't really love you, Bella! You're just an obsession to him, one that he will eventually tire of. Why do you think he left you before? He didn't do it for you. That's just what he wants you to think. He left because he was sick of you, and then he staged the whole suicide thing to get you back when he gained interest in you again! Why do you think he's so reluctant to change you into a bloodsucker? Because he won't be interested in you anymore when you're just like him, that's why!"

I managed to get some air back into my lungs, but I was breathing in short, shallow breaths. I felt my heart squeeze at his words, but it then screamed out in protest. "No…that's not…t-true…h…he…loves me." The last two words came out stronger than the rest as my breathing became easier again and as my initial hurt caused by his words faded. I could see through his lies.

"Fine! Have it your way! But you _will_ be mine, Bella! I'll make you see that I'm the one you should be with!"

He advanced toward me, and I had enough courage to look up at his face. When I took in his eyes, dark with lust and covetous desire, I knew what was coming next. My body began to shake; I was more terrified than ever. This couldn't be happening! It had to be just some horrible nightmare! I would wake up soon, in Edward's arms, where he would comfort me, and I'd be able to forget all about it. But I knew that that wasn't going to happen. This wasn't a nightmare. It was reality, and Edward would not be coming to save me because he had no way of knowing what was happening. I was so stupid! Why hadn't I listened to him when he'd told me not to trust Jacob?

Jacob grabbed my arm and roughly pulled me to my feet. He took my face between his hands in a vice-like grip, and his lips crushed hungrily against mine. They felt way too hot as they pushed against my own with bruising force. When I gasped and tried to jerk away, his hold tightened further and he forced his hot tongue into my mouth. I was utterly disgusted. It was nothing like the cool, soft, gentle, and loving kisses I was accustomed to. I pushed my hands against his chest with as much force as I could muster, but I might as well have been pushing at a brick wall.

When he finally released my face and pulled his mouth away from mine, I turned my head to the side, wanting to take a gulp of the cleanest air I could; air not tainted by his revolting hot breath.

"You taste so good," he whispered.

I knew it was useless, but I had to take advantage of the fact that he'd temporarily released his hold on me. I swung around and made a dash toward the front door. If I could just make it to the door and pull it open, maybe someone would hear me if I screamed for help. But I only managed to take about three steps before Jacob grabbed me around the waist and swung me around to face him. "Where do you think you're going, Bella?" he asked in a fierce and possessive tone.

"P-Please…don't do this, Jake," I pleaded.

"This is the way it's supposed to be, Bella, you'll see." He paused, undressing me with his eyes. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, running his finger across my cheek. I flinched away from his touch, and he grabbed a fistful of my hair to hold me steady. "I've wanted you for so long," he rasped hungrily.

_No. No. No! _It wasn't supposed to be like this! It was supposed to be a special, cherished moment when I gave away this part of myself. It was my most precious gift. I had saved it, waiting to gift it to the one I loved more than anything. And now, just when I had found that one special person in Edward, it was going to be taken from me unwillingly. It was meant to be _my_ gift to give, not Jacob's to take. But there was nothing I could do about it. I tried the last thing I could think of. "Help! Someone!" I cried out, but it came out raw and scratchy and my voice broke on the last word as I took in the amusement in Jacob's eyes.

He was laughing at me. _Laughing_. As if this was all just a sick joke. A shudder shook me and ran right through to my soul, choking me. How could this be the same Jacob that I'd loved?

He tugged my head back, and I felt the slimy heat of his mouth against my ear. "Would you just relax already? I know you want me, too," he said, his voice ragged.

I tried to shake my head, but his grip tightened, and all I could do was whisper, "No, no, no…" over and over again.

Releasing his hold on my hair, he pulled my hips against him, and I could feel his arousal. A few tears rolled down my cheeks. He slid one hand under my blouse and stroked my stomach with reckless aggression, causing me to wince in pain from the already tender area. "So soft," he breathed, his hot breath on my neck. His other hand groped down my back to clamp over my buttock as he ground himself against me.

He was panting now, overtaken by a burning, animalistic desire, and the feel of him was everywhere, suffocating, overpowering.

I could hear the rasping of my own voice as I begged for him to release me. He never once faltered.

I felt sick. Sick to my stomach, sick to my core. My weak attempts to shove him away had absolutely no bearing on the crushing pressure of his arm against my tailbone, holding me to him. I felt his other hand fumble between our bodies for a moment as he tugged open my blouse, sending buttons flying. He jerked the blouse down so that it slid off me completely, and my arms eventually fell to my sides as heavy, dead weights. I was powerless. Completely powerless against him. His huge 6' 7'' frame somehow seemed even more gigantic.

I felt the length of him pressing even more prominently against my stomach, and a dry heave caught in my throat, the mud brown of his flannel shirt seeming to swirl in a blurred haze before me. My feet couldn't feel the floor.

I heard his loud groan before he shoved me backward, and pain shot up my back as it collided with the uncarpeted hardwood floor. A choking gasp came up from my chest with the force of it. Before I could even gulp in a full breath, I felt one of his legs pinning my own down as he ripped open my bra. More tears leaked from my eyes, and I was shaking so badly now that when I tried to cover my chest with my hands, I missed my target. He yanked them away before I could reposition them and then took both of my wrists in one hand, forcing them above my head. His other hand grabbed at my breasts, and I wished that I could just dissolve into nothing and be absorbed through the cracks in the floor.

I tried to block out what was happening by focusing on something else. _Anything_. My eyes frantically scanned the room and settled on the TV screen. I was shocked to see that the movie was still playing, though Jacob had muted the volume. It seemed like forever since my horrifying discovery of the monster Jacob really was. But Sandra Bullock and her newfound love did not succeed in distracting me from what was happening.

He released my wrists to remove his shirt, but I didn't even bother to fight back; I knew there was no point. I felt something poking into my back, and when I stared at the floor around me, I realized it was a popcorn kernel. I was lying on the floor where I'd spilled the popcorn earlier. I could also still smell popcorn in the air, and I knew the smell would never be soothing or homey to me again.

After removing his shirt and pants, he reached down and ripped open my jeans, being too impatient to undo the button and zipper. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to pull my mind to a happy place. Edward's face popped into my head, and I focused all of my efforts into reading every beautiful detail of it. It helped at first, but then I felt my panties disappear so that I was now completely unclothed, and Edward's face vanished. It was replaced by the monster face of reality in front of me: Jacob's lustful face.

I felt vulnerable, exposed, degraded, as his hands were suddenly everywhere, groping, touching, stroking. "N..n…no, p..p..please," I begged in one last vain attempt, my hands feebly grabbing at his writs. He didn't even seem to notice.

I clamped my legs together, trying to protect my most private place, but he just forced them apart easily. Then, with one hand holding me down, he touched me where no one ever had before, pressing down on the tender flesh there before pushing two fingers inside me.

I recoiled inwardly at the unwanted entry, whimpering in pain and clawing at the floor, trying to squirm away, but his grip on my thigh was much too powerful. Humiliation cascaded through me as he pulled his fingers out of me, and then positioned himself at my entrance, his hands clamped around my thighs to hold them spread wide.

I knew what was coming. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly and thought: _I'm so sorry, Edward. I love you._

Jacob pressed himself against me and then stopped for a moment as if to prolong the torture, his whole body moving over mine, crushing me beneath him. "I love you, Bella. You're mine," he whispered in my ear just before he thrust into me, hard, and fast, impaling himself inside me completely with one swift movement of his hips.

My body convulsed.

Pain. That was all I could feel. Blinding, tearing pain as my body attempted to refuse entry. And cries. I could hear cries. _My_ cries, though they seemed to come from miles away.

More pain. How much time had past? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? It seemed endless.

Surely there was nothing left of me for him to take. Surely he had already invaded every part of me. Surely I would pass out from the pain. Surely I could not survive a moment more. But the Gods would not be so kind. I felt it all—My back grating against the floor. His chest bumping against mine as he rocked back and forth on top of me. His hands still gripping my thighs, pulling them up higher so that he could somehow reach even deeper inside me, tearing me further. His moans of pleasure that grew louder with each thrust. His rapid breaths burning the skin at my neck. The feel of him finally expelling himself inside me, seeping into my very being, taking what little there was left of me.

I felt almost numb when he finally rolled off me, collapsing onto the floor beside me, panting. I couldn't move. Could hardly breathe. I just lay there. He hooked an arm around my waist then and hauled me against his side. Though the heat from his body was sweltering, I was shaking uncontrollably. The scent of his release mixed with sweat and the lingering smell of popcorn had nausea surging up my throat.

"That was so good. See, I told you we were meant to be together," he whispered possessively in my ear. "Say you love me, Bella." When I didn't answer, he jerked to his feet, pulling me with him. He turned me around so that I was facing him, gripping my upper arms so tightly I thought they might snap, and I felt his finger nails digging into my skin as he shook me violently. "Say it!" he yelled, furious.

But I couldn't say it.

He hurled me into the living room table, and the bowl of popcorn smashed to the floor. Pain exploded up my back once again as it collided with the end of the table.

"_Why_ do you have to keep denying what we have together?" he cried. In another fit of outrage, the toe of his foot landed in my stomach, and a soft cry left my lips as I bent forward, gasping for air.

He came to his knees beside me then, and as if in a sudden show of remorse he stroked my hair, his hand hot and sweaty. I automatically flinched away.

He gripped my arm instead. Tightly. His eyes were black coals ready to erupt at any second. I wished he would just let loose completely and kill me now. "Your bloodsucker won't want you anymore now," he said. "You're just used goods to him. You belong to me." As if to prove his point I felt his hand slide between my legs again. A pained sound came up my throat, but I had nothing left in me to fight him. "I can make you happy," he breathed. "We'll be happy, you'll see, Bells." His voice almost sounded like my Jacob right then. But no, my Jacob didn't exist. My Jacob never could've done this to me. And I was a stupid, naive idiot for not seeing him for what he was.

He was on his feet again, and I huddled back against the sofa as he started pacing.

"This is how it's going to go. I'm going to let you go home now, but you _will not_ tell anyone about this. Because if you breathe a word to anyone, I'll have to order the pack to kill all your precious bloodsuckers." He paused, stopping in front of me, and I kept my gaze fixed on the floor. "It would be a pretty even fight, I'll admit. But I will assure you of one thing, Bella. If it did come to that, even if the pack lost, some of your precious bloodsuckers would die, and one of the casualties would be the one you seem to think you love so much because I would order the pack to attack and kill him first. So you're going to do as I say because neither one of us wants it to come to a fight between the pack and your bloodsuckers. I don't want to take the risk that I might lose, and you don't want to be responsible for any bloodsucker casualties. Do you understand what I'm saying here, Bella?"

I had my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs, trying to hide as much of my body as possible from his piercing gaze. More tears spilled down my face, and I gulped back a sob as I nodded my head to show him I understood. I could never let anything happen to Edward or his family.

He hunkered down to my level again, his huge form looming over me in a blur of russet skin through my tears. I felt the heat of his fingers stroking one of my legs as I continued to hold them to my chest. "This is for your own good," he said almost placidly. "I'm saving you from _him_. From making a huge mistake. I'm going to figure out a way to take you away from all of this, just like you asked me to once, remember? Somewhere where no one will be able to find us. Then you'll see. We'll be happy. I won't let anyone take away our happiness." His fingers moved up my arm and then he was crushing his lips against mine, his hand roaming my body one more time before he broke away to whisper in my ear. "Don't forget; you belong to me now. I love you." He released me then and came to his feet. I barely registered his words, promising to call me again soon, before he turned and disappeared up the stairs.

It took a moment for me to realize that it was over, at least for now.

I dragged in a quavering breath, my only thought that I had to get out of there.

I started to pull myself up off the floor, but I moved too quickly, collapsing down again as my stomach and back screamed in protest to my sudden movement. I braced a hand on the coffee table next to me in order to steady myself. That was when I noticed that I was still wearing the charm bracelet that Jacob had given me. My first reaction was to get it off and get rid of it (except for the heart charm Edward had given me—I would keep that), but I couldn't unclasp it because I was shaking so violently. Then I realized that I couldn't take it off because Edward would notice and wonder why I wasn't wearing it.

_Edward_.

Thinking of him now almost had me shattering into millions of tiny pieces.

A silent sob cracked through my chest. I had to keep this a secret from him. I couldn't let anything happen to him or his family. I didn't know how I was going to manage to keep it a secret, but I knew I had to find a way.

I stood up, slowly this time, using the table to help steady me. My gaze flickered to the smears of blood on the floor several feet away, and another wave of nausea swept through me. I gulped and forced my aching body to take a step toward where my blouse and jeans lay strewn haphazardly in the center of the room.

One step…two, three. I reminded myself to breathe.

Gathering up what remained of my clothes, I began to dress as quickly as I could, wincing as I did so. Most of the buttons on my blouse were missing and the zipper of my jeans was broken, but I would have to make do. I noticed that the movie had now finished and the time on the cable box read 8:57 pm. Had it really only been just under two hours since I'd gotten there? It felt like much longer.

I grabbed my jacket, shoved my feet into my sneakers, and slipped out the front door.

I wasn't really in any condition to drive myself home, but I didn't have any other choice, and I was desperate to get away from there.

Thank God Charlie was working late and wouldn't be home. There was no way I could let him see me now. I knew I must look terrible. Plus, it gave me extra time to pull myself together. I could not afford to make any mistakes. There was way too much at risk.

**xxxxx**

I stumbled through the front door of the house, my throat clogged with unshed tears, every part of my body still quivering. _Filth_. _Shower_. _Have to get to shower_.

Not even remembering ascending the stairs to the bathroom or removing my clothes, I soon found myself climbing into the bathtub.

I turned the dial slightly left from center, out of habit, but as soon as I felt the hot water on my skin, I quickly turned the dial to the right as far as it would go. The water was freezing, but I didn't care. I didn't want anything to remind me of Jacob.

I stood there for a long moment, staring downward blindly, as if my body was no longer my own. As if I was somewhere above, looking down at this broken and battered girl, at the water that swirled around at her feet, stained with blood.

And then I was grabbing for the bar of soap, my hands moving with all-consuming desperation. Scrubbing. Thoroughly. All over.

I still didn't feel clean, so I repeated the process several times, scrubbing harder each time. I was soon scrubbing so hard that it was painful, especially in the areas where I could already see bruises forming. My body was also shivering violently from the icy water.

I then realized that it was useless. I would never be clean again. I slid to the floor of the bathtub, collapsing into a crumpled heap, and gut-wrenching sobs took hold of me as I felt my world come crashing down around me.

There was no doubt in my mind that if this got out, it would start a war between both sides. Jacob may not be the Alpha _yet_, but the moment he stepped up to his claim, the wolves would have to do whatever he ordered them to. And even if I could believe that Edward and his family would be able to win a battle against the wolves without any casualties, I still couldn't tell Edward what had happened. There was no way he could love me if he knew. And I wouldn't blame him. He deserved so much better. I was dirty. Disgusting. Used goods. And it was all my fault. I had been so stupid to trust Jacob. Besides, even if I believed they could win without loss, which I certainly wasn't sure of, I didn't want to put them through it just to save me. I wasn't worth it.

So I would have to insure that no one found out. I owed Edward that much, at least. And I would try to savor my final days with him, because, one thing was for certain; nothing would ever be the same again.

**A/N: *Peeks out from hiding place* Is it safe? I know, I know. Depressing chapter. But I did warn you. And yes, before you ask, Jacob is really sick in the head. **

**But as I said before, please, please bear with me here, and please try not to get too angry with me in your reviews. This chapter already depresses me as it is. I promise it will get better. Edward will be back in the next chapter and part of it will be in his POV. **

**I would also just like to mention that Bella will not become pregnant from the rape because I know some people might be happy to know this. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**

I have several things I'd like to address here. I know that this is a sensitive subject to many. It's not always easy to read or write. Unfortunately, I do write from experience, though obviously mine was quite different than Bella's and things have been dramatized in the story. Also, everyone is different and deals with trauma such as rape in different ways. But I do my best to be as realistic as possible and while I know many of you think that Bella is stupid by not telling anyone about the rape, it is fairly normal. Even if Bella hadn't been threatened not to tell, it would have been hard for her to talk to anyone about it. She's scared and just wants to forget what happened. That being said, I would like to stress that the rape WILL NOT be a secret for long, and Bella certainly won't be raped again-once is already bad enough. Edward will be finding out about the rape VERY soon. I don't want to say anymore than that because I don't want to ruin the story.

Ok, on with the new chapter. Hope you enjoy it!

BPOV=Bella's point of view

EPOV=Edward's point of view

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books.

**Chapter 5**

**BPOV**

I was still sitting there in the bathtub with my knees pulled up to my chest and the icy water raining down on me, mixing with my tears, when I heard a knock on the bathroom door. I jumped in fright and had to grab the sides of the tub to steady myself.

"Bella?" came Charlie's surprised voice.

_Oh, no!_ He was home already? I hadn't had time to compose myself yet. How long had I been in the shower? Had he heard me crying? _No_. He couldn't have heard me over the sound of the shower. I relaxed a bit when I realized this. _Wait_. Then why did he sound surprised?

Charlie's voice drifted through the door again, answering my unspoken question. He was speaking loudly so that I could hear him over the shower. "You're back early. Weren't you spending time with Jake?"

I'd forgotten that Charlie wouldn't be expecting me home until a bit later. I took a deep breath. _Pull yourself together, Bella. You can do this_.

My hand shook as I reached over to turn off the water so that I could answer him without having to shout. "I was," I told him, trying to keep my voice steady. "But then I didn't feel very well, so I came home. I must be coming down with something." _That had sounded okay_, I thought. This way, he would attribute anything different about me as just my cold or flu. I mentally patted myself on the back. See, I could do this.

"Oh. That's too bad. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will. But I think I'll just turn in for the night now."

"Okay. Well, goodnight, Bells, and I hope you feel better."

"Thanks, Dad."

I listened to his soft footfalls as he made his way back downstairs and turned on the TV.

**xxxxx**

I glanced over at the alarm clock beside my bed. The indigo blue digital display indicated that it was 3:03 am. Although I'd climbed into bed at around 11:30 pm, I still hadn't managed to fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I would find myself back with Jacob. I felt sore everywhere, but the most bothersome was the throbbing between my legs. I tried, to no avail, to block everything out and focus on my happiest memories; my times with Edward. But without him there with me, I felt so alone, and I couldn't push away all the terrible memories that were so fresh in my mind.

I eventually managed to fall asleep due to my exhaustion, but I was plagued with horrible nightmares.

**xxxxx**

The next morning, I sat through breakfast with Charlie. I managed to convince him that although I was coming down with some kind of bug, I would be fine and he didn't need to cancel his plans to go out with friends for the day.

Once he'd left, I had another cold shower.

It didn't help.

The soap could never quite reach deep enough, though it wasn't from lack of trying.

After I got out of the shower, I finally worked up enough nerve to assess my injuries. I could tell nothing was broken. Mainly, I just had a huge number of bruises. It wouldn't be too difficult for me to hide them. Jacob had left my face untouched, probably because he knew that it would be more difficult for me to disguise. If anyone did happen to notice any bruises, they wouldn't think much of it because I was so uncoordinated that I was always getting banged up. At least my clumsiness was coming in handy for something.

Although nothing was broken, I still felt very sore. It wasn't really surprising, though. I had many nasty looking discolorations covering my body, the worst being my stomach, back, and thighs. I also still felt a substantial amount of pain between my legs. That was particularly worrisome, but I couldn't go see a doctor. The faces of all the people I cared about flashed before my eyes, and I knew I had to keep my secret, no matter what it cost me.

**xxxxx**

It took every ounce of strength I had left to keep myself together and make it through the day. I knew Edward would be back tomorrow, and I had to make sure I was as composed as possible by then. It felt like the longest day of my life as I tried to find things to do that would take my mind off my grief. I did homework, cleaned my room, watched TV, and tried reading one of my favorite books. But none of these activities would let me forget. I was also constantly on edge, anticipating that Jacob would call, demanding to see me again. I didn't think I could survive a repeat of last night.

The next morning I was relieved when I saw that it was a reasonable time for me to get up. Just like the night before, I had awakened many times from nightmares that had felt so real—because they _had_ been real. I kept reliving that terrible night, over and over again. I couldn't escape.

After breakfast, I tried to go about the same way I had yesterday to pass the time, knowing Edward wouldn't be back until the afternoon. But Jacob's face haunted my every move, my every thought. _Go Away!_ I screamed in my head. I felt a single tear run down my cheek, and I brushed it away angrily with the back of my hand. I had to get out of the house for a bit, I realized. I hadn't left all day yesterday. I would go for a walk, I decided. In the past, it had always helped to clear my head.

With my mind made up, I starting looking for something to wear. I settled on a pair of jeans and a high-necked, long-sleeved shirt. The long sleeves would cover the bruises on my arms, and the shirt was long enough that my stomach wouldn't be exposed, even if I raised my arms up. I brushed my hair quickly and shoved on a headband so that it would stay out of my face.

I was in a hurry to get out, so I was soon beside the front door, shoving my arms into the sleeves of my coat. I shouted over my shoulder at Charlie. "I'm going for a walk, Dad! I'll be back soon!"

Before he had time to answer, I was out the door.

It wasn't raining, but judging from the dark clouds looming, it probably would soon. The ground was wet and slippery from the rain last night, and in my haste to get out of the house I found myself falling when my foot lost purchase on the steps leading from the door. Before I could fall, however, I felt powerful arms come around me from out of nowhere.

My breath caught in my throat as panic began to surface. _No…No, please!_ Jacob couldn't have come for me already. Fear sliced through me, and I recoiled from the contact and tried to pull away. Surprisingly, his arms released me as soon as I pulled away, and I stumbled away from him, keeping my eyes cast downward. I didn't want to have to see his face. I was shaking in fright now, and I wrapped my arms around myself in a protective gesture. Although I had not yet looked up at Jacob's face, I could see it clearer than ever as the terrible memories swirled around in my head.

Gradually, however, I began to hear a familiar voice. It was gentle, soothing, loving. Jacob's face blurred, and the voice grew clearer still. It was a beautiful velvet voice. I would recognize it anywhere.

_Edward_.

My gaze flew upward.

He stood a few feet away from me, looking as beautiful as always, though his features were etched with concern. "Bel—"

"Edward!" I launched myself at him with so much force that if he'd been human it probably would have knocked him over. But Edward didn't even stagger. His arms automatically folded around me, and I held onto him tightly, burying my face in his chest. It wasn't the way I had planned on greeting him when he returned, but my instincts had taken over, and I found I couldn't regret my actions. While I was wrapped in Edward's cool, gentle, and loving arms, I felt something I'd thought I would never feel again. I felt safe.

**EPOV**

"Agh! _Ed_-_ward!" _Jasper complained, dividing my name up into two syllables for emphasis. "Can you please _stop_ that? You're driving me crazy!"

I glanced over at him to see that he had placed his head in his hands. For most vampires the gesture would have been unusual (we never got tired), but I'd seen Jasper in the position before. He could feel and manipulate emotions, and when he felt overloaded with the emotions around him, he would often be seen clutching his head as if he had a headache.

I just glared at him in reply. We were driving home from our hunting trip. Alice was in the driver's seat, and Jasper was next to her in the passenger seat. I sat in the back seat, across from Jasper. I was always the unpaired one of the family. But not for long. I had finally found the one I wanted to spend forever with, and she was willing to give up everything to be with me. The selfish part of me wanted only to marvel in that very fact, but the rest of me wished more than anything that she didn't have to sacrifice so much. I'd tried to convince her that a vampire was not something you would want to become, unless you didn't have any other choice. But of course, Bella was so stubborn and had insisted that it was what she really wanted. After many arguments and compromises, we finally had our future planned out. Before I changed her, she would marry me, and I'd promised her that I would _try_ to push the boundaries of our physical relationship, try being the operative word. I would never be able to live with myself if I ever hurt her.

However, that was a worry for another time. Right now, I was worried about something else, and it was getting on Jasper's nerves. My emotions were overbearing, and he'd given up trying to calm me down with his gift; it hadn't had much impact.

My worries always revolved around what I cared about more than anything else.

_Bella. _

Before I'd met her, I'd just simply _existed_. Right from when I'd first seen her and caught her scent, I'd known that my existence would change, one way or another. At first, I'd thought that she would be my downfall. I'd thought that I wouldn't be able to control the monster inside of me, and that it would finally be unleashed when I tasted her blood—to me, it had a more intoxicating scent than any other human. But then, something unimaginable, almost surreal in its intensity, had happened. There were no words. My love for her was immeasurable.

I'd known that there was no way I could ever go back to the way I'd existed before, but I'd also believed that I wasn't what was best for Bella. So I'd done the most difficult thing I'd ever had to do; I'd left her, thinking it was best for her. It had turned out to be the worst mistake I'd ever made, but Bella had accepted me back with open arms, which was much more than I'd deserved.

I no longer craved her blood, at least not in the sense that I would ever act on it. The thought of losing her had trumped that instinct. Bella brought out my protective side, and I found it very difficult to leave her. My worries weren't completely unnecessary, though. There were just way too many ways in which a mortal could come to harm, and Bella seemed to be a magnet for danger. This was why I was worried about her now. I'd left her on Friday, and it was now Sunday morning. The fact that she was spending time with the mutt also greatly fueled my anxiety. Try as I might not to give in to the burning need to keep her far, far away from him— knowing it wasn't my choice to make—my resolve had been growing weaker and weaker by the day. The erratic fear I always felt whenever she went to see him would never diminish. Every second she spent in his unguarded presence was torture, despite her constant assurances that he would never harm her. He was too volatile. I didn't trust him in the slightest, and Alice couldn't see her future when she was with him.

Jasper's voice broke through the tension of my thoughts. "We even came back earlier for you."

It was true. We were originally planning on arriving home in the afternoon, but we'd left earlier so that we would be home in the morning instead.

My family didn't always understand the unfailing anxiety that accompanied me whenever I had to leave Bella alone to chance fate without my protection, but they tolerated it with good grace. For the most part, anyway. I was stretching their patience very thin this time.

Alice sighed heavily as she glanced in her rearview mirror and took in my rigid posture. "Edward, I'm sure Bella's fine." _Sometimes I wish he couldn't see my visions, too_, she thought.

"Why?" I demanded. "Would you lie to me if I couldn't?"

"You know, Edward, your mind reading thing can get really annoying," she said, irritated.

_Tell me about it_, Jasper thought sarcastically.

I ignored them, and Alice answered my question with another sigh. "No, Edward, but you're reading way too much into this. You especially should be able to understand how my visions work and see that it doesn't mean anything."

She was probably right. Admittedly, I did tend to overreact when it came to Bella's safety. I'd known that Bella would be back from visiting Jacob by Saturday night and that when she'd left, Alice would be able to 'see' her again. So I'd asked Alice last night to check on Bella. Alice's sight hadn't come up blank, which meant that she couldn't be with Jacob anymore, but it might as well have been because she hadn't seen anything that had made sense. It had been like a blurry TV that was flipping through different channels.

Still, Alice was right. It didn't necessarily mean anything because she didn't see _everything_. She only had a vision if she had something specific that she wanted to look for, or if something drastic happened to someone she knew well. Considering the latter, it was probably a good thing that she hadn't seen anything specific. But it _was_ a little strange that she hadn't seen _anything_ more specific when she'd been really focusing on Bella. This had concerned me.

"Perhaps you're right. But I'll feel better when I see her."

**xxxxx**

About ten minutes later, I was running the rest of the way to Bella's house. As I drew closer, I began to listen for her heartbeat. I was always more at ease when I was close enough to hear it. I instantly felt relieved when I could hear the steady beat.

I'd just about reached her house when I saw her come out the front door. As soon as she'd shut the door behind her, she started down the steps in a hurry. I saw her foot slip, and I was instantly at her side, catching her before she could fall. I knew she hated her clumsiness, but I liked it. It made her…well, it made her Bella. And I wouldn't change anything about her. I loved her exactly the way she was. I was about to make light of the situation in order to make her feel better about her clumsiness, but she recoiled from my touch and tried to pull away. I released her immediately, and she stumbled away from me.

At first, I was shocked. Had she finally seen me for the monster I was? But then I realized that she hadn't even looked at me. Her eyes were downcast, and she had her arms wrapped around herself in a protective gesture. Her heartbeat had sped up rapidly. Had I just startled her?

"Bella?" I questioned.

No answer. She didn't even appear to have heard me.

I tried again. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

Again, there was no answer, and no sign that she'd heard me.

Fear tugged at me. Was she _shaking?_ I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her that she was safe, but I resisted the urge, knowing it might make the situation worse.

"Bella?"

Still no response.

"Bella, love. Calm down, it's just me." She looked up suddenly, and I saw the recognition on her face. "Bel—"

"Edward!" She sounded like she'd just realized that I was there, and then she launched herself at me.

I reached out to steady her, and she held onto me as if I was her lifeline. I felt all my protective instincts kick into full swing as I carefully wrapped my arms around the one most precious to me.

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **To the people that reviewed: I love you all!

**Warning:** graphic reference to rape in this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books.

**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

_Safe._

Tightening my hold around his neck, the rest of my body went limp in his arms. After spending the last day and a half with that constant edge of terror settled into my core, the sudden feeling of absolute safety was almost overwhelming, like being pulled from a burning building and still trying to catch your breath.

Although all the horrors persisted in my mind, his presence eased them tremendously. It was as if his presence forced them behind a transparent wall, where I could still see them, but they could not overpower me.

"Bella," he whispered softly. "What's wrong, love?" I felt him loosen his hold, and he gently placed his hands on my shoulders, pushing me away from him slightly.

I clung to him tighter, preventing him from pulling away. I was terrified that if I let go of him the transparent wall would disappear.

He slid an arm back around me, and his hand rubbed my back soothingly. "You're trembling, love. What's going on? Did something happen?" he asked, concern lining his tone.

I felt a small pang of pain in the middle of my lower back when his hand brushed against a tender spot, and it shocked me back to my senses. What was I thinking? I certainly wasn't doing a very good job of hiding my secret. And there I was, letting Edward comfort me when I'd betrayed him. Sure, I hadn't been willing, but I might as well have been, since it was completely my fault. I'd spent so much time with Jacob before now. How could I have not seen the monster that he really was? But I hadn't. I'd been so stupid and imagined someone who hadn't existed, just because I'd been desperate to have a best friend. Well I wasn't about to put Edward in danger because of my mistakes.

_Okay, Bella. Focus_. I needed to come up with a good excuse for my behavior. I forced myself to pull away from him, and he released me as soon as he felt my resistance. Although I could feel everything scream out in protest at the loss of contact, I managed to keep myself together. Until I looked up at him, that is. When I stared into his golden eyes, filled with concern and love, I felt an overpowering sense of loss. Soon, I would never be able to see him again.

My composure dissolved briefly before I could reclaim it, and I stumbled over my words. "No…I'm…okay." It hadn't been very convincing, but I managed to compose myself again, and I continued on hurriedly, my voice now stronger and more convincing. "I just haven't been feeling that well. I think I might be coming down with something. I stayed home Saturday because of it. And then I've been having nightmares the last two nights, so I'm kind of jumpy lately." It wasn't even completely a lie. I _had_ been having nightmares. I figured that the closer I could get to the truth, the better.

He didn't look entirely convinced, but he did look less worried than he had earlier. "What were you having nightmares about?" he pressed.

I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets. "I, um…I'd rather not talk about them." Again, it wasn't a lie.

He narrowed his eyes but didn't push me further. "Could you not have called me? I may have been able to help you sleep. I said you could call me for anything, remember?"

I looked down at my feet. "It…the phone you gave me kind of broke. But I…it was an accident. I'm sorry!" I glanced up at him again when I said the last part. I knew he would think I was referring to the phone, but in my mind I was apologizing for something much worse. Something that couldn't possibly be forgiven.

"I don't care about the phone, Bella." He studied me for another long moment, then surprised me by chuckling briefly.

My eyes widened. "What's so funny?"

"Sorry, it's just that it's so typical of you to break it so soon after I gave it to you. It's just so _Bella_."

I glared at him, but then found myself smiling. I certainly hadn't smiled since _it_ had happened, but when I heard Edward's deep chuckle, I found that for about three wonderful seconds, everything felt like it had before that horrible night, and I couldn't help but smile.

But my smile was short-lived; it disappeared as soon as I remembered how my cell phone had _really_ broken.

Edward sighed, then his gaze moved skyward as a few drops of rain began to fall. "We should go in. Unless you had somewhere you wanted to go? Where were you going in such a hurry, anyway?"

"Oh. Yeah. I mean, no…I was just going for a walk, but I can go later."

He held the door open for me before following me inside.

Just after I pulled off my jacket, I felt Edward's cool hand in mine. I was expecting him to lead me away from the door, but instead he pulled my hand so that my arm was parallel to the floor. I turned to see him staring at my arm. "What happened to your arm, Bella?"

I quickly yanked it away and pulled my sleeve back down. In my haste to leave the house earlier I had carelessly shoved my arms into my coat sleeves, causing the sleeve of my shirt to ride up a bit. Luckily it had only exposed the lower portion of my arm, below my elbow, and most of the bruising was on my upper arms. However, there was still some bruising on my lower arms as well, and Edward had seen it.

He frowned at my reaction, and I realized that I shouldn't have been so quick to hide the bruise. It would only make him more suspicious. "It's nothing. You know me. I'm so klutzy that I'm always getting banged up. I can never remember how I get most of them." I tried to smile at him, but it came out a bit strained.

His frown deepened. "It looks painful enough that you would remember it."

Did it really? Compared to my other bruises it had seemed very minor to me. Good thing he hadn't seen my upper arms.

I sighed, trying to be as convincing as possible. "Okay, fine. I'll tell you, but it's kind of embarrassing." I paused for effect. "I slipped in the shower."

He looked at me strangely. "That's not embarrassing, Bella. A lot of people slip in the shower. That's why they have shower mats. We should get you one, too." He held my gaze for a long moment as if trying to see into my mind, then asked gently, "Are you _sure_ that besides the nightmares and a possible flu, everything's alright?"

"Of course," I answered quickly, but I could sense his doubt as he continued to study me. I could handle that, though. I just had to make sure that his suspicions didn't lead to the truth.

He finally tore his gaze away from mine to look at something over my head. I glanced behind me to see Charlie making his way down the stairs, his eyes hard as he focused on Edward. "Back already are you, Edward?"

I frowned in annoyance at his impolite tone, but Edward ignored it.

"Hello, Charlie," he greeted politely. "Yes, I'm back a bit earlier, and Bella and I were just about to study some History."

Charlie just grunted in reply and settled down to watch TV.

**xxxxx**

I spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon with Edward. We worked on homework and then joined Charlie downstairs to watch some TV.

I discovered that for the most part, the transparent wall that had been formed in my mind remained intact as long as Edward was with me. However, much to my frustration, I found that occasionally something would puncture a small hole, and then for a short time the horrific images would return with the upmost of clarity until the hole sealed again. The trigger was always something that would remind me of that horrible Friday night, while it was always something related to Edward, like his voice, scent, or touch, that would seal it up again.

Like when Edward had moved to kiss me on my lips and I'd been reminded of Jacob's forceful and disgusting kiss. Edward's face had been replaced with Jacob's. It had only been for a second because Edward's familiar scent had reached me and sealed the hole back up again. But it had been enough. Edward had noticed my expression and pulled away. Luckily, I had come up with a good excuse. I'd told him that I'd felt nauseated due to my 'flu.' But I was still angry with myself. I knew Edward would never hurt me like Jacob had, so why had I reacted that way?

Nevertheless, the worst had been when he'd left, just before dinner. He hadn't wanted to push Charlie's boundaries. He'd told me that he would be back at night as usual (he always snuck in through my window), but as soon as he'd left, the transparent wall had disappeared completely, and I was once again plagued by my terrible memories and the knowledge that they were far from complete.

**xxxxx**

How did one hide from the horror of it? The conscious mind could not run from what the unconscious mind could never forget. Every little detail was there.

His hands. Everywhere. Leaving no part of me untouched.

His voice rasping in my ear. _You belonged to me_. _No one else will want you_. _You're mine_. _You're mine_.

The grunting as he rammed himself into me. Over and over again. Tearing through every part of me, through everything I thought I'd known and believed to be true.

I cried out for it to stop. For release from the pain, the humiliation.

His arms were around me. I struggled, trying to push him away. Somehow, I broke free, and I curled up into a ball with my legs against my chest, rocking myself back and forth as I sobbed.

It took me a moment to realize that I wasn't imagining Edward's voice.

"Shh, love. Everything's alright. It was just a dream," he soothed.

I slowly looked up and took in my surroundings. I'd had another nightmare. But I still felt sore everywhere and could feel the throbbing between my legs. Because it hadn't been just a dream. It had happened. And I knew Jacob was right. No one else would ever want me. I was forever tainted.

Still, when Edward reached out to me, I grabbed onto him and sobbed into his chest, seeking comfort. Even though Edward wouldn't want me if he knew, was it so bad for me to pretend for now that he would love me no matter what? It was unbelievably easy to do just that, and I felt the fear and despair that had grabbed hold of me loosen as he rocked me gently in his arms, whispering words of comfort. "Shh, you're safe now."

**EPOV**

Something wasn't right.

I tried to sort everything through in my head. All of her explanations to her behavior seemed entirely possible. Everyone acted differently when they weren't feeling well, and reoccurring nightmares were enough to make anyone more jumpy. I also knew from experience that Bella often acted in ways that I least expected. Still, I knew in my gut that something was wrong.

**xxxxx**

Throughout the day, I watched her closely, trying to piece everything together and figure out what was going on. For the most part, she seemed fine, and on a number of occasions I even found myself wondering if I had been reading too much into things. But then there were the brief moments where her expression would change so abruptly, and she appeared to be lost in her own mind. Each time this happened, my concern for her grew.

I didn't want to leave her, but I knew that I could only push Charlie so far, so I left just before she ate dinner and promised her that I would be back later that night when she went to bed.

Several hours later found me settled in the rocking chair next to Bella's bed, watching her sleep. She had only been asleep for about an hour when her peaceful expression changed to one of anguish and she began thrashing wildly. "No…please!" she begged.

I was on my feet in a matter of seconds. "Bella," I called, my voice a hoarse whisper, so as to not alert Charlie. "Bella, love. Wake up." I tried to touch her shoulder.

"No…_No!_" she cried, frantically scrambling upward to a sitting position. She was physically awake now, but her mind was still lost in the nightmare.

"Bella," I whispered again, my stomach twisting in knots when she jerked away from me.

She curled up into a ball with her legs against her chest, rocking herself back and forth as she sobbed. I couldn't bear it.

"Shh, love," I hushed. "Everything's alright. It was just a dream."

Her big brown eyes settled on me then, shimmering with tears. I held out my arms, and to my relief, she accepted my comfort this time, her body shaking with sobs as she clung to me. "Shh, you're safe now," I whispered as I rocked her gently.

If I hadn't been certain before that something was wrong, I was definitely positive now. Most importantly, I was absolutely certain that whatever it was she was hiding was_ not_ something minor. I made a vow right then and there that I _would_ find out what was wrong. Once I found out, I would do whatever it took to fix it.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 7**

**BPOV**

_I can do this_, I assured myself as I readied for school the following morning—I'd told Edward and Charlie that I felt well enough to go, despite my 'flu.' When my gaze fell on my backpack, however, I started to think that maybe I should stay home after all. How on earth would I manage to carry that thing around all day? My back was sore enough already.

I would just have to manage somehow, I told myself. I'd much rather go to school, where I could attempt to occupy my thoughts, than stay at home where I knew the horrors of reality would consume them.

Snatching up the backpack, I carefully set it over my shoulder and made my way down the stairs, biting my bottom lip against the pain as one of my textbooks rubbed against my bruises.

The short car ride to school seemed to take longer than usual. Edward was driving me today, and I could sense him watching me as he drove—though his eyes rarely left the road. I knew he was becoming more and more suspicious that I was hiding something. Ever since last night's nightmares, he'd been watching my every move very closely. I would have to be extremely careful. I couldn't let him find out the truth. Keeping everything from him was becoming increasingly difficult, however. He knew me too well. Hiding the physical bruises was one thing, but pretending that all was right in the world when everything was crumbling beneath me was another thing all together.

I turned to gaze out the passenger widow, trying to close my mind from the horrors of reality, if only for a moment. Shifting in my seat, tears suddenly rushed behind my eyes when I crossed my legs out of habit and then had to uncross them again to relieve the soreness. Though I managed to hold in the tears, Edward must have sensed something.

"Hey," he said, his gentle fingers lightly grazing my shoulder. "Are you sure you're feeling well enough for school? I can turn around." His butterscotch eyes were focused on me now, his gaze soft and concerned.

I averted my eyes downward. He always had the ability to wipe all rational thought from my mind with a single gaze. If I weren't careful I would start to believe that there was such a thing as a love that could withstand anything, that it could somehow work miracles, that it could fix what was already broken. The rational part of me knew better. Nothing could fix me now.

"No, I'm fine, just a little headache," I lied.

His gaze shifted back to the road as he turned into the school parking lot. He nosed the Volvo into the nearest available parking space before shutting off the engine, then reached over to press his palm to my forehead.

More tears prickled behind my eyes at the gesture. If only he knew how little I deserved his concern. "I'm fine, really," I assured him, pushing his hand away.

He released a weary sigh and pulled back his hand.

Removing my seatbelt, I focused my gaze on the groups of students moving toward the front of the school. How on earth would I manage to just go about my day as if nothing had changed?

Luckily, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper had supposedly graduated by now and were no longer coming to school. I didn't want to have to try and hide everything from them as well. Especially Jasper. It would definitely be difficult to hide from Jasper when he could feel my emotions.

I had just barely taken my seatbelt off when Edward was already opening my door for me. It had always made me feel so special when he did such gentlemanly things for me, but I'd never even felt like I deserved it before, and I certainly didn't deserve it now. I tried to ignore the shame that coursed through me as he took my hand and led me toward the entrance of Forks high school.

Even now that Edward and I had been a couple for a while, people still often stared at us. Most of them were girls, and I knew they couldn't understand why someone as amazing as Edward would choose someone as plain and boring as me. Imagine what they would think of me now if they knew my secret.

Unfortunately, even though Edward had tried to arrange his schedule so that we had the same classes, we still didn't have first period together; I had English literature while he had an advanced History course.

Once we arrived in front of my classroom, Edward turned to face me. "See you next period." He squeezed my hand lightly. "I love you," he said, his voice a low murmur that cut at my heartstrings and had tears prickling behind my eyes once again.

When he released me and turned away, the weight of everything was suddenly a thousand times heavier, pulling me down until it was difficult to breathe.

I sucked in a breath and forced myself to put one foot in front of the other.

Class hadn't officially started yet, and the room was filled with chatter as I took my seat.

I felt a sinking feeling of unease as I regarded all my peers. How well did I really know any of them? Certainly not any better than I'd known my best friend, and look where that had gotten me.

Suddenly, everyone around me was a stranger. It was an awful feeling. Like having the floor ripped out from beneath my feet in an instant.

"Hi, Bella!"

I jumped at the sound of Mike's overly enthusiastic voice.

"How was your weekend?" he asked, leaning against my desk and smiling widely at me.

"Fine," I lied, forcing a smile.

I was saved from having to elaborate further when Jessica and Angela joined us and started talking about the latest romance movie that was playing in theaters.

I chatted with them briefly about things that seemed so minor and insignificant. I managed to keep up my pretense that everything was fine, but I was relieved when our teacher, Mr. Berty, started class and everyone returned to their desks.

I tried to listen to Mr. Berty's analysis of chapter three of the book we were reading for class, but I couldn't even remember what book it was.

About halfway into the class, Mr. Berty asked us to break into groups to brainstorm, and the class erupted into a buzz of chatter as everyone formed groups, but I really didn't feel up to interacting with anyone.

Just as I was thinking I should pretend to be ill and ask to see the nurse in order to get out of the brainstorming session, Mike appeared beside my desk again.

"Hey, Bella. How about you join my group," he suggested cheerfully.

I felt an arm come around my shoulders, and I froze.

I was in Jacob's living room again. On his sofa. His arm was pulling me against him. I could smell the popcorn. _No. No!_ It couldn't be happening again!

I jumped to my feet, then jerked away as his hand grabbed my arm. The sudden movement sent me tumbling backward, and as soon as I hit the floor, I pulled my knees up, wrapping my arms around my legs and placing my forehead on top of my knees, trying to make myself as small as possible. I could feel his hands on me. I tried to pull away.

_No, no, no, no…_

**EPOV**

The trivial workings of the human mind were even less tolerable today than usual. The thoughts of student and teacher alike were a constant, irritating babble in my head. Except for one. Right now only one mind was of interest to me, but like always it remained frustratingly silent. I'd grown used to not being able to hear her mind, but it never stopped me longing for but a glimpse. Today, especially.

I gripped the desk in front of me, feeling the easily pliable wood start to cave beneath my fingers. I quickly released it, my eyes still fixed straight ahead as if I were listening intently to my History teacher's lecture. Right. In actual fact I was currently sifting through the thoughts of Bella's classmates, trying to watch her through them. Luckily, my class was close enough to hers that I could acquire their thoughts easily enough.

Mike, Angela, Jessica…Not one of them even _noticed_ the shadowed look in Bella's eyes, that…_distant_, vacant look that was killing me more and more each time I saw it.

I gripped the desk again and felt Alice's eyes on me. She sat in the desk beside me and was luckily the only one who had noticed I was on the verge of rendering the piece of wood that was my desktop into nothing but a pile of sawdust.

_Edward, what is it?_

Despite her attempts to hide it from me I knew she was as troubled as I was about the fact that she was having problems seeing Bella.

I shook my head just enough for her to see it and tried to shove her thoughts from my mind.

Bella's teacher had just requested the class break into groups, and Mike Newton was approaching her.

_I'm going to get Bella to join my group. I know she's with Cullen now, but things can change. Maybe if I try to spend more time with her, she'll change her mind and want to be my girlfriend. _

Normally, Mike Newton's infatuation with Bella irritated me to no end. Not this time.

This time I was too occupied with watching her through his thoughts. She looked…_anxious_ now as he approached her. _"Hey, Bella,"_ he said cheerfully. _"How about you join my group."_ He slung his arm around her shoulders as he spoke, and that was when everything went horribly wrong.

She jumped up suddenly as if someone had burned her skin with a hot iron. _"Whoa. Calm down, Bella. I didn't mean anything by it,"_ Mike assured her, reaching out to take her arm to try and steady her. But Bella jerked away with such a force that she lost her footing and fell backward, landing on her backside none too gently.

It was the expression on her face that had me on my feet in a matter of seconds. Never had I seen her look so terrified. She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs and placing her forehead on her knees as if to block out an unseen force of evil. I had to get to her.

"Mr. Cullen, is there a problem?" my teacher asked impatiently, snapping me back to my senses. I'd been damned close to bolting out of the room at vampire speed.

"May I go to the bathroom?" I asked, straining to keep the irritation out of my voice.

My teacher waved me to the door, and I ignored the giggles from my classmates at my sudden urge to go to the bathroom as I walked at a fast pace to the door. Distantly, I heard Alice calling me in her thoughts, but I ignored her too.

It seemed to take me forever to get to her classroom as I was forced to move at a human pace down the hallway. I kept watching helplessly as everything played out in my mind. The class had formed a crowd around her and most wore shocked and confused expressions. Some glanced at Mike and sent him accusing looks.

Mike snapped out of his initial shock and answered the unspoken question. _"I just put my arm around her, I swear! I was just trying to be friendly because she looked kind of upset about something."_ Several students who had seen what had happened nodded in agreement.

Angela stepped forward. _"What's wrong, Bella?"_ she asked, lightly touching Bella's arm as she spoke, but Bella flinched away and Angela yanked her hand back quickly.

Nobody was able to get through to her. Her only reaction to anyone was to pull away when they tried to touch her.

_I have seen this kind of behavior before…_

At that moment, I entered the classroom, interrupting the thoughts of Mr. Berty as everyone whirled around to face me.

At the back of my mind I knew I was overstepping the boundaries of caution that keeping a low profile warranted, but it didn't matter. I had to get to her.

My face was hard as I stared down the group of people standing in my way, and they all scattered easily enough, even Mr. Berty. Their sense of self-preservation was as it should be. The humans may not know _why_ they should fear us, but their instincts always told them to stay away. There had only ever been one exception.

Bella.

Now that I could see and hear her with my own enhanced senses, the scene before me was only that much more jarring. Seeing her in such an obvious state of terror was like a hard blow to my chest. Her heart was thudding rapidly, and she was still in the same position that I'd seen her in Mike's thoughts, with her head down on top of her knees and her arms wrapped around herself.

My sweet, fearless Bella. How many times had I expected a reaction like this? The occasions were numerous to count. I had waited for it then. Braced myself for it. So sure of it had I been that the moment would come.

And now…now I wasn't prepared at all.

A part of me knew it couldn't possibly have anything to do with me. Yet suddenly I was terrified. Terrified that she would finally turn me away. She hadn't let any of the others get near her. What if her reaction to me was that much worse? What if she ran screaming like I'd expected her to all those times before? Even just thinking of that possibility, no matter how slight, hurt more than I could imagine, and no amount of rational reasoning worked to diminish that ultimate fear.

Mr. Berty's thoughts were not helping matters.

_I remember now where I've seen this behavior before. It was Justin's sister. It turned out that she was being beat up by her boyfriend. Could this be the same thing? Probably. I always thought there was something strange about Cullen. How had he known what was going on and gotten here so fast, anyways? _

What if I _had_ caused this somehow? Not in the way Mr. Berty was thinking, obviously, but indirectly perhaps? I had after all thrown her into a world full of monsters.

It didn't make sense. None of it did. Still, seeing her like this was torture. And nothing could keep me away.

Slowly, very slowly, I crouched down in front of her, her name leaving my lips in a whisper that I doubted anyone could hear. I tried again. "Bella, sweetheart, can you look at me?"

At first there was no reaction, but then she slowly lifted her head to look at me. Her terrified eyes met mine, but there was no running, no screaming, and I saw the recognition ease slowly into her features. Whatever it was that had terrified her, it hadn't been me.

Relief. It came over me so strongly it was almost blinding. Then I was taking her into my arms, and all other thoughts evaporated except one: I had to make her safe, calm her, get her out of here. Because the way in which she fell into my arms, her fingers making a tight fist around the fabric of my shirt, told me that something was very, very wrong. What had happened? What could have possibly scared her like this?

_Wow. That's amazing. I must've been wrong about Cullen….no one else was able to even get near her... _

From Mr. Berty's thoughts I decided it was safe for me to get her out of there; he wouldn't resist, and our audience was not helping matters. "Bella," I said to her quietly, "we should…" I trailed off because when I tried to release her, she clung to me with even more fever. Realizing that she wasn't in any state to just get up and walk out, I changed tactics, scooping her up into my arms and coming to my feet in one smooth motion.

_Holy crap! I wish I were that strong._

_She's so lucky! I wish I had a boyfriend to sweep me off my feet._

_He is so sweet with her! And he is so hot! I wish he were my boyfriend._

_Show-off!_

I pursed my lips. Sometimes my 'gift' was extremely irritating.

I turned to Mr. Berty. "I should take her home."

"Yes, yes, of course," he said quickly, waving me away. He wasn't about to argue with me.

Without another word, I walked briskly out the door with Bella in my arms.

At some point, as I carried her back to my car, she seemed to come back to her senses, her arms loosening their hold on me. "I…I'm okay now," she stuttered, her own voice betraying her words. "Y…you can…put me down…"

My eyes bore down at her as I arrived at my car. If she thought she could just write this off as nothing, she had another thing coming. She was far from okay.

When I set her down beside my car, she shrank away from my gaze, wrapping her arms around her middle and looking down at her feet. "I…I'm s…sorry," she whispered.

I had the urge to shake her. "Bella," I half growled. "Tell me what's going on." She really needed to start talking. Her behavior was _not_ normal. Even if she was ill and having nightmares.

"I…I'm sorry," she said again, then her words tumbled out, desperate almost. "You must be so humiliated. I…don't deserve you. You should be with someone so much better than me…I'm just a mess." She spoke quietly, but I was shocked to hear the strong certainty in her voice. She really thought that that was what I was annoyed about?

My firm stance dissolved, and my expression softened. "Bella," I said fervently, placing my finger under her chin and tilting her face up to meet my gaze. "That's not what I meant. I couldn't care less what other people think, and I don't _want_ someone else. I love _you_."

Tears glistened in her eyes, and she shook her head.

"Talk to me," I pleaded. "What's going on? Mike barely even touched you."

It was then that I remembered Mr. Berty's thoughts. This time they penetrated. Subconsciously, I'd known they were significant and had stored them away for later assessment.

My stomach dropped. He was right. She did show all the signs of someone who had suffered some kind of physical attack.

Before I could think that through any further, Bella's voice broke me from my thoughts.

"Remember…remember when you saved me from those men in Port Angeles?" she questioned, her voice unsteady. "I…um…I've been having nightmares about what would've happened if you hadn't been able to save me. And…and now I keep having flashes about it even when I'm awake."

How ironic. How very ironic this was. It would almost be comical, had I not been so concerned. No amount of time would ever allow me to understand the workings of her mind. Her instincts had always been backwards, but this…this made even less sense. Try as I might to make sense of this new information, I was missing something, I knew I was. "That was more than a year ago, Bella. Why would you have nightmares about it now?" I found myself asking, my eyebrows drawing together.

"I don't know," she whispered.

Could nightmares really affect a person so drastically? I still felt that she wasn't telling me everything. It didn't make sense that something that had happened a long time ago, which had not affected her before, had suddenly veered its head. There would at least have to be something that had triggered it…

That was when it hit me. I remembered her strange reaction when I'd discovered the nasty bruise on her forearm. _Jacob_. He must have lost his temper with her over something and given her that bruise. It made sense that something like that could be the trigger to the nightmares she was having. Bella had probably convinced herself that he hadn't meant to hurt her and that was why she hadn't told me about it, but deep down it had probably really scared her.

A surge of anger rolled through me. Had he given her any other bruises?

"Jacob! He triggered all this, didn't he?" I spat, my anger accelerating quickly.

She flinched as if I had slapped her, and I hauled in a steadying breath, silently cursing myself for letting my anger get the better of me. Never had I frightened her that way before. "I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm not angry with _you_." I spoke to her carefully now. "Jacob gave you that bruise, didn't he?" I asked, gritting my teeth against my anger.

"No! Of course not! He could never hurt me."

"Bella," I said, exasperated, "you don't have to protect him. I don't care how minor the bruise is. It's still his fault. He should've been able to control himself."

She shook her head frantically. "It's not like that! I…" She broke off as a sob caught in her throat and her tears began to flow.

My breath hitched. Maybe I'd pushed her too hard. Whatever was going on, the bottom line was she needed me. I would stop pushing her for now. Drawing her into my arms, I whispered, "Shh, it's all right. Let's just get you home now, hmm?"

**BPOV**

My legs still seemed to tremble beneath me, and I sank down onto the sofa, horrified by my obvious mental instability.

I hadn't realized how difficult it would be to go back to school and face so many people. People I didn't know whether I could trust. Now I'd really made a mess of things. What would everyone think of me now after my startling behavior? To top it off, I'd dragged Edward into it as well. I was such an embarrassment to him. He deserved so much more.

And yet here he remained, crouching down in front of me and taking both of my hands in his, his eyes pleading for me to tell him what was wrong.

And, entrapped by the power of his gaze once again, I may have done just that, had Charlie not burst through the front door right that very second.

I gave a start at the sudden noise. What was he doing back so early? It wasn't even noon yet. _Oh, no!_ He'd probably already heard about my episode at school. That was what I hated about small towns.

"Bella!" he called as soon as he'd thrown open the front door. Before I could answer, he came barreling into the living room, his fiery gaze settling on Edward. "How _dare_ you! You get out of my house right now!"

"What are you talking about, Dad?" I cried. "Edward didn't do anything!"

He didn't pay me any notice. "Get _out!_" he roared, thrusting his finger toward the door.

My hand gripped Edward's tightly. I didn't want him to leave me. But he shook his head at me and whispered so that Charlie wouldn't hear. "It's alright. I'll be back later." After carefully pulling his hand from mine, he rose to his feet, and I soon heard the soft click of the front door closing behind him.

Charlie turned back to face me. "Bella," he started, using his 'we need to talk tone,' but I ignored him, leaping to my feet and bolting upstairs to my room, slamming my bedroom door behind me. I sank down onto my bed and dropped my face in my hands, struggling to stay calm.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Charlie bellowed from downstairs. "You come back here this instant!"

I covered my ears with my hands, but Charlie's voice was soon drowned out by the sound of the phone ringing.

I froze. It couldn't be Jacob. Could it? His school was out for summer break already, but mine wasn't, and he knew that.

The ringing cut off, and then I heard Charlie's muffled voice coming from downstairs.

He'd answered it.

I held my breath.

I couldn't decipher what he was saying, but he seemed to be speaking amiably now.

I waited some more before it came.

"Bella! Phone!"

Whether it was Charlie's tone or the awful chill crawling up from inside me that gave it away, I didn't know. But, somehow, I knew it was _him_.

Slowly, I picked up the phone beside my bed, my hand shaking as I gripped it tightly.

"I got it," I managed to call down to Charlie. I wasn't sure if he'd heard me, but when I put the phone up to my ear, I heard the click sound of him hanging up downstairs. "H…Hello?"

"Hey, Bella."

I felt the color drain from my face. _Jacob._

_Be strong_, I told myself.

"Heard you were skipping school." His tone was light and teasing, as if nothing had changed. Somehow, it was more of a blow than any kind of threats or taunts. "Come see me tomorrow, skip some more school. It'll be great. Two o'clock, okay? That way we'll have the house to ourselves. Got it?"

I wanted to scream _No, never again!_ But that would only make him angry, and everyone I loved would be at risk. Including Edward. At the thought of him, my chest constricted so tightly that I almost couldn't speak. "Y…Yes," I finally whispered.

"Awesome. See you then, Bella. Can't wait." There was a click, and then I heard the sound of a dial tone in my ear. My hand was still shaking violently when I put the phone back down on its cradle.

I felt a few tears slide down my cheeks. My time left with Edward was growing shorter. I didn't know if Jacob was planning on taking me away with him tomorrow or if he was going to send me back home again after he'd finished with me, but even if it was the latter, I didn't think I could survive it again.

"Bella!" Charlie bellowed again from downstairs. "When you're done on the phone, I want you down here. We need to talk!"

I took a deep breath, wiped the back of my hand across my cheeks, and forced myself up from the bed.

As soon as I entered the living room, Charlie was on his feet, his determined gaze settled on me. "What's going on, Bella? I heard what happened in school today."

_Oh, no_. Not Charlie too. What was I going to say to him?

"Has Edward been hurting you, Bella? You have to tell me if he has!"

I shook my head, but as Charlie moved toward me, his eyes lit with fury, I suddenly felt afraid. How could I really trust Charlie, either? Sure, he was my dad, but I didn't really know him that well. I'd only just come to live with him, and before that I hadn't seen him all that often. What if Charlie was hiding a monster inside just like Jacob had?

I took a step back, stumbling when the heel of my foot grazed the edge of the sofa. Charlie reached out to me, but I jerked away, wrapping my arms around my waist. "No! Stay away from me!"

He pulled his hand back, shocked. "Bells…" He spoke softer and took a step toward me again, but I jumped backward again and he froze in place.

We stood there for a moment, Charlie gazing at me with a stunned expression, before I heard the front door bang open.

I glanced up.

_Edward_. As soon as I saw him I wanted nothing more than to feel the strength of his arms around me.

**EPOV**

Once I'd closed the front door behind me and was alone, I let the anger seep through as I thought of Jacob. What had happened when Bella was with him this weekend? She'd refused to admit that anything had happened, but I didn't believe it. I was sure that he'd lost his temper with her over something and given her the bruise I'd seen on her forearm. But what else had happened? Had he hurt her anywhere else? Was it true that her behavior was because she was having nightmares of what would've happened that day she went to Port Angeles, and Jacob had somehow triggered it? _No_. There was something more that I was missing. I knew from experience that Bella was exceptionally resilient when it came to such matters. Something else had to be going on for her to keep breaking down the way she was. Unfortunately, Alice still seemed to be unable to see anything clearly when it came to Bella, so I couldn't find anything out that way.

I suddenly realized that I was running toward Jacob's house. My anger had been pushing me in that direction. I knew that Jacob was an important piece to what was going on, and I wanted to find out for myself what had happened when she was there. But I stopped myself in time. Bella needed me. The last thing she needed was for me to initiate a fight with the wolves. I turned back toward Bella's house. Even if Charlie wouldn't let me in, I could still watch her from a distance and make sure she was all right.

When I drew closer to her house and glimpsed into Charlie's mind, I increased my speed. How…? _Why_…? It was unmistakably that same chilling fear in her eyes, but she wouldn't be afraid of Charlie. There had to be another reason. Why...? Why…? _Why…?_

By brain was a mess of incoherent thought. All I knew was that Bella needed me, whether Charlie liked it or not.

Luckily, the front door of the house was still unlocked, and I had to fight not to tear it off its hinges in my haste. My mind was still working furiously to make sense of everything, and it didn't help that I kept circling back to Bella's visit to La Push on Friday. That dog was the bane of my existence. If he had indeed given her that bruise…

Turning the corner to the living room I came to a stop when Charlie leapt into my path.

_The nerve of him! How can he keep coming back after what he's done to her? _"I thought I told you to stay away! I don't want you near my daughter!"

Shoving my thoughts of Jacob aside, I squared my shoulders with Charlie. I knew that if I were going to help Bella, I would need to get Charlie on my side, so I looked him straight in the eye, hoping he would be able to see the sincerity of my words. "Charlie, I know what you think, and it's not true. I love your daughter more than anything. I would _never _raise my hand to her in violence."

Surprise flickered in his eyes, and the rigidness in his stance loosened ever so slightly. I was getting through to him. Maybe not as much as I'd like, but it was a start.

"I know you can see that something's wrong," I continued. "I've noticed it, too. I want to help her. Please _let _me help her."

He was reluctant, that was for sure, but I'd made some progress, and when I took a step forward, he didn't make any move to stop me this time, though the warning in his eyes was as clear as polished crystal.

Once again I could sense something was very wrong when Bella grabbed onto me as if I might suddenly disappear.

Charlie was shocked by her reaction, but he could no longer deny that I hadn't been the cause of her behavior. _She wouldn't let me near her, but she accepts Edward with open arms? Maybe I've been too hard on him. Maybe he hasn't done anything after all... But what's wrong with Bella, then?_

The same question was rolling around in my head as I held her to my chest.

**BPOV**

Shifting in the circle of Edward's arms, I pressed my cheek against his shoulder, my body still trembling slightly from the effects of my most recent nightmare. Today was the day. Today I would have to face Jacob again.

Though it was morning, there wasn't even a hint of sunlight filtering into the room. The sun had yet to rise. But I wouldn't let myself fall asleep again, despite Edward's attempts to get me to do just that. Because this may very well be the last time. The last time I would awaken in his arms. The last time I would hear him hum my lullaby.

So I would stay awake.

He pulled me closer to him and whispered, "I love you." And in that moment, I felt loved. No matter what happened, I would hold onto that forever. I would remember this moment with him.

"I love you," I whispered back.

oOo

_So keep me awake for every moment  
Give us more time to be this way  
We can't stay like this forever  
But I can have you next to me today_

oOo

**Author's Note:**

Ok. I know you are all probably angry that Edward still doesn't know, but at least he is getting closer right? PLUS, guess what? He will find out everything in the next chapter :-)

**Song inspiration for this chapter ('Awake' by Josh Groban). Full lyrics:**

_A beautiful and blinding morning  
The world outside begins to breathe  
See clouds arriving without warning  
I need you here to shelter me_

_And I know that only time will tell us how  
To carry on without each other_

_So keep me awake to memorize you  
Give me more time to feel this way  
We can't stay like this forever  
But I can have you next to me today_

_If I could make these moments endless  
If I could stop the winds of change  
If we just keep our eyes wide open  
Then everything would stay the same_

_And I know that only time will tell me how  
We'll carry on without each other_

_So keep me awake for every moment  
Give us more time to be this way  
We can't stay like this forever  
But I can have you next to me today_

_We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here, right now, with me  
All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see_

_We can't stay like this forever  
But I have you here today_

_And I will remember  
Oh I will remember  
Remember all the love we shared today_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **

So this is the chapter where Edward finally finds out. Hope it meets expectations.

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 8**

**BPOV**

I stood in the shower letting the icy water wash over me and willing it to wash everything away. Ever since the night that had turned my world upside down, I'd been having all my showers with icy cold water. And I'd had many since then, trying desperately to get clean. It never helped. This filth, this _crawling_, _nauseating_ filth, was not something that could be washed off with a mere bar of soap and some water. I didn't know why I kept trying.

I still felt as sore as ever. None of the bruises covering my body had faded even a little. I would have thought that after just over three days some would have faded a bit. But no. Just like all the psychological wounds, the physical ones hadn't faded in the slightest.

Not that I cared. What difference did it make, anyway? In fact, maybe it would've been better if the physical wounds had been much worse because that way it might have distracted me from all the horrible memories I couldn't escape.

And why hadn't they been much worse? Jacob was _strong_. _Superhuman_ strong. A horrible thought struck me. What if I hadn't fought hard enough? I knew Jacob could overpower me easily, but I still should have tried everything I could to get away. What if I'd kept screaming? Most likely no one would've been able to hear me, but what if someone had heard? I should've at least tried everything. Even though my strength was no match for his, maybe if I'd put up more of a fight he would've lost interest in me. I was such a failure.

I vowed that next time I would do everything I could to fight him off.

_Oh, God_. Next time was _today_. I'd been trying to forget that fact, but it came rushing back to me with such a force that my body swayed and I had to put my palm against the shower wall to steady myself.

How was I going to be able to just willingly go back to Jacob for more?

I couldn't hold in the tears as they flowed down my cheeks and mixed with the freezing water. I wanted to curl up into a ball and never come out. I wanted to stand here until the cold water seeped into my bones and freed me from this empty vessel I'd become. I couldn't go back there. I _couldn't_.

But I had to.

Avoiding him would only make him furious, and then God only knew what he would be capable of then, with a pack of wolves at his beck and call.

There were no other options. Besides, even if by some miracle I could escape him, it wouldn't change what had happened. It wouldn't restore what he had shamelessly and ruthlessly torn from me. It wouldn't repair what little there was left of my worthless existence. It wouldn't bring back the girl who could smile without the bitter and painful truth belying its subterfuge. It wouldn't bring back the girl who, even then, was but a shadow of someone worthy enough of Edward's love.

He would never want me anymore.

I staggered against the tiles and gulped back a sob, pressing my forehead against the cool stone—it reminded me of Edward.

Closing my eyes against the pain, I sucked in a breath before turning off the shower and wiping away my tears. I still had some time left with him, and I was going to make the most of it.

I wasn't going to school today, and after what had happened yesterday neither Charlie nor Edward had argued with me on that, though it had taken a lot of convincing to get Charlie to leave me alone and go to work. Now he was worried about me, too. He had finally agreed, but he probably wouldn't have if he'd known that Edward was staying with me. Even though he did seem to have accepted Edward more now, Edward and I hadn't wanted to push it.

I dressed quickly in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, along with a sweater on top to hide the bruises on my arms. It was a good thing Forks was cold, or wearing long sleeves all the time might have made people suspicious.

I partially dried my hair so that it wasn't soaking wet, but only because I knew Edward would pester me about it if I didn't. He was nothing if not prudent when it came to my human frailties, even with something as minor as catching a chill. But I only stuck a brush through it once. Who cared what I looked like now?

When I was ready, I glanced at the clock by my bed. It read 10:07 am. I had less than four hours before I would have to relive my worst nightmare. I knew I also had to figure out a way to get Edward to leave before I had to go to Jacob's house. There was no way he would let me go there now. He was way too suspicious of Jacob already.

I would worry about it closer to the time, I decided. It shouldn't be too difficult. I would just have to tell him I wanted to be alone for a bit. He didn't usually deny me what I wanted.

When I entered the living room, he turned from the window to face me, and my chest twisted into a tight knot at the sight of him standing there, an epitome of perfection in its purest form. How could I have ever considered myself worthy of him, even if only briefly?

Still, I would never love anyone but him.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his gaze searching. I knew he was referring to more than just my 'flu.'

I scrapped the pain away to just below the surface. I had to keep myself together. I had to keep him safe. "Okay," I lied, but I could tell he didn't believe me. He continued to stare me in the eye as if he were trying to read my mind. I attempted to divert his attention to something else. "I should get some breakfast," I said.

"Charlie made you some," he told me. "It's in the kitchen."

A second later he was standing in front of me, holding out a plate with what looked like scrambled eggs, and a glass of milk.

Mumbling my thanks, I took the plate and glass from his outstretched hands. "So now that you're stuck with me for the day," I attempted to joke, "what do you want to do?" Bending to place the plate of not-so-appetizing looking scrambled eggs down on the coffee table beside me, I sensed his eyes studying me again.

"If you don't want me to stay, I can leave," he said, his voice low.

My head snapped up. "No!" I cried. The word was out before I could stop it, and I wanted to kick myself when I heard the franticness in my voice.

His eyes narrowed, but there was a softness there as well.

He continued to study me for a moment before responding, and as I struggled to collect myself and figure out how to mend the damage, his next words sent everything around me spinning off its axis.

"…_how about we watch a movie?"_

My hand shook, slopping milk on my shirt, and the glass slid from my fingers, shattering at my feet. Maybe a part of me knew that it wasn't Jacob's voice, that I stood in my own house and not his, but it didn't seem to matter; the panic tore through me and suddenly the only thing that mattered was getting away.

I took off at a run, but I didn't get very far when a stabbing pain coursed through the bottom of my foot. I fell to my knees, a desperate sob catching in my throat. I felt another prick to the side of my leg when I fell. I ignored it. I had to escape. I couldn't let it happen again. I couldn't. I felt more prickles of pain as I put my palms to the floor and tried to scramble to my feet.

His arms came around me then, holding me in place. _No. No!_ I struggled against them, but they didn't release me. Only distantly did I hear his voice: _"Shh, it's alright, it's alright, calm down, calm down…"_ The arms pulled me against a solid chest, and something tugged at my mind. Something was different. He held me as if to prevent me from getting away, but that was all. His arms did not crush me with bruising force, and I felt his cheek against the top of my head. It felt like…like he _cared._ Like he wanted to _protect_ me.

Then I realized.

_Edward_.

I stopped struggling immediately, my muscles sagging in relief as I breathed in his familiar scent and took in his cool, solid frame.

He shifted me in his arms to meet my gaze, and his eyes were pained.

I looked away. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I was even fighting Edward now, thinking he was Jacob. What was wrong with me? Why did my mind keep playing tricks on me?

With gentle hands he cradled my face, his thumbs wiping at tears that I hadn't even noticed had fallen. "Please tell me what's going on, love," he begged softly.

"I can't," I whispered.

He drew in an agonized breath and then wordlessly reached down to grasp my ankle and inspect my foot.

I glanced down and noticed that glass was scattered all around me. I realized that that must have been why Edward had held me even though I had been struggling to get away. He'd been trying to stop me from hurting myself with the broken glass. I was barefoot, and I'd stepped on a piece of glass in my attempt to escape. It wasn't bleeding much, but it was enough to make me look away. I hated the sight and smell of blood. It was actually kind of ironic because Edward was now examining the wound to see if the glass was still there, and the blood didn't seem to bother him at all. He'd told me that he no longer craved my blood because the thought of hurting me had trumped the instinct. I guess he _had_ gotten over it because he looked fine and was breathing normally.

"It's not too deep. I'll just get something to patch it up with." Before his words even registered in my mind, he was back with a bandage and disinfectant.

After he'd cleaned and bandaged my foot, he turned to fix me with a determined gaze, and said, "You can tell me anything, Bella."

I started to get really flustered. "No…you don't understand!"

"Then explain it to me," he said sternly.

When I heard his firm tone and saw his expression, I knew he was going to keep pushing me for answers. I also knew that I couldn't come up with any more excuses that he would believe. That left me with only one alternative in which I could keep my secret and keep him safe; I had to push him away.

I stood up so suddenly that I felt dizzy, but I ignored it. "No! Just leave me alone! I want to be alone!" With that, I turned and ran upstairs before I could fall apart, slamming my bedroom door behind me.

I sank down on my bed and remained frozen for two whole minutes, feeling completely numb. Then the desolation hit me with so much force that I couldn't breathe, and I started to take quick shallow breaths. Next, I felt so angry with myself that I wanted to beat my head against the wall. Why did I have to screw up everything? Now my time with Edward was already over, and it certainly hadn't ended on a happy note. I was sure that after my outburst he would leave me alone like I'd asked, at least for a while, but I would have to be gone by the time he came back. With that thought, an overwhelming amount of grief washed over me, and silent tears once again flowed down my cheeks. I wiped at them angrily.

As I cast my eyes downward, I noticed that my shirt was soaked with the milk I'd spilled, reminding me of my inability to distinguish between memories and reality. Frustrated, I pushed to my feet and pulled off my sweater. I then started to pull off my T-shirt. I'd just pulled it up over my back when I heard a loud gasp behind me. I jumped and swung around while pulling my shirt back down.

**EPOV**

The sound of Bella's bedroom door slamming shut resonated through me.

I sat there, unmoving, dazed by her outburst, and for the briefest of moments I felt hurt. Hurt that she was shutting me out. Hurt that she didn't trust me enough to tell me what was wrong. After those initial thoughts went through my head, however, rational thought flooded back. There was much, much more to this than that. Something was horribly wrong. I knew it with every fiber of my being. She needed me, and she needed me _now_.

I didn't want to give her a chance to try and push me away again, so when I got to her closed bedroom door, I opened it without knocking first.

The sight before me caused me to gasp out in shock without thinking. Bella was facing away from the door and in the process of removing her T-shirt. She had just pulled it over her back, exposing me to its startling condition.

Her entire back was covered in a mass of purple and blue, the worst area being her lower back. When she heard my gasp she jumped and swung around, pulling her shirt back down. But it was too late. I had already seen. And as if her back wasn't bad enough, when she swung around, I caught a glimpse of her stomach before she pulled her shirt back down completely. But a glimpse was enough for me to see that it, too, was covered in a mass of painful looking bruises.

I drew in a sharp breath, the awfulness of what I'd just seen coiling tight in my chest and twisting with a horrible sense of dread. "Oh, Bella," I whispered. "What happened to you, love?"

She didn't speak. She just shook her head and tears flowed down her face, falling fast. Although she still wouldn't talk to me about what had happened, she had given up trying to hide her feelings, and in that moment I would have done anything to take away the tormented look in her eyes.

I couldn't allow myself to think of all the different possible scenarios of what might have happened. It couldn't be as horrible as I imagined. It just couldn't.

I took a tentative step toward her, and she shook her head again. She didn't back away, though, and I reached out to caress her cheek, willing her pain away. Willing her to tell me what had happened so that I could fix it somehow, despite the very obvious fact that the damage had already been done. "Talk to me," I tried again, my voice low and desperate.

She looked away, as if ashamed.

Why was she ashamed? She couldn't possibly think that by telling me what had happened I would somehow think less of her. Could she? I placed my hands on either side of her face and leaned my forehead against hers. "Bella," I whispered, "nothing could ever change the way I feel about you."

She just shook her head again, and more tears pooled in her eyes.

How incredibly frustrating her silence was! I could read all her feelings on her face, but she wouldn't let anything out. Even shouting and screaming would be preferable to this. Anything would be preferable to this. Anything.

I caught more of her tears with my fingertips, my hands still delicately cradling her face. "Bella, please, I can't bear this."

It was then that I noticed her arms. Now that she wore only a T-shirt I could see her forearms and most of her upper arms as well. I pushed up her sleeve to reveal her whole arm, along with her shoulder. I stopped breathing. I'd thought the bruise I'd seen on her forearm was bad. Her upper arms were much, much worse. "My God, Bella. Who did this to you?" My voice was low and grating, foreign to even my own ears.

I'd been deliberately focusing on the _what_ instead of the _who_ because I'd known that I wouldn't be able to control my anger and that it was not what Bella needed, but I couldn't ignore it any longer. Due to my enhanced vision, I could see the details of the markings on her skin. The purple and blue marks were in the shape of fingers. I could tell where she had been grabbed multiple times by someone with very large hands. Someone who was very strong. _No…scratch that_. Someone with inhuman strength. I could add it all up. It was completely obvious.

A burning rage bubbled up from inside me, clouding my vision, filling my mind with murderous rampage. Bella still hadn't said a word, but she hadn't pulled away while I'd been assessing her arms. "Jacob," I spat, venom coating the name as it left my mouth. "He did this to you!"

Again she didn't reply, but the answer was written all over her face. Not that I had needed any conformation. The evidence was right in front of me. It might not have been as easy for human eyes to be completely sure, but I could tell that no human could have caused marks like the ones on her arms. Not to mention the size of the hand marks and the knowledge that she'd gone to see him last Friday, after which this had all started. There was no question about it. Jacob had done this to her.

My teeth snapped together, and I had to fight to keep myself rooted where I stood. I still needed to figure out _exactly_ what he had done.

Something tugged at my subconscious, and I glanced back at the discolorations on her arms. From the markings it looked like force had been used to hold her down, as if…

_Oh, God_, no.

A painful jolt slammed me from the inside with tremendous force.

It couldn't be true.

But I knew it was. All the signs were there. They'd been there all along. I just hadn't _wanted_ to believe it.

The way she had reacted when I'd tried to kiss her…

And when Mike had put his arm around her…

I also knew that Bella was strong. She wouldn't be acting the way she was unless something terrible had happened to her…

Something like being raped by her best friend.

My muscles locked in place, and a deadly snarl escaped my lips. Images flashed before me, blinding, tearing. I wanted to rip Jacob apart right that very second. I wanted it so savagely that my entire body pulsed with the need for it.

I was across the room before I even realized it, preparing to leap out the window in search of that…that…_animal_, but I froze in my tracks when Bella's sob pierced through me. I turned to see her huddled against the back wall of the room, her small frame shaking with sobs.

I couldn't even remember moving my feet, but I was soon dropping to my knees in front of her. I felt almost numb as the awful realization truly began to sink in. All I could think of was, _No, no, not my Bella. Please, no._ "Bella…" I started, my voice catching in my throat. "You need to tell me what happened, love."

"N…no! I c…can't! Go away!"

"Bella…" I whispered again, reaching out to touch her shoulder, but she jerked away and I felt like my heart had just been ripped into two.

"Leave me alone! I…I need to be alone for a while. _Please_."

Her last pleading word knifed through me. _Please_. How could so much be packed into one simple word?

She didn't want me here. Didn't want me to touch her. But how could I leave her like this?

A tornado of conflicting emotions was pulling me in all directions. But it was the anger I could feel seething beneath my skin once again that decided me.

I couldn't trust myself. Not now. She was much, much too fragile. I needed a moment. A moment to grovel for what little strength and rational thought I had left before it all crumbled completely.

"Alright," I said finally, my voice a strangled whisper, "if that's what you need."

When her body shook once again as she attempted to suppress another sob, it took everything I had not to gather her up into my arms.

And suddenly the anger was burning out from within me, hot and angry, fueled by the pain lacing through my heart.

I was on my feet and out the window before it could claim me completely with Bella still in the line of fire.

**BPOV**

Edward stood in the doorway, frozen in shock.

He'd seen them_. _He'd seen the bruises. _Oh, God. _What would I tell him?

"Oh, Bella," he whispered once he'd recovered from his initial shock. "What happened to you, love?"

He gazed at me with so much love and concern that I found I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and accept the comfort I knew I would find there. But I couldn't. I had to push him away so that I could make it to Jacob's without him knowing. Besides, I didn't deserve his comfort.

I knew that he was in way too far for me to be able to lie my way out, so I decided to keep silent, hoping he wouldn't be able to figure it out. However, I found that I could no longer control my deep feelings of grief enough to be able to hide them any longer. I felt tears flow down my face again, and I just shook my head thinking: _No, no, he can't find out._

He moved toward me slowly, and I shook my head again as a voice in my head screamed, _No, no! Back away! You have to push him away! _But I found that I couldn't listen. He reached out and caressed my cheek, and I tried to commit the feeling to memory.

"Talk to me," he implored.

I looked away in shame.

He placed his hands on either side of my face and leaned his forehead against mine. "Bella," he whispered, "nothing could ever change the way I feel about you."

No. He didn't understand. He couldn't possibly love me anymore if he knew. I was damaged beyond repair, and it was all my fault. I shook my head again, but he still kept his hold on my face and his forehead against mine.

"Bella, please, I can't bear this," he said, the anguish in his soft voice ripping through me.

Then his gaze fell to my arm, and his gentle fingers caught the sleeve of my T-shirt, pushing the fabric up to my shoulder.

Again, I found I couldn't pull away from his touch.

"My God, Bella. Who did this to you?"

_No, no, no_. He was going to figure it out. What should I say? Before I could think of anything, Edward's eyes lit with fury. "Jacob," he spat. "He did this to you!"

The floor seemed to disappear beneath my feet, fear rushing through me like a tidal wave. I was never going to be able to save him now. Even though he didn't know _everything_, he knew enough now, and there was no way I could deny that it was Jacob. He hadn't even phrased it as a question.

As I saw Edward's anger build, I began to feel worse and worse. I slid down to the floor against the back wall of my room, and a sob escaped. I knew Edward would want to go after Jacob now. Maybe if I could get Edward to leave me now, I would be able to get to Jacob before him, because he wouldn't be so stupid that he would attempt to fight Jacob without some kind of a plan. He would have to talk to his family first and come up with a plan. That should give me enough time to get to Jacob myself, and then Jacob would take me away and hide. Then Edward and his family would be safe. I had to try. I had to get him to leave me.

He dropped to his knees in front of me, and once again I had to resist the urge to throw myself into the comfort of his arms. "Bella…" he whispered. "You need to tell me what happened, love."

"N…No! I c…can't! Go away!"

"Bella…" he whispered again, and when he slowly reached out to touch my shoulder, I forced myself to jerk away, keeping my gaze averted from his, unable to see the hurt in his eyes.

"Leave me alone!" I cried. "I…I need to be alone for a while. _Please_," I pleaded, my voice fading to a whisper.

He didn't answer right away, and I kept praying over and over that he would agree to leave.

Finally, he spoke. "Alright," he said quietly, and the obvious pain in his voice was unbearable, "if that's what you need."

With that he was gone, and it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. For several minutes, I sat there, unmoving. I would never be able to see him again. The only thing that kept me going was the knowledge that I had to carry out my plan. I had to save him. I had to get to Jacob before he did.

But I found it much more difficult to carry out as all my horrible memories started to flash before me. How could I go through that again?

At that moment, I heard a scrapping sound, and when I looked toward my window, I saw that I didn't have a choice anymore. I felt my body shake in terror as I stared at the face of my monster, and this time, it wasn't in my head.

"Hi, Bella," Jacob greeted as he strode toward me.

**EPOV**

No.

It couldn't be true.

Not my Bella.

I'd jumped to conclusions, that was all. The world could not be so cruel as to let this happen to such a warm, kind spirit as was my Bella. It couldn't_. It couldn't, it couldn't, it couldn't…_

But it had.

And was it not a cruel twist of fate? For had I not once hunted and killed this very same kind of monster? Perhaps the Gods had seen fit to punish me for upsetting the balance, for taking fate out of their hands. Why else could they have done this? Bella, my beloved Bella, was the last person on earth to have deserved this; only to punish me could they have done this. It was my fault.

And in more ways than one.

Why, oh, _why_, had I left her alone with that monster? I'd known the beast couldn't be trusted!

My legs propelled me forward. I was running, I realized, the distance between me and the treaty line closing rapidly. Not that the invisible barrier was going to stop me. Nothing was going to stop me. Now that I was alone, I didn't have to hold back. And my hatred and anger toward him exploded within me, the horror of what he'd done taking shape in my mind: him on top of her…holding her down…

I would kill him.

As surely as the sun rises and falls every day, I would kill him.

Slowly and painfully.

First, I'd break every bone in his body, taking pleasure in his screams of agony as I did so, and then I'd—

"Hey, Edward!"

So consumed with my revenge was I that I didn't hear him approach, and I slowed unconsciously due to my surprise.

That was all Emmett needed to catch up with me; he tackled me to the ground, laughing. "Gotcha! You loosing your touch there, bro?"

Snarling, I came to my feet again, but Emmett flung himself into my path. "Whoa there. Hang on a sec." _He really does look like he's gone over the top. I don't think I've ever seen him this angry. _

"Get out of my way, Emmett," I growled.

"Look, Alice sent me here to—"

That got my attention. "Alice? What did she see?"

"I was just getting to that, jeez."

But he didn't need to get to it. I heard the answer in his thoughts right after I'd asked the question.

"That's _it? !_ You're here to stop me, but you don't even know _why_ I'm angry? ! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE DID TO HER!" My whole body flared hot, shaking violently, the need for vengeance so powerful it was an all-encompassing need, a necessity.

"Whoa. Now just calm down and think this through before yo—"

"He _raped_ her, Emmett!" The force of saying it aloud for the first time slammed into me unexpectedly, and I nearly crumpled completely with the weight of it. Only the burning need to snap that dog into tiny pieces kept me on my feet.

It took several seconds before my words hit home. Emmett stood there frozen in shock and disbelief, his thoughts muddled up. Once he'd gotten over his initial shock he let out a ferocious growl. "WELL WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING STANDING AROUND HERE FOR?! WE'VE GOT A FILTHY MUTT THAT NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON!"

It was the reaction I'd been expecting and hoping for. I knew it would hit a nerve because Rosalie had been raped in her human life. I also knew that Emmett already loved Bella like a little sister and was protective of her the way a big brother would be.

I certainly didn't need any convincing, but just as we were about to take off running, a powerful wave of calm washed over us, and I heard Jasper's voice. "This isn't the way."

His stood in front of me now, his hands outstretched as one might coax a murderer to drop a gun.

His gift had not succeeded in calming me, but it _had_ succeeded in calming Emmett. And if they both wanted to stop me, two against one were not odds in my favor. Alice must have seen that Emmett wouldn't be enough, and so they had sent Jasper as well.

Jasper looked me in the eye. "I heard what you said he did, Edward, and I would like nothing more than to see him get what he deserves." He paused. "_But_, we can't just go over there without a plan. You know what will happen the moment you cross the treaty line. Did you really think that you could fight the entire pack on your own? What good would you be to Bella if you were killed trying to get revenge? It would destroy her. We need to go home and discuss this with the others."

_Bella._ Of course, he knew exactly what card to play to sway me. My soft, warm Bella. She was always more important. Still, though the rational part of me knew he was right, only the knowledge that I didn't stand a chance against both my brothers kept me from following the much larger part of me—the one that burned to get my hands on Jacob Black.

**xxxx**

When we arrived they were all ready and waiting. I focused on Alice first.

She knew. The devastation in her eyes told me that before I even read her thoughts. She hadn't seen what had happened when I was with Bella earlier on, but she'd seen me telling Emmett what Jacob had done. _I'm so sorry, Edward. I can't believe…Oh, God, poor Bella! _Her thoughts were frantic. She was still in shock. 

I was oddly calm now, numb maybe. It helped me think. "Alice," I began, ignoring the concerned looks from Carlisle and Esme as they tried to figure out what was going on, "I know you're having problems seeing Bella clearly, but can you please try again and really concentrate? I want to see if you can see anything that will help us."

"Edward…"

"Please, Alice," I said through my teeth now. "It's not like when the wolves are around and you can't see anything at all. You were still able to see some blurry flashes, so I think it might work if you focus more."

She sighed and closed her eyes, concentrating on Bella. I waited, expecting to see flashes like a blurry TV and hoping that Alice might be able to clear up the images. Instead there was nothing.

At first I was confused, but then Alice's eyes flew open and she stared at me in horror, her thoughts racing.

Then it hit me: Alice's visions of Bella would only turn up completely blank if Bella were with a werewolf.

Without a word or a backward glance, I took off running at a speed faster than I had ever run before, praying that I wasn't already too late.

**A/N: Should I run for cover? Not a nice place to leave it. I know. Sorry. But I would like to remind you (without giving too much away) that you will not see Bella go through anything even close to as bad as chapter 4. Hope that makes you feel better. Also, just a note about Edward. He definitely made a big mistake in leaving Bella but he is very angry and hurt, and he wasn't thinking straight. You can bet that he is going to be beating himself up about that as well as not preventing Jacob from hurting her in the first place. **

Song inspiration is "I'll stand by you" by the Pretenders.

_Oh, why you look so sad?  
Tears are in your eyes  
Come on and come to me now_

_Don't be ashamed to cry  
Let me see you through  
'cause I've seen the dark side too_

_When the night falls on you  
You don't know what to do  
Nothing you confess  
Could make me love you less_

_I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you_

_So if you're mad, get mad  
Don't hold it all inside  
Come on and talk to me now_

_Hey, what you got to hide?  
I get angry too  
Well I'm a lot like you_

_When you're standing at the crossroads  
And don't know which path to choose  
Let me come along  
'cause even if you're wrong_

_I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you_

_Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you  
I'll stand by you_

_And when, when the night falls on you, baby  
You're feeling all alone  
You won't be on your own_

_I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you_

_I'll stand by you  
Take me in, into your darkest hour  
And I'll never desert you_

_I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you  
Won't let nobody hurt you  
I'll stand by you_


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Once again, thank you so much to those of you that reviewed.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books. I also don't own the lyrics that you see in this chapter. They are from the following songs: "Untitled" by Simple Plan, and "Angel's Lullaby" by Richard Marx.

BPOV=Bella's point of view

EPOV=Edward's point of view

ChPOV=Charlie's point of view

**Chapter 9**

**BPOV**

Jacob strode toward me, and I scrambled to my feet. I wasn't planning on going down without a fight, but I found I could barely hold myself up as fear gripped me in a suffocating grasp.

He was shirtless, his huge form seeming to take up my entire bedroom.

"I know I told you to come and see me later, but I decided that I didn't want to wait," he told me with a knowing smile that turned my stomach.

How had he known that I was alone?

He stopped a few feet in front of me, his eyes raking over me before settling on my tear-streaked face. When I forced myself to look up and read his expression, he was frowning slightly. "I'm going to make you happy, Bells, I promise," he said. His words, sounding horrifyingly kind, were like a sickening blow. How could he stand here and pretend that he hadn't torn out my very soul, shattering everything, brutally taking what wasn't his to take? How could he stand here as if none of it had happened?

"We'll run away," he went on, "just like we should've done a long time ago, just the two of us. Together."

When he reached out a hand to touch my face, I flinched away, and from one second to the next he was angry. Furious.

His hands shot out to grab my already tender arms, and I started struggling as much as I could, the panic pumping violently through me, but all it accomplished was to cause him to tighten his grip. "Why do you keep fighting it?! You'll soon see that you love _me_!"

"No," I choked, the next word coming out only as a hoarse whisper; "_Never_."

The palm of his hand struck the left side of my face, sending me sprawling to floor, and a swirling, star-studded blackness blanked out my vision for a moment.

He stared down at me for a long while, his eyes burning me wherever they touched. Then I felt his hand clamp around my arm again as he yanked me upright. "We should take this someplace else" was all he said.

I gasped as he threw me over his shoulder none too gently.

Once again my struggles were useless as he sprinted out of the house.

I couldn't see where he was taking me, but the next thing I knew, he was tossing me down to the ground, and I could feel tree roots digging into my bruised back.

Then he was kneeling over me. My brain didn't register much of what he said; his mumbling that he loved me, that I was his, that I wanted him too…

None of it registered.

Because when I knew I was about to relive my worst nightmare all over again and that I would be forever in Jacob's clutches, I did the only thing I could do to protect myself.

I pulled my mind away.

The last thing that I was consciously aware of was Jacob ripping off my T-shit and bra. After that, my mind retreated to a place where the horrible reality couldn't reach it.

**EPOV**

I ran. I ran like I'd never run before, the guilt and self-hatred tearing through me with each step I took. Foolish, idiotic imbecile! How could I have left her unprotected like that?

I couldn't think about that now. I had to concentrate on finding her. When I neared her house and couldn't hear her heartbeat, the panic began to set in. _Oh, God, no. Please let me find her in time. Please, please_…

I arrived outside her house, and Jacob's revolting scent was fresh in the air; it lead away from her bedroom window.

Biting back my anger, I forced myself to focus, exerting all of my efforts into following Jacob's trail. It took me into the forest, weaving in and out in an uneven path through the trees. Where was he taking her?!

His scent scorched like a toxin through my veins as I followed it with ceaseless vengeance, my mind once again formulating all the dozens of ways I could kill him, torture him, hear him scream for mercy…

My feet came to an abrupt halt when I finally heard it; the beat of her heart was as familiar to me as the sound of my own breathing, and it registered to me first, every violent, erratic beat jolting through me. It only took me a split second to pinpoint its location, and then my feet were flying toward it.

I could see her now—through Jacob's vile, twisted thoughts; she was sprawled on the ground while he advanced toward her with only one thought on his mind.

The sick, disgusting, son of a bitch! How dare he touch her again?!

My fury escalated to a point higher than ever before, and a growl ripped from deep within my chest. A second before I reached her, I saw him tear off her shirt and bra. Roaring in outrage, I launched myself at him, colliding into him with such a force that he went flying and landed a good five meters away. Before he landed, however, he shuddered and erupted into his wolf form, allowing him to land on all fours. His thoughts told me he was too much of a coward to fight me, and he took off running.

_This isn't over yet, bloodsucker_!

The white-hot fire was searing through my bones, and I started after him without conscious thought, the blinding pull overshadowing all else in that moment; the pull for a vengeance that was so close I could almost taste it.

Until I saw her.

My steps faltered, Bella's prone form registering out of the side of my vision. I couldn't leave her. Not like this.

I skidded to a stop and then all but fell to my knees by her side.

When I saw her lying there, so vulnerable and exposed, naked from the waist up, I felt like I was physically in pain, as if there was a huge force pushing down on my chest, crushing it.

There was a red mark across one side of her face, and there were numerous bruises that I could see covering her upper body, the worst being her stomach and upper arms. I quickly slid off my jacket and wrapped it around her. She didn't pull away. In fact, she didn't even move. She seemed completely unaware of everything around her, and that was what scared me most of all.

I took her into my arms and spoke to her gently, soothingly. She was all that mattered now. Somehow, I had to make her all right again. "Bella, love. You're safe now. I won't ever let him come near you again, I promise."

There was no response, and her expression was blank. She just kept staring up at nothing.

The weight pushed against my chest even harder. "Look at me, Bella. Say something," I pleaded. The desperation coursing through my veins was like nothing else. Somehow, I had to fix this. I had to make her better. I had to take back what that monster had done to her. I had to…

Again there was nothing. Not even a sign that she had heard or felt anything.

"Please, Bella. _Please,_" I begged, my voice now a broken whisper.

Still, there was no response. She gazed up at me through unseeing eyes, eyes that had once held so much warmth and silent strength. They were now dull and lifeless. The sparkle that had always been Bella was gone.

Something shattered inside me in that moment. I couldn't lose her like this. Not like this. Never like this. I pulled her close, cradling her against my chest, and buried my face in her hair, whispering one word over and over again. "_Please_, _please_…"

I had been so consumed with my grief that I hadn't heard my family approach. I knew they must have followed me just after I'd taken off, but since I was the fastest, I'd arrived before them. I didn't realize they were there until I heard Carlisle's voice from directly beside me. "Edward. Let's take her home, son." He spoke gently and placed his hand on my shoulder, trying to lend me strength.

I looked up and noticed that it had started raining heavily. Before I could ask, Carlisle answered. "Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie are already trying to follow his trail, but…"

I nodded solemnly to indicate I understood. I knew it would be almost impossible to find Jacob now. The heavy rain would help to wash away his scent, and I also knew that Jacob would know to try and disguise his scent. He was sick, but he wasn't stupid.

"We should get her out of the rain. There's a big storm coming." Alice's voice was full of sadness and lacking its usual liveliness. I knew that Bella had very easily found a place in the hearts of each and every member of my family and that they were deeply hurt when they'd found out what had happened. I knew that just after I'd run off, Alice had thought it necessary to tell everyone what had happened. When I looked toward Alice, I noticed Esme nearby, and when I caught her eye she spoke to me through her thoughts.

_She'll be okay, Edward. She's strong._

I didn't reply. I just gazed back down at Bella, and after making sure that my jacket was still wrapped securely around her, I carefully lifted her up and started running in the direction of my house.

I silently prayed that Esme would be right.

**xxxxx**

About an hour later found me seated in my room beside the bed on which Bella lay propped up with two pillows. There had been no change. She was still completely unresponsive to everything. Her eyes were open, but she was staring blankly at the ceiling. Alice had dressed her in a long-sleeved shirt and sweat pants, knowing that it would be what Bella would find most comfortable.

"Edward…"

I glanced up at Carlisle who stood on the opposite side of the bed. From his thoughts I could tell he was having trouble forming the question he wanted to ask me, and he was deliberately thinking around it.

"What is it, Carlisle? Just get on with it, will you?" I asked, irritated.

He sighed. "Are you positive that she was raped?"

I clenched my hand into a fist in my lap. "I got to her in time before he could…this time, but before…." I paused before continuing. "I'm positive," I whispered. "You should've seen the way she was acting ever since I got back on Sunday…she…." I paused again, trying to figure out the best way to explain. "One minute she would seem fine, and then all of a sudden it was as if her mind was somewhere else and she was terrified."

He nodded. "Can you tell me about some specific examples?"

I explained to him Bella's behavior since I'd returned in more detail. After I'd finished, he confirmed what I'd already known. "It definitely sounds like she has been experiencing a severe case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"But what about now?" I asked, afraid of the answer.

He glanced over at Bella before answering. "I believe it's a dissociative symptom. Dissociation of the mind can often occur as a response to trauma. It's a form of protection. The mind distances itself from reality when it becomes too much for the person to handle."

"And how long does it last?" I asked quietly, dreading the answer.

"I can't really say. But, Edward, I strongly believe that it won't take long. Her mind retreated when she believed she was in danger and now that the danger has past, she has no reason to remain distanced."

"But if she's not aware of anything, how will she know she's safe now?"

"That's normally the difficult part. She needs some kind of trigger that will be able to reach her and let her know that it's safe for her to come back. But I believe that you can pull her back, Edward. You two have a strong connection, and she feels safe with you. From what you've told me, you were the only one who was able to pull her out of her traumatic recollections."

I picked up her small hand in mine and started running circles over the back of it with my thumb. "But how can I reach her? I've already tried everything," I said hopelessly.

"It hasn't been very long, Edward. Keep trying, and believe in yourself. Stop blaming yourself for what happened. There's no way you could've known what would happen."

I released Bella's hand and leaned back in my chair. "I _knew_ that Jacob couldn't be trusted. I should _never_ have let her visit him alone!"

"She wanted to visit him. You couldn't have held her against her will. It wouldn't have been right." It had been Esme who had spoken. She now stood in the doorway of my bedroom.

I shook my head. "I still should've done _something_. I could've watched over her from a distance when she went to see him."

It was her turn to shake her head. "It never would've worked, and you know it. Besides, when something terrible happens to someone we love we can always turn around and look at all the _what ifs_, but it's not going to change what happened."

I heard Carlisle's silent agreement, but their words hadn't eased my guilt whatsoever. Bella was the most important thing in my world, and I should've been able to keep her safe. I pushed to my feet and moved away from the bed, not wanting Bella to be startled by my raised voice. "And what about today? I put my revenge before her safety. I was a complete fool, leaving her unprotected like that after I'd known what had happened!"

Carlisle answered this time. "You're not perfect, Edward. Everyone loses control sometimes, and I think that anyone can understand why you couldn't control your anger, given the situation. And you weren't the only one to make that mistake. Jasper and Emmet feel terrible that they didn't think to make sure she was protected before formulating a plan for revenge. Besides, you got to her before he could—"

"Look what he still managed to do to her anyway!" I exclaimed, waving my hand toward the bed.

"This isn't helping her, Edward," Esme said softly.

Heaving a sigh of defeat, I turned back toward the bed.

_Please stop blaming yourself, Edward. It's not your fault_, Esme thought. Then she slipped out the door to leave me with Carlisle.

I sank down beside Bella again, taking her hand in mine. Looking over at Carlisle, I asked, "What about physically? How badly is she hurt?"

He sighed. "I can't examine her when she's like this, Edward. I need her permission to do an exam. But from what I saw, it appears to be just severe bruising. I don't believe anything's fractured. But I would need to conduct a proper exam to be sure." He paused. "And if she was raped she may be injured internally. But as I said, we'll need to wait until she can agree to an exam, and then we'll need to take her to the hospital."

I nodded stiffly.

He turned to leave, but then stopped, remembering another problem that I hadn't wanted to think about. "There's something else we need to discuss. We can't be certain of Jacob's authority over the pack, and we should be preparing for—"

"That won't be a problem," Jasper interjected, appearing in the doorway. "While we were trying to follow Jacob's scent…" He trailed off as his gaze met mine, then answered my unspoken question with a shake of his head. _I'm sorry, Edward. We lost him._

I bit back the urge to pound my fist through something, and Jasper sent some calming waves in my direction before continuing.

"We came across the rest of the pack, and Sam told us that they only just found out today what Jacob did because it was the first time he'd changed into his wolf form since it happened. As the true Alpha, Jacob was able to break from Sam's control, but fortunately he wasn't able to override Sam's control over the rest of the pack like he should've been. Apparently, it takes a lot of will power and enough of it from all the members of the pack in order for them to refuse the orders of the true Alpha wolf. However, once that happens, the connection between that original Alpha and the rest of the pack is lost, and the next in line is the Alpha by default. So, in other words, Sam is still the Alpha, and they can no longer hear Jacob's thoughts. They're all horrified about what Jacob did and are willing to help us track him down."

"Well that's some good news at least," said Carlisle.

"Hardly," I muttered. "They won't be much help if they can't connect to him through wolf telepathy anymore." _And would they be willing to do what needed to be done if they did find the beast?_

No matter, I assured myself. I wanted him alive when I got my hands on him. I wanted to look him in the eyes while I tore him to pieces. Slowly. Piece by agonizing piece…

"It doesn't matter," Jasper insisted, casting me a worried glace. "We _will_ find him. It's only a matter of time."

Silence settled over the room for a moment, and I felt the mood shift with Jasper's intervention, smoothing over the vendetta that had once again started spiraling out of control in my mind.

Finally, I spoke. "Jasper," I said, my voice low, "what emotions can you feel from Bella now?"

He hesitated before speaking it aloud, but answered it right away in his head without wanting to.

_Nothing. _

He grimaced when he felt the wave of despair that washed over me, then spoke aloud for Carlisle's benefit. "I'm not feeling any emotions from her," he admitted quietly.

"At least she's not suffering," I whispered.

"Remember what I said, Edward," Carlisle reminded me. "I know you can reach her." After giving me a reassuring look, he turned and left the room.

Jasper continued to hover awkwardly by the door, his thoughts apologetic.

"You don't have anything to apologize for, Jasper."

"I feel awful, Edward. When we were hunting on the weekend, and I gave you a hard time about worrying…."

"Don't worry about it," I said sincerely. It wasn't like he'd known at that time what had happened. And he wasn't the one that had left her in the hands of that monster.

He must have felt my guilt. "You shouldn't blame yourself about anything, either. The only one to blame here is Jacob."

When I looked away and didn't reply, he stood there for a moment, trying to analyze me through my emotions.

"Don't," I told him firmly, irritated.

He sighed, then turned and left the room, deciding it was best to leave me alone for now.

Once I was finally alone, I dropped to my knees beside the bed and brought the back of Bella's tiny hand to my lips. "Forgive me," I whispered. It didn't matter what anyone else said. I should've seen this coming. I was a _vampire_. Who could read _minds_. How could I possibly have let this happen to her?

Esme was right about one thing, though. Blaming myself wasn't going to help Bella now. I would just have to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes again. Nothing was going to make me leave her alone now.

**xxxxx**

For the rest of the afternoon, I stayed by Bella's side, trying desperately to pull her back to me. I tried everything I could think of to make her realize that she was now safe. I tried speaking to her soothingly and holding her in my arms, hoping that something would trigger her to come back. But nothing seemed to register.

In the evening at around six o'clock, Alice suddenly announced that Charlie was on his way over. Presumably he had arrived home to find an empty house and then left in search of Bella. It was to be expected. After her behavior yesterday he had been very concerned about her.

It had been a quick decision on Charlie's part, and we didn't have enough time to decide whether or not we should tell him what had happened before we heard him pull into the driveway and knock impatiently at the door. I wouldn't leave Bella's side, so Carlisle answered the door.

**ChPOV**

I knocked aggressively at the door, attempting to not let my anxiety get the better of me. Even though I'd begun to trust Edward since I'd observed him with Bella last night, I still wasn't ready to trust him completely, not when it concerned my daughter. And after yesterday, I knew something was very wrong. I never should have left her alone today.

Dr. Cullen answered the door, and before he could greet me, I asked, "Is Bella here?"

"Yes, but—"

I pushed my way in. "I need to see her."

"Something has happened, Chief Swan, and first we need to—"

"I want to see my daughter, _now_," I demanded. From his tone, I knew that whatever it was that had happened was something big and that it wasn't good news, but I didn't want to stand around and talk. First I wanted to see for myself that Bella was okay, so I headed up the stairs without an invitation, calling her name as I went.

When I arrived upstairs, Edward appeared in one of the doorways, and I headed toward him. When I saw his expression, I felt my heart start to beat faster.

"Charlie, you need to listen to me first."

"Get out of my way, Edward!"

He stared at me for a moment, then stepped aside. He seemed to realize that I wasn't going to back down.

Bella was lying on the bed with her eyes open, staring up at the ceiling, and I quickly moved to her side. "Bella, what's going on?" I asked, touching her shoulder.

She didn't show any sign that she had heard or felt anything. "Bella!" I tried again, but she had a blank expression on her face. It was as if her mind was somewhere else. I took out my frustration and worry on the only person available; I turned around to glare at Edward. "What's wrong with her! What did you do to her? !"

"Edward didn't do this to her!"

My gaze shot to the doorway and was met with Esme's heated one. I was surprised by her anger. I'd never seen her anything but polite before.

"You need to open your eyes and see how much my son loves her! And while you're at it, you need to take a closer look at Jacob, whom you always seem to think can do no wrong!"

Carlisle came up beside her and placed a placating hand on her shoulder. Then I heard Edward speak softly from behind me. "Don't, Carlisle."

"He needs to know, Edward."

"Damn right I do!" I exploded. "She's _my_ daughter!"

Carlisle didn't seem angry by my outburst. He was completely calm, but there was a sadness in his eyes that had my heart sinking several inches. He nodded before speaking. "Jacob raped her."

I froze, the three words resonating through me as I tried to grasp their meaning. I opened my mouth but no sound came out, and I closed it again, not believing what I was hearing.

"Unfortunately it's true," I heard Esme add. "_Jacob_ did this to her. The only thing my son has done is stop him from doing it again today."

_No._ It couldn't be. _Not Jacob. Not Billy's son. He couldn't have, he couldn't have_.

But even as I tried to convince myself of that, I knew I already knew the truth. The grim faces of Carlisle and Esme's told me all I needed to know. That was one thing about being a cop; you soon learned how to recognize when someone was lying.

And Carlisle and Esme weren't.

I sucked in a breath, then another.

Bella's behavior also fit. There had been something wrong ever since she'd come home early from Jacob's.

He had raped her.

I took another breath.

This was something else cops were familiar with; the signs of someone going into shock. But experiencing it for yourself was another matter all together.

Another breath.

_Jacob_ had raped her. My little girl.

My whole body shook.

Anger. It broke through the numbness then, pushing up from inside me like never before. "Where is he?" I demanded, my tone deadly.

Carlisle took in my expression and hesitated.

"_Where_—_is_—_he?" _I bit out again between clenched teeth, enunciating each word.

Carlisle sighed, his eyes sympathetic. "When Edward rescued her today, he took off, and we were unable to locate him."

My fingers curled into a tight fist. "Today," I pushed out. " He tried to…" I closed my eyes for a moment, grabbing for strength. "…he tried to do it again?" My voice was barely audible now. "And the first time it…it was when she went to see him Friday, wasn't it?" Carlisle nodded, and I swayed unsteadily on my feet, the shock of everything taking its toll.

Carlisle looked at me worriedly. "Perhaps you should sit down and—"

"No. I'll be fine," I said in a voice that was oddly flat now. My gaze settled on Bella.

Dimly, I listened as Carlisle explained that he believed she had distanced her mind from reality as a form of protection, and that they hadn't taken her to the hospital to be examined because they were waiting for her to come to her senses so that she could agree to the exam. By the time he'd finished, I had managed to pull myself together enough to think rationally.

It was true that since she was legally an adult, her permission would be required. However, if she weren't mentally capable of making the decision to be examined, a close family member would need to make the decision for her, and I knew that it was very important for her to be examined. I expressed my concerns to Carlisle, telling him that as Bella's father and given her mental state, I should take her to the hospital.

He nodded. "That's true, but I think it best if you give her a bit of time to see if she'll come back to her senses on her own. I believe it'll be better for her that way. Just give her tonight, and if she's still incapable of agreeing to an exam then you take her tomorrow. I've dealt with rape victims before, and I know that in the end it would be much easier for her if she can agree to it herself."

"Why?" I pressed. "I would've thought that it would be easier on her if she weren't aware of what was happening during the exam."

"If she goes through an exam when she's like this, her mind may be forced back to reality unwillingly while she's at the hospital. And trust me, I know from experience that that is _not_ a good thing. She needs to come back of her own accord when she feels that she's safe. And since I think there's a good chance she'll come out of this on her own soon, I think you should at least give her the chance, just for tonight."

I nodded slowly. Maybe waiting until tomorrow was the right thing to do. Carlisle's reasoning made sense. I certainly didn't want to make things worse for Bella. It was only one more night, and since it was already too late for evidence collection and she didn't appear to be seriously injured, it wouldn't make much difference.

Carlisle turned to Esme. "Let's give them some space." She nodded and they left the room.

I turned to face Edward, suddenly realizing that he'd been awfully quite throughout the exchange. He sat on the edge of the bed, holding Bella's hand in his and gazing down at her. When he turned to look at me, the raw pain in his eyes was very apparent, and I suddenly felt terrible for the way I'd treated him. It was clear how much he loved Bella.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Surprise flashed across my face. He was _thanking_ me?

He went on to explain. "For believing. I think you now know how much she means to me…and that I would never hurt her." He paused, and I nodded slowly. It was amazing. The tension that had always existed between us melted away in that moment. "But I'm sorry…that I failed her in this…" His voice was strangled. "I should've…" His face twisted. "This never should've happened."

He had surprised me yet again. "That's ridiculous, Edward," I told him. "You can't blame yourself for something _Jacob_ did."

He looked amazed by my reaction. Then he said softly, "That means a lot to me, coming from you."

"You just make sure you focus on helping her through this," I said firmly.

He dropped his gaze to Bella again. "I will," he promised, determination seeping into his voice. "I won't ever give up on her."

**BPOV**

I felt like I was floating, and my mind was blank. Though I couldn't remember anything, I just somehow knew that I needed to stay there.

But something was tugging at my mind, telling me I needed to go back. Go back to what? I couldn't remember.

Then it hit me. I could remember what I was hiding from; the reality where the person whom I'd once thought to be my best friend was holding me prisoner. It was the reality where I would never be able to see Edward again. The pain and despair came rushing back, and I couldn't push it away again.

Why did this have to happen? My life had been perfect. I'd been planning to spend forever with the one I loved. But I knew why. It was my fault. I'd thrown everything away with my stupidity. With my mistaken trust.

I tried to close myself off from my thoughts. From the pain. From everything. I was just so awfully, horribly tired of it all.

But I found that I couldn't pull myself back to the place where my mind was completely blank. I was even starting to hear voices around me.

_Wait_. I could hear something. It was a beautiful sound that was so familiar. I found myself drawn to it, and everything around me became clearer.

**EPOV**

Charlie had finally agreed to leave for the night when I promised to contact him if there was any change to Bella's condition. He trusted me enough now, and knowing that Carlisle and Esme were around as well helped to convince him that leaving her here was the best option. For now anyway. He'd be back bright and early the next morning, I was sure.

"Edward…"

"I know, Jasper," I said tersely, my eyes never leaving Bella. He'd started picking up some emotions from her, disjointed and irregular snippets, but the obvious agony in them was just too much to bear.

"It's a good sign, Edward," he reassured me softly. "It means she's closer to reality than she was before, and it might be easier for you to reach her now."

In a rare offer of physical comfort, he reached out to squeeze my shoulder before slipping out the door.

"I hope you're right," I whispered after he was gone.

**xxxxx**

The house was silent now. Perhaps I'd been wrong to send them all away. No matter how much I burned to get my hands on him, no matter how much I wanted them to find the beast that had done this, she was still my first priority. I must never forget that.

It was now 8:52 pm. It had been about eight hours since I'd taken Bella's lifeless body into my arms. The pain hadn't decreased, but I was holding myself together so that I could bring her back to me.

Or, at least, I was trying to.

I paced the room once more, trying to calm myself once again so that I could return to her side, hold her in my arms, tell her she was safe.

What a pathetic mess I was! I didn't know what to do, didn't know _how_ to bring her back to me. What if she awakened and was afraid to be alone with me? Should I call Esme, or Alice, ask them to come back?

_Not yet, not yet_. _Not when tonight is our best bet of finding the beast!_

I slumped down on the edge of the bed again, my body shuddering with agony and anger all rolled into one. It took me longer to pull myself together again this time.

Finally, I brought my face up to study her pale face, my heart breaking all over again.

Once I had gathered myself together enough, I moved to stretch out next to her and carefully took her into my arms again, making sure that the blanket was wrapped around her, preventing her from catching a chill. I pressed my cheek against the top of her head and thought about how much I loved her.

She had brought me to life. I couldn't remember much from my human life, and when I'd first become a vampire I'd been disgusted with what I'd become. Once I'd gotten over my initial rebellious stage, I'd gone back to Carlisle and his way of living, and things had improved after that. I'd found that I didn't hate myself quite as much, but I'd never felt I belonged. I'd had an endless number of days in front of me but hadn't understood what I was meant to do with them. I'd never really _lived_. I'd just simply _existed_. Until I'd met Bella.

When she'd discovered I was a vampire, she had still trusted me completely, much more than I'd trusted myself. But as time went on, she'd taught me that I wasn't the monster I'd always believed myself to be. She'd shown me that I could control my vampire instincts, and that I was able to love someone above all else. I'd finally felt like I belonged. Like I had a purpose. I'd finally felt like I was alive.

"Please come back to me," I pleaded, my body swaying back and forth as I cradled her to me. "I need you," I whispered, closing my eyes to the sound of her soft breathing. "I love you," I rasped, my voice throbbing. The words didn't seem anywhere near enough.

And then I was humming her lullaby, the soft notes moving through me, offering me renewed hope.

I hadn't had any success in reaching her when I'd spoken to her or when I'd held her, but perhaps I could get through to her if I hummed the melody I knew would be familiar to her.

My prayers were answered when I heard the most beautiful sound in the world: Bella's voice.

**A/N: Ok. I know you might be disappointed that Jacob hasn't got what he deserves yet. But don't worry. He will eventually. You just have to be patient. AND Review! :)**

Song inspiration:

This song is "Untitled" by Simple Plan and it fits in with the BPOV in the middle of this chapter.

_I open my eyes  
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light  
I can't remember how  
I can't remember why  
I'm lying here tonight_

_And I can't stand the pain  
And I can't make it go away  
No I can't stand the pain_

_How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

_Everybody's screaming  
I try to make a sound but no one hears me  
I'm slipping off the edge  
I'm hanging by a thread  
I wanna start this over again_

_So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered  
And I can't explain what happened  
And I can't erase the things that I've done  
No I can't_

_How could this happen to me  
I made my mistakes  
I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

_I made my mistakes  
I've got no where to run  
The night goes on  
As I'm fading away  
I'm sick of this life  
I just wanna scream  
How could this happen to me_

These lyrics are from "Angel's Lullaby" and they fit in with Edward's POV at the end of this chapter.

_I was never alive  
'Til the day I was blessed with you.  
When I hold you late at night,  
I know what I was put here to do.  
I turn off the world and listen to you sigh,  
And I will sing my Angel's Lullaby._

_Know I'm forever near,  
The one you can always call.  
Right now all you know to fear  
Are the shadows on your wall.  
I'm here close enough  
To kiss the tears you cry,  
And I will sing my Angel's Lullaby._

_So tell me how to stop the years from racing.  
Is there a secret someone knows?  
I'll never catch all the memories I'm chasing.  
I'll never be ready to let go._

_And when the world seems cold,  
And you feel that all of your strength is gone,  
There may be one tiny voice,  
Your reason to carry on,  
And when I'm not close enough  
To kiss the tears you cry,  
You will sing your Angel's Lullaby.  
Let this be our Angel's Lullaby._


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **

Thanks again to everyone that reviewed!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books. I also don't own the lyrics that you see in this chapter. They are from the song "You're Still You" by Josh Groban.

**Chapter 10**

**BPOV**

I could hear a beautiful melody, though it seemed to come from far off in the distance. Desperate to hear it more clearly, I focused on it intently. Slowly, it grew clearer. Then I recognized it.

My lullaby. It sounded just like it always had when Edward would hum it to me. But how could that be? I would never see him again. Was I just imagining it? Then why did it sound so real? Real or not, I wanted to grab hold of it and never let go.

As I concentrated on the beautiful sound I started to feel something else that was very familiar. Where was I? I was leaning against something. Something cool and comfortingly familiar. I could hear my lullaby very clearly now. It sounded like it was coming from right next to me. Could it really be true? Was I really in the arms of my angel?

I blinked several times as Edward's room gradually came into focus. Everything looked and felt so real. The name left my lips of its own accord. "Edward?" I managed in a scratchy whisper.

The humming stopped abruptly, but before I could register the loss I heard something even more wonderful: Edward's voice. It rung out strong and clear. "I'm right here, love." I felt something shift from behind me, and then I looked up to see his perfect face. "I'm here," he repeated, his voice softer now.

I studied the face before me, taking in every last detail: the paleness of his skin, the curve of his lips, the shape of his jaw, the softness of his eyes as he gazed back at me…

Still, I had to be certain that my mind wasn't playing tricks on me again, and I reached up to touch his cheek.

He leaned into my touch, then covered my hand with his. When I felt his cool, perfectly smooth skin and loving touch, I finally believed he was real. My heart soared, and for that moment I forgot all my sorrow and fears. I threw my arms around him, and he immediately enveloped me in his strong, yet gentle, embrace. I buried myself in his arms, breathing in his sweet scent that was comfortingly familiar, and he pulled me close.

But my happiness was short-lived. All my horrible memories came rushing back in one foul swoop, and panic rose from within me.

Edward must have sensed it. "It's alright," he murmured, his palm against my cheek, drawing my face against his shoulder. "You're safe. I won't let him hurt you again."

The last thing I could remember was Jacob ripping off my shirt and bra. _Oh, God_. What had happened after that? Edward must have rescued me. He was my savior. My angel. Then I remembered why I couldn't be happy that he had rescued me. My panic grew, and I pulled away from him, knowing I had to warn him.

"Calm down, love," he attempted to soothe me once again as he released me and took in my expression, but I could hear an edge to his voice now. "Everything's going to be alright."

I shook my head, then spoke quickly, tripping over my words in my panic. "He…he's going to order the pack to kill you! He will…we have to…we have to…" I was finding it difficult to breath now and was sucking in air in short pants.

I felt Edward's cool hands press against both sides of my face as he tried to hold my gaze. "Bella, listen to me. The pack is _not_ going to attack us. We spoke to Sam. When Jacob transformed and they saw what he did, he was forced out of the pack. Sam is Alpha still, and Jacob's on his own."

His thumb lightly caressed my cheek, and my breathing became easier as his words sunk in and as I felt his soothing touch. It sounded too good to be true. There I was, with Edward, when I'd thought I would never be able to see him again. And Jacob couldn't get the pack to do his bidding. I had been sure that since he was the true Alpha, the rest of them couldn't refuse his orders. But as Edward gazed into my eyes, I found I could believe him.

It was better than I could have imagined, and I collapsed into Edward's arms once more, never wanting to let go.

After my panic for Edward's safety had worn off, I started to think more clearly. What had happened? Where was Jacob now? I couldn't help the shiver that crawled down my spine when I thought of him. "W…Where is he?" I whispered into Edward's chest.

His lips pressed against my hair. "We don't know," he said gently. "He ran off when I got there, and I didn't want to leave you." He paused, his voice suddenly going deadly calm. "But we'll find him and make him pay for what he's done, I promise you that." His arms tightened around me, then loosened quickly. I heard him take a breath before he leaned his head against mine and added softly, "You're safe now. I won't let him get near you ever again."

I found that I did feel safe, but now that I was thinking more clearly, all the shame came rushing back. He'd said that he would make Jacob pay for what he'd done, but how much did he know about what had happened? I knew that he'd seen the bruises, but what else did he know? How far had Jacob gotten today before Edward had arrived? He'd rescued me before Jacob could…

I gulped down a wave of nausea.

…go _all the way_ this time. Of that, I was sure. But when he had arrived he would've been able to hear what Jacob had been planning to do in his thoughts. He had also already discovered, from seeing all the bruises on my back and arms, that Jacob had hurt me before today. Surely after knowing all that, he would've already guessed what had happened. But then why was he here, holding me in his arms?

More shame and guilt washed over me. There I was, throwing myself at him, when he was probably disgusted with me.

I forced myself to pull away from him again, gazing downward in shame and wrapping my arms around my torso, trying to make myself as small and insignificant as possible. I hadn't even had a shower, and I probably smelt terrible to Edward. _Filth_. I could feel it crawling over every inch of my body. I shivered, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. "I'm so s…sorry. You don't have to s…stay with me anymore. I understand," I told him quietly, still not meeting his gaze.

"Bella," he said fiercely, his hand catching my chin and lifting my face. "None of this is your fault. You understand me? You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. And I'll _always_ want to be with you. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about you."

Oh, how I wanted to believe him, wanted it to be true with every broken piece there was left of me. But he wouldn't, _couldn't_ possibly want me still. Not after what had happened. Not after that.

I realized then. He must still not know. That had to be why he wasn't disgusted with me. It was the only explanation. I had to tell him. I owed him that much.

I shook my head. "Y…You don't know what happened. I….he…." The words got caught in my throat. I didn't know how to tell him how damaged I was.

Edward's features twisted, an agonized look entering his eyes. "Oh, Bella," he whispered. "How could you possibly think I would feel differently about you over what _Jacob_ did?" He paused and took a deep breath. "He _raped_ you. I know you weren't willing."

My insides seemed to recoil at the word, and I cast my eyes downward, unable to bear seeing the pain etched into every line of his face. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He _knew_. But he still loved me? I kept my eyes downcast. "B-But it's my fault," I choked, my arms squeezing tighter around my middle, the resulting pain almost welcoming. "I should've known….you told me not to t-trust him." My voice sounded small, pitiful. If I wasn't the most pitiful excuse for a human being right then, I didn't know what was.

I felt his hand on my shoulder then, the touch ever so slight, cool and soothing against my bruises. How could he even bear to touch me? "Listen to me, Bella," he said. He almost sounded angry. "This is _not_ your fault, you hear? Jacob is a sick and twisted monster, and you're not to blame for his actions."

I just continued to stare down at the ruffled bed sheet. My brain couldn't seem to comprehend his words. So I just sat there. Waiting. Waiting for the gentle touch of his hand to disappear. For reality to set in. For him to finally recoil away from me in disgust.

He never did.

Instead I heard him whisper my name, pleading almost. When I finally gathered up enough courage to look up at his face, a tight, choking sensation filled my throat. His eyes were still pained, but there was no revulsion there. His hands moved to cradle my face. "Bella, love. You are more important to me than anything else. _Nothing_ will ever change that."

My heart swelled, and I thought my chest might burst. Even after everything, he still loved me. More tears sprang into my eyes from the overload of emotion. As they ran down my cheeks, he wiped them away with his thumbs before carefully wrapping me in his arms. I noticed that he was being even more careful than usual, and I realized that now that he had seen the bruises he was being extra careful. My tears flowed even faster. "Why?" I whispered, pressing my cheek against his chest.

"Why what, love?"

My fingers fisted the fabric of his shirt at his waist. "Why do you still want me?" I asked him, my voice barely audible now. "I was never even good enough for you before, and now…I'm ruined."

"Ah, Bella, no," he murmured, tightening his hold on me and swaying back and forth in a gesture too quick and agitated to be an attempt to soothe. "Why can you not see yourself the way I do?" He paused briefly, and when he spoke again I was horrified when I heard his voice quaver. "When I found you earlier today…and you were only with me in body but not in spirit….I was so afraid that I'd lost you, and the only thing that held me together was the hope that you would come back to me again. I can't live without you, Bella. And you are _not _ruined."

More tears rushed to my eyes, and suddenly I was desperate to put it into words, to tell him that feeling of being so utterly and completely lost, the feeling that someone had gone in and gutted out everything that had made you who you were. It was as if, by telling him, he could make it all go away. "But I don't feel like _me_ anymore. I…I feel…dirty…disgusting…" The words came out so quiet, so brokenly, that I couldn't even hear them.

But Edward did.

Keeping one arm still wrapped securely around my waist, he picked up my hand that I hadn't even noticed was still gripping his shirt and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss in my palm. "You only feel that way because you just went through a terrible ordeal that no one should have to go through. But you _are_ still you. And you could never be dirty or disgusting."

I turned my face into his chest as deep sobs broke from within me. It felt like a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest now that he knew my horrible secret, as if, if I kept holding onto him, he could somehow hold the broken pieces of me together.

If only it were that simple.

Well, for now at least, it was.

He rocked me in his arms, his fingers stroking my hair. "You'll always be my Bella," he murmured. "We'll get through this together."

He held me that way for a long while, just letting me cry. Then, when my sobs finally began to subside, he pressed his face into my hair and whispered, "I'm so sorry…so sorry you had to go through that. I…should've been there…I should've kept you safe."

The guilt in his words had my heart twisting in my chest. How could he possibly blame himself? He'd never wanted me to visit Jacob. I was the one who had insisted on it. Pulling away from him, I took his face between my hands. "This is _not_ your fault, Edward!"

He smiled sadly. "You see? You _are_ still you. Always putting others before yourself." He paused. "It doesn't matter anyway. As much as I wish I could, I can't go back in time and change what happened."

I studied him as he spoke, trying to see if my words had gotten through to him, but a wave of dizziness hit me, and my hands fell from his face as the room started to spin around me. My head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, and I collapsed forward into Edward.

"Bella!" he cried frantically, cradling my head in his lap, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the dizziness.

"I'm okay…just a bit faint," I said thinly.

His hands anxiously smoothed my hair from my face. "I need to get you something to eat," he said quickly, his concern evident. "You haven't eaten anything all day! It's no wonder you feel faint." I felt him gently lift my head from his lap. "I'll just go get—"

My eyes flung open, and I grabbed his arm. "No! Don't leave me!" I cried. I was terrified that if he left I would find myself back with Jacob and never see him again.

"Calm down, love. I'm just going to get you something to eat from downstairs. I'll only be a sec—"

"No! _Please_ don't go. _Please_," I begged, my voice fading into a frantic whisper.

He pulled my head back down into his lap and gently stroked my hair. "Alright, I'm not going anywhere, okay? Just calm down. Everything's fine, love." After giving me a moment to calm down again, he said, "But we need to get you to eat, so how about we go downstairs together?"

I nodded and sat up slowly, trying not to wince as I did so. When I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand, however, the floor spun up to meet me. Arms caught me before I could fall, and a momentary wave a panic flooded through me. Tall and huge masculine frame…holding me to him…swamping my blurred vision…

"It's alright, I've got you," he murmured as he gently lifted me into his arms.

_Not Jacob. Edward._ _Edward, Edward, Edward._

My limbs sagged in weak relief as he carried me down the stairs. He had shifted most of my weight to his arm that held me beneath my knees, but I could still feel the pressure of his other arm against my battered back.

He seemed to realize it too, because before I knew it he was already lowering me into a chair in the spacious Cullen kitchen.

As I took in the familiar scenery I suddenly realized that I would have to face Edward's family, and my stomach clutched in panic again, a different kind of panic.

Edward saw me glancing around and answered my unspoken question. "None of them are here," he said. "But…" He hesitated. "I could call Alice, or Esme…if it would make you more comfortable…"

"No!" The thought of having to face any of Edward's family was too much to bear right now. Did they know too? What would they think of me now?

Edward was watching me with his brow creased.

"Do…do they know?" I asked him quietly.

His silence was answer enough.

I nodded and looked away.

Slowly, he crouched down in front of me so that his eyes were level with mine, and his gaze was intense now. "They feel the same way as I do, Bella. This is _not _your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Okay," I said softly.

He must have known that he hadn't convinced me because he sighed as he pushed to his feet and went to fix me something to eat.

**xxxxx**

I felt stronger after I'd eaten, and the dizziness had passed, but my entire body still hummed with a shaking exhaustion.

Edward was watching me from across the table, coming to his feet the moment I did. He moved to my side cautiously as my hands gripped the table, and my eyes dropped to avoid his, still terrified as to what I might see there, while at the same time yearning to drink in every perfect detail of his face.

Carefully, ever so carefully, he lifted me into his arms again. "It's late." His voice was still the velvety softness I always remembered. "You should get some sleep."

He carried me up the stairs, and it was then that I realized. "Charlie! He—"

"Don't worry about Charlie. I've already spoken to him. You can stay here tonight." He took me into his room again and bent to place me on the bed, and I forced myself to release my hold around his neck, my arms falling limp in my exhaustion.

Even my thoughts seemed to be slipping in and out of unconsciousness now. He'd spoken to Charlie? What had he told him?

"I'll explain tomorrow," Edward replied before I could ask. "Right now you need to sleep."

I didn't have the strength to argue. I was having enough trouble keeping my eyes open.

"I should just wash up first," I said. It was my normal nightly routine, and Edward knew it well.

He nodded.

I pushed to my feet and started to make my way to the bathroom that was just outside the room. I guess Edward decided I was stable enough now that I'd eaten to make it on my own, but I found myself hesitate, and I turned back to look at him. I knew it was irrational, but I was so afraid that if I let him out of my sight he would disappear and I would find out that none of this was real. That I was not free from Jacob's clutches.

Edward's eyes were soft and reassuring. "I'll be right here," he said gently. "I'm not going anywhere, love."

I nodded and forced myself to leave the room.

Entering the bathroom, I closed the door behind me and began to go through my normal routine, trying not to let myself panic like before. But when I saw my reflection in the mirror I felt all my doubt creep back. I was such a mess. I must have imagined everything. Edward couldn't possibly still love me. My hair was a tangled mess and my face looked terrible. My eyes were red and puffy from crying, and there was a large bruise that was starting to form across the left side of my face where Jacob had struck me.

Before the panic could set in completely, however, I heard Edward's concerned voice from the other side of the door. "Bella? Are you alright, love?"

I heaved a sigh of relief. I hadn't been imagining things.

Feeling too exhausted for anything else, I opened the door to Edward's waiting arms. He carried me to bed, and after hearing him promise that he wouldn't leave me, I finally let my exhaustion win out and slipped into a deep sleep.

**EPOV**

The soft glow of the moonlight peeking through the window illuminated Bella's sleeping form. I took note of the slight weight of her cheek against my chest and the fragile ladder of her ribs beneath my fingers and wondered how anyone could ever lay a violent hand on her.

Smoothing a tendril of hair from her face, I settled her more securely in my arms, where I wanted to keep her forever, where I could protect her from the cruelness of the world.

But I couldn't protect her from what had already happened.

Knowing she had had to suffer through something so awful broke the very core of my heart, every frozen, dead piece sharp and excruciating in my chest.

_How_ could I have let this happen? _How?_

Ever so gently, I traced the delicate shape of her face, my fingertips just barely touching her pale skin. How so very fragile she was. I could remember the very first time I'd laid eyes on her, the mysterious, human girl whose mind was silent to me. I'd noted how much more fragile than her classmates she'd looked. So very, very fragile. What I hadn't known, however, was that inside she held a will of iron. Strong and fearless, that was my Bella. So brave and utterly trusting. Not once had she run from what I was. Not once. And to see her like this now…terrified to even be in a room alone…

It was devastating. It crushed me like nothing I could imagine.

I knew that in the morning I would need to get her to agree to a physical exam. I also knew that it was only one of the many bumps in the long road of suffering that lay ahead. But I could also remember how I'd been able to reach her when she'd appeared to be lost forever. And the brief moment when she had first come back to reality and fell into my arms. From this, I could see hope. Hope that, although it wouldn't be an easy journey, we would survive this dark time, and Bella would heal. So I grabbed onto that hope as tightly as I could and never let go.

**Author's note:**

Song inspiration: "You're Still You" by Josh Groban.

_Through the darkness  
I can see your light  
And you will always shine  
And I can feel your heart in mine  
Your face I've memorized  
I idolize just you_

_I look up to  
Everything you are  
In my eyes you do no wrong  
I've loved you for so long  
And after all is said and done  
You're still you  
After all  
You're still you_

_You walk past me  
I can feel your pain  
Time changes everything  
One truth always stays the same  
You're still you  
After all  
You're still you_

_I look up to  
Everything you are  
In my eyes you do no wrong  
And I believe in you  
Although you never asked me to  
I will remember you  
And what life put you through_

_And in this cruel and lonely world  
I found one love  
You're still you  
After all  
You're still you_


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **As always thank you very much to the people who reviewed!

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 11**

**BPOV**

He strode toward me, his lustful gaze moving up and down my body. Fear sliced through me. Where was my angel? Hadn't I just been in his loving arms?

Jacob grabbed my arms roughly, and I winced in pain as he held them in a vice grip. His vile, hot breath surrounded me as he bent down to whisper in a threateningly possessive voice. "You're mine forever now, Bella." He paused briefly, then said with malicious satisfaction, "No one will be able to find us. You'll never see your precious bloodsucker again."

Despair washed over me, and I felt the piercing pain in my chest as my heart was ripped open. I should've known it had been too good to be true. I hadn't escaped from Jacob after all. I would never see Edward again.

Jacob tore off my clothes, and I could soon feel his violent, hot hands all over my body. I wanted to pull my mind away from what was happening like I had before, but for some reason, I couldn't. All I could do was struggle hopelessly. "No! Stop!" I cried out in terror.

He pulled off his own clothes and shoved me to the floor before pulling me against him. _No! No! Not again! Please…_

**xxxxx**

How many ways could one relive the same nightmare, over and over, and over again, each time more real than the last?

I pushed myself further into the wooden plank behind me, ignoring the ache of pain from the increased pressure on my bruises. I was awake now, I knew, but my breath was still yanking violently in and out of my chest, and I kept my eyes squeezed tightly shut, terrified of what I might see if I opened them. What was it that had awakened me? I was in a bed, it seemed—a mattress was beneath me; the wooden plank was the headboard…

I remembered then. My eyes flew open, and there he was.

He sat several feet away on the edge of the bed, his perfect face twisted slightly as he looked at me. "Bella…" he whispered, his voice agonized.

My eyes filled. "Are you r-real?" I heard the shaking of my own voice. It was a stupid question, but a part of me still couldn't believe that he could even bear to look at me.

His lips turned up briefly in a sad smile. "Come here," he said. Then he opened his arms.

My tears spilled over and I dove into them, my chest choking up a sob.

He held me to him, rocking gently. "Shh, it's alright, it's alright. You're alright now." His lips brushed my forehead.

I clung to him greedily. He was real. Last night had been as I remembered it. He loved me still.

My chest heaved on a dry sob. "He…he told me that I was meant to be with him…and that he would take me away with him where no one would find us." I tightened my hold around his waist. "I thought I'd never see you again," I whispered.

His fingers stroked my hair. "I would _never_ let that happen," he said firmly. Then I heard him let out a slow breath, his palm flattening against my hair. "Why didn't you tell me, Bella?" he breathed. "Why did you try so hard to keep it from me?"

I squeezed my eyes close. I knew he wouldn't like my reasoning. "I…I was sure that he was telling me the truth…when he said he could get the pack to do whatever he wanted…" I trailed off and he suddenly went still.

"Bella," he choked with an edge of horror. "Are you telling me you were trying to protect _us_?" He pulled back slightly to see my face.

I averted my gaze from his. "I…I didn't want you and your family or…or the pack to get hurt because of me."

I heard an odd sound shudder up from him, not quite a growl, and my eyes shot to his face. He smoothed his features, but still the edge was there. He caught my chin, eyes fierce. "They're your family now, too. And families fight for each other. We're in this together, and _if_ someone did get hurt, it would be because of Jacob, not you. I will say it as many times as I have to; this is _not_ your fault."

I tried to swallow. "And…I also thought…that you wouldn't want me anymore anyway, so…" I spoke in a whisper, trailing off at the end when I took in the way his face twisted again at my words.

His arm hugged me to him again. "But now you know that that would _never_ be true."

We were silent for a long moment, the sound of my heavy breathing growing calmer.

"You should go back to sleep now," he said finally. "It's just after two a.m."

My stomach tightened, and I pressed my face into his shirt. "N-no, I don't want to," I whispered. I knew what would haunt me the moment I allowed myself to slip into unconsciousness. Edward did too.

"I know," he said gently. "But you need your rest, love. I'll be right here with you, I promise."

**xxxxx**

By nine o'clock the next morning, I was still far from completely rested, thanks to my disrupted sleep. In spite of this, now that it was an acceptable time to get up, I certainly didn't want to go back to sleep where I knew my dreams were forever haunted.

So I made move to sit up, afraid that I might fall asleep again if I remained lying down. I moved slowly, but I could still feel my sore body protesting loudly. Edward dropped his arm from my shoulders and then remained completely motionless. I could tell he was watching me closely, so I tried to hide my discomfort. I had already burdened him with so much. But when I used my stomach muscles to pull myself completely upright, I felt a strong surge of pain shoot through my severely bruised abdomen and had to clench my teeth together tightly to prevent myself from letting out a gasp of pain. Although I hadn't made a sound, I realized that I had unconsciously moved my hand to clutch my stomach.

Edward pulled himself up as well, and I knew he must have noticed. When I looked up at him, however, he just reached out and traced a fingertip from my left cheekbone down to my jaw with a featherlight touch. "That looks painful."

His touch felt even cooler than usual, but it also felt unbelievably soothing. I could see why when I reached up and touched the side of my face that had been on the receiving end of Jacob's powerful blow. It felt hotter than usual and was swollen in size.

Edward's eyes were watchful on mine. "Bella…" he started. "…it might help if you talk to me about what happened. It's not good to keep things inside," he said carefully, keeping his gaze locked on my face.

I was horrified. He wanted me to tell him all the _details_ of that night? I started to panic at the thought.

"Calm down, love. I didn't mean you have to tell me everything now. I just want you to know that I'm here to listen when you're ready. You can just tell me bits and pieces at a time if it's easier."

I couldn't stand the thought of telling him _any_ of the details. Not only because it meant I would have to think about things that I wanted nothing more than to forget, but also because I was terrified that he would finally see how disgusting and worthless I'd become.

He slid his arm around me and pulled me close. "It's alright, love. I don't expect you to tell me anything now."

I relaxed and shifted slightly to get more comfortable, but when I moved, Edward's arm rubbed against a tender spot on my back, and I winced.

He dropped his arm from around me as if he'd received an electric shock.

"I'm okay," I said quickly.

He narrowed his eyes at me slightly. Then his face softened, and he took my hand in his. "Bella…" He trailed off, and I could tell that he was finding it difficult to say what he wanted. "You're going to need to go to the hospital today to be examined," he said quietly.

I felt myself start to hyperventilate, and I pulled my hand free from his. "N-No! I'm fine! I-I can't! If I go to the hospital…I'll have to talk to the police…they won't be able to help anyway…and Charlie…"

It wasn't the only reason that I was terrified at the thought of being examined, but I was hoping my reasoning would convince him to drop the subject. After all, it _was_ a good reason. It would be completely unnecessary for me to have to report the rape to the police since Jacob was a werewolf and they wouldn't be able to catch him, let alone keep him locked up. Also, if I reported it, I would have to tell Charlie, which I did not like the idea of one bit. I suddenly remembered that yesterday Edward had avoided telling me what had happened when he'd spoken to Charlie. What had he told him?

"Bella—"

"You told Charlie, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted to wait so that you could tell him yourself, but he came over here yesterday, demanding to see you and when he saw you…well, it was necessary to tell him."

I was breathing in quick, short breaths, and trying my best to stay calm. Knowing Charlie, I could see why they had told him; he didn't like to take no for an answer. But there was still something that didn't make sense to me. "H…He believed you? That Jacob…" I trailed off but Edward understood, and he nodded in reply. "And…he let me stay…the night...?" My eyes were wide.

Edward's lips curved upward into a regretful smile. "He realizes how much I love you. He trusts me now."

At first, the fact that Charlie had finally accepted Edward pleased me tremendously, and I found myself calming down. But then I remembered that if Charlie knew what had happened, he would also want me to agree to an exam and report the rape. The panic set in even worse than before. I was terrified of being so exposed in an exam and then having to talk about what had happened.

Edward reached toward me. "Bella, I know it's hard but—"

"No!" I cried, snatching my hand back. "What do _you_ know about it? You don't know anything!" I shrieked. But then I felt even worse for my actions. My vision blurred, the tears slopping down my cheeks once more. "I-I'm s-sorry. But I c-can't…I don't need…go to hospital…_please_," I choked out, and the last word came out in a pleading whisper.

His eyes were sad. "Bella, love," he said quietly, "You could be seriously injured."

I knew he was right. It felt like my injuries were getting worse instead of better, probably because, until yesterday, I had been so focused on keeping everything a secret that I'd managed to somewhat ignore the aches and pains all over my body. But now they were screaming at me loudly. The most perturbing was the very uncomfortable soreness at the junction of my thighs. I could very distinctly remember the pain being so intense that it had felt as if I were being ripped apart from the inside. But I was terrified at the thought of letting anyone touch me, especially in my most private place. Not to mention the humiliation, and I knew I would be asked lots of questions. How could I ever agree to all that?

Another thought struck me. Would Carlisle be the one to examine me? _Oh, God_. Not only was he a male, but it would also be so much more humiliating to have him examine me than someone I didn't know.

Despite everything, I knew that agreeing to the exam was the right thing to do. Edward was right. It was very likely that I was seriously injured. I looked up at him, but I couldn't see his face clearly through the haze of my tears. I nodded slowly and tried desperately to keep myself together as I thought about what I had to do.

He reached out to grasp my hand again, and this time I welcomed his touch. "Would it make it easier for you if a female doctor conducted the exam?"

I was taken aback. Sometimes it seemed like he really could read my thoughts. I nodded quickly, feeling slightly relieved.

He brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen into my face and stuck to my damp cheek. "Would you like me in the room with you during the exam or would you prefer that I wait outside?"

I felt a knot tie in my stomach, and I looked down at our entwined hands. I was torn. A big part of me desperately wanted him to be there because he made me feel safe and would help to ease my terror, but another part of me was horrified at the thought of him seeing more details of how ruined I really was. I knew that by some miracle he still loved me, but he might change his mind if he saw how damaged and disgusting I had become.

I felt him gently squeeze my hand. "How about you think about it and we'll see how you feel when we get there?" he suggested.

I nodded again. He was so understanding. What had I ever done to deserve him?

"I…need to have a shower before…we go." I hadn't had a shower since before Edward had rescued me yesterday, and the thought of Jacob's scent...and touch…lingering…all over me…

I tugged my hand from Edward's. Surely he could still smell Jacob all over me. I couldn't look at him to see his reaction. I saw his hand start to reach for me again before he changed his mind and dropped it.

"Aright, love," he said finally. He knew as well as I did that the loss of any evidence was not a concern. The police couldn't help when it involved a werewolf. It was too late for evidence now anyway, and even if there were evidence remaining, it would be best to eliminate it; Jacob's non-human DNA would raise a lot of questions.

"But maybe you should give Charlie a call first," he added. "I promised him I would tell him what was happening." He saw my horrified expression and then modified his words. "Or I can call him for you if you'd like. But, Bella. Don't forget that he loves you and only wants to help you."

"I know…but can you call him, for now? And tell him not to come…for the exam…please." I was not ready to face Charlie yet.

Edward agreed, and I slowly made my way to the bathroom while he picked up the phone.

**EPOV**

It was nine o'clock that morning. I held her cradled in the bend of my arm, trying to pretend for a moment that all was well, that the fates hadn't dealt such a horrible, cruel blow. Because thinking about it, thinking about what that monster had done, hurt more than all the pain in the universe.

But I deserved it. Didn't deserve even a second of relief.

And clearly the Gods agreed because they wouldn't give me that relief. Wouldn't let me not think about it. Not for a second.

She shifted slightly, pressing herself just a little bit closer to me, and I wanted to weep. I'd never understood how she could stand to be close to me, stand to let me touch her at all, for that matter. My cold, hard skin should have repulsed her, sent her running in the opposite direction. But it never had. Never.

Even now, after all she'd been through, my touch seemed to comfort her, soothe her. I'd witnessed her reactions to Mike, and Charlie, so the significance of this very fact certainly wasn't lost on me. And knowing that, on this level at least, I could make her feel safe, even after all that had happened to her, brought forth a wealth of emotions.

But the guilt overshadowed all the rest. Guilt that, by some unforeseen miracle, she could still feel some semblance of safety in my presence when I had failed her so horribly as a protector.

Still, even with the guilt of knowing I didn't deserve this one reprieve, I couldn't help but feel marginally better, knowing that she could still let me touch her.

I was in no way ignorant to the effects that such a trauma had on the victim. I knew that, despite this concession she had given me, I had to be careful not to overstep any boundaries. So very careful. Now that I knew the horrible truth of what had happened to her, I could scrutinize every little detail, every action, every spark of terror that I had witnessed her suffer through over the last few days, both awake and asleep. I hadn't understood it then, but now I knew that I'd been the trigger of that terror on more than one occasion. Not intentionally, of course…

If I'd only known! That time I'd tried to kiss her…

And I couldn't forget that first night I'd returned from the hunting trip—I'd sensed the onset of another nightmare; the slight crease of her brow, the small whimper, the way she'd twisted in my arms…

I had then proceeded to soothe her like always; my touch, my light kisses—despite how it had never ceased to amaze me—had more often than not succeeded in chasing away any nightmares before they even really began.

They hadn't that time.

Not by a long shot. Instead of soothing away her nightmare I'd made it much, much worse.

Now I knew why.

Knowing was almost worse.

The terror I read on her face each time she had a nightmare was forever etched in my mind, leaving a burning pain in my chest and a feeling of utter helplessness.

Even now, when the change in her breathing told me she was awake, I didn't know how much to touch her, how to act, how to comfort her…

But all of this wasn't even the worst part. No, the worst part was something else. Something I had noticed last night after she'd realized that I'd learned the truth of what had happened. It was the way she'd sometimes avert her gaze in shame, the way she wouldn't initiate any contact between us, as if she were afraid I didn't _want_ to touch her.

That hurt the most. It hurt the most because it told me just how much that monster had wounded her.

That she would think I could see her as any less beautiful! That he could completely shatter what little self-confidence she had!

It broke my heart a thousand times over.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think of it. Because I would fix this. I would make her better, no matter how long it took.

Opening my eyes again, I watched her gradually become more fully awake.

Although she was awake now, I knew that the nightmares had prevented her from getting a decent night sleep, and that fact certainly did not act to ease the dread that I felt for what I would need to get her to agree to today. But there was no avoiding it. She could be seriously injured physically. From what I had already seen of the damage Jacob had done to her body, there was really no doubt to the severity of the damage elsewhere. But I couldn't think of it. It hurt way too much…

I swallowed and took a breath, her scent so familiar to me now it was a comfort rather than a discomfort. I glanced at the clock again; it was a few minutes past nine. I hadn't heard anything from my family in several hours. Should I call them? Find out if they were any closer to finding the beast? Would Bella want a female presence?

Alice had stopped by in the night when Bella had been sleeping, wanting to be here to offer her support, but in the end she'd had to leave. Being near Bella seemed to be wrecking havoc with her visions, blocking them to the point where they were too blurry to make any sense, but enough to drive her—and, by extension, me—insane. Despite the fact that Alice had been willing to endure it if Bella needed her, Bella would no doubt notice something was wrong, and the last thing she needed was any additional stress. Not to mention, she had seemed panicky about the idea of facing any of my family. Besides, right now we needed as many bodies as possible out scouring for Jacob. Our chances of finding him grew slimmer with every hour. I gritted my teeth with that thought. I wanted to be out there hunting him, leaving no stone unturned, but I couldn't, I _wouldn't_, leave Bella alone.

I felt the warmth of her cheek disappear, and she shifted slightly as if to sit up, so I dropped my arm from around her shoulders. I then watched her closely. She moved slowly, and it was obvious she was trying to hide her discomfort from me. _Typical_. She was trying to make _me_ feel better by easing my worry. She needn't have bothered. I knew from all the nasty bruising I had seen that it must be painful. When she pulled herself completely upright, the pain had obviously become too much for her to successfully hide, and I could see it flash across her face while her hand flew to her stomach. I felt the familiar jolt to my chest at the sight.

When she looked up, I noticed that the red mark on the side of her face looked even worse this morning than it had yesterday. It was turning a deep shade of purple around the edges and was swollen in the middle. It stood out vividly in contrast to her pale skin. I wished that I could somehow heal all of her pain with a simple touch, and I couldn't help reaching out and very lightly brushing my fingers over the side of her face. I noticed that it felt even hotter than usual. "That looks painful," I whispered.

She reached up and ran her fingers over the area I had just touched.

I searched her face. Although she'd opened up to me more about her feelings, I could tell she was still holding back. She hadn't spoken of any details. Even though it would be difficult for her to talk about them, and for me to hear about them, I knew it would help her in the long run. She would also have to give more details for the examination and police report. "Bella…" I started carefully, keeping my gaze locked on her face, "it might help if you talk to me about what happened. It's not good to keep things inside."

A look of horror appeared on her face, and I quickly modified my words. "Calm down, love. I didn't mean you have to tell me everything now. I just want you to know that I'm here to listen when you're ready. You can just tell me bits and pieces at a time if it's easier."

Still, my words did not calm her, and I wanted to kick myself. It was probably too soon for her to talk about it. I shouldn't have tried to push her. I slid my arm around her, pulling her close. "It's alright, love. I don't expect you to tell me anything now."

She relaxed against me, but then winced in pain suddenly, and I jerked my arm away.

"I'm okay," she said quickly.

Her obvious pain at just the slightest movement reminded me of what I had subconsciously been trying to postpone. I couldn't delay it any longer. I had to convince her to go to the hospital to be examined. I took her small hand in mine, hoping to provide her with support. "Bella…" I trailed off before finding my courage again. "You're going to need to go to the hospital today to be examined," I said quietly.

Horror-stricken, she pulled her hand from mine, her breathing becoming labored. "N-No! I'm fine! I-I can't! If I go to the hospital…I'll have to talk to the police…they won't be able to help anyway…and Charlie…"

I hadn't really expected a different reaction, but it didn't make it any easier. Though it was true that filing a report to the police would not be able to help bring Jacob down, it was, unfortunately, unavoidable, because Carlisle didn't have the necessary equipment at home to perform the exam and at the hospital they would have to know what had happened to conduct a proper exam. Once they knew, they were required to try and get her to report it to the police. Not to mention that Charlie would insist that she report it. "Bella—"

"You told Charlie, didn't you?"

"I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted to wait so that you could tell him yourself, but he came over here yesterday, demanding to see you, and when he saw you…well, it was necessary to tell him."

"H…He believed you? That Jacob…"

I nodded.

"And…he let me stay…the night…?"

A half smile touched my lips. "He realizes how much I love you. He trusts me now."

For a few seconds, the good news started to calm her, but then her thoughts must have strayed back to having to have an exam, and her panic set in even worse than before. I reached for her hand, wanting to offer her comfort, while at the same time, knowing I had to explain to her why it was important for her to be examined. "Bella, I know it's hard but—"

"No!" she shrieked, lurching away from me. "What do _you_ know about it? You don't know anything!"

I hauled in a deep breath, as if it might somehow lend me strength, because, God help me, I was ready to fall apart.

Her eyes filled with tears and spilled over onto her cheeks, falling fast. "I-I'm s-sorry. But I c-can't…I don't need…go to hospital…_please_," she choked out, and the last word came out in a pleading whisper that sliced through me much worse than when she had yelled at me. I wanted so badly to pull her into my arms and somehow take her away from everything.

But I knew that that wasn't possible, and that no matter how much it hurt, the best thing for her was to be examined, so I tried to explain it to her as gently as possible. "Bella, love. You could be seriously injured."

She was silent for several seconds, and I waited, praying that I had gotten through to her and she would agree. Finally, she looked up at me with fresh tears gleaming in her eyes, but when she nodded slowly I could also detect her silent strength, fighting its way through. My Bella was still there, hidden behind all the pain and suffering. I just wished she could see it herself.

**A/N: This chapter was getting long and so I decided to split it up into two chapters. So, the next chapter is actually already close to being done. **

**Also, sorry if maybe it seems like things are going a bit slow, but I want to get across Bella's whole healing process. Just to give you a bit of an idea of where things are going: In the next chapter, you will hear more about how the search for Jacob is going and you will find out if Bella decides she wants Edward with her during the exam or not. In the following chapter (ch 13) it will be the exam. You will also see some interaction between Bella and some of the other Cullens. Also, you will find out why Alice has been having problems 'seeing' Bella. I do have most of this story planned out already, so I'm not just randomly writing stuff. Hope you are still enjoying! Please review :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **This is one of my favorite chapters.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books. I also don't own the lyrics that you see in this chapter. They are from the song "Remember When it Rained" by Josh Groban.

**Chapter 12**

**EPOV**

I'd had to call Charlie at work. Although he had been relieved that Bella was now awake from her catatonic state and that she'd agreed to an exam, it had taken much convincing to stop him from coming to see her immediately. I'd told him that we were leaving for the hospital shortly and that Bella didn't want to see him until after the exam, but I'd needed to remind him of the incident when she had been terrified of him before he'd reluctantly agreed. I couldn't read his mind through the phone, but I'd still detected that he was very concerned about her. As well he should be.

Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie arrived shortly after my phone call with Charlie, and I headed downstairs to meet them, while making sure that I could always hear the beat of Bella's heart and knew she was safe. I would never make the mistake of leaving her unprotected again. Until Jacob was no longer a threat, I would always be close enough to hear her heart beating.

Ever since Jacob's escape yesterday, my family had all been occupied with scouring a wide circle around Forks for any sign of him—excluding the Quileute lands, in which the pack was handling.

Emmett and Rosalie were now just stopping by before circling back another route, while Carlisle was expected at the hospital soon.

"Edward." Carlisle nodded to me as I approached. "How's she holding up, son?"

I drew in a breath and my voice sounded weak. "As good as can be expected, I suppose." My tone told them that that was as far from good as one could get, but then, they already knew that. When was someone ever all right after going through something so horrible? To be betrayed in such a way was to break the very soul. Her words still haunted me: _"But I don't feel like __**me**__ anymore."_

"But she's not catatonic anymore," Emmett concluded as he took in the sound of the shower, "so that's good, right?" His voice was uncharacteristically gentle. When I didn't answer he reached out to grip my shoulder reassuringly. "And how are _you_ holding up, bro?"

"How do you think?" My tone came out sharper than I'd intended, and I sighed, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "I…I can't believe she thinks what happened is _her_ fault!" Now that Bella couldn't hear me, all my emotions were surfacing.

"Blame is very common in rape victims," Carlisle offered sympathetically.

I dropped my hand to my side again. "She thinks that everyone will think less of her because of what happened. She thought that I wouldn't want her anymore. That I wouldn't _love_ her anymore," I finished, my voice strained.

"She's been through a terrible ordeal, Edward. This definitely won't be easy," Carlisle admitted.

"Especially since she trusted the attacker," Rosalie added quietly.

I turned to face her, and Emmett slipped his arm around her waist in a gesture of support.

She was trying to hide her thoughts from me, but I knew she was remembering her own experience. I realized that Rosalie and Emmett could understand what Bella and me were going through, but I wasn't sure that Rosalie would be able to help Bella much.

Rosalie wasn't an easy person for anyone to get along with, mostly because she kept all her thoughts and feelings hidden. I could understand her because I could read her mind, but Emmett was the only one she had completely and willingly let behind her defenses. I knew she resented that I could get inside her head, but I was glad of it because it allowed me to see that although she was difficult to get along with, her heart was in the right place. She really did care about all of us, even Bella. She had disliked her at first, but Bella's kind heart had eventually managed to weave its way into Rosalie's heavily guarded one. The problem was she wasn't very good at showing it to Bella. Still, maybe now that they shared similar terrible experiences, it would bring them even closer together. One could only hope.

"She just needs time," Emmett said firmly, breaking me from my thoughts.

"First we need to find and dispose of Jacob," I said, my jaw tightening, the absolute hatred I felt for Jacob Black pulsing through my veins once again. "She won't be able to move on with that _animal_ roaming freely."

"We're still working on it, Edward," Carlisle responded, his tone much too calm for my liking. "But it's going to take some time. Jasper and Alice are—"

"Do you _know_ what he said to her?" I hissed. "He told her that she was _meant_ to be with him and that he would take her somewhere where we wouldn't be able to find them! She's terrified!"

Emmett spoke up. "We wouldn't let that hap—"

"We sure as hell won't!" I snapped, clenching my hands into fists at my side.

Carlisle looked at me with concern. "Edward, maybe you should—"

"No," I ground out, knowing he'd been about to suggest I get out of the house for a bit and cool off. "I'm _not _leaving her."

They didn't bother to argue with me. They knew I wouldn't back down.

I did try to get a better handle on my anger, though. "Did you find out anything new when you went to speak to Sam and the pack?" I asked more calmly.

"Well," Emmett replied, "we've all been searching the areas nearby and haven't found any sign of him. So either he's hiding his trail really well or he's moved out of the area. Most likely he's left the area because he knows we're all out looking for him. But Sam's also sure that he'll be back, because when Jacob transformed and before they broke away from his control, they got inside his head and could see how obsessed he is with Bella. So he's sure that Jacob will try and come back for her. In which case we'll be able to—"

That did it; I couldn't push my anger away this time. "SO THE PLAN IS TO WAIT AROUND WHILE USING BELLA AS _BAIT_?" I roared. Fortunately, Bella was in the shower upstairs and wouldn't be able to hear me.

"Edward…"

But I had reached my limit, and Jasper wasn't around to help calm me down. I had to take out my anger on _something_.

In a split second I was across the room and slamming my fist down on the dining room table. It broke in half instantly, and I stood there for a moment, just staring at it. Then I sank into one of the chairs, dropping my head in my hands. I knew I'd overreacted. They were all doing the best they could to find Jacob.

"You two go on ahead. I'll talk to him," I heard Carlisle say. After they'd left, I felt his hand on my shoulder. "You two _will _get through this, Edward."

I gave a halfhearted sigh, and we shared a few minutes of hefty silence before he spoke again.

"Did you get her to agree to an exam?" he asked.

I straightened in the chair. "Yes, but she wants a female doctor to examine her."

He nodded. "That's perfectly understandable. I'm due at the hospital soon, and I'll talk to Lillian Forrest. She's one of the best, and she has a kind heart. I know she'll do everything in her power to make Bella as comfortable as possible."

"Thanks, Carlisle," I said quietly.

He nodded. "I have to go now, Edward. But I'll tell her to be expecting you and Bella."

**BPOV**

Once again, the loss of Edward's presence caused my fear to surround me.

_Calm down, Bella_. _He hasn't left you. He's still here with you in the house, and he won't leave you_, I tried to assure myself, but another voice from inside me screamed out one word: _Yet_.

I slid to the floor with my back against the bathroom door. I realized that after being reminded of how much Edward's presence diluted my terror, I had been leaning toward wanting him to stay with me during the exam, but now another part of myself was reminding me that he would be able to see how ruined I really was, and then I would lose him.

_Oh, God. The exam_. I had agreed, but how was I ever going to get through it? I was so ashamed. I was also terrified of what they would find when they examined me.

Jacob's words were suddenly echoing in my head.

"_You're mine forever now, Bella."_

His hands…hot, aggressive…all over me. _Filth_. I could feel it in every pore of my skin. I had to get clean.

I pulled myself up off the floor and pulled off all my clothes. Then I climbed into the shower and turned the temperature dial all the way to cold before turning on the water. After shampooing my hair, I grabbed a washcloth and squirted a large amount of liquid body wash onto it. I then proceeded to scrub my body all over, ignoring the pain when I rubbed over my bruises. _Have to get clean. Have to get clean_…I kept repeating it over and over in my head, but it wasn't working. Even though I knew that Jacob wasn't really there, I could still feel him all over me and inside me. I couldn't escape. The washcloth slipped from my fingers, and I clutched my head as his voice grew louder, repeating words that I could vividly remember him uttering.

"_You will be mine, Bella."_

"_You're mine."_

"_Your bloodsucker won't want you anymore now."_

"_You're just used goods." _

"_You belong to me."_

"_Don't forget, you belong to me now."_

"_You belong to me now, Bella. No one else will want you."_

_No, No, NO! Leave me alone! I'll NEVER be yours! _I screamed at his voice. My heart would always be Edward's. But would Edward's heart always be mine? I thought back to the last words he had spoken to me before my world had been turned upside down.

"_I love you. Take care of my heart. I've left it here with you." _

Tears sprang into my eyes. I certainly hadn't done a very good job of that. In a way Jacob was right. It felt like a part of me did belong to him because no matter what I did, he kept coming back to haunt me. I couldn't rid myself of the disgusting feel of…of _him_.

I slid down to the floor of the bathtub and picked up the washcloth again. I wouldn't give up. I _couldn't_ give up. I needed to get it off. I _had_ to get it off. So I continued to scrub my body over and over again, not even noticing that the soap on the washcloth had already washed away. I just let the icy water wash over me, willing it to wash away the filth.

Edward still loved me. But would he still love me even after he knew all the horrible details and could see how I was unable to forget the awful feel of Jacob all around me? How _could_ he continue to love me? I felt like I would never be normal again.

Fresh tears mixed with the icy water, and I scrubbed again…and again. Maybe if I scrubbed harder…faster…longer…

**EPOV**

I paced back and forth and shoved a hand through my hair again. Jesus, I needed to get a hold of myself. I could still hear the steady beating of her heart, but why was she taking so long? She'd been in the shower for almost an hour!

I was probably just overreacting. It made sense that she might take a bit longer, given the circumstances. Still, I couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. I would just go knock on the door and make sure she was all right, I decided. In less than a second I was outside the bathroom door. I knocked hard and spoke loudly so that she could hear me over the shower. "Bella? Is everything alright?"

There was no answer, and my worry escalated. I was sure I had spoken loud enough for her to hear me.

"Bella! Please answer me, I need to know you're alright." I spoke even louder this time.

Still, there was no answer.

"Bella!" I tried again with desperation.

Again there was no answer, and no change in the rhythm of her heartbeat.

_Oh, God._ _Please don't tell me I've lost her again! _I couldn't bear the thought of seeing her lifeless eyes staring back at me once more. There had to be some other explanation as to why she wasn't answering me. Maybe she had fallen asleep?

I had to get to her and make sure she was all right. I reached for the doorknob, but then hesitated. What if I just made things worse? She wouldn't be very comfortable with me seeing her unclothed. She hadn't yet agreed that she wanted me with her during the exam. If I entered the bathroom now, I could cause her to fly into a panic. Still, I wasn't going to stand there and do nothing when she wasn't answering me. My instincts were telling me that she needed me. So I turned the doorknob and stepped inside.

The first thing that I noticed and found strange was the temperature of the room. I would've expected it to be hot and steamy from the shower, but instead there was an icy chill in the air. I looked toward the shower and could see Bella's outline on the shower curtain. It appeared she was seated on the floor of the bathtub. "Bella?" I called to her.

Still, there was no response. Through the edge of the shower curtain, I discovered why the room felt so cold; the temperature dial of the shower was turned all the way to cold.

What had she been _thinking_? She had to be freezing! I quickly reached through the curtain and turned off the water. Then I grabbed a large towel that was hanging on the back of the door and knelt down in front of the bathtub. I drew back the curtain slowly, so not to startle her. "It's just me, Bella, alright?"

She was sitting with her body facing sideways from me and her knees up. When I drew the curtain she quickly hugged her knees up against her chest and shrank away from me, huddling up against the back wall of the tub.

I didn't have time to feel relieved that she evidently had not retreated back into an unresponsive state of mind; the sight before me would not allow the relief to come. I would never get used to seeing the physical proof of how much she had suffered, and continued to suffer, from what that monster had done. Because of the position she was in, I couldn't see anything that I wouldn't have been able to see if she were wearing a bikini, but it was enough for the deep sadness in my heart to amplify its presence. I had a clear view of her entire back and arms, where the massive scene of purple and blue once again dug into my chest in a painful jab. This time I could also see the outside of her thigh, and with my enhanced vision the markings left nothing to the imagination; I could see exactly where he had grabbed her to force her legs apart.

My jaw clenched in outrage, and it was all I could do not to bolt from the room and find something to sink my teeth into…_anything_. Preferably the wolf that was Jacob Black. The only thing that stopped me was Bella. Seeing her there, huddled in a corner, had me reining in my anger.

She was shivering from the cold, and there were goose bumps covering her skin. I wanted to wrap the towel around her, but from her reaction I assumed she was afraid of me, so I didn't want to frighten her further by leaning over her to wrap her in the towel. Instead, I tried to calm her first. "Bella, love. I'm not going to hurt you. You'll always be safe with me." My voice was quiet. Here I was, trying to assure her of the very thing that she herself had tried to convince me of time and time again. The realization stung more than I ever thought possible. The realization that, after all this time, she could fear me, a different kind of fear, this one far worse. Because in all the ways I'd ever been terrified of hurting her, this had never been one of them. Never, ever could I have hurt her this way. Never.

When she looked up at me very briefly before quickly gazing downward again, however, I had to recover from my shock. My initial assumption had been wrong. She wasn't afraid of me at all, at least not in this moment. I hadn't triggered any of her terrifying recollections this time. I had seen complete awareness in her expression, for which I might have been happy about, if not for the magnitude of shame and complete loss of hope I'd seen in her tear-filled eyes instead.

I saw that her trembling had worsened, and it snapped me out of my initial shock. The first thing I needed to do was get her warm. Now that I knew she wasn't afraid of me, I leaned over and wrapped the towel around her. When I leaned in closer, I noticed what I'd missed before; she was clutching a washcloth in her hand as if it were a lifeline. Also, in my quick initial assessment I'd failed to notice the red splotches on some areas of her skin because I'd been more focused on the much more pronounced bruises.

She spoke so quietly that I probably wouldn't have heard without my enhanced hearing, and her voice shook as she trembled from the cold. "I-I'm s-sorry…c-can't m-make it g-go away…n-never be c-clean."

I realized in horror that for almost an hour she'd been scrubbing at her battered body in icy cold water, creating the red splotches, trying to rid herself of something that existed only in her head.

A powerful ache filled me. How could I repair her damaged spirit? How could I convince her that my love was unconditional?

Acting on impulse, I made sure the towel was completely wrapped around her before carefully scooping her up into my arms. Settling on the floor with my back braced against the wall, I pulled her against my chest and whispered, "You'll always be my beautiful Bella."

Our gazes locked, and I knew that she could now see that nothing had changed; that I still loved her more than anything.

The washcloth she had been holding onto like a lifeline only less than a minute before slipped through her fingers and fell to the floor. She wrapped her arm around my neck, gripping my shirt now instead of the washcloth, and sobbed into my chest.

While I rocked her in my arms, and her tears and wet hair soaked through my shirt, I thought of the glimmer of hope I'd just seen in her eyes and realized that she was ready to fight for us. And I would always fight with her.

**BPOV**

I slowly began to lose my focus as complete hopelessness surrounded me. My hand slowed; it was no use. I was forever tarnished.

As that hard reality finally came to me, I became more aware of my surroundings. I realized that I was freezing, and the icy water was still running over me. How long had I been here?

"Bella?"

I froze. _Edward_. He was in the room with me! _No_, _No_. He couldn't see me like this!

Before I could recover from my shock, I felt the icy water disappear, and a second later I heard Edward's voice from right next to me. "It's just me, Bella, alright?" His voice was soothing, but he drew back the curtain at the same time, and I cowered away in shame, quickly hugging my knees to my chest and pushing myself up against the back wall of the tub. This was it. He would finally realize how tainted and pitiful I was. And that's all he would feel for me: pity.

"Bella, love. I'm not going to hurt you. You'll always be safe with me."

His words and the familiar, velvety softness of his voice took me by surprise, almost like a jolt to my aching heart. In my surprise, I glanced up at him very briefly without thinking before coming to my senses and quickly gazing downward again. I was just imagining things. He couldn't possibly still want me now. I was such a mess. Even when Edward's presence managed to force all the vivid memories to the back of my mind, they were forever lurking, waiting for the opportune moment to pull me under once more. No matter what I did, the revolting feel of Jacob all over and inside me always came back again.

He leaned over and wrapped a large towel around me, and I desperately felt the need to apologize to him for pain I'd caused him. I had no doubt that he loved the person that I'd been, but I was sure that that person was lost forever and after seeing me now, he had to know it too. I wished more than anything that I could be that person again for him, but I could no longer see her myself. Even my voice was pitiful as I trembled from the cold, and it came out quiet and weak. "I-I'm s-sorry…c-can't m-make it g-go away…n-never be c-clean."

Edward acted in a way I had not expected. In one swift, yet somehow unbelievably gentle, motion he scooped me up into his arms and settled down on the floor with me in his lap, cradling me against his chest. His words only reinforced what I'd already realized from just that one simple gesture. "You'll always be my beautiful Bella," he whispered.

Our gazes locked, and the proof of his love was everywhere: his touch, his voice, and his gaze. It penetrated deep into my soul and brought back a small glimmer of hope. If he could still manage to find something in me to love, then maybe, just maybe, I could find myself again.

The washcloth that I hadn't even realized I was clutching slipped through my fingers, and I grabbed onto him instead. I willed myself to be strong, but the emotional strain became too much, and I couldn't prevent the sobs from taking over.

I was terrified of going to the hospital, but I was now sure that I wanted Edward to be there with me during the exam. I wasn't sure if I would ever be the same person I had been before that horrible night, but, despite everything, Edward still loved me. And that was something worth fighting for.

**A/N: Would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.**

**As I mentioned before, the next chapter will be the exam. You will also see some interaction between Bella and some of the other Cullens. Plus, you will find out why Alice has been having trouble 'seeing' Bella (It is NOT because she is pregnant. She is NOT pregnant . I am adding this in because I have had several people comment on it already.)**

**The next chapter may take a bit longer than usual to finish due to my workload and it is also a more difficult chapter to write because of the medical details. But please review! Seriously, when I know that you are enjoying, it makes me want to write more :)**

Song inspiration for this chapter is "Remember when it rained" by Josh Groban.

_Wash away the thoughts inside_  
_That keep my mind away from you._  
_No more love and no more pride_  
_And thoughts are all I have to do._

_Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained._  
_Felt the ground and looked up high_  
_And called your name._

_Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained._  
_In the darkness I remain._

_Tears of hope run down my skin._  
_Tears for you that will not dry._  
_They magnify the one within_  
_And let the outside slowly die._

_Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained._  
_I felt the ground and looked up high_  
_And called your name._  
_Ohhhhhh Remember when it rained._  
_In the water I remain_  
_Running down_  
_Running down_  
_Running down_  
_Running down_  
_Running down_  
_Running down_  
_Running down_


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Thank you for all the lovely reviews. It helps me get through my crazy busy times and write more of the story.

Ok. So I hope you're not too mad at me but the stuff that I said was going to happen in this chapter actually won't happen until the next chapter. Everything keeps turning out way longer than I expected and so I had to end the chapter before it got to those parts. Sorry. This chapter is kind of a transition chapter so there will be more going on in the next one. Hope you still enjoy it though :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books.

**Chapter 13**

**BPOV**

I stared out the passenger window of Edward's car watching the scenery fly past, bringing me closer and closer to the hospital. It was cloudy, but there was no sign of rain, and it was clear from the increased number of people out walking that many were taking advantage of the weather. As I glimpsed them going about their day with such a degree of normalcy, I felt as if I were trapped on the outside looking in at the rest of the world, while everything in my world was standing on the very edge of a cliff on the verge of falling apart and into the darkness below. The only thing preventing the looming eternal darkness was Edward. He was my light in the dark. My glimmer of hope. My reason to fight.

I had to keep reminding myself of that reason as we got closer to the hospital and the rock of fear and dread in the pit of my stomach grew, requiring me to focus in order to breathe.

Edward had turned the radio on to a classical music station, probably in the hopes of soothing me. Unfortunately, it hadn't helped. The music finished, and the DJ's voice came on, stating that he hoped we were enjoying our Wednesday morning. _Wednesday_, I repeated in my head. That meant that it had only been just less than five days since I had realized that my best friend was a monster. I now viewed the world in a completely different way, and it felt like a lifetime ago instead of five days.

We pulled into a parking space in front of the hospital, and I froze in place, the rock in the pit of my stomach becoming so enormous that it felt as if it were keeping me rooted to the seat. What was I thinking? I couldn't do this. _You have to. Be strong_, I told myself. But I still couldn't move from my seat. I just stared down at my hands that were folded in my lap. I didn't even notice that Edward had gotten out of the car until he was opening my door and crouching down in front of me. "It'll be over soon, love. Just hang in there."

The tenderness in his voice was my undoing, and the words spilled out without a thought. "I'm scared," I whispered. Then I regretted it. I was so pathetic. I fumbled for the catch of my seatbelt, hoping to disguise the sudden moisture in my eyes, but the shaking of my hand had me struggling with even that simple task.

Edward's more much more capable hand reached over to release the catch before his arm drew me against his chest. "It'll be alright, little one," he murmured.

A strange choking sound came from my throat, and I swallowed hard, clutching him for a moment longer than I should before pulling away and forcing myself to step out of the car.

Edward took my hand in his, and I followed him to the entrance of Forks Community Hospital, gripping his hand tightly. Owing to the town's size, the hospital was not very large, which made it less intimidating.

_On second thought, maybe not_. As we made our way through the front entrance and toward the help desk, I suddenly felt like everyone was staring at me. Did they recognize me? In a town this size it wasn't extremely unlikely that people might recognize me, especially since I was the daughter of the police chief. I knew I looked terrible with the huge bruise across the side of my face. I gazed downward at my feet and unconsciously moved closer to Edward as he guided me to the end of the short line behind the front desk.

Once it was our turn, Edward stepped forward, and I heard a bored voice ask, "How may I help you?"

I looked up to see a middle-aged woman with short curly red hair sitting behind the counter. She was looking at Edward and didn't even appear to have noticed me, but as Edward spoke her gaze shifted toward me. "Dr. Forrest is expecting us for—"

"You must be Isabella Swan," she interrupted, the boredom in her voice now absent as she stared at me with what could only be pity.

I bit back my frustration. I didn't want or need her pity. I just wanted to be treated like everyone else. "Yes," I said, my tone almost sharp as I attempted to plaster on a fearless expression.

She analyzed me with a keen eye before addressing me again. "In cases like this we often call a crisis councilor to stay with you. Would you like me to call one for you?" she asked, her gaze flickering down to my hand that was gripping Edward's, and then upward again as she eyed him suspiciously.

"No, thank you," I answered quickly. The last thing I wanted was someone I didn't know trying to 'help' me.

She nodded before turning to type something into her computer and then said, "Unfortunately it'll be a fairly long wait before Dr. Forrest can see you." She looked over at me again. "But I understand that you're willing to report the assault, so perhaps I can call the police station, and they can come and speak with you while you wait."

The rock in my stomach expanded. I knew that there was no way that I would be able to avoid reporting to the police. Charlie would insist. I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself again, but the hospital smell of disinfectant hit me with potent force, and this time I didn't manage to keep my voice steady. "Y…Yes, okay." I felt Edward gently squeeze my hand and rub his thumb across the back of it in a soothing motion. I tried to focus on the feel of his touch instead of what I would soon have to do.

We were directed to the emergency department waiting area. It wasn't extremely crowded, but it was busy enough; just over half of the seats were filled. Edward and I managed to find two seats in the corner where no one was sitting directly beside us. Again, I could feel everyone's eyes on me, and I sank down into the padded chair with my arms hugging my stomach. After several minutes, I whispered to Edward, knowing that he would be able to hear their thoughts. "Everyone keeps staring at me. Do they recognize me?"

He leaned closer to me so that he could answer without anyone overhearing. "Most people aren't even paying any attention to us. The few that are staring, are staring at _me_." At my questioning look, he sighed. "They're suspicious that I'm abusive toward you."

My eyes widened. That explained the look the receptionist had given Edward. At that moment, I noticed that at the other end of the long hallway, a nurse was pointing two police officers in our direction. My heart rate sped up, and I felt my airways constrict as the panic set in. They were here already? _No, no, no_. I couldn't do this. I wasn't ready.

Edward's arm came around me. "Calm down, love. You don't need to tell them all the details," he whispered.

_Yes. That's right. Calm down, Bella. Calm down_, I chanted to myself. I wasn't reporting to the police hoping that they would be able to have Jacob arrested. I knew that that wouldn't be possible. I was only doing it to make Charlie happy and so that the hospital staff wouldn't have to try and push me into it. I didn't need to tell them all the details. The realization eased my panic, but my fear could not be eliminated, especially as the two officers drew nearer and I saw that one of them was a male. I found myself gripping Edward's shirt tightly. "D-don't leave me," I whispered.

"I'll stay as long as you want me to," he assured me.

"Isabella?"

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. Knowing that wasn't an option, I forced myself to stand.

Edward stood as well. He placed his hand protectively on the small of my back, but then quickly pulled it away, and I thought I heard him whisper an apology. He took my hand instead, and I didn't really have time to think about his actions as we turned toward the officer that had spoken my name.

I didn't recognize her, for which I was grateful, though she would definitely know Charlie and that I was his daughter. She had shoulder length blonde hair and looked to be in her early to mid-thirties. She wore a business-like expression and had a no-nonsense air about her, but when her eyes fell on me, her expression softened.

_Great_, I thought sarcastically. Just what I needed; more pity. "Yes," I answered in what I hoped was a strong voice.

She glanced around, and then gestured for us to follow her. She led us into an unoccupied room, the other male officer trailing behind her. When we entered the room I glanced at him nervously. I didn't recognize him either. He looked young, most likely mid-twenties. He also appeared uninterested as he took a seat in one of the two available chairs and pulled out a notepad and paper. Edward and I sat on the empty bed while the female officer took the last remaining chair. She noticed me glancing over at the younger officer and said, "Don't mind him. You can just pretend he isn't here. He'll just be taking notes. Right, Jeremy?" He nodded, and she turned back to me and held out her hand. "I'm Cheryl," she said in a friendly voice. I could tell she was trying to ease my anxiety by appearing friendly and giving me her first name. It didn't really help, but, still, I couldn't refuse the handshake.

"Bella," I said while shaking her hand very briefly before pulling it away again and clasping my hands together in my lap.

"Okay, Bella. I was informed that you would like to report an act of sexual assault. Is this correct?" I nodded, and she continued. "First I would like to make sure you know that if you have been threatened by someone to keep something important a secret, or to lie, we will offer you protection. So don't be afraid to tell us the truth." Her gaze flickered to Edward. "Or to ask to speak with us alone."

When I saw the look she gave Edward, it hit me that once again he was being treated like the bad guy. I felt awful. I had already caused him enough trouble and now he had to put up with this as well? Not if I had any say in the matter.

I jerked to my feet suddenly, causing my battered body to painfully object, but I ignored it and glared at the offending officer in front of me. "Can't everyone stop thinking that Edward did this to me? ! He would _never_ hurt or threaten me! And I _want_ him to stay!" My hands were balled into fists at my side as I continued to glare, my eyes blazing.

Edward stood up and lightly touched my arm. "Bella, it's okay. You don't need to—"

"NO! It is _not_ okay!" As my anger grew, a part of me knew that there was more fueling it than the initial trigger, but I didn't want to think about it. It was so much easier to hide my fear with rage. "JACOB BLACK did this to me!" I turned my flaming gaze to the officer taking notes. "DID YOU GET THAT?"

He just stared at me, frozen in shock.

"WRITE IT DOWN!" I thundered. Then I realized that I hadn't officially said what it was that Jacob had done. "He…r-raped me." There was a note of incredulity in my voice as I spoke the words for the first time, as if a part of me hadn't realized the truth of those words until voicing them aloud.

I suddenly felt horribly defeated, like I had somehow sealed my fate, and I swayed unsteadily on my feet. Edward's arms came around me, and I collapsed into him. He ended up supporting almost all my weight as he guided me back to sit on the bed. When I was seated again, I pulled away from him, ashamed. I knew I had overreacted with my outburst.

Cheryl…no, I couldn't call her that. It was too friendly. I wished she had told me her last name. _Officer_ Cheryl spoke to me. "It's okay, hun. We believe you. We just needed to be sure." I forced myself to look at her, then I nodded. At my nod, she continued. "When was it that Jacob raped you?" she asked.

My hands were clasped together in my lap so tightly that my knuckles were turning white. _Here come the questions_, I thought with dread. _Stay calm_, I told myself. This wasn't even a difficult question. "Last Friday night," I answered.

"Tell me, Bella. What was your relationship with Jacob? Was he your boyfriend?"

"No, never," I answered quickly. "He…he _was_ my best friend," I finished quietly.

She nodded before moving on. "Now you said the assault occurred on Friday, but where and at what time?"

I squeezed my hands together even more tightly and looked down. "I…um…went to see him at his house at around seven."

"And what happened when you got there?"

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, and my hands became clammy. "I…already t-told you…what h-happened," I choked out. The last thing I wanted to do was think back to that day.

"Yes, but can you tell me a bit more information, hun?"

_No, no_. I didn't need to answer. I didn't have to tell them details. But her questions forced me to remember anyway, and I felt my eyes sting as I tried to hold back my tears. I had to be strong for Edward. I hated being so pathetic, but I realized that I wanted nothing more than to be in the one place that I always felt safe. Edward seemed to read my mind, and his arms came around me.

"For example, what events led to the assault?"

I heard the question, but before it could even register in my mind, Edward's body became rigid and he released his hold on me.

"What the _hell _kind of question is _that_?" he demanded with a hiss, springing to his feet. He towered over her, yet she didn't budge from her seat.

Her tone was calm, but I could detect hostility in her voice. "We need to know h—"

"That's enough! No more questions! Can't you see she can't take anymore?"

For a second she looked like she was going to argue, but then she thought better of it and sighed. "I suppose we have enough information to file a report. But the more information we have, the stronger her case against him. So when she's ready to tell us more, give us a call." She turned to me. "It was nice meeting you, Bella. I'm sorry it wasn't on better terms." She then left the room with the younger officer following behind her.

Edward turned back to face me, and I glimpsed the anger blazing in his eyes before they locked onto me and his expression softened.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He closed the distance between us, dropping down beside me. "You don't need to apologize for anything, Bella."

He sounded so sincere that I could almost believe him. I felt myself gravitate toward him, and my head found his shoulder. He stroked my hair, and I closed my eyes, focusing on his touch.

Unfortunately, it couldn't last. "We need to go back and wait in the waiting room," he reminded me gently.

My stomach clenched again in fear and dread when I remembered that the worst of the trip to the hospital was still yet to come: the examination.

**EPOV**

I was still fuming at the officer's blatant lack of regard for how such a question might be viewed by a victim. What events led to the assault? _Christ!_ A question like that would make Bella feel as if what had happened was _her_ fault. It would make her think that she had done something to cause it. Clearly, they had no idea what they were doing, and I wondered why in hell Charlie hadn't sent someone more capable.

When the two officers finally left the room, my gaze fell to Bella again, my anger slipping away as I took in the paleness of her features.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Once again I was frustrated by her words. "You don't need to apologize for anything, Bella," I said firmly as I settled down beside her. I didn't reach out to comfort her this time, waiting instead to see if she would initiate the contact.

Tentatively, she leaned her head against my shoulder.

Well, it was definitely a start. I ran my fingers over her hair in response, trying to enjoy the moment of calm before the storm.

At the thought of the upcoming examination, I found myself inhaling an unsteady breath, fear crawling up from within me. What would the doctor find? Would it be serious? Would Bella suffer from a PTSD episode? Would she be rendered into a dissociative state again? Would she want me to stay with her? I was extremely worried about how Bella would handle the exam. But I had forgotten another very important question: would _I_ be able to handle it?

**A/N: **Please review and I will be motivated to write more :)


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **Thanks as always to the reviewers!

**IMPORTANT WARNING—PLEASE READ:**

**This chapter contains the exam, and some people may be sensitive to the content. Please be aware that Bella's rape and the aftermath are discussed with a fair amount of detail in this chapter. **

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books. I also don't own the lyrics that you see in this chapter. They are from the song "Always There" by The Canadian Tenors.

**Chapter 14**

**BPOV**

Once again, I waited.

After Edward and I had returned to the emergency department waiting area we'd waited about ten minutes—it had felt like much longer to me—before my name was called. The nurse had then led us into an exam room.

I now sat on top of the examining table with no idea when the doctor would walk through the door. All I could do was wait.

Fear was my constant companion and it grew by the second. I was terrified of what the doctor would find and of what I would be asked to remember. I was also mortified at the thought of them seeing all the physical evidence from that night.

My gaze dropped from the door to my lap as I thought of it. I had one hand curled into a fist in my lap, while the other was securely entwined with Edward's, and I once again found myself battling against whether I wanted him to stay with me. I'd told him that I did, but now I felt doubt creeping up on me. Then again, the thought of him leaving had the echoes of panic rising in my chest.

At that moment, he used his free hand to run his fingers through my hair soothingly, and I once again decided that I wanted him to stay. I could always change my mind later. He'd said so himself while we'd been waiting in the waiting room earlier.

I had no idea how much time had actually passed since we'd entered the exam room, but it seemed like forever. So much so, that when the door opened and the doctor walked in, I actually felt relieved, at least initially.

The doctor was tall and slim with dark hair that was fastened in a bun at the back of her head. She was wearing a typical white doctor's coat. I guessed her to be somewhere in her thirties. She was holding a clipboard, which I assumed contained my medical information.

Although I knew it was probably useless, I attempted to plaster a fearless expression on my face, hoping to avoid her pity. When my eyes met hers, however, I was pleasantly surprised to see that I couldn't detect even a trace of pity. It wasn't that she looked unkind; it was quite the opposite.

"You must be Bella," she said, smiling warmly at me before turning to Edward. "And Edward. It's so nice to meet you both. I've heard many good things about both of you from Carlisle."

Thank goodness she wasn't suspicious of Edward, too, I thought to myself.

"I'm Dr. Lillian Forrest. You can call me Lillian, or Dr. Forrest, whichever you feel more comfortable with."

She had such a refreshingly sincere and down-to-earth friendliness about her that I actually felt my deep unease shrink slightly. But then I remembered that I certainly wasn't one to judge a person.

After her introduction, she grew serious, but once again the way in which she presented herself was different than that of the police officer or the lady at the front desk; there was no awkwardness, no measuring, pity-filled looks. It made me feel like less of a victim somehow.

She took a seat beside the exam table. "I'm so sorry to have to put you through this, Bella. But seeing as you're here, I know you must understand the importance of this, and I promise that I will do my best to make you feel as comfortable as possible."

I just nodded, not wanting to speak unless it was absolutely necessary.

"Now," she continued, her voice kind, "I'm going to need to ask you some questions so that I know what I'm looking for." She paused briefly. "First of all, when did the assault occur?"

I was prepared for that question. "Last Friday night," I answered.

She nodded, and I noticed her taking notes on the clipboard. "Since it's been more than seventy-two hours, we can no longer collect evidence through a rape kit. However, if you consent, I can take pictures of your injuries, which could be used as evidence for—"

"No!" I blurted. "I mean…I…I don't consent." I was absolutely mortified at that idea, and I knew it was completely unnecessary. Jacob couldn't be caught the regular way and evidence wouldn't help in the slightest.

"That's okay, Bella. Nobody's going to force you to do anything you don't agree to. Don't forget that, okay?"

"Okay," I whispered in response.

She moved on to her next question. "Are you aware if you were drugged or not?"

"No…he…I wasn't drugged." He hadn't needed to drug me. He was exceedingly stronger than I was. But I wished he had. Maybe if I'd been drugged, the memories would be less vivid.

"Was it vaginal penetration?"

I swallowed down a wave of nausea, dropping my gaze to my lap. Her questions were forcing the horrors of that night out from where I was frantically trying to keep them locked away. Edward reached out and placed his other hand on top of our already entwined hands, and I managed to nod in reply to the question.

"Had you had any prior sexual intercourse closely preceding the rape?"

The question was like a sharp blow, right where it hurt most. "N-no," I managed to get out, my voice so quiet she had to lean forward in order to hear me.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but it's important for me to know. Were you a virgin?"

Tears filled my eyes so quickly that I couldn't even attempt to blink them away. I felt Edward stroke my hand soothingly, but this time it didn't help, and I pulled my hand from his grasp. I wasn't worthy of his touch. "Y…yes," I whispered, keeping my head down, hoping that my tears would go unnoticed as I felt them fall onto my clasped hands in my lap.

There was a fairly long pause before she asked me the next question, and I managed to regain my composure somewhat in that time. I forced the tears to stop falling and quickly wiped my hand at the ones that had already stained my face. I brought my head up slightly, but I still kept my eyes averted from Dr. Forrest's.

"Do you know if he used a condom or not?" she asked, keeping her voice gentle.

I had no idea. All I could remember was the intense pain, burning inside me, slowly, taking away everything, leaving nothing but the pain and humiliation. I bent forward, not even feeling the pressure against my battered stomach, and pressed my forehead against my hands in my lap, squeezing my eyes shut tightly in an attempt to hide from it all. The hands…

_No_…there was only one hand. In my hair. Cool. And gentle. Nothing like the hot, violent hands of my monster.

_Edward_.

"Bella, look at me, sweetheart." His voice was soft, but desperate. I brought my head up slowly, and he took my face between his hands. "You're safe. I'll never let him hurt you again."

His love and protectiveness rained down on me, extinguishing the burning, but the aftermath of the smoke still surrounded me in its terrible mist, and I buried my face in his strong, muscular chest, knowing that he was the only one who could help make it fade away. He rocked me in his arms and whispered, "It's alright, love. It's alright."

He held me like that for several minutes. Until I suddenly remembered where I was and that we weren't alone in the room. I pulled away from him then, embarrassed by my instability.

"It's okay, sweetie, I understand. You take all the time you need. I'll only continue when you're ready, and we'll just skip that last question," I heard Dr. Forrest say.

I was relieved that she wasn't going to push the last question. I didn't even want to remember what it was. But I did want to get everything over with, so I took a deep breath to compose myself. "You…can continue."

She gave me a reassuring smile. "Before I say this just remember that it's not extremely likely." She paused. "But we have to consider the possibility of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases."

I felt my composure start to crumble.

"When's your next period due?"

I managed to answer the question, but there was a strong waver in my voice. "In a couple days."

She nodded. "We do have high sensitivity urine tests that can detect pregnancy before you miss your period. In your case it _is_ still a bit too early to get very accurate results, even for the high sensitivity test, but a false positive is very rare, so it's worth while to do a urine test now. It's very simple, and I can give you the results in a matter of minutes."

I wasn't sure if I liked that idea or not. I was terrified of the results but in some ways the unknown was worse. "It's…that fast?" I asked. I had no idea how this worked, and I had expected that it would take days to get the results for a pregnancy test done at the hospital.

She nodded. "The blood test takes longer, but the urine test is very similar to a home pregnancy test kit." She stood and turned to face the wall that contained some cabinets with medical supplies. When she turned back to face me, she handed me a small cup, which I knew must be for the urine sample. I took the cup from her slowly, and she pointed me to a small bathroom— it only had a toilet and a sink— that was connected to the exam room.

After I had given her my sample, I sat back on top of the exam table and had to wait once again while she processed my results. She had her back turned, and I couldn't see what she was doing. Edward was standing beside me and holding my hand once more. I couldn't help but worry about what he would think if I turned out to be pregnant. Luckily, this time the wait was short, and I didn't have enough time to build up my terror of the results.

I knew what the result was before Dr. Forrest even turned around because I sensed Edward relax slightly. "Good news. The test was negative," Dr. Forrest said while turning back around to face me. I let out the breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding. "But as I said before, we still can't be sure. I'll also take a blood test before you leave today because it's more accurate in determining pregnancy, and we also need a blood sample to test for STDs. But please be aware that it's even a bit early for the blood test to detect pregnancy. So what I recommend is that if you miss your period, you come back and take another blood test when it will be very accurate. But, Bella, if you do find that you miss your period, don't panic. It won't necessarily mean that you're pregnant. There are lots of other reasons for missing a period, including stress and trauma. You understand?"

I nodded. At least the urine test had been negative.

After washing her hands, she took a seat again. "Now, can you tell me a bit about where you're injured?" she asked.

"I…um…" I scrunched the bottom of my shirt into a fist. "…I'm just bruised in lots of places…I don't think it's anything serious…the bruises, I mean…but I…" I trailed off, gazing downward and tightening my hold around the fabric. I didn't know how to tell them about the pain between my legs, but the terror of not knowing what was wrong with me was slowly eating away at me, and I knew I had to tell the doctor. "...it hurts where…I mean, you know…down _there_," I said quietly, praying that I wouldn't need to elaborate on it any further. I already just wanted to disappear from the humiliation. I noticed Edward shift slightly beside me, but I was too ashamed to look over at him.

Thankfully, it appeared that I didn't need to elaborate. "Yes, okay, sweetie. Now, I know you think they're only bruises, but I'll just need to make sure you don't have any serious injuries or fractures. So first, I'm going to ask you to remove all your clothing, just so I can take a look, okay?"

It wasn't as if I hadn't expected it, but that didn't help in the slightest to ease my terror or mortification now. I pulled my hand from Edward's and shrank away from him. I couldn't stand the idea of him seeing me completely exposed.

Obviously sensing my discomfort, Edward crouched before me, his eyes searching mine. "Would you like me to leave, love?" he asked.

When he made the suggestion, I realized that I didn't want him to leave me alone with the doctor, either. I was completely at a loss of what to do and was starting to panic. "No…I mean, yes…I…"

"How about if I stay in the room but promise not to look in _any_ way?"

I realized that he had emphasized the word 'any' to tell me that he would also block out Dr. Forrest's thoughts so that he wouldn't be able to see me through them either. He was so amazingly wonderful. I nodded gratefully, but I was surprised by his next actions. Despite our audience, he bent to press his lips to my forehead for a moment, then whispered, "You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of, Bella." He then strode over to the unoccupied chair and turned it so that it was facing away from me before he sat down.

I felt myself flush slightly at the unexpected gesture, but it wasn't from the same kind of humiliation that had taken root inside me since entering the hospital. Just the opposite. The lingering feel of his kiss lit some of the dark places inside me, lending me strength to do what I knew was necessary.

Dr. Forrest stood. "Take your time," she told me. "Just let me know when you're ready." At my nod, she turned to face the wall, which had a tabletop jutting out from it, and proceeded to write something down. She was obviously trying to give me some privacy to undress. I realized that I should be grateful because the situation could've been worse. It could've been a male doctor. Not to mention that although I couldn't allow myself to trust Dr. Forrest completely, I couldn't deny that she appeared to be trying to make me feel more at ease. In fact, if I'd met her before I'd realized that my best friend was a monster, I probably would have really liked her. But I could no longer trust myself to make that judgment.

As I slowly removed my clothes I noticed that I was shaking slightly, and I knew it wasn't from the cold. _Get a grip, Bella, and stop being so pathetic!_ I scolded myself, but it didn't really help. The huge lump of dread in my stomach continued to swell in size. Frustrated, I began yanking off my clothes more quickly, which only caused me to clench my teeth together tightly as my sore body painfully reminded me of its condition.

When I had finally removed all my clothes, it felt like the lump of dread in my stomach had spread to my throat, and it took me a few seconds before any sound came out of my mouth. "I…I'm ready," I finally managed to say to Dr. Forrest's back.

When she turned around I could tell that she hadn't expected my injuries to be as bad as they were. She looked at me in shock for a few seconds before quickly covering it up. I looked down at my feet and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling completely humiliated. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, and I jumped. Edward's words echoed in my head: _You're safe_. I glanced over at him and knew that if I called out to him, he would be by my side immediately. The knowledge kept me from panicking at the warm touch.

Dr. Forrest quickly removed her hand. "I'm sorry, sweetie. Can you turn around so I can see your back?"

I complied and then heard her intake of breath. "Bella, you have some very nasty looking bruises here. I'm just going to feel to see if I think you have any kind of fracture and need to have an x-ray. Can you sit up here?" She patted the exam table, and I pulled myself up. "This will probably hurt, but I'll try and be as carefully as possible."

I just nodded, and then I felt her hands roam my back. I managed to keep from crying out until she pressed down on an area of my lower back. The pain was so intense that I couldn't prevent myself from letting out a gasp.

"Sorry," she said softly. Her hands disappeared and then she was standing in front of me again. "But the good news is it's only badly bruised. There's no sign of any fracture. Can you lie down so that I can check your ribs?"

After she had checked my ribs, she declared that nothing was fractured and that I didn't need to have any x-rays done. She then handed me a hospital gown and sat down to make some notes on her clipboard. After I had pulled on the gown, I glanced over at Edward.

"Edward?" I said quietly.

In two long strides he was standing beside me. "Are you alright?"

He looked extremely anxious, and it hit me then that it must have been exceedingly difficult for him to turn his back on everything and block out the thoughts of Dr. Forrest. It went against all his instincts. But of course, selfless as he was, he had done it just to make me feel more comfortable.

I reached up to trace the tautness of his jaw. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

His brows pulled together in a frown, and he grabbed my hand. "Bella…" he started, but trailed off and turned his attention to Dr. Forrest, who was on her feet again. I followed his lead and focused on her as well.

She turned to me. "I'm going to need to examine you for internal injuries now. I will use a procedure known as colposcopy." She noticed my terrified expression. "It's not as bad as it sounds, sweetie. It's quite simple actually. It will only take about fifteen minutes. It's just a way for me to examine the vaginal area." She stepped over to the farthest corner of the room and wheeled over a complicated looking piece of equipment. She pointed to the part of the equipment that looked like the top of a pair of binoculars and said, "I look through here, and I can check for injuries. I will need to insert something called a speculum inside you, but don't worry there is usually only minimal discomfort during the procedure. However, since you mentioned that you are already feeling some pain in that area, I will apply a topical anesthesia, and you shouldn't feel anything more than some very minor pain, at worst. Is everything clear? Do you have any questions?"

I just stared at her.

Edward squeezed my hand. "Bella?" he questioned gently.

"Edward can stay with you if you'd like," Dr Forrest added. "He won't be able to see anything."

I finally managed to pull myself together. I couldn't stand having them both stare at me. "I…I…don't have any questions…" I couldn't move my gaze to meet Edward's, but when my hand tightened around his he took it to mean I wanted him to stay, as I knew he would.

Dr. Forrest helped me into the correct position: lying down on my back with my legs in stirrups. She draped a sheet over my legs so that nothing was visible to Edward or me. After I was in position and she began to set up the equipment, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, wanting to disappear.

"Bella, look at me," Edward demanded from directly beside me. Reluctantly, I turned to look at him. His eyes were fierce. "Repeat after me: I have _nothing_ to be ashamed of," he enunciated.

I stared at him for a few seconds, then realized that he wasn't going to take no for an answer, so, feeling silly, I softly repeated the words. I actually did feel better, but it was more because I couldn't see even a trace of disgust on Edward's face than the words I had spoken.

"Damn right you don't," he growled.

Dr. Forrest began the exam soon after, and I stiffened. Edward grabbed my hand and spoke softly. "Don't think about it, love." I nodded slightly and tried to ignore what the doctor was doing.

Edward was immensely helpful. He spoke to me throughout the entire exam about nothing of importance, but it helped me to at least partially ignore the discomfort. The procedure felt worse than she had described. I was very uncomfortable throughout the entire thing and every now and then I would feel a sharp pang of pain. I tried my best to hide it from Edward, and he always just kept on talking, so I thought maybe I had succeeded. Toward the end, however, I realized that I was squeezing his hand so tightly that if he had been human, it probably would've been painful, and I knew that he must have noticed.

Finally, it was over. "We're all done, sweetie. You can sit up now." She wheeled the equipment away as she spoke, then proceeded to take more notes. I felt so relieved that I almost forgot to be worried about the results, but after I sat up and the doctor stopped writing and looked over at me, I noticed Edward stiffen beside me. The fear came back in full force. What had she found?

"Don't worry, Bella. The damage is quite extensive, but luckily, everything will heal, and the injuries are such that you won't need any surgery. But it will continue to be a bit painful for you for a month or so, until everything heals. You have some fairly severe lacerations to the vulva, vagina and cervix."

My stomach lurched. Without a word, I jumped down from the exam table and raced to the small bathroom that I had used earlier for the urine test. I just made it to the toilet, collapsing down in front of it, while I emptied the contents of my stomach. Too bad I couldn't rid myself of the memories as easily as I emptied my stomach. Edward was kneeling down beside me a few seconds later, holding my hair away from my face. I tried to wave him away, not wanting him to see the disgusting scene, but he wouldn't budge.

After there was nothing left in my stomach, I still didn't feel any better. The vile feelings were still ever-present, and I was utterly disgusted with myself. I was such a disgrace to everyone. Edward definitely did not belong in this picture. And yet, he carefully wrapped his arms around me from behind, placing his chin atop my head. I couldn't detect even a trace of disgust from him. He didn't say anything, but words were not necessary; his love and understanding washed over me in thick waves. I couldn't reject his comfort, and I leaned backward into his embrace, where the vile feelings slowly faded.

**xxxxx**

At the start of the short drive home, Edward and I sat in silence. I was going back to his house, for now, because I didn't have my house key, and Charlie was still at work.

I'd thought I would feel relieved that the exam was over. I had been, I supposed, but then we'd run into Carlisle just as we were leaving the hospital and I'd been reminded of all the reasons why nothing could ever be the same. He'd greeted me the same as always, of course, with a warm smile and kind eyes, but I'd known his thoughts couldn't have matched his outward expression. I was so unworthy of someone like Edward, and I was burdening him with so much. Carlisle would be able to see that. Edward's whole family would be able to see that. They would want him to have better. He deserved better. I was a mess. My mind was constantly playing tricks on me. Would I ever be normal again? What could I possibly have to offer someone like Edward? Yes, he loved me now, but wouldn't he just be better off without me in the end? I was only causing him so much pain. I could see it in his eyes whenever he looked at me. I couldn't bear it.

He glanced over at me again, finally breaking the silence. "Bella, Carlisle doesn't—"

"Please don't say it, Edward," I broke in, my voice soft but unyielding. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

He sighed, but didn't say anything further for the rest of the short drive.

Entering the big, empty, Cullen house, I felt more out of place than ever.

Edward followed behind me and his hand caught my arm but then dropped it quickly, choosing instead to gently grasp my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Please don't shut me out, Bella," he begged softly.

I felt my eyes sting with the threat of tears. "I…I just need to be alone for a while…please."

He gazed at me for a few seconds before nodding once and releasing his hold. "I'll be down here. Call me if you need me."

As I made my way upstairs to Edward's bedroom, the pain I'd just seen in his eyes was etched into my mind, and my heart squeezed painfully in response.

**EPOV**

I stared after Bella's retreating form as she made her way up the stairs. Why did it seem that for every step forward we were taking two steps back?

She'd made it through the exam. _I_ had made it through the exam—just barely, but I'd gotten through it nonetheless. And now, just when it seemed we had made it through the worst and she was starting to let me in, she was holding me at arms length again.

"Let me talk to her."

I'd heard Esme arrive, but I'd been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to pay much attention. I turned to her now. Her eyes held a silent understanding.

"Alice saw Bella here," she explained, though I already knew from her thoughts. "I want to help. She's like a daughter to me."

I nodded. Maybe Bella did need a mother figure right now more than she needed me. Esme started up the stairs, but something she'd said clicked inside my head. "Wait a minute. Alice can see Bella again?"

Halting in her tracks, Esme hesitated before turning to face me again. "Yes," she said carefully, "her visions of Bella started to become clearer again today."

I frowned. "You know why she couldn't see her clearly before, don't you?" I surmised, annoyance seeping into my voice. "Why are you blocking me?"

She sighed. "It's not important now, Edward. Alice can see her again, and that's all that matters."

"Tell me," I demanded.

She sighed again, but she knew when she'd lost the battle. "Carlisle says that even though she can't be pregnant, since Alice can see her now…" She hesitated, then spoke to me through her thoughts, not wanting to say it allowed. _Sperm can survive in the body for up to five days, and so his DNA…it didn't block Alice's visions completely but…_

An awful, iciness settled over me as the realization sank in. Although I had not connected it to Alice's blurry visions, it wasn't as if I hadn't known. But it still hurt to think of it. To think of that…_monster_…inside her…

"Please try to control yourself, Edward, or you're going to do something you'll regret," Esme cautioned, eyeing me with concern.

"I'll be fine," I said stiffly. "Go to Bella."

**BPOV**

The light rapping of knuckles on the bedroom door was followed by Esme's soft voice. "Bella? It's Esme. Can I come in?"

My head came up. "Esme! Of course," I said quickly, attempting to pull myself together.

The door opened.

There were many things I expected to see when Esme's gaze met mine. Mainly disappointment. For causing her son pain. And pity. For the girl who had trusted the wrong person. But I saw neither of these. Only understanding. And the same genuine kindness that always made Esme…_Esme_. She was the kind of person you couldn't help but relax your defenses around. The kind of person you could easily pour your heart and soul out to.

I found myself on the verge of doing just that.

Wordlessly, she crossed the room to take a seat on the bed beside me, her eyes offering only comfort and the kind of understanding born only of someone who had been through similar horrors.

Neither of us spoke for a long moment, but it was as if we were having a silent conversation, her presence soothing me in a way I couldn't explain. My gaze shifted to the wall-sized window to follow the river that ran behind the house, and I finally found my voice. "Do you think it's possible," I began, my voice reflecting the ache inside me, "when you've lost a part of yourself, to ever find it again?"

Her gaze followed mine. "I believe that no matter how lost we are, there's always a way back." Her hand closed over mine and gave it a comforting squeeze. "Sometimes we just need someone to help light the way."

I nodded, tears gathering in my eyes.

Her arms came around me then, and the next thing I knew, she was holding me while I cried a river of tears onto her shoulder. I was suddenly a little girl again who needed her mother. I felt so completely at easy with Esme—not that I didn't feel comfortable with Edward, but there were some things I just didn't feel comfortable talking to him about. "I…wanted my first time to be…special," I whispered after my tears had finally stopped flowing. I knew she would understand what I was referring to.

She pulled away to look at me. "Oh, honey. It _will_ be special. No one can take that away from you unless you let them."

I felt a few more tears squeeze out of my eyes. How could I even have anymore tears left to shed? "But…what about traditions? Edward…" I knew Edward was very old fashioned. He had insisted he marry me first.

Esme was already shaking her head before I could finish. "Edward loves you, Bella. It doesn't matter to him."

"I…I don't know if I can…have a wedding night with him." I rushed on to explain, not liking how that sounded. "I mean…I want to, and I trust him, but…I can't forget…I keep remembering…" I broke off, but Esme understood.

"You just need to give it time, honey. Edward understands. But don't push him away. You'll get through this together." She patted my hand. "Go talk to him." She gave me one last understanding smile before leaving me to my thoughts.

I wiped at my face and took a deep breath. Esme was right. Sometimes we needed someone to light the way. Or, in this case, to remove the cobwebs so that one might see what has been right in front of them all along. I could see it clearly now.

Edward pulling me back to reality when I had been so lost…

Edward comforting me after I had awakened from horrible nightmares…

Edward preventing the police from asking me too many painful questions…

Edward staying with me throughout the entire exam…

Edward never leaving me alone, in an unquestionable attempt to keep me safe from Jacob…

Edward holding my hand and keeping me distracted so that I could get through the discomfort of the exam…

Edward holding my hair back when I was sick…

He loved me unconditionally.

Today stood out above the rest. It had to have been extremely difficult for him, but he had stayed with me through everything. I never would have made it through today without him. Even now, I wasn't terrified of being alone in the room because I knew that he was downstairs and that he would keep me safe. I'd known he loved me, but I realized that there had still been a part of me that was terrified that I would eventually lose him because I wasn't sure if I could ever be the same as I'd been before that horrible night. But now I realized that it didn't matter. In that moment, I knew just how much he loved me. He loved me as much as I loved him, and he would stay with me through everything, no matter how damaged I was. He never could have put himself through what he had today unless it was true.

I'd thought that I was causing him too much pain, and that he would be better off without me. He was in pain. But it was because _I_ was in pain. I wasn't sparing him more pain by pushing him away. I was making it worse. He had done so much for me, and this was how I repaid him? I hadn't even thanked him once. I'd been unconsciously distancing myself from him. Suddenly, a horrible realization struck me.

Ever since he had discovered what had happened to me, I hadn't even told him once that I loved him. He had told me many times, but I had never said the words once. In my head I knew that it was silly, but I was thinking with my heart, and I felt as if the world would come crashing down around me if I didn't tell him immediately.

"Edward!" I called frantically, jumping to my feet and turning toward the door.

Less than a second later, he came bursting into the room, glancing around as if looking for someone to attack. When he didn't seem to find what he was looking for, his worried gaze settled on me. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you alright?" he shot out at top speed.

I stepped toward him, gazing up at him with my heart in my eyes. "Edward, I love you," I said. I caught a glimpse of his expression softening before I threw my arms around him and held him tightly. I felt the tension leave his body as he realized that nothing bad had happened, and he wrapped me in his loving embrace.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered into my hair. "You know I love you so much."

"I know."

His hold on me tightened.

"Thank you for always being there for me," I said softly.

"You don't need to thank me, love. It's a given."

"I know," I said again. "But I want to."

He carefully scooped me up into his arms then, and I offered no resistance, wrapping my arms around his neck and nestling my head on his shoulder.

He carried me to the bed and settled down with me in his lap.

I snuggled into him. "I love you," I said again, gazing up at him. I hadn't said it anywhere near enough before; I was going to make up for it now.

"You just said that," he said, but he smiled down at me, and my heart swelled.

"I miss seeing you smile," I realized.

His smile disappeared. "I miss seeing _you_ smile."

I looked down. "The memories just keep coming back. I can't forget." My voice shook slightly as I spoke.

He reached out to touch my cheek. "You just have to give it time, love."

I looked up at him again. "That's what Esme said."

"Ah, you see? It must be true then. She knows everything," he said with a smile.

I gave him a small smile in return, but as we sat there in silence, wrapped in each others arms, I couldn't forget that Jacob was still out there. I knew Edward was thinking the same thing as he pulled me closer.

**A/N: Please, please review. Compared to the number of favorites and alerts, only a small portion of people leave a review. So I just wanted to say that reviews really do make all the difference to me. Even if it is just one or two words long. Because it's nice to know if you still want to read more of the story. It really works magic in motivating me to write when I know that a lot of people want to read more. Especially now because I am coming up to the end of this term at school and it is pretty busy right now. So if I don't have enough motivation, I probably won't post again for a while. You want to see Jacob pay don't you? Lol. **

Song inspiration (1): 'Always There' - The Canadian Tenors (2): 'Sound the Bugle' - Bryan Adams


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for a while. Things are just really crazy busy right now for me. And this chapter would most certainly still not even be ready if it hadn't been for all your wonderful reviews on the last chapter! Thank you sooo much! I'm serious, they really do work wonders in motivating me to feel like writing.

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 15**

**BPOV**

The following morning I found myself still at Edward's house. I'd unintentionally managed to escape seeing Charlie again because I'd been so exhausted yesterday that I'd fallen asleep early in the evening after Edward had tried to get me to eat something. I hadn't even remembered falling asleep, but when I had once again awakened in the night from one of my nightmares, Edward had told me that he'd called Charlie to let him know what had happened. Of course, Charlie hadn't had much of a choice but to let me sleep. According to Edward, though, he was becoming extremely anxious and had taken today off from work so that he could see me.

Although I wasn't looking forward to facing Charlie, I knew I had to go home today. If I didn't go home to him very soon, he would, without a doubt, come to me. We had managed to get him to stay away yesterday because Edward had told him that I didn't want him around for the exam, but even then I knew it must have taken a lot of convincing from Edward. Not to mention, I didn't even have any of my clothes and was still wearing the same ones that I'd worn yesterday. Of course, Edward would be going with me. He wouldn't ever leave me unprotected.

I'd been awake for a while now, lying in the security of Edward's arms. Neither one of us wanted to move, so we stayed there, enjoying each other's company.

Since yesterday, when everything had become so much clearer to me, we were completely in sync with each other. It made me feel so much stronger. No matter what happened, we would always have our love for each other. Nothing could ever take that away; and yet, as we lay there, I knew we could both sense the dark cloud looming overhead. As if to reinforce that fact, my nightmares had been as terrible as ever last night. I had awakened many times with the memories vividly clear. With Edward there for me each time I woke, they had eventually faded into the background once more. But they'd only faded as if to darken the threatening cloud above.

I was lying on my side with my head resting on Edward's chest and my arm draped across his middle. His arm was encircled around me, and every now and then he would run his fingers through my sleep tangled hair or gently rub my arm in comfort. I didn't want to move. I loved his touch; it made me feel…cherished, and loved. Unfortunately, however, I was starting to feel very stiff from remaining in the same position. My body still felt very sore, and it was always particularly painful after I'd just awakened and hadn't been moving around much. In certain areas the soreness was a bit better than it had been before, but not much. I knew that severe bruises took a long time to heal. The bruising on my stomach was particularly bothersome because of its severity as well as its location. Every time I sat up or lay down, I would feel a powerful pang of pain from the deep bruising.

It wasn't any different this time. As I sat up, Edward slid his arm from around me, pulling himself up as well, and I tried not to let the pain show on my face. There was no point in upsetting him further with something that couldn't be helped. But I guess I should've known hiding it from him would be impossible.

"That's really painful, isn't it?" he asked quietly.

I looked up at him and his gaze shifted from my stomach to my face. I suddenly realized something that I hadn't thought of before. I could remember Jacob ripping off my shirt and bra, and although I couldn't remember the events directly following that, I knew Edward had come to rescue me soon after. I felt a surge of embarrassment and humiliation flow through me, and I averted my gaze from his. "I…you…saw…" I stumbled over my words.

Edward seemed to know what I was referring to. "Come here," he demanded, his arms coming around me from behind. "Don't be embarrassed," he whispered in my ear.

Biting my lip, I sagged back into his embrace.

"Is it any less painful than before?" he asked bleakly. "Let me see." He reached for the bottom of my shirt, and I felt myself automatically stiffen. His hand froze, his eyes searching mine.

I looked away, hating myself for reacting this way. Hating that I couldn't forget when violent hands had grabbed at my shirt.

"Bella," he whispered, the softness of his voice leaving an ache in my throat, "I'm not going to hurt you."

My gaze met the gentleness of his for a moment before dropping downward again. "I know," I said hoarsely, my throat still tight. I could feel his eyes still watching me, as if trying to assess whether or not to proceed, his hand still hovering. Finally, he slowly, gently, eased the bottom of my shirt up to expose my stomach.

All the while I had my eyes squeezed shut, reminding myself over and over, _It's just Edward, it's just Edward_, _it's just Edward…_

Eventually, the stiffness in my body fell away, and I turned my head to look up at him again and further reassure myself. Any lingering fear I'd felt vanished when I took in the sadness in his eyes as he gazed down at the bruises covering my stomach. I knew it didn't look much better than it had before. "It's not as bad as it looks," I said quickly.

"Yes it is," he whispered.

He began to very lightly trace the bruises on my stomach. His cool touch was so soothing that it seemed to ease the aches in my body, and I found myself relaxing into him further, my head falling back to rest on his shoulder. I could remember Jacob's violent hand stroking my stomach, which had already been on the receiving end of his powerful blows, but as I felt Edward's touch, so completely different from Jacob's, I realized it was the first time that a memory from that day affected me only in my head. It was impossible for me to actually _feel_ the violent memory when Edward's gentle, soothing, and loving touch was so real. I was sure that he was much stronger than Jacob; and yet, considering the tremendous strength I knew he possessed, he was always so unbelievably gentle with me.

"Bella," he said quietly, breaking the silence. After carefully pulling my shirt back down, he shifted me in his arms so that he could see my face. "I don't want to push you but…when you're ready, you should try and talk to me more about what happened…that night."

I felt a huge lump appear in the pit of my stomach. All I wanted to do was forget that terrible night. The last thing I wanted to do was pull all the details to the foremost of my mind and talk about them.

Edward reached out to brush a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "I know it won't be easy, love. But I really think it will help in the end. It's not good to keep it inside. And if I know more…it'll help prevent me from doing something that might trigger…" He trailed off, obviously unsure of a nice way to put it.

"One of my crazy mental breakdowns," I finished for him.

He cupped my face in his hands. "You're _not_ crazy, Bella. What you're going through is very normal, considering what you've been through. And it will get better. It _will_," he said firmly. Then he paused. "Please just keep it in mind…that I'm here to listen when you're ready. How does that sound?"

"Okay," was my quiet response.

He kissed the top of my head before releasing me. "Now, I think you must be hungry, considering you ate hardly anything yesterday. How about I go whip something up for you for breakfast?"

"No, you don't need to. I can just—"

"I _want_ to do it. And you need to have something more than just a small bowl of cereal." He knew me too well; that was what I'd been planning on having. "I'm worried that you haven't been eating enough."

I hadn't been paying any attention to how much I'd been eating lately. It had certainly been one of the last things on my mind. I just hadn't felt very hungry, especially yesterday. After the trip to the hospital I'd still felt slightly nauseated. "I…just haven't felt that hungry," I admitted.

"I know," he said, his eyes soft. "But you still need to make sure you eat. I'm sure you want to wash up a bit before we go over to your house anyway. I'll just be downstairs."

With that, he left to make me some breakfast.

**xxxxx**

Turning off the tap in the washroom, something caught my eye. I pushed up the sleeve of my shirt and stared down in horror at my charm bracelet. I hadn't even noticed before that I was still wearing it. Just after the rape I had desperately wanted to tear it off, keeping only the heart charm Edward had given me, but I hadn't because I hadn't wanted Edward to get suspicious when I'd been trying to hide everything from him. But he had now known everything since Tuesday night, and it was now Thursday morning. I didn't know why, but for some reason I'd completely forgotten I was wearing it.

Until now.

As I stared down at the tiny wolf charm in disgust, I was suddenly hit with a different emotion that became so powerful it was almost suffocating. It had arrived that terrible night, but it had been locked away, hidden behind all the fear. Now it was pushed out, and the hurt ran so deep that it felt like a chunk had been carved out of my heart.

My best friend. Whom I'd loved like a brother.

The loss was much worse than if we'd just agreed to not see each other anymore, which had been my plan before everything had been turned upside down. It was even much worse than if he had died. Because all the times we'd shared no longer meant anything. Because Jacob wasn't who I'd thought he was.

The deep hurt suddenly changed to burning rage. He had violently taken what hadn't been his, he continued to haunt me while I was awake and asleep, he caused the people I cared about to suffer, and he'd taken my best friend.

I fumbled frantically to unclasp the bracelet, wanting to smash the tiny wolf charm to pieces. As I grabbed at the chain, however, a piece detached from it. I reached for it hysterically, but it slipped through my fingers, and I watched in horror as the heart charm disappeared down the drain hole in the sink, pulling my anger with it.

_No!_ I was such a clumsy idiot! The charm was so special to me. Edward had given it to me. I choked on a wave of despair.

I had managed to unclasp the bracelet, and I threw it against the wall. It hit with a loud clang before falling to the floor, but it remained completely intact, the wolf charm still attached, looking like new.

It was a sign! Jacob was going to come back for me, and something terrible would happen.

I slid to the floor, my back pressed against the cupboard under the sink as deep sobs took hold of me.

"Bella?" Edward's concerned voice drifted through the door. A second later he was kneeling down beside me. "What is it, love?"

"It's…gone…the charm…you gave…me…I dropped it…down the sink," I choked out.

"Oh, Bella. Please don't be upset. I can—"

I grabbed his hand and looked up at him through my haze of tears. "No…it's a sign!" My voice faded into a whisper. "He's coming for me, and something bad will happen."

His arms came around me then, and I pressed myself into him, my body shaking with sobs. "Shhh. Everything's going to be alright. I won't let anything bad happen," he whispered.

**EPOV**

I continued to hold her as she sobbed, whispering words of comfort and reassurance. And my words would be true. They had to be. Because until we found and dealt with the monster that was Jacob Black, I would always remain close enough that I could be by her side in a heartbeat.

There was no question that I could easily win a fight against him without help. I was stronger, faster, and I had the huge advantage that I could read all his moves before he made them. Jacob wouldn't stand a chance against me, and he knew it. That's why he'd run off like the coward he was when I'd rescued Bella from him. Not to mention that he had no one on his side, and my family as well as the pack were all against him. Alice was constantly examining Bella's future, making sure it didn't suddenly disappear, the pack knew to stay away from Bella so that we wouldn't get a false alarm, and Alice was also staying away from the pack. We had everything covered. Nothing bad could possibly happen.

But the question was: how long would it take? We had come no closer to finding the beast.

I couldn't stand it—waiting around for him to show up. I knew he wouldn't give up. I'd had a glimpse into his sick head, and he was much too obsessed with Bella for that to happen.

I knew what he was trying to do. He knew that we would keep Bella heavily protected and that if he came anywhere near Forks, we would find him because the pack and my family were all searching for him. So he was biding his time. I was fairly certain that that was what he was doing. He was thinking that if he waited long enough, we would eventually let our guard down. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew it was true to a certain extent. After a while the pack would give up and stop looking for him, and even my family couldn't keep on like this forever. That's what he was waiting for.

_Well, he can go straight to hell_, I thought. I would _never_ let my guard down and leave her. I would protect her for as long as it took.

The slight burn of thirst in the back of my throat reminded me of the problem with that idea, but I pushed the thought aside. I would be fine for a while longer, and when it became more of a concern I would find some way around it. I couldn't leave her, not only to protect her, but also because she needed me to help her through everything. I could feel her warm tears staining my shirt as I held her, adamantly reinforcing that fact.

I pulled her a little closer, my thoughts going back to Emmett's words from last night. He'd suggested changing her now as a means to keep her safe from Jacob.

But that was completely out of the question.

Just thinking about it had the anger simmering within me once again. I would not let that animal rob her of that choice. He had taken way too much from her already. I would not let him take this too. I wouldn't.

Grinding my teeth together, I forced myself to take a breath, reminding myself that I still held her fragile form in my arms. I released the breath slowly.

There were so many reasons why it was a terrible idea. Changing Bella was a _huge_ ordeal and shouldn't be taken lightly. The change was very traumatic and required lots of time to adjust. The last thing Bella needed was something else traumatic to deal with. It was completely ridiculous to even consider it. I knew that even Bella would agree with me because it would be a horrible thing to do to Charlie. Even before all of this, she'd wanted to wait until after graduation so that it would be easier on Charlie. One could only imagine the damage it would do to him now that he was already hurting so much for Bella. Changing her right now wasn't even an option. And so I would do whatever it took to keep her safe.

Thankfully, her sobs subsided, and I felt her grip on me loosen. Following her gaze, my eyes fell to the bracelet that lay on the floor next to the wall where she had evidently thrown it. I reached out to pick up the offending piece of jewelry. "Want me to do the honors?" I asked her, intending to crush it in my hand. When I turned back to look at her, however, something in her expression stopped me. "What is it, love? I thought you wanted to destroy it."

"I…I do! I just…" She trailed off, looking down at her lap. "I…you'll think I'm stupid," she whispered.

"Bella," I said firmly. "You can tell me anything, remember? What's got you so upset? Talk to me."

She looked up at me, and I could read the depth of the hurt in her eyes. "I just…I don't understand it. He…he was my best friend." She attempted to blink back the fresh tears that gathered in her eyes. "What happened? He seemed…fine...good…before. Did any of it mean anything? Was he ever good before? Did…did I…make him like this?"

I found myself taken aback and almost confused as she forced me to look at everything from a completely different angle. Even now that I knew Bella so well, she still surprised me. I realized that the reason she'd suddenly looked upset with the idea of destroying the bracelet and wolf charm was because she was remembering the times she'd had with Jacob before he'd betrayed her.

She was unbelievable. After everything he'd done to her she could still think of him and remember the good times she'd had with him? I suddenly came to see something that my extreme hatred of Jacob had blinded me from seeing. Bella had been hurt so much deeper than just the horrors she'd went through that night. She'd also lost her best friend, someone she'd loved, in the worst possible way.

As much as I loathed Jacob and didn't want to think about him in any other way, I realized that I needed to so that I could help Bella deal with the painful loss she was feeling. And as much as it pained me to think of it, the truth was that he _had_ been there for her when I hadn't been. He'd even saved her life twice. In his own sick and twisted way he did care for her, but he wasn't mentally right in the head, and his obsession for Bella had grown, pushing him over the top where he became a monster.

I had to help Bella understand and to ease the deep hurt she felt from his betrayal. I took her hand in mine. "No, baby. You didn't make him like this. You must never think that."

She suddenly pulled her hand out of mine, grabbed the bracelet out of my other hand, and jerked to her feet. "I HATE HIM!" she screamed, throwing the bracelet against the wall once again. "I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!"

As quickly as her anger had come, it was gone. She sank to her knees as her tears began to flow once more.

I didn't say anything. I just pulled her into my arms again. Although I hated to see her hurting so deeply, I realized that it was a very good thing that she was letting all of her feelings out.

She pulled away and wiped at her eyes in frustration. "I'm sorry, Edward. I'm such a wreck. I don't know how I can keep crying so much."

I reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "It's good that you're letting it out, love. I don't want you to try and keep things inside." I flashed her a smile. "You can even yell and scream at me and throw anything you'd like. Just don't start using your fists on one of us vampires because I think it would injure you more than us," I said jokingly. I got the response I'd been hoping for when she gave me a small smile in return.

Her gaze shifted back to the bracelet, and I saw determination shine in her eyes. She got to her feet and went to retrieve it. When she turned back and held it out to me, I took in her expression and knew what she wanted me to do. I was only too happy to oblige. I crushed it easily in my hand so that it was completely unrecognizable and then discarded the remaining pieces.

Now standing up as well, I gazed down at Bella's tear-stained face. "Nothing bad is going to happen, alright, love? Alice can see your future again and she's looking out for any sign of it disappearing. And—"

"What do you mean she can see me _again_?" she asked with a frown.

I froze, realizing what I'd done. Why in God's name didn't I pay more attention to what I was saying? She didn't need to hear about that! Not that. Anything but that. I tried to rearrange my expression, but I was too late. Bella was now watching me with that determined look on her face; the look that told me she wasn't going to drop it. "No need to concern yourself. All's well that ends well," I attempted.

She continued to glare at me.

"Please, Bella," I said, my voice coming out low and imploring. I closed my eyes briefly.

"There's not something wrong with Alice is there?"

I opened my eyes to look at her. "No, not Alice," I said softy.

"Then why…?" She trailed off, and, slowly, I saw the understanding dawn on her face. She didn't speak, but her face became very pale very fast.

"Bella…" I started gently.

"I'm okay. I just need a minute," she said, lowering herself to sit on the edge of the bathtub.

I sat down beside her without another word, realizing that nothing I could say would help.

**BPOV**

I was now showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain blue, long-sleeved shirt. The outfit had been laid out on the bed when I'd come out of the shower. I assumed that most likely it was thanks to Alice, though I hadn't seen her. I took a deep breath before making my way out of Edward's bedroom. I was fairly certain that when I went downstairs, Edward wouldn't be the only one there, and I was nervous about facing his family. Although since I'd spoken to Esme I was coming to believe that they cared for me as if I was a member of their family, I was worried that now that they knew what had happened, they would treat me differently somehow. That they would look at me with pity and see me as a victim. I just wanted to forget what had happened. I wanted everything to be as before. I didn't want any reminders.

I was so lost in my thoughts that when I walked out of the bedroom, I didn't notice Rosalie standing just outside the door, and I jumped when I heard her voice from directly beside me.

"Bella? Can I talk to you?" She spoke quietly, sounding very hesitant and unsure of herself.

I was taken aback by her uncertain tone; it did not fit with the confident Rosalie I knew.

Ever since I'd rescued Edward from trying to get himself killed when he'd thought I was dead, Rosalie had no longer behaved as if she hated me, but we weren't exactly best friends, either, and I wondered why she seemed nervous to talk to me. What did she want to talk to me about? The only time that I'd ever really had a long conversation with her was when she'd told me…_Oh, no_. Had Edward or Esme asked her to talk to me because she'd been through the same horrible experience? I knew that people said talking to others that had been through the same thing was helpful, and I appreciated that they were trying to help, but I really didn't want to talk about it. Still, I couldn't say no to her when she was trying to be helpful. I'd always hoped that I could develop a stronger friendship with Rosalie, and if she was taking a step in that direction, how could I refuse? I wasn't even sure if I was correct in my assumption of what she wanted to talk about. "Um, sure," I replied.

She led the way back into Edward's room and sank down onto the bed. I followed her lead and sat down next to her but still kept some distance between us, folding my hands nervously in my lap.

Surprisingly enough, Rosalie appeared just as nervous. "I um…I know I haven't exactly been a very good friend to you, but…" She trailed off and then sighed. "I'm not really very good at this…In fact, I'm not even sure if I can be very helpful. You're so much better at it than I was."

I frowned in confusion. What on earth was she talking about? What could I possibly be better at than her?

She noticed my confused expression, and sighed again. "Sorry. I'm not making any sense, am I? What I mean to say is you're handling the rape much better than I did. I pushed everyone out completely, and I guess in a way I still do. But I've never really been able to express myself very well, even before the rape. And after…well, I didn't feel like I could ever trust anyone. I know it's not really an excuse for the way I haven't been very good to you, but—" She stopped abruptly and held her hand up to silence me before I could argue. "No, just let me get this out first." She paused. "I want you to know that I do…care for you like a sister, and I'm sorry that it hasn't really seemed that way."

Her words certainly weren't what I'd expected, and I ended up just staring at her for several seconds, unmoving, before they really sank in. I'd thought that Rosalie had come to accept me, but as much as I'd always wanted it to be true, I'd never thought that she would ever love me like a sister. But I realized that I understood her so much better now. I could completely identify with how she'd felt. After seeing the monster that had been hidden inside my best friend, how could I know whom to trust?

After I'd snapped out of my initial surprise, I realized that my expression hadn't really conveyed the right message to Rosalie. She looked awkward, and she ran her fingers through her hair nervously. This was definitely not a side of her that I was use to seeing, but she was obviously making an effort to reach out to me, and I certainly wanted to convey the right message to her. So I reached out and wrapped my arms around her in an embrace.

It took a few moments, but Rosalie returned the embrace. Then she gave a short, restrained laugh.

I pulled away and threw her a questioning look.

She waved her hands between us. "I'm not very good at this heart-to-heart thing. You're so much better at it than I am."

I opened my mouth to argue again, but once again she cut me off.

"_No_ arguing. Just take the compliment, Bella." Then she smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back.

Her expression grew serious again. "I feel horrible that you had to go through that. It happens way too often and it makes me so angry!" Her voice went from calm to angry, and back to calm. "I just want you to know that I know how you feel…how difficult things are for you right now, but that it _will_ get better. I know that all you really want to do is forget everything. You don't want to talk about it. You don't want to think about it."

She paused, and I might have felt relieved that she understood so well how I felt, but I could detect that although she understood, she also thought that it wasn't a good thing, and I was afraid that she was going to try and get me to talk about it, so I felt my defensive wall come up, and I shifted my gaze from her face to my lap.

She seemed to read me well. "I'm not going to ask you to talk to me about it, Bella." She placed her hands on my shoulders, and I looked up at her again. "But I want to give you some very important advice, and I just want you to keep it in mind." She paused as if to let that sink in first. Then she spoke gently. "Even though all you want to do is forget, the truth is…you can't. You won't ever be able to forget something like that. I know that sounds harsh, but just because the scar will always be there, it doesn't mean that it can't heal."

I just continued to stare at her, her words tumbling around in my head. I wasn't quite sure what to make of them.

She leaned back. "I know it takes time, but eventually you have to face what happened and deal with it however you can. It's the only way things will get better. You can't keep trying to forget."

Her words made sense, but it was much easier said than done.

**xxxxx**

Making my way to the stairs once again, my nerves were on edge as I heard Emmett and Jasper's voices coming from downstairs. Instead, I tried to focus on the positive. At least something good had come out of the bad. I now felt closer to Rosalie than I ever had before, and I was very grateful for that even though it hadn't come about in the best of circumstances.

Stepping down the last step to the main floor, I heard Emmett's booming voice.

"Bella!" he exclaimed as he came into view. "We were just discussing what we're going to do to that filthy mutt once we get our hands on him." He stopped several feet away from me, and anger flashed in his eyes. "I want you to know that we _will _get a hold of him and make him pay!" he growled, smacking his fist into his palm with a resounding _whack_ that had me jolting upon impact.

Taking in his huge form and enraged expression, I found myself automatically freezing in place.

The next thing I knew, Edward was at my side, glaring heatedly at Emmett, while Jasper appeared beside Emmett.

"Emmett, you idiot! You're scaring her," Jasper scolded, and as he spoke, Edward slipped his arm protectively around my waist.

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Bella. I wasn't thinking," Emmett said, looking at me apologetically and taking a step back.

"No, it's okay. I'm fine. You just took me by surprise," I said quickly, now that I'd come back to my senses and my initial fear had faded. _Damn Jasper and his gift!_ I didn't want to be treated differently. I just wanted everything to be normal. I'd only needed a moment to calm myself down, and I would've been fine without Edward and Jasper having to worry or interfere. At least that was what I wanted to believe. In truth, I wasn't quite so sure.

"Come on, Bella. Your breakfast is ready," Edward told me, steering me toward the living room. That was when I noticed the state of the dining room table.

"What happened to the table?" I asked, surprised.

Emmett grinned. "Oh that was just Edward practicing for…" I noticed Edward shoot him a warning glare, and he trailed off, muttering something unintelligible—to me anyway.

Jasper grabbed his arm and dragged him in the direction of the front door. "I don't think you want to make Edward angry right now, Emmett. Let's get you out of here before you do anymore damage." When I took in Jasper's expression and saw him flash me a grin just before disappearing from sight with Emmett (who was rolling his eyes), I realized that they were just playfully ribbing each other.

Their playful banter was like a breath of fresh air. Maybe things wouldn't have to be as awkward as I'd feared. "So I guess tables count as something suitable to take your anger out on," I joked to Edward, attempting to lighten the mood when I saw that, unlike his brothers, he looked anything but amused.

His expression lifted, and he laughed. "Well, if it makes you smile like that, I'll break as many tables as you'd like."

Esme seemed to appear out of nowhere. "You'll do no such thing!"

Edward rolled his eyes.

Settling down to eat breakfast, my heart felt lighter than it had in a while. After speaking with Esme and Rosalie, as well as the events of this morning, I felt like maybe I could belong in this wonderful family after all. Still, dread began to grab a firm hold of me as I remembered that very soon I would have to face Charlie.

**A/N: Please, please Review. It really means a lot to me :)**

**Just a reminder, you WILL eventually see Jacob pay. I'm working up to it. If you pay attention to the timeline of the story, we last saw Jacob on Tuesday when Edward rescued Bella from him (The rape was on the Friday before). And in this chapter it is only Thursday morning. So it hasn't been that long yet. **

**Next chapter (chapter 16): You will see lots of Charlie/Bella interaction as well as find out about what's going on with Billy and Charlie. And of course, as always there will be important Edward/Bella bonding :)**

**Things are still pretty busy for me right now, but if you keep all the reviews coming, I will do my best to post soon! Also, if the chapter is taking a while, I will post some info on my profile about how it is going and approximately when I think the next chapter will be up. So you can check my profile so that you know. **

**P.S. I know the charm can be retrieved from the pipe, but it will come later—Bella was too stressed to think of it. **

Okay, so I'm adding another note here that I didn't add when I first posted this chapter (This info is also on my profile along with the link). I'm very excited because I received an email informing me that this story was nominated for the following 'Total Eclipse of the Heart Award' :

The Addictive Award - Story That Has You Checking Your Email Every Minute For A 'New Chapter' Alert

So if you'd like to view the nominees and vote you can go here (voting will probably last more than a week, maybe even 2-3 weeks—staring from April 9): .com

HOWEVER PLEASE NOTE: If you vote for this story, please use the penname Lisa254 instead of Lisa87. The reason for this is that this story is also now posted on Twilighted and it was nominated from someone on that site (I have a different penname there).


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I apologize for the delay in updating.

Thank you to the reviewers. Reviews keep me motivated to write more.

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

I'd had a slow start to the day, and it was now already a few minutes past eleven in the morning. Thanks to the eggs and toast Edward had prepared for my breakfast, I now had a full stomach. There were no more excuses left; I had to go home to Charlie.

Making my way to the front entrance of the Cullen house, I glanced out the south-facing glass wall to see that it was raining heavily. Well there was no big surprise there. It hadn't rained at all yesterday and was probably making up for it now. It wasn't very cold out, probably around 15 degrees Celsius, but the rain would make it feel much colder, and I didn't have my jacket.

Edward seemed to be thinking the same thing, and he appeared beside me holding open his light beige leather jacket. "Here, put this on."

"Thanks," I said as he helped me into it, and I found myself remembering back to the day in Port Angeles when he had taken me out to dinner and lent me this same jacket.

Edward's voice broke me from my musings.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked, realizing that he had said something and I hadn't been paying attention.

"I said you might want to role up the sleeves."

I glanced down at them; they went way past the tips of my fingers. "Oh, right," I said, rolling them up.

"What were you just thinking about?" he asked.

I glanced back up at him to see him studying me closely. "I was remembering the day in Port Angeles…when you took me to dinner and lent me this jacket."

"Yes…I remember," he said carefully. There was a pause. Then he spoke quietly. "I was expecting you to go into shock…but you never did."

I soon realized the reason for his cautious approach. The memory had come to me as a happy memory with Edward, but his words reminded me what it was that he had rescued me from that day. But I knew why I hadn't gone into shock. "I always feel safe when I'm with you," I told him.

I had expected my words to please him, so I was alarmed when his expression suddenly contorted with pain. "Oh, God, Bella. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you this time."

"Stop that, Edward!" I scowled. "It's not your fault! There's no way you could've known."

He didn't respond, and I exhaled a frustrated breath.

When I thought again about what had almost happened that night with those men, however, I felt my throat close up with unshed tears. What was wrong with me? Why did terrible things always seem to happen to me? It suddenly appeared inevitable that something horrible would happen again.

Edward touched his finger to my cheek. "Bella?" he questioned softly.

"It's me," I said hoarsely. "I'm…cursed or something. Bad things always keep happening."

"Ah, Bella." He reached out to pull me against his chest. "Everything's going to be alright now, you'll see."

As he held me close, where I always felt so protected and loved, I found myself thinking that if I could stay in his arms forever, everything _would_ be all right.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, and we were soon seated in Edward's car. Before we left the driveway of the Cullen house, he turned in his seat to face me. "Bella…there's something you should know before we see Charlie." He paused briefly, and the sound of the rain hitting the outside of the car seemed to increase in volume. "The pack have been monitoring Jacob's house in case he shows up there, and they spoke to Billy."

"And he didn't believe them," I interjected quietly.

He was taken aback. "You're not surprised. I would've thought that since Billy knows how they can hear each other's thoughts, he would've…" He trailed off when he saw me shake my head.

"It's his son they're taking about. I wouldn't even have believed it if…I…" My voice faded into a whisper, the words catching in my throat as I felt another stab to my heart from Jacob's betrayal.

Edward reached over to grasp my hand in comfort. It was amazing how much a simple touch could make all the difference.

After the brief period of silence, Edward spoke again, explaining what he'd learned from Emmett this morning about Billy's refusal to believe the disturbing truth about his son. Apparently, Billy had accused the entire pack of turning against Jacob and inventing horrible lies so that they could take away his Alpha status. It was a ridiculous notion, but his heart had obviously been unable to believe the truth, and so his mind had invented a scenario to explain it away.

_Oh, no_. Had Charlie spoken to Billy since he'd learned what had happened? I voiced my question aloud to Edward.

"I don't know," he answered quietly. "I just thought I should warn you."

I nodded solemnly.

After giving my hand a reassuring squeeze, he started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

Despite my attempts against it, my anxiety grew rapidly during the short drive. Like me, Charlie was someone who liked to keep to himself. I was lucky because, unlike most parents, he wasn't one to constantly force conversations and vastly interfere with everything I did. But this was something that I knew he couldn't ignore. I also knew from what Edward had told me that Charlie was extremely worried about me. Not that I had expected anything different, mind you.

The worst part was that he was a cop, and I'd had to report the assault. Although it was personal for him and he wouldn't be permitted to get too involved professionally, he would, without a doubt, still be involved. He was the police chief after all, and this was a small town. He had probably already seen my report and realized that it wasn't anywhere near enough for them to be able to do anything about it. It was just my word against Jacob's, and right now he was nowhere to be found. I prayed that Charlie wouldn't push me to give more information to the cops, or to him on a personal level. There were lots of things that I couldn't tell him. Like the fact that Jacob was a werewolf and that there would be absolutely no way he could be caught by the police, let alone locked up.

Still, I could be grateful for something. At least I didn't need to tell Charlie myself what Jacob had done. I'd been horrified when Edward had first told me that they'd told Charlie what had happened because I hadn't wanted Charlie to know. Now I realized that it would've been impossible to hide it from him, and I never would've been able to get through telling him myself. How do you tell your dad something like that? Not to mention, I would've been terrified that he might not have believed me. After all, Jacob was his best friend's son.

We were now less than a minute away from Charlie's house, and I took a deep breath, trying to ease my nerves. I attempted to reassure myself by reasoning things through in my head. _It's not that bad_. _Yes, he's been going crazy with worry, but all you have to do is assure him that you're doing okay, and he'll calm down. _Yes, that's what I had to do. I had to get him to see that I was dealing with everything just fine. Charlie wasn't like Renee who would completely fly into a panic and…_Oh, no!_ Had he told Renee what had happened? _Calm down, Bella. _Charlie would find it way too difficult to tell Renee something like that, and if he had, she would've contacted me by now in a severe panic. He couldn't have told her, at least not yet anyway. I made a mental note to get Charlie to agree not to tell her. Renee wouldn't be able to handle it.

We pulled up into the driveway, and Edward shut off the engine before turning to regard me. "You ready?" he asked.

Knowing that I was as ready as I was going to get, I nodded, and we made our way to the front door. It had stopped raining, but it looked like it would start again at any minute.

Charlie was expecting me and had left the door unlocked. Just after we'd entered the house and I'd removed the jacket Edward had lent me, Charlie came bursting out from the living room. "Bella! Thank God!" he exclaimed.

When I turned to face him and took in his appearance, I felt guilt wash over me. He looked terrible, and it was because of me. I could feel the distress and worry radiating from him in thick waves. He had taken the day off from work and was casually dressed, but I could tell he had all but thrown together his attire. His hair looked like it hadn't seen a comb in days, and from the dark shadow covering his chin it was clear that he hadn't shaved this morning. His eyes were wide and alert, but the large circles under them spoke of exhaustion.

"I'm doing okay, Dad," I assured him, hoping to ease his worry. I took a step away from the door, but my foot caught on the doormat, and I started to fall forward. I felt two large and warm hands grab me by my upper arms, and as I winced in pain from the pressure on my bruises, I panicked from the horribly familiar grip.

**ChPOV**

I paced back and forth, my nerves raw and frayed. Where an earth was she? If he didn't bring her home in the next—

I halted mid-pace when the sound of the front door swinging open registered. Well it was about bloody time! I sprinted toward it in record time. "Bella! Thank God!" I was about to pull her into an embrace, but thankfully I came to my senses and stopped myself short, remembering how she'd reacted the last time I'd gotten too close. My gut clenched.

"I'm doing okay, Dad," she told me as she turned to face me.

Who did she think she was fooling? I knew she was far from okay. The nasty bruise across the side of her face was healing, but still very visible. Her expression was guarded, speaking of the horrors that lay hidden, and her exhaustion could not be concealed. It was evident from the dark shadows under her eyes, the way she held herself, and even from her voice.

Had I made a mistake in leaving her with the Cullens? Yes, she hadn't wanted to see me, but I was her father. Shouldn't I have tried to work through everything with her anyway? But I couldn't forget when she'd been terrified of me. I hadn't been able to get near her, while she'd accepted Edward with open arms. Plus, she'd had Esme, a mother figure, to help her. I'd believed I'd made the right decision when I'd left her—but had I? A nagging piece in my mind told me I'd just been taking the cowardly way out, too incompetent to know how to provide her with the moral support she needed myself. What kind of father was I?!

She took a step forward, but tripped. As she started to fall toward me, I reacted without thinking, reaching out to grasp her upper arms to steady her. To my horror, she winced in pain, and I could read the panic in her eyes. I quickly released her, and she backed up against the door, wrapping her arms around herself protectively.

My gut squeezed tighter. I needed to calm her. I took a step forward.

Edward did too. His eyes flickered to me, then he stepped back again, graciously giving me the opportunity to approach her instead. I had to admit, I was beginning to feel more and more compunction for the bitter contempt I'd presented him with every chance I'd gotten.

Swallowing, I focused on the matter at hand. "Bella…" I attempted, "it's okay…no one's going to hurt you," I assured her.

Predictably, my words had no affect. In fact, she looked even more terrified than before. She sank to the floor with her back against the front door, and pulled her knees up to her chest.

I crouched down beside her, but when I opened my mouth, I realized that I had no idea what to do or say. "Bells…" I started again, reaching out to lightly touch her arm in comfort. Again, I only seemed to make things worse.

She lurched away, huddling into the corner near the door.

A part of me knew that I should know how to help her. In my line of work I'd been trained and had experience in dealing with this type of victim. But this was different. This was my daughter. My little girl. I was frozen in place and at a complete loss of how to help her. My mind was blank.

Taking pity on me, Edward stepped forward and then lowered himself down in front of her.

If I'd had any lingering contempt for him, it evaporated then.

He was wonderful with her.

She was backed into a corner, so when he reached out to her all she could do was shrink away in fear. Gradually, however, at his soft-spoken words, she began to calm down.

Before long, the tension was slowly leaving left her body as she relaxed into his embrace.

Well I guess that answered my question of whether I'd made the right choice in leaving her with Edward. He had such a calming affect on her, and I had been useless. No, I'd been worse than useless. I'd had the complete opposite affect on her. Edward flashed me a sympathetic look.

Without a word, I pushed to my feet and headed for the living room. I wasn't helping at all where I was, and I needed to sort out my thoughts. When I got there, I collapsed into the chair in the corner of the room, dropping my head in my hands.

I was a horrible father. How could I have let this happen? I'd been encouraging her to become close to Jacob, for Christ's sake! If I hadn't kept pushing her to him so much this might never have happened.

To make matters worse, I'd always behaved horribly to Edward when it was so obvious how much they both loved each other. How could I have been so blind? It was true that Edward had deeply hurt Bella when he'd left her for all those months, but if Bella had been willing to forgive him for it, I should've at least given him the chance to redeem himself. I should've paid attention to what made Bella happy, not what I'd thought was best for her. And how wrong I'd been. Edward had proved to be a blessing. While Jacob was…there wasn't even a word to describe how terrible he was. If I could just get my hands on him…

But the son of a bitch was nowhere to be found. Plus, I'd seen Bella's report and there wasn't really anything that could be done besides filing the report. There was no evidence whatsoever. _Hell_. I was the police chief, but not only had I failed to protect my own daughter, I couldn't even provide her with the means to get retribution on Jacob.

The suffering I'd just witnessed her going through was etched into my mind. I couldn't forget the terror in her eyes when I had grabbed her arms to steady her. Or the fact that she had winced in pain when I hadn't even put that much pressure on her arms. He must have really hurt her physically. He was huge in size, and Bella hadn't stood a chance against him. The sick Bastard!

I had failed Bella in many ways, but what could I do to help her now? She had a long and difficult road of healing ahead.

**BPOV**

Now that I was in the safety of Edward's arms and had come to my senses, my fear had morphed into a hollow sense of defeat. Would I ever be normal again?

_So much for assuring Charlie I'm doing okay,_ I thought sarcastically.

I pulled away from Edward's embrace. "What's Charlie thinking of me?" I asked him quietly, knowing my actions must have hurt Charlie further.

Edward gazed at me with gentleness in his eyes. "He loves you, Bella, and it hurts him to see you suffer, but he understands why you panicked."

Why did I have to keep hurting the people I loved?

"I have to talk to him."

We found him seated in the corner of the living room, his face in his hands. He straightened and looked up at my approach.

"Dad?" I hedged. "I'm sorry…I—"

"_You_ have nothing to apologize for, Bella," he cut in. Then he sighed. "We need to talk."

"I'll give you some time to talk alone," Edward inserted.

I opened my mouth to protest but ended up gaping instead when Charlie beat me to it.

"No," he said. "You should stay." He gestured at the sofa, indicating we should both sit.

Edward complied and I followed.

Charlie leaned forward in his chair, passed a hand over his eyes, and then blinked several times before lifting his eyes to where we sat across from him. He swallowed and then cleared his throat. Whatever it was he wanted to discuss was not coming easy for him.

"First, I need to apologize," he said finally, "—to both of you." He shifted his gaze from my face to Edward's, then back to mine again. "Bells, I…" He swallowed again. "I never should've pushed you to Jacob. And…" He lowered his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. "Edward, you should know that I, ah…" He cleared his throat and straightened. "Well, you're welcome here anytime," he finished with a succinct nod. It wasn't exactly first rate as far as apologies went, but poor Charlie had never been good at this sort of thing, and that didn't make it any less genuine.

He hung his head as if acknowledging its feeble delivery, then said quietly, in a voice now uncharacteristically bare, "I hope you can forgive me, Bells."

The rawness of the regret in the words hit me square in the chest. I acted on instinct, pushing to my feet and wrapping my arms around him in an embrace. "Of course I can. I love you, Dad," I said.

It took him a moment, probably to recover from his surprise, but he returned the embrace. "I love you, too, Bells," he said, his voice gone gruff with emotion.

When we drew apart again and I sank back down on the sofa, there was a moment of awkward silence before Charlie spoke.

"Bells…it might be helpful if you get some professional help."

My stomach sank, and I shook my head. I'd known this would come up, but there was no way I was going to see a shrink. I wasn't going to talk to a complete stranger. How could it even help when I would have to be careful what I said and couldn't tell the shrink everything? I couldn't talk about werewolves and vampires.

"We'll see how things go, okay?" Charlie suggested gently.

I just nodded to appease him.

Silence settled over the room again before I remembered. "You didn't tell Mom, right?" I blurted out.

"No, but…"

"You're not going to tell her, are you?"

He hesitated before answering. "I'll leave it up to you, but…I think maybe _you_ should tell her."

I shook my head. "She won't be able to handle it. You know what she's like."

"She's still your mother, Bella, and—"

At that moment there was a loud knock at the door. I jumped.

Charlie frowned. He obviously hadn't been expecting anyone. "I'll be right back," he said as he stood and headed for the front door.

It was then that I noticed Edward's expression; he was staring straight ahead, his eyes hard and unnerving, his hands clenched into fists in his lap. He came to his feet suddenly, and, keeping his gaze averted from mine, he spoke in a stiff but firm voice. "Stay here."

He moved swiftly after Charlie.

I followed behind. The last thing I wanted to do was to sit around, not knowing what was going on. "Why? Who is it?"

I heard Edward mumble what sounded like 'so stubborn!'

We arrived at the front door in time to see Charlie open it, and my questions were answered. Before Charlie had time to react, Billy pushed his way past him in his wheelchair, exclaiming angrily, "Where is she?"

"Get the hell out of my house, Billy!" Charlie bellowed.

"I'm not going anywhere until your daughter admits to the lies she's been telling!" Billy's angry but determined gaze fell on me. "How could you do this to Jacob? Make up horrible lies!"

Before I could even think about responding, Edward was grabbing Billy by his upper arms and lifting him out of his chair, slamming him up against the wall with such a force that the picture frame hanging several feet away wobbled precariously. "How dare you!" he snarled.

Edward's back was to me, and I couldn't see his face, but I could see Billy's—he was suddenly terrified.

I looked frantically at Charlie, but he didn't look like he was going to try and get Edward to release Billy. In fact, he looked like he was ready to grab Billy himself. But Charlie didn't know what Edward was capable of—how easily he could kill Billy. I had to do something.

I moved forward quickly, placing my hand on Edward's shoulder. "Edward, don't. Let him go," I said with a frantic edge in my voice.

He didn't respond immediately, but then, after several terrifying seconds, he released his hold on Billy, dropping him, none to gently, back into his chair.

"You see. She stopped you because she's wrestling with a guilty conscience from her lie," Billy said boldly, rubbing his arms where Edward had been gripping them.

Edward took a step toward him again, his expression livid, but I flung my arms around his waist. "Don't," I pleaded.

He slipped an arm around me protectively, but his eyes never left Billy, and I could feel the tension in his body. He spoke in a cool and threatening voice. "How do you explain all the physical evidence?"

Billy glanced at my face. "She could've got that bruise from anything."

"You have to stop lying to yourself, Billy. She's covered in marks by your son's hand." Edward's voice was softer now, but extremely forbidding.

Billy still did not relent. "I don't see any other bruises."

I really didn't want to do it, but I wanted to convince him of the truth because in the end it would be better for both him and Charlie. So I released my hold on Edward and started to roll up my sleeve to expose my arm.

Edward looked down at me and shook his head. "You don't need to prove anything, Bella."

I ignored him and pulled my sleeve up as high as it would go, exposing the massive scene of bruises covering my arm.

I heard Charlie's intake of breath and saw Billy's fiercely determined expression start to waver. I quickly pulled my sleeve back down, not wanting the attention any longer than necessary.

Just when I'd thought I'd managed to at least cast some doubt onto Billy's firm belief that I'd been lying, he composed himself again. "It doesn't mean Jacob did that to her!" He thrust an accusing finger at Edward. "You need to take a better look at him, Charlie! You have no idea what he's capable of!"

_Oh, God_. Would Charlie change his mind and start to believe that Edward had hurt me instead of Jacob?

Edward must have sensed my distress because he wrapped his arm around me again and pulled me against his side.

My worry was soon proven to be unnecessary.

Charlie strode over to Billy and grabbed the front of his shirt, bending down so that his face was level with Billy's. "Now you listen to me," he ground out furiously. "I've seen the affect Edward has on Bella"—he thrust a finger in our direction—"Do you really think that she would be so calm with him if he were the one who _raped_ her?!"

I cringed at his last words, automatically hiding my face against Edward's chest.

When I looked up again a few seconds later, Charlie had released Billy and was reaching over to yank open the front door.

My eyes fell on Billy; he was staring at me, frozen in shock, his eyes wide with horror. And then I knew. He could finally see the truth.

Charlie seemed oblivious—or maybe he didn't care. He glared at Billy and pointed to the door. "Get out before I finish what Edward started," he threatened.

Billy was still trying to recover from his shock. "I…" His gaze flickered to Charlie's enraged expression, and then he nodded once before reaching down to wheel himself out the front door.

Charlie slammed the door shut behind him, then leaned against it, taking a deep breath and raking his hand through his tangled hair.

Edward looked down at me. "Are you alright, love?" he asked softly.

I nodded. "He…he believed me…in the end."

"Yes," Edward replied, but I could tell from his tone that, in his opinion, it didn't excuse Billy's earlier behavior.

Shaken up by Billy's confrontation though I was, I could hardly fault him for it. If anyone could understand his desire to reject such a horrid truth, I could. He was hurting; denial had been his only way out. Oh, yes, I could understand all too well.

I needed to make Charlie understand. No, I didn't expect the impossible, but the least I could do was soften the blow of a long-time friendship now utterly destroyed.

Before I could say anything, however, Charlie straightened, leaning away from the door and speaking in a grim but firm voice. "What did the doctor say? How badly are you hurt?" His gaze flickered from my arm to my face. When he had seen my arm it had obviously reminded him to ask about the exam.

"How about we sit?" Edward suggested, gesturing toward the living room.

After we had resumed our earlier seats, Charlie watched me, awaiting my answer. Surprisingly, his expression was calm and composed, but I knew it was only a mask. He'd always been good at suppressing his emotions, and although this trait had been lost earlier, it was obviously falling back into place now.

Still, I knew I wouldn't be able to get out of answering his questions. I swallowed, picking at an imaginary piece of fluff on my jeans to avoid his gaze and shifting uncomfortably where I sat. Another rush of shame and mortification crawled inside me. "It's nothing serious, Dad," I assured him. "The doctor said that everything would heal." I really didn't want to give him any more information than that.

"You…you're not…pregnant, are you?" he asked, struggling with the words.

I quickly shook my head.

"Thank, God," he muttered. He looked like he was thinking of asking me more but then thought better of it, and I was relieved.

After a brief period of silence, I broached the second elephant in the room. "Dad, about Billy…"

"Let's not talk about that," Charlie interrupted in a stiff voice.

"No, Dad. You need to forgive him."

Charlie looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. Edward also gazed at me with wide eyes, though he didn't look as shocked as Charlie. After I explained my reasoning, Charlie stared at me for a few seconds before speaking. "I don't know if I can do that, Bells. After what his son did to you?" He paused, then said, "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I keep telling her that, but she never believes me," interjected Edward.

"It wasn't Billy's fault…what Jacob did," I said softly.

Charlie breathed out heavily. "I'll try, Bells, but I'm not making any promises."

I nodded. "That's all I ask—that you try."

**xxxxx**

For the remainder of the afternoon, Charlie didn't ask me any more questions about my trip to the hospital or anything else related to that night six days ago, and I was extremely grateful.

He'd also shocked me by suggesting the three of us play a game of cards. I figured that maybe he was worried that he didn't spend enough time with me and was trying to take our minds off things for a bit. Whatever the reason, I found that I ended up enjoying myself. One of the main reasons for that being how well Edward and Charlie seemed to get along with each other now that Charlie wasn't blindly giving Edward the cold shoulder. They seemed to be able to carry a casual conversation easily, without any strain or awkwardness. They had even engaged in a fairly long conversation about sports. Of course, seeing as I was tremendously uninterested in sports, I didn't even know what type of sport team they were discussing, but I was so pleased to see them getting along that I didn't really care what they were talking about.

Although the conversation didn't stray into darker waters until later in the evening, the worry and stress was ever-present in between the words spoken. Charlie kept his distance from me, probably afraid that I would panic like I had earlier, and on a number of occasions I noticed him studying me intently, his concern evident.

We ordered a pizza for dinner, and I almost laughed when Charlie had asked Edward his favorite kind of pizza. Edward took several bites of his piece of pizza for Charlie's sake, and then when Charlie wasn't looking he threw away the rest. It seemed like a waste, but it was important to keep up the pretenses so that Charlie wouldn't get suspicious.

After dinner, Charlie had asked me when I was going back to school. I hadn't given him an answer yet.

"It's up to you. You should only go back when you feel ready."

It was a little after nine in the evening, and Edward and I were upstairs in my room, settled on my bed. Charlie was downstairs watching TV, and, to his knowledge, Edward had gone home. But of course, in truth, Edward had come back through my window.

"But," continued Edward, his expression serious and his voice firm, "don't forget you can't be alone. It's not safe. If it's a sunny day and I can't be there, you shouldn't go, and for first period where I'm not in your class—"

"Edward," I interrupted, my voice soft. "You can't keep this up forever. How long can you keep…never leaving me alone?"

He took my face in his hands, his expression determined. "For as long as it takes," he said fiercely. Then his tone softened. "I'm not going to let him near you again, Bella. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."

As I stared into his eyes and felt the power of his gaze, my eyes started to sting from the emotions running through me as well as the knowledge that he really would do anything to protect me, but I forced the tears not to come. As much as I didn't want him to leave me alone, I wasn't going to be selfish. I reached up and took his hands in mine. "The rest of your family can protect me for a little while. You should go hunting tomorrow."

He shook his head. "I'm fine, Bella. I can easily go without hunting for two weeks and tomorrow it will only have been six days."

"Yes, but you didn't drink as much as you usually do last weekend," I stated. As I took in his very dark golden colored eyes and the dark shadows beginning to form under them, I was fairly certain that I had drawn the correct conclusion. Normally, after this amount of time since he'd last hunted, his eyes were not as dark as they were now. I caught the look of surprise that flashed across his face before he quickly composed himself again, and I went on to explain. "Your eyes are darker than they usually are when it's been six days since you last hunted."

His eyes narrowed, but he didn't deny the conclusion that I'd drawn. "You don't need to worry about me, alright? I'm fine."

He obviously wasn't going to give in easily, but I didn't want to see him suffer because of me, so I used my last weapon in my toolbox of convincing strategies, one that I was sure would make him unable to refuse my request. "But you're weaker when you don't hunt regularly. You want to be the strongest you can if you have to protect me from Jacob, right?"

His lips flattened into a thin line, his expression grim. He didn't answer immediately, but I was sure that I'd already managed to convince him. "Alright," he finally ground out with difficulty. "But I'll hunt somewhere nearby so that I'll only be gone a couple hours at most."

That was fine with me. The truth was I didn't want him to leave me either.

"And you definitely shouldn't go to school tomorrow, then. You can stay at my place, where there'll be more than just Alice to protect you."

I nodded. I certainly wasn't looking forward to going back to school, and I'd already missed the entire week, so it made more sense to just start back on Monday.

Although Edward had finally agreed to hunt tomorrow and had stated his terms, I could tell he was still very unhappy with the idea. He was staring at me with a worried expression.

"I'll be fine. You know they'll protect me just as well as you would," I pointed out.

He sighed. "I know, but it makes me very uneasy to leave you."

"I...don't want you to go, either," I admitted, looking down at our entwined hands. "But you need to."

He pulled his hand free and then wrapped me in his arms, placing a kiss on the top of my head. "I forgot how perceptive you are. And you knew just what to say to convince me, didn't you?"

"Why didn't you…feed as much last weekend?" I asked as I settled against him, leaning my head against his muscular upper arm as I looked up at his face.

"It doesn't matter."

"Tell me," I demanded quietly.

He reached out and very gently stroked the side of my face where the large bruise was still visible. "I was worried about you," he whispered.

I could read it again in his eyes, and I hated it. "Don't do that—blame yourself for what happened. I already told you; it's not your fault."

He dropped his hand from my face and looked away. He was silent for several seconds, and when he turned back to look at me there was no longer a trace of guilt on his face. In fact, I was surprised to see the slight amusement in his expression as his lips curved into a half smile. "I'll tell you what. I promise to _try _not to blame myself, but I have one condition."

I wasn't too happy that he was only promising to try, but I guess it was the best I was going to get. "What's the condition?"

His smile grew, and without a word, he released his hold on me and rose to his feet, stepping over to his jacket that he had slung over my desk chair after he had come in through my window. After reaching into the pocket, he settled down beside me again, dropping a small black box in my lap. "The condition is that you accept my gift. Don't worry. It's nothing expensive. It's to go with this," he said while reaching into the pocket of his jeans. He took my hand and placed something small into my palm.

I glanced down at it. There, in my hand, was my heart charm. "How did you…"

"It was easy enough to retrieve. I just dismantled the pipe under the sink."

_Of course_. I hadn't even thought of that. I looked up at him, and he smiled. "See, just like new. Now that's a good sign, don't you think?"

He was remembering my earlier distressed words of doom and gloom and was trying to cheer me up. A lump formed in my throat. "Thank—"

"Don't thank me yet. Open it first," he said, pointing to the small square box in my lap.

I figured it would be silly not to accept the gift. It certainly wasn't an unreasonable condition to meet, and I was curious as to what was in the box. So I carefully opened the lid. Inside, nestled in foam padding, was a beautiful silver bracelet. It was made up of small, delicate, silver links, meeting up to a heart-shaped centerpiece. The centerpiece was silver as well, but there were very tiny, diamond-like jewels forming a border around it. When I leaned in closer, it was the middle of the silver heart that caused my own heart to skip a beat. Inside the border, the surface was flat, and the words that were engraved there in fairly small, elegant script were what caused me to stare down at the bracelet with a complete loss of what to say.

Edward, on the other hand, seemed to have lots to say, and I managed (with difficulty) to listen as he explained to me how he and Alice had managed to get the bracelet. Apparently, while I'd been upstairs getting ready and talking with Rosalie, Edward had told Alice of his idea to get me a new bracelet to go with the heart charm. Alice, being Alice, had had a catalog in which Edward had chosen the bracelet and told her what he wanted engraved on it. Then Alice had gone and purchased it.

"I think it goes well with this," I heard Edward say as I continued to stare down at the engraved words. He took the heart charm out of my hand and attached it to one of the links on the bracelet. He was right; it was perfect. The tiny jewels bordering the centerpiece matched perfectly with the charm that he had just added to the opposite end of the bracelet.

Edward seemed to have just noticed that I hadn't said anything. "You're not going to refuse to keep it, are you?" he asked, sighing.

I finally managed to find my voice. "N-No. I love it, Edward," I said thickly, reaching out to trace the engraved words and read them over again.

_Bella,_

_My heart is forever yours_

_Edward_

I was almost breathless. It was so much more powerful than if it had just said 'I love you' because I could remember yesterday morning when I'd thought back to the last words Edward had spoken before everything had gone horribly wrong and had asked myself if those words would always be true: if Edward's heart would always be mine. I had been painfully sure that the answer was no. Until after the trip to the hospital, when I had realized the amazing truth: Edward would love me no matter how damaged I was. To add to that, he now seemed to have known exactly what words would be the most special to me.

"I just wanted you to have something to remind you that I'll always love you. In case you start to forget again," he said softly.

I gazed up at him then, my heart feeling like it might burst. "I won't forget," I promised, gripping the box in one hand and throwing my arms around him. "And I love you, too."

He held me close and placed several tender kisses on the top of my head.

I realized with sadness that I missed the taste and feel of his lips on mine. But I was terrified that I would be reminded of Jacob's disgusting and forceful kiss and that the awful memories would surround me again. Edward was so amazingly understanding. He had never tried to push me.

He pulled away. "Here, let me put it on for you," he offered, taking the box from my hand and carefully removing the bracelet. I quickly pushed the unhappy thoughts away. This was a happy moment, and I wasn't going to allow it to be ruined.

After he had clasped the bracelet around my wrist, I lightly ran my finger over it. "It's beautiful, Edward. Thank you."

"Let's see it up to the light," he said, his fingers closing around my wrist as he lifted it up.

And suddenly Jacob was grabbing my wrist, holding it above my head while his other hand touched me everywhere. I yanked my hand free as terror filled me. "No!" I cried.

I soon realized where I was and that Jacob wasn't really there, but as I held my arms to my chest, I could still feel his hands aggressively fondling me everywhere, and my body shook involuntarily. I looked up at Edward's face, and just before my eyes filled with tears, blurring my vision, I could see the pain and sadness in his. "I'm s-sorry," I whispered as the tears spilled over onto my cheeks.

He slowly reached out to grasp my hand as I continued to hold it tightly against my body, but I didn't offer any resistance as he gently pulled it toward him. He twisted my arm to see the inside of my wrist, and I knew he had realized exactly why I had panicked because he carefully pushed the bracelet slightly higher up on my arm while staring down at my wrist, studying it. I knew the marks weren't that visible and that they were almost healed, but I also knew that Edward had enhanced vision and could see them clearly if he was looking for them.

There were still faint marks from where Jacob had held my wrists tightly, and there were also marks where my old charm bracelet had dug into my skin.

Edward lightly ran his thumb across the faint markings. Then he bent his head and placed a trail of soft kisses across my wrist. As he pulled his head up again, he whispered, "Never again." His eyes met my tear-filled ones. "I won't let anyone hurt you like that again. _Never_."

I felt a sob leave my throat, and I collapsed into him, grabbing onto him tightly and burying my face against his shoulder.

He rocked me in his arms. "Shh. It's alright, love. It's alright," he whispered. But I was so upset with myself. I had ruined the happy moment.

**EPOV**

It was now around midnight, and as I held Bella while she slept, I kept trying to remind myself why I should leave her to hunt tomorrow. Just when I was thinking that maybe I shouldn't leave her after all, I felt my cell phone vibrate in my pocket.

I pulled it out, and the display indicated that it was Alice. Knowing that it might be something important but not wanting to wake Bella, I carefully slid out from under her before slipping out the window and ducking behind one of the trees next to her house, where I was close enough to hear her steady breathing.

I pushed the button to accept the call and held it up to my ear. "Alice?"

"Edward, it's a good idea. You should go."

I sighed. "Alice…"

"No, Edward. You really need to go. I'm going to stay home from school tomorrow, and Bella, Esme, Rose, and I are going to have some girl time together. She'll be fine." She paused briefly. "It's not just that you need to hunt, Edward. You need to get out for a bit. Let off some steam."

Ah, of course she would've seen the Billy incident, annoying omniscient sister that she was. And, even more irritating; she was right. Bella's reasoning that I'd be weaker if I didn't hunt frequently wasn't the only reason that had convinced me to agree to her request. In Bella's presence I had to keep a tight rein on my anger, and, well, one could say I'd had that particular human emotion in excess as of late—with no source of outlet. This time, it had been at Billy's expense. If Bella hadn't stepped in when she had…well, I didn't even want to think about what could've happened.

Thoughts of the incident with Billy today brought me to Bella's reaction. At first I'd thought that I'd frightened her with my outburst, but then I'd realized that she hadn't been afraid of me at all. She'd only been afraid of what I would do to Billy. In a way it made no sense. She had easily stepped in between Billy and me when I'd been in a state of fury. Clearly, she hadn't been afraid that I would hurt her. And yet, when I had just simply held her wrist up, she'd panicked. It made no sense. But I understood. Her actions to stop me from hurting Billy proved that she trusted me, but there was another part of her that couldn't forget the horrors that Jacob had inflicted.

"Edward…?"

Alice's voice pulled me from my thoughts, and I knew that I couldn't change my mind about going hunting tomorrow. I had been so close to losing control of my anger with Billy, and I couldn't take that kind of risk again.

"I'll go, Alice, alright?" I said grudgingly, and with a hint of annoyance.

Alice knew me well and could sense that I was just worried. "Don't worry, Edward. We'll keep her safe. Everything will be fine."

She was right. It was silly to be worried. Bella would be surrounded by vampires that would do everything they could to protect her, and I would only be gone for a couple of hours at most. What could possibly go wrong in such a short amount of time?

**A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review! It really does mean a lot to me. And I also take into consideration your comments/suggestions when writing, so please let me know your thoughts.**

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HOWEVER PLEASE NOTE: If you vote for this story, please use the penname Lisa254 instead of Lisa87. The reason for this is that this story is also now posted on Twilighted and it was nominated from someone on that site (I have a different penname there).


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: **Sorry, this chapter took longer than I expected because I have a research conference this week and my research has been keeping me very busy. Thank you so much to those of you who are sticking with me and leaving me lovely reviews! Hope you enjoy!

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 17**

**BPOV**

I had no idea how long it had been since I'd climbed into bed for the night, wrapped safely in Edward's arms. In fact, I couldn't really decipher much of anything as my mind floated in a semi-conscious state somewhere between the dream world and reality. Nothing except that I had to keep that small part of me rooted to reality, where I could still feel the security of Edward's arms around me.

When my exhaustion started to pull me closer to the dream world, I quickly yanked myself back; I was getting better at it now. But instead of relief, I felt the loss. I could no longer feel the secure arms around me, or the cool, muscular chest beneath my cheek. My eyes flew open and frantically searched the dark room, but Edward was nowhere to be seen. I was alone in my room.

I froze in panic, my fingers gripping the top of the sheet so tightly they hurt. Something in the back of my mind was telling me that Edward wouldn't leave me alone and unprotected, but the memory of Jacob coming for me through my window swirled around in my head, and I couldn't think straight. "Edward?" I managed to question softly.

The scraping sound of my window opening filled my ears. Terror washed over me, and it took me a moment to recognize the wonderfully familiar voice. "I'm here, love. I just—"

He cut off abruptly as he came into view and took in my trembling form; I probably looked extremely pitiful.

He was soon by my side, turning on my bedside lamp and kneeling down in front of the bed where I still lay unmoving, aside from the uncontrollable trembling. He slowly reached out to take my hand, carefully prying it loose from where it was still tightly gripping the sheet. "Bella," he whispered, lightly rubbing circles across the back of my hand with his thumb. "You know I'd never leave you unprotected."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. "Hold me…please?" I whispered.

He kissed my fingers before releasing my hand, and then settled down on the bed beside me.

I shifted so that I could press my face to his chest, gripping his shirt tightly when I felt a pang of pain from the movement.

He pulled the sheet and blanket over the both of us. Lightly rubbing my arm, he said, "Talk to me. What frightened you? Did you have another nightmare?"

"N-no…I…" I gulped. "You were gone…I thought I was alone."

"I'm sorry, love. Alice called and I didn't want to wake you. But I was just outside your window." He paused. "You weren't asleep?"

"I…not completely," I said quietly. "That way…I don't get nightmares."

"Ah, Bella," he sighed. "You need to get more sleep. Maybe we should talk to Carlisle about some sleeping pills that could help."

"They won't help," I said thinly.

"You don't know that for sure," he reasoned.

Yes I did. It would take more than sleeping pills to get rid of these nightmares.

"We'll just ask him later and see," he added gently, and I didn't bother to argue.

We lay there in silence for several minutes, and I eventually stopped trembling, relaxing in his arms.

Edward finally broke the silence. "Bella, are you sure you'll be alright when I leave to go hunting because I can—"

"No, I'm sure," I interrupted quickly. "I…I won't be alone," I explained, then added quietly, "I don't like to be alone...especially here."

I could almost hear the frown in his voice. "What to you mean _especially here_?"

"He came through my window," I whispered.

He went still. "I'm sorry," he breathed.

"No, it's okay. I'm okay now."

He combed his fingers through my hair. "Try to get some sleep now."

After reaching over and turning off the bedside lamp, he began to hum my lullaby, and this time the exhaustion claimed me, and I fell into a deep sleep.

**xxxxx**

"Bella!"

Alice came into view as soon as Edward and I walked in the front door of the Cullen house the following morning. Her voice was cheerful, but she was lacking her usual graceful bounce as she moved toward us. "I've missed you," she said, her voice now surprisingly soft. Her gaze locked with mine, and her eyes seemed to speak to me so much more than she could with her words. She was smiling at me, and I could tell that she was genuinely happy to see me, but she wasn't trying to pretend that everything was okay either. She looked at me with care and concern and even before she pulled me into an embrace, the look in her eyes made me feel as if she was opening her arms to me in a way so much more than just a physical sense.

It felt as if a heavy weight that I hadn't even realized was there suddenly lifted from my chest, and I realized that I had been afraid that our relationship might somehow change after what had happened. But no. She was a true best friend. A sister. Someone who would look past the crazy panic attacks, reaching behind them and helping me to stand that much taller.

She hugged me more carefully than usual, obviously mindful of any injuries, but I hugged her back tightly. "I missed you, too, Alice."

After we drew apart she turned to Edward. "Okay, Edward. She's in good hands. You can leave now."

"Hello to you, too, Alice."

"Oh, you know I love you, too," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Most of the time, anyway," she added, shooting me a grin. "But this is girl time. No boys aloud."

Edward's lips quirked. "Right," he said, a touch of humor lighting his eyes. "Got it."

"We already kicked the rest of the guys out," Alice continued. "Esme will be back soon. She just went out grocery shopping for Bella. And Rose is—"

"Right here," Rosalie chimed in as she appeared a few feet away from us. "Hi, Bella," she greeted with a small smile.

"Hey," I replied, returning her smile.

Alice turned to glare at Edward, and he held up his hands in surrender. "I'm going, I'm going." His gaze fell to me then, and a crease of worry lined his forehead.

I moved to stand in front of him, taking both of his hands in mine and looking up at him. "I'll be fine, Edward."

He nodded. "I have my cell. Call me for anything."

"I will," I promised.

He freed his hands from mine. "I love you," he said, bending to press a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"Love you, too," I whispered, feeling a tingle of disappointment that the kiss hadn't been something more. I wasn't sure if I was ready for more, though, and Edward knew that.

He stepped away from me and plastered on a smile. "See you in a bit."

Then he was gone.

Before I had time to register the loss, Alice was lightly slinging her arm over my shoulders. "Tell me, Bella. Is Edward treating you right? Because if he isn't treating you like a queen I'll kick his ass," she said, her voice serious.

The picture that formed in my head at her words was utterly ridiculous, and I found myself laughing out loud. Now _that_ would certainly be something to see. Only _Alice_ would somehow be able to make me laugh immediately after Edward had left.

Alice managed to keep a straight face. "I'm _serious_."

My mirth subsided and I gazed down at my beautiful bracelet, lightly running my fingers across it. "He's wonderful," I whispered.

Seeing the direction of my gaze, Alice clasped her hands together. "Oh, oh! Let-me-see!" she exclaimed, stringing her words together in her excitement.

I smiled. "Haven't you already seen it, Alice?" I asked, but I twisted my wrist for her to see anyway.

"Yes, but I didn't get to see you wearing it," she pointed out, pulling my arm toward her for closer inspection. "It's perfect! Gorgeous!" she declared.

I nodded. "I didn't get to thank you. Edward told me that you helped him—"

She waved me off with her hand. "It was all Edward's idea, and he chose it and told me what he wanted the engraving to say."

Rosalie took a step toward us. "It was a really sweet idea. I'm glad he thought to get you something special."

It was special. An ache swelled in my throat when I thought of how I had ruined the special moment yesterday. "Me, too," I said, my voice wavering slightly.

"Bella," Alice said kindly. "I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through; I can only imagine. And I probably can't help you much, but I want to make sure you know that I'm here to help you in any way I can. Even just with little things." She paused briefly. "Like now for instance; I think you need another hug," she stated assertively, and the next thing I knew she was pulling me in for an embrace.

I found myself releasing a short, muffled laugh at her antics. "I think you're right, Alice."

She pulled away, grinning. "Of course I am. Don't you know by now that I'm always right?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes.

I gave Alice a wry smile. "Ah, but there's something that you weren't right about."

She frowned. "And what's that?"

My expression turned serious. "You said you probably can't help me much, but you already are. Just by…not letting things change between us…and for being here for me."

"Why would you think things would change between us?"

I looked down at my feet and stumbled over my words. "I don't know…I just thought that maybe…I mean, I know you've probably seen in your visions how I keep panicking over nothing…and I thought things might get weird between us."

"That's ridiculous, Bella," she said immediately.

"I guess it is, isn't it?" Now that I was in her presence and feeling her sisterly care and attempts to cheer me up, it _did_ seem rather ridiculous.

"And you certainly haven't been panicking over nothing," Rosalie added. "What you've been through was horrible. My God, Bella, it's only been a week. You're handling everything better than should be expected."

"It doesn't feel that way," I muttered.

"Look at me, Bella," Alice demanded, and I shifted my gaze to meet hers. "I'm proud of you. I saw how you prevented Edward from losing it with Billy, and that you convinced him to go hunting today. He needed to go, and I know he never would've gone if you hadn't convinced him. He wouldn't have listened to anyone else."

I dropped my gaze again. "I hate how he's hurting because of me."

"Yes, well, love sucks that way, doesn't it? When you hurt, the people that love you also hurt."

And wasn't that just the way of it? I thought wearily, fingering my bracelet again. "I know he keeps blaming himself for what happened. I keep telling him it's not his fault, but I don't think he really listens."

Alice sighed. "I know. We've all tried to tell him not to blame himself, but it's not going to be an easy thing for him to do. He's never really forgiven himself for leaving you, and he knows that was when you became close to Jacob. On top of that he feels it's his job to protect you. He thinks he failed you."

"But that's—"

Alice held up her hand and shook her head, cutting off my protest. "You'll have to talk to him about it."

"But what about you, Bella?" Rosalie questioned.

I looked at her in confusion.

"Have _you_ stopped thinking that there was something you could've done differently to prevent it from happening?"

Her question took me off guard, and I averted my gaze from hers. If she had asked me if I'd stopped thinking that what had happened was my fault, I probably could've answered her yes, but the way she had worded it was different somehow, and I found that I couldn't.

She took my silence as a no. "Then how can you expect Edward to, if you can't do the same?" she questioned gently. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. Just keep reminding yourself that, okay?"

"Okay," I said hollowly.

Alice's arm came around my shoulders again. "Okay, enough of this. Time to do something fun. I've been wanting to learn how to do some cooking, and I thought you might like to help me out."

I shot her a bewildered look. "Why on earth would you want to learn to cook? You don't eat."

"Exactly what I've been asking her. Excellent point, Bella," Rosalie commended.

"It's always good to extend your horizons," Alice explained with a shrug. "Plus, I'm kind of sick of repeating high school all the time, so I was thinking maybe I could try and get a job the next time we start out somewhere new. A wedding planner would be fun, and it would be helpful to at least know something about cooking."

My eyes widened at her response. Edward had told me that they had started out in high school each time they moved because the younger they started out, the longer they could stay. I wasn't going to point that out, though. I could understand how Alice would get tired of repeating high school, and I didn't want to squash her idea.

Rosalie, however, looked like she was about to argue. Alice cut her off before she could. "It's just a thought, Rose," she said with a glare. "Anyway, come on, Bella, it'll be fun," she said cheerfully, grabbing my hand and tugging me toward the kitchen. "I already picked a recipe and started laying out the ingredients."

Sure enough, the kitchen counter was scattered with several bowls, utensils and cooking ingredients. A recipe book lay open next to an electric mixer.

Cooking certainly wasn't something that I'd ever expected to be doing with Alice, but she seemed to be excited by the idea, and I was just happy to be able to distract myself from everything. I had a feeling that that was partly what Alice was trying to do. "Sounds good. So what're we making?" I asked.

"Chocolate Angel Food Cake. I thought it sounded good because I know chocolate and cake are popular. What do you think?"

"Um…" It was a bit of an unusual choice, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "Sure, that sounds fine," I replied.

"You'd better watch out, Bella. Alice has no idea what she's doing," warned Rosalie. She stood in the dining room adjoining the kitchen with her arms folded across her chest, watching Alice with mild amusement.

Alice turned to glare at her. "Aren't you going to join us, Rosalie? Or are you just going to stand there and watch?"

"I'd prefer to keep my distance while you're cooking, thank you."

"Suite yourself," Alice said crisply. "I may not know much, but Bella will be helping. Besides, it can't be that difficult." She turned to one of the bowls. "First we have to add the egg whites," she said, picking up the bowl. She then proceeded to dump its contents into the large mixing bowl of the electric mixer.

I had to stifle a laugh at what I saw; she had just added a pile of eggshells into the mixing bowl. "Um…Alice…?"

Rosalie didn't bother to hold back; she burst out laughing.

Alice turned on her heel, placing her hands on her hips. "_What _is so funny?" she demanded.

I managed to keep from laughing as I explained to her which part of the egg was the egg white.

"Even _I_ knew that," interjected Rosalie after she had finally stopped laughing.

"Oh, shut up, Rose! It's easier for you because you can actually _remember_ your human life," retorted Alice.

I found myself smiling widely. Everything felt so normal, and I could almost forget the lurking darkness.

I showed Alice how to separate out the egg whites, and then we proceeded to follow the recipe.

However, we didn't get very far because, before I could stop her, Alice was dumping the entire amount of required flower into the mixing bowl while the mixer was on full speed. The area surrounding the machine became a cloudy white mist. Alice quickly turned off the machine, but it wasn't soon enough to prevent her from coating herself, head to toe, in flower. She'd even managed to coat some across my shirt when I was standing several feet away.

"Oops."

"You're supposed to add the flower gradually, Alice!" I exclaimed.

She glanced down at herself, then up at me, grinning sheepishly. A second later we were both overtaken by a fit of laughter.

It felt wonderful to be sharing a good laugh. So much so, that I could almost ignore the pain that surged across my battered stomach as my stomach muscles were called into action. Almost.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice asked with concern after we had stopped laughing and she noticed me clutching my stomach.

I forced a smile and dropped my hand back to my side. "I'm fine. It's nothing."

I could tell she didn't believe me. "Maybe you should sit down for a bit while I clean up this mess," she said, waving her hand at the layer of flour coating the floor under the electric mixer.

Before I could argue, Rosalie had pulled up a chair from the dining room and plopped it down next to me. "You," she said, glaring at me, "sit," she finished, pointing to the chair.

I sighed and sank down onto the padded chair while Rosalie turned to Alice. "And _you_ need to clean yourself up. I'll clean up the mess here."

While Alice was upstairs cleaning herself up and Rosalie was tackling the mess in the kitchen, the phone rang. _Maybe it's Edward_, I thought. It would be just like him to call to make sure I was doing okay. The phone was against the wall in the kitchen about a foot away from where I was sitting. "I got it," I said to Rosalie, pushing up from the chair and pulling the phone receiver out of its cradle.

"Hello?" I said into the phone. The air seemed to whoosh from my lungs when I heard the voice on the other end of the line.

"Well, this makes things easier. I thought I would have to pretend to be one of your friends from school so that whichever bloodsucker answered would give you the phone. Nice to hear your voice, Bella."

My stomach recoiled with revulsion, and my hand shook. _Jacob_.

"Give me the phone, Bella."

My eyes fell on Rosalie as she held out her hand, her gaze smoldering.

But I found that I couldn't comply with her request. I was frozen in place, my hand gripping the phone tightly.

**EPOV**

The deep unease settled into my core as I left Bella in someone else's care, knowing that danger was still lurking. I took off running before I could change my mind, leaping over the fifty-yard wide river and into the forest beyond.

Moving through the maze of trees, the details of my surroundings that would normally be exceptionally clear to me—even as I ran at full speed—now appeared only a haze of shapes as the only thing that registered was the sound of Bella's heartbeat, which eventually faded away to nothing.

Despite my anxiety, I also felt a sense of release to be running freely without having to hold anything back—to be free of restraints. It wasn't that I found it difficult to control my strength around Bella; that was no longer a problem. Being gentle with her was now second nature to me. No, it was the fear that I would do something to trigger her horrifying memories. Or that I would hurt her even when I touched her gently, now that she was covered in nasty bruises. That I would forget not to kiss her lips, or touch her in any kind of intimate way, at least not until she was ready. Gestures that had become second nature to me in the time that I'd known her, I now had to suppress.

It wasn't easy.

No, that was a treacherous understatement. It was excruciating.

She tried to put on a brave front, but how many times had I witnessed the confliction of fear and resulting shame whenever my touch brought forth the panic? How many times had I ached to just close the distance between us and kiss her deeply, passionately, making her forget everything except how much I loved her?

Oh, how I wanted it to be that simple. Wanted it so badly it hurt. Hurt with every breath I took.

But this was the way Bella needed it to be for now. And I would be whatever she needed.

But would that be enough? She kept her memories of that night close and guarded, something not uncommon, yet no less damaging. If only I could get her to open up to me. Perhaps in time.

But Jacob was still out there. She'd never be able to move on while having to fear he'd come back for her. My anxiety grew. I trusted my family to keep her safe, but another part of me couldn't bear to leave her after all that had happened. It was perhaps irrational paranoia on my part, yet knowing that did nothing to lessen the tight knot of fear in my gut. I had to get back to her as soon as possible.

Concentrating on listening for the heartbeat of nearby prey, I zeroed in on some Elk. It wouldn't normally be my first choice, but right now I couldn't care less. I barely even noticed the burn of thirst in my throat.

I drank as much as I could stomach, the blood almost tasteless. Then, as I started to make my way back home, everything seemed to catch up to me, and I suddenly halted, finding myself taking in every detail of the surrounding forest.

Everything was horribly wrong. It was the middle of spring with summer fast approaching. Final exams and graduation were only about a month away. It was supposed to be a time filled with excitement and planning for the future. Mine and Bella's future. Together. Our biggest worries should be finals, wedding plans, and the reaction of Bella's parents to our engagement when we told them.

But no. Instead Bella—_my_ Bella, the one I'd sworn to protect—had been subject to the worst kind of evil.

How could the world be so awful? How could it stand here in beauty and perfection, mocking me, after the horrors it had inflicted? Or the evil that still lurked?

The sun shone brightly, peaking through the tops of the trees that stood glorious and tall, and casting a cheerful glow across the vegetation beneath them. A slight breeze rustled the shrubs and a few wild flowers, only emphasizing their beauty. The gentle sloshing of water in a small creek nearby could be heard, as could the sound of insects and small rodents going about their business undisturbed.

The peace and beauty of it horrified me. It shouldn't be this perfect.

That was when everything came pouring out. The agony of it all, the vicious anger…

And suddenly I wanted to rip everything apart, demolishing the false perfection.

A shaking, rippling growl left my throat. Then…

_**CRACK**_…I tore a four-foot diameter branch off a nearby spruce tree.

_**BANG**_…I threw it against another neighboring tree.

The memories flowed through me with burning clarity and my anger grew at an alarming rate.

_"No! No! Not again! Please!" _

_**CRACK…BANG**_

_"But I don't feel like me anymore. I…I feel…dirty…disgusting."_

_**CRACK…BANG**_

_I really hope they catch the guy that did this to her. I've never seen such severe damage before in other rape victims I've dealt with. Poor Bella. It must have been horrible._

_**CRACK…CRACK…BANG…BANG**_

"Holy shit, man! What did the trees ever do to you?"

Emmett's amused voice came from behind me, and I swiveled around to face him, my body shaking with fury. "Don't you dare push me now, Emmett," I snarled.

He laughed and spread his arms out in invitation. "Come and take your best shot."

I certainly didn't need any more encouragement. If he wanted a fight, that's what he would get.

I lunged at him, but he dodged me easily. Extreme fury was the only thing that I could feel, and I continued my attack. But I only achieved a few successful hits, and before long, Emmett had me pinned to the ground.

"Man, you're really losing it, bro," he said seriously and with a hint of worry. "You've got to get a hold of your anger or you'll be useless when it comes to protecting Bella. Didn't you even notice that you haven't been hearing any of my thoughts?"

All of my anger suddenly evaporated when I realized he was right, and I slumped down on the ground in defeat, my head falling back on the damp forest floor. _Oh, God_. I _was_ useless. By letting my anger consume me, I had been useless in the fight. Not only because my ability to strategize had been non-existent, but also because my gift had been lost to my anger. I hadn't heard Emmett approaching, and I hadn't read his moves from his thoughts either. Emmett was stronger than me, but he had never been able to defeat me in a fight before because my mind-reading ability had never given him a chance to get a hold of me like he had now.

Emmett rolled off me and plopped down next to me in a sitting position, stretching his legs out in front of him.

I continued to lie there, reaching up to rub my hand over my face. "Christ, Em. You're right."

"Don't beat yourself up about it too much. We all need an outlet sometimes. Feeling better now?"

I pulled myself into a sitting position with my feet flat on the ground, resting my arms on my knees, my shoulders slumping. "Not really," I admitted.

He gave me a consoling slap on the back in typical Emmett fashion.

His thoughts told me that he had purposely picked a fight with me so that he could pull me back to my senses. "Why didn't you just bring Jasper with you?" I asked him in a dejected tone.

"You needed to release some pent-up anger on your own, Edward," he replied seriously. Then his voice took on an amused tone. "Besides, judging from the destruction around here"—he waved his hand at our surroundings—"I don't think he could've helped much."

I sighed, leaning forward and raking my fingers through my hair in frustration. "I just can't stand to see her suffering so much, Em. Yesterday she panicked when all I did was hold her wrist up."

He blew out heavily. "It's going to take time, but I know you can both get through this."

"But what if I mess up? When I left her today, I almost forgot not to…" I trailed off, searching for the best way to explain. "I almost held her…and kissed her the way I used to."

"But you didn't."

"No, but—"

"Stop being so hard on yourself, Edward." He paused, and his lips curved into a slight grin. "And, if you ever need to release some anger again, I'll be happy to be of service. I always wondered how you would fair in a fight without your mind-reading advantage, and I have to say; you're pretty horrible."

I rolled my eyes but didn't bother to retort—I wasn't in the mood. He knew as well as I did that my mind reading ability hadn't been the only thing affected by my anger-consumed mindset.

But I would never allow my anger to consume me like that again. When the time came to face Jacob, I would be ready for him.

At that moment the ringing sound of an old-fashioned telephone pierced through my thoughts. It was my cell phone's ringtone for calls from home. I stopped breathing. _Bella_. I'd told her to call me for anything.

I was on my feet and pulling the phone from my pocket in one swift motion.

I jabbed my thumb on the button to accept the call and held the phone up to my ear. "Bella?" I asked, failing in my attempt to keep the worry out of my voice.

"No, Edward, it's me," came Esme's voice. It was calm and even, but I knew her well and managed to detect the hint of disguised worry. Not to mention, she wouldn't be calling me unless something was wrong.

"Is Bella alright?" I asked quickly. Emmett was on his feet now too, hovering beside me, listening.

"Calm down, Edward. She's safe," replied Esme.

I didn't miss that she had sidestepped my question. Something was definitely wrong. "But she's not alright?!" I questioned again, half shouting in exasperation.

"Please calm down, Edward. She's just a bit shaken up."

"I'll be right there." Without another word, I shoved the phone back into my pocket and took off at full speed, leaving Emmett unable to keep up with me, and wanting nothing more than to be holding Bella safely in my arms.

**A/N: Ok, so I know this probably wasn't what you were expecting, but I really hope you aren't disappointed. I know you were probably expecting a face-to-face confrontation with Jacob, and I promise that it will come eventually. I've thought long and hard about how I want this to go, and trust me that I'm not just randomly throwing things out there. There is a reason for the phone call from Jacob. Also, just a reminder that we last saw Jacob on Tuesday and it is Friday in this chapter. So it hasn't been very long, and I feel that it is a bit early for Jacob to be showing his face again already. **

**Anyway, I really hope you're still enjoying. Please review and let me know your thoughts. Reviews keep me motivated! And it's my birthday on Friday. Don't I get special treatment (i.e. lots of reviews)? Lol :-)**


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: HUGE thanks to all of you that reviewed. Your support and encouragement keeps me going.

And now here is a HUGE chapter (It's also a pretty important one—I think).

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books.

**Chapter 18**

**BPOV**

It felt like the air around me was slowly being drained of oxygen._ Breathe, Bella. Breathe. Stay calm. He can't hurt you over the phone_, I reminded myself, sucking in a large breath of air, but it didn't seem to quite reach my lungs.

"They're manipulating you, Bells," came his voice in earnest, "the whole bloodsucking lot of them! You love me, I know you do."

His words, his voice, seemed to reverberate through me while everything else became a muffled hum in the background that I couldn't quite grasp. I wanted to scream at him to stay away from me, that I didn't love him, that I'd never loved him, but the part of my brain that controlled speech clearly wasn't functioning.

"I don't want to hurt anyone," he went on, "but I will if I have to. Come away with me and no one will get hurt."

I felt a cool hand cover mine and realized that Esme was standing beside me. "Bella, honey, give me the phone," she whispered while gently trying to loosen my grip on the receiver, but my fingers continued to curl over it tightly.

"Just think about it, Bells."

The phone line went dead, and the receiver finally slipped through my fingers.

Esme caught it. Then her arms were around me before my legs could give out beneath me. His words were replaying over and over in my mind. Until I realized their significance.

Jacob was going to hurt people I cared about to get to me.

"Charlie!" I cried suddenly, a sharp edge of hysteria in my tone as I finally found my voice.

"Calm down, honey," Esme soothed. "We've been constantly scouring the borders around Forks. Between us and the pack there's no way he can slip by undetected. Charlie's safe." I relaxed slightly at her words.

"How the hell could he possibly think Bella loves him and would agree to go away with him?!" Alice thundered. I'd never seen her this angry before.

"Because he's completely sick in the head and should be rotting in hell, that's how!" spat Rosalie. A second later she was grabbing the phone from the wall, and I heard three faint beeps as she dialed three numbers. After holding the phone to her ear for a few seconds, she slammed it back in its cradle, cursing loudly. "Fine! I'll just call the phone company!"

"Tracing the call isn't going to help us, Rosalie. He would've thought of that, and by the time we trace the number from the phone company, he'll be long gone from where he made the call," reasoned Alice.

"It's still better than nothing," Rosalie insisted. "At least we'll have an idea of where he's been."

"I guess it couldn't hurt," agreed Alice.

No one spoke for a moment, and the awful sound of Jacob's voice seemed to ring in my ears.

Keeping one arm around me, Esme tucked my hair behind my ear. "Let's go sit down," she suggested, steering me to the sofa in the living room.

After we were seated she took my hand and squeezed it gently.

Then she pulled me into another hug. "How about we watch some TV? There are some movies under here," she said, releasing me and pointing to the shelving inside the TV stand. "You can take a look through them and pick something out while I fix you a sandwich for lunch."

"Oh…I…" I didn't much feel like eating right then, but knowing she'd just gone grocery shopping for me, it felt poor manners to refuse her offer. "Um, okay, thanks," I said instead, attempting a small smile.

After she'd left the room I sank to my knees in front of the TV to look through the movies, wanting something to keep my mind distracted. I could hear Alice and Rosalie speaking softly in the kitchen, and although I couldn't make out what they were saying, hearing their voices was soothing, reminding me that I wasn't alone.

After a few minutes of aimlessly looking through the movie titles, Alice appeared in the room and I glanced up when she spoke.

"This should be fun. Movie time with just us girls. Esme even bought you some popcorn, and—Bella? What is it? What's wrong? Bella!"

I only distantly registered the sudden frantic edge to her voice, and soon I could hear nothing but the pounding of my own heart, could see nothing but the darkness behind my lids as they attempted to shield me from my reality.

Hard floor. Beneath me. Popcorn. All around me. It couldn't be happening again. It couldn't. But it was. I felt my wrists being grabbed tightly and held down above my head. Jacob's monstrous face was above me; I could see it clearer than ever now.

_No. No. Please! _My heart hammered against my chest violently. _Edward, where are you? _He'd said he would never let it happen again. But I realized it was too late. I didn't want him to see me like this. I was naked and completely humiliated as the hot, bruising hands roamed my body. Touching where no one had before. Tremors ran through me. Pain. Tearing pain. Inside me. Never ending.

I squeezed my eyes closed tighter and begged for it to stop…

But then…there were familiar voices…calling my name.

_Bella. Bella._

I latched onto them and, finally, forced my eyes open. Esme's concerned face came into focus.

I was huddled up against the TV stand, and she was kneeling in front of me. Alice and Rosalie stood behind her.

It hadn't been real. I hadn't been back with Jacob again. My mind had been playing tricks on me again. But it had felt so real. More real than ever before. Even though I knew it hadn't happened, it felt like it had. It felt like I had relived that horrible night one week ago. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to get better, not worse. Everyone had told me that things would get easier with time. I must be a lost cause. Nothing could help me now.

"Bella, honey…" Esme started, reaching her hand toward me.

I jerked away from her. "Please don't." It was still too vividly clear. I could still smell the popcorn, feel his touch, and I could even feel the throbbing pain inside me. I didn't want to be touched by anyone. I was too afraid of what would happen.

I felt sick to my stomach and staggered against the TV stand, my head feeling like it weighed a thousand pounds.

"Let's get you somewhere more comfortable, hon," Esme said kindly.

"No, please, just leave me be," I pleaded. Then I curled up on my side with my head resting against the carpeted floor and my arms hugged to my chest. I still felt like I was completely exposed, and I wanted to hide as much of myself as possible.

Tears gathered in my eyes as hopelessness filled me. I was just getting worse. I would never be normal again. Everything would seem okay, and then something so ridiculously small, like the smell of popcorn, would bring everything crashing down around me.

My tears hit the carpet as I squeezed my eyes closed, willing the horrors that were once again frighteningly fresh in my mind to just disappear. Rosalie's words were suddenly running through my head.

"…_you have to face what happened and deal with it however you can. It's the only way things will get better. You can't keep trying to forget."_

But I couldn't face it. I wasn't strong enough. I was a pathetic weakling that lay curled up, sick to her stomach, and shaking in fear and humiliation from the feel of hands that were, in reality, nonexistent. I lay there in defeat as the hopelessness surrounded me.

I had no sense of how much time had past since I'd asked Esme to stay away, but at some point I caught movement through the haze of my tears, and when I realized it was the blurry shape of someone moving in front of me, I pulled backward slightly. Didn't they get it? I'd told them to stay away. I knew they were only trying to help, but I couldn't risk being forced to relive that night again. I was already having enough trouble as it was. I squeezed my eyes closed again, feeling too drained for much else and hoping they would get my message.

"Oh, Bella," came the soft, familiar voice, and I felt a tug to my heart. _Edward_. I couldn't bear to hear the sadness in his voice. He murmured softly to me, so softly I could barely hear it, and yet it seemed to surround me, enfolding me in a comforting, protective blanket, where the horrifying hands could no longer reach me.

_But for how long?_ I asked myself. They would come back eventually; they always did. Something, possibly even Edward's touch, would suddenly yank reality out from under me, sending me tumbling into the horrors of my mind. I knew that Edward would never hurt me, but what I knew and what my mind wouldn't let me forget were two entirely different things. I couldn't forget, and I couldn't face it. So where did that leave me? Unfixable. Forever mentally unstable. A lost cause.

I forced my eyes open as the tears once again began to gather behind my lids. Through the blur I saw Edward stretch his hand out toward me very slowly as if gauging my reaction.

I couldn't pull away.

His hand rubbed circles on my arm, gentle, soothing caresses.

It made my heart ache. _Edward_. I loved him so much. We had been through an incredible amount of obstacles in order to be together, and now I was ruining everything with my mental instability.

More tears leaked out of my eyes. I couldn't fix it. I was just getting worse instead of better. I'd never be able to have a real relationship with the one I loved.

"It's…just getting worse," I finally managed to push out through the tightening in my throat. "I…can't…get through this, Edward." My voice sounded shaky and weak. I was so pathetic. I tucked my chin to my chest and squeezed my eyes closed.

I felt his hand disappear. "You're right. You can't," he agreed. "Not alone," he added, his voice softer. Then I felt his big hand cup my chin, and my eyes flew open. He gently pushed my chin so that my eyes met his; he was now lying on his side next to me, his head resting on his arm. He'd kept some distance between us, his face being about a foot away from mine, maybe more. "But you're not alone." His eyes were a light gold, filled with a loving warmth and strength that made me yearn to close the distance he'd placed between us.

I knew that before that horrible night, Edward never would've thought twice about lying close to me, but now he was cautious. Although I was touched by his obvious care, it saddened me to think of how much our relationship had been affected by what had happened.

Instead of moving closer, I settled for reaching out and stroking the side of his face. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again he grabbed my hand and kissed it softly. "Never alone," he enforced. Still holding my hand in his, he shifted his gaze to my bracelet and rubbed his thumb across the engraving. "Forever, remember?" he whispered, his eyes meeting mine again.

His gaze seemed to penetrate through me, and I _did_ feel stronger. But was it enough? I still couldn't face what had happened. My tears flowed freely again, pooling on the carpet near my cheek.

And suddenly he was grasping my chin again. "Don't you _dare. _Don't you_ dare _give up." The sudden increase in the volume of his voice startled me, and I almost jerked away, but despite the strength of his voice, his touch was gentle. "Because I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. And I will _never, ever_ give up on you."

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry," I whispered, my heart twisting into painful knots. My tears flowed even faster. I didn't know how I could be fixed. I was too messed up. "I…I'm supposed to be getting better, but…" I spoke softly, then trailed off into a whisper. "It felt even more real this time…it was like…like I relived it."

"You're not getting worse, Bella. That's completely understandable," he replied without hesitation, and my eyes widened at his steadfast reply. "It's not surprising after the phone call," he added gently.

I hadn't really thought of that, but I guess it made sense that hearing Jacob's voice again could make things worse. I shivered as I remembered the sound of his threatening voice. But I knew it wasn't what had triggered me to relive that night.

The words tumbled out without a thought. "It was the popcorn. When I smelt it…I was at Jacob's house again. We…were watching a movie…and…he made popcorn…and…" I trailed off when it suddenly hit me that I was starting to tell him about that night. The one I wanted nothing more than to forget. I had no idea what had possessed me to tell him what I had, but I was shocked to realize that by telling him just that small, insignificant detail, the thought and smell of popcorn no longer seemed so terrifying. It was then that I finally understood what Rosalie had meant—how I had to face what had happened. Edward had also been encouraging me to talk to him about that night, and as terrifying as it was, I knew it was what I had to do. Edward was right. I couldn't give up hope because I _could_ face it, just not alone.

Edward's expression was almost unreadable, but I could tell that the significance of what I had started to tell him had not gone unnoticed by him. We continued to gaze at each other in silence while understanding passed between us. Finally, Edward broke the silence. "Are you ready to talk about it, love?" he asked.

"I…just to you," I said, my voice low. It was going to be hard enough talking to Edward, and I certainly didn't want the rest of his family to hear everything as well. "Can…can they hear us?"

"They can, but they're not listening right now. I'll go talk to them," he told me, pulling himself up. "They'll understand and give us some time alone."

I started to pull myself up as well, pushing the palm of my hand against the floor for support, but I only managed to get halfway as the nausea swept through me again, making me feel dizzy and weak. I also felt a jab of pain in my stomach that was stronger than I'd expected, and I winced. I could only guess that all the laughing had made the battered area more tender. _Imagine that_, I thought. It literally _hurt_ to laugh.

I swayed slightly, but then I felt Edward's strong arm encircle my waist. He drew me against his chest, and I leaned into him, grateful for the support. I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath. "Let me take you upstairs first."

I wrapped my arms around his neck in reply, and he carefully scooped me in his arms and stood up. My head still felt as if it was lined with lead, and I automatically rested it on his shoulder.

He surprised me by moving at a human pace, but I certainly wasn't in any hurry to start talking, and I snuggled into him further, my forehead pressing against the hollow between his neck and shoulder.

I realized that I'd subconsciously tightened my hold on him, and that he'd misinterpreted the reason, when he suddenly shifted his arm higher on my back and asked in a concerned voice, "Am I hurting you?"

I almost smiled. He was so sweet. "No, I'm comfortable."

I felt him relax slightly, but I realized that he still felt tense, and after he'd placed me on the large bed in his room, I noticed him take another deep breath. I studied him more intently. The lightness of his eyes and fading shadows under them confirmed that he had hunted, but his hair was in more of a state of disarray than usual and he definitely looked on edge.

"I'll be right back. I'll just go down and talk to them," he said, turning away.

I grabbed his wrist. "Wait."

He turned back to look at me in question.

"Are you okay?"

He threw me an incredulous look. "Am _I_ okay? I should be asking _you_ that question."

I ignored his comment. "Did something happen when you went hunting? Are you not telling me something?" I was getting anxious now.

"No, no. Calm down, love." He paused, then sighed. "I'm just trying to remind myself not to think about how much I want to rip Jacob limb from limb."

"Oh."

He sank down beside me and smoothed my hair with his hands. He looked less tense now. "Are you feeling any better? You're still looking very pale."

_Ugh_. I probably looked horrible. I wiped my arm at my tear-stained face. When I dropped my arm again, Edward was holding out a box of tissues.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that he had human-like essentials on hand. He had always gone out of his way to make sure I had everything I needed. "Thanks," I mumbled, accepting the box, pulling out a tissue, and then placing the box on the bed beside me.

He continued to watch me, awaiting my reply. "I feel a bit better," I answered truthfully. I still felt drained, but I didn't feel as nauseated as I had before; the memories were no longer so vivid and overpowering.

"Do you feel well enough to eat something?" he asked.

My stomach churned at the thought, and I shook my head.

"Alright. Maybe later, then," he said gently.

After Edward had left the room briefly to speak to his family downstairs, I started to second-guess my decision to talk to him about everything that I had been desperately trying to forget. What would he think when he heard all the details? Would he finally be disgusted with me? _No,_ I answered myself firmly, hugging my wrist with the beautiful bracelet to my chest. He loved me no matter what.

**xxxxx**

I sat on the bed with my legs crossed. Despite my exhaustion, my nerves were very much on edge, and I wasn't relaxed enough to lean up against the headboard. Instead I leaned forward, resting my arms on my knees, and picked at the fluff on the light blue blanket in front of me as if it might somehow distract me from what I had to talk about. It didn't, of course, and I gave up and clasped my hands together in my lap instead. I felt as if the insides of my stomach were tied in knots.

Edward had returned to the room, and after assuring me that he was now the only one that could hear me, he'd sat down on the edge of the bed, angling himself so that he faced me, and hadn't said anything further. He hadn't needed to; I could feel his eyes on me, watching, waiting, and when I finally looked up to meet his gaze, he somehow spoke to me without words.

_I love you. Talk to me. We can get through it together. _

The knots in my stomach loosened slightly, and I managed to start talking. I began at the very beginning, right from when Jacob had come strolling out of his house to greet me with that huge grin, the one that had once never failed to make me smile. The one that now made me feel as if a piece was being carved out of my heart when I remembered it.

Although it may have appeared unnecessary to start talking about events that had occurred before everything had suddenly gone horrible wrong, I had to ease my way into the most difficult parts, and, to me, everything about that night was part of the dark section in my memories that I had been desperately trying to lock away—the part that I now knew needed purging.

Edward was extremely patient, hanging onto my every word, even when they must have seemed insignificant.

Initially, it wasn't too difficult, but when I got to the part where Jacob had thrown my cell phone against the wall—the point when my trust for him had finally shattered completely—it became more and more difficult for me to keep talking. It was like walking deeper and deeper into a cave, the walls becoming closer, the light from the entrance behind me growing dimmer, until soon there would be no going back, only the knowledge that the light would somehow be brighter on the other side; it didn't make the journey any easier.

Edward remained completely composed, his expression unreadable. However, when I told him about the cell phone and that Jacob had then violently grabbed me by my upper arms, shaking me, demanding that I see we were meant to be together, I noticed that he had become completely motionless, his jaw muscle bunched.

I squeezed my hands together so tightly that it was painful, but I forced myself to keep going.

My throat felt dry, and my words did not flow easily. "He told me that…that he loved me and that I should…leave you to be with him. But I told him no, that I didn't love him…and then he…" As I remembered, I wrapped my arms around my stomach as if to hold it together. "…I couldn't…breathe," I choked out.

Since Edward had seen all the bruises covering my stomach, it didn't take him long to fill in the blanks, and I could see the exact moment that he did; his eyes flashed brightly with anger before he quickly composed himself.

He reached out and lightly touched my arm with his fingertips. "You're safe now, love. He can't hurt you anymore," he reminded me.

I nodded, repeating the words in my head to calm myself.

"He told me that you didn't really love me and that you didn't want to change me because you wouldn't be interested in me anymore," I told him, gulping back the lump in my throat.

Edward jumped in. "You know that's not—"

"I know," I said quietly, cutting him off. "I-I told him it wasn't true and then…he said that…that I would be his."

I saw Edward's eyes blaze again.

"Then he…he kissed me." Hating how that sounded, I rushed on to add, "I-I didn't want it…I…"

Edward reached a hand out to me again, speaking gently. "Of course n—"

I interrupted him and pulled away, keeping my arms wrapped around my middle. I explained how I'd tried to push Jacob away and how I'd tried to run. I told him that I'd attempted to scream for help, but that Jacob had just laughed at me. "After that…I stopped fighting," I said, horrified. Then I spoke quickly, frantically, my words a jumbled mess. "I should've kept fighting…maybe he would've lost interest…or what if I'd kept screaming…maybe someone would have heard…I should've…should've—"

"Bella!" It wasn't exactly loud enough to be considered shouting, but Edward's deep voice filled the room with its rich firmness. Then I was suddenly locked in his strong arms, his chest a muscular wall of strength that cradled me. "There was _nothing_ you could've done." His voice was softer now, coming from just above my ear, but was no less firm or unyielding. "If you had continued to fight him you would've just suffered more injuries. And if you'd kept screaming he would've found a way to keep you quiet. There was _nothing_ you could've done," he repeated, his lips lightly brushing my hairline.

My eyes started to sting, but I forced back the tears and nodded. For the first time, I truly believed it; that there was nothing I could've done differently that would have prevented what had happened from happening.

I desperately wanted to stay there in Edward's arms, but I knew I had to keep talking and that I wouldn't be able to if I stayed there, so I pulled away.

Edward released me, but his gaze fell to my face, studying it. "You can take your time, love," he said gently.

I shook my head. "I…need to get this over with."

It was one of the most difficult things I'd ever done. I stumbled over my words, choked back sobs, and held back tears. Edward tried to reach out and comfort me several times, but I couldn't accept it. I couldn't even look at him. I was too afraid I'd fall apart completely if I did. Instead I stared out the wall-sized window at a single branch on one of the cedar trees, keeping my arms wrapped tightly around my middle. Every muscle in my body was tense, my skin was clammy, and it was a good thing that I hadn't eaten any lunch.

Somehow—and I have no idea how—I made it through; I got to the other side of the cave.

He knew everything.

_Edward_ knew _everything_.

I still couldn't look at him.

I wasn't selfish enough not to realize that hearing everything was extremely difficult for him as well. That was partly why I couldn't look up at his face, and now, although I knew it wasn't my fault, I still felt the need to say it. "I'm so sorry, Edward…I wanted my first time to be with you," I whispered, tearing my eyes from the window to stare down into my lap.

Then everything came pouring out.

I collapsed on the bed, curling up on my side. My shoulders shook as gut-wrenching sobs took over, and I didn't bother to hold back the tears anymore. Wasn't talking about it supposed to make me feel better? Where was the brighter light on the other side of the cave?

I felt the mattress dip behind me, then Edward's arm came around my waist. He gently pulled me close so that my back was against his chest, nestling his chin on my shoulder, our cheeks touching. "Then it will be. In every way that matters," he murmured. "When you're ready." He paused, then said firmly, "And you have _nothing_ to be sorry for. _Nothing._"

My sobs made talking difficult, and my words came out between heaves. "It…doesn't…bother you…even a little...? That I…"

"Oh, Bella," he whispered. "How could you think that? Of _course_ it doesn't." He moved his hand from around my waist to rub soothing circles on my arm. "He _forced_ you. It means _nothing_."

My emotions were in overdrive, and my tears flowed faster when I detected the complete sincerity in his voice.

Then his previous words echoed in my head. _When you're ready_.

"What if…what if I'm…never ready?" I choked out in a pained whisper.

"You will be in time, love. It's only been a week. We'll take things slow. And you let me know if I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I won't be offended. Will you do that?"

"I…yes," I whispered in reply, my breathing still coming in short pants.

He turned his head slightly and pressed his lips to my cheek in a soft, loving kiss. "I'm in no hurry. We have forever, remember?"

In that moment, I could finally see the light at the other side of the cave. Edward's arm hugged me close and my hand found his, our fingers locking together. He didn't say anything more; he just held me while I continued to sob my heart out, and I lost all track of time…

**xxxxx**

"Bella. Bella, love, wake up."

I opened my eyes groggily. Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. "Hey there, sleepyhead," he said, giving me a small smile. "How're you feeling?"

Everything that had happened came rushing back, and I realized that I had cried myself to sleep. _I must look absolutely terrible after all that crying_. "Ugh," I replied, covering my face with my hands.

Edward chuckled lightly. "That good, huh?"

I peeked out at him from behind my hands. "I look horrible, don't I?"

He raised his brow. "You don't look _that_ bad."

I groaned and covered my face completely again.

"Don't worry about how you look. How are you _feeling_?"

I felt better than I had in a while. Then I suddenly realized something. "No nightmares!" I exclaimed, pulling my hands from my face.

"You've only been asleep for a bit under three hours, but I'd still say that's a good sign."

I nodded. He obviously didn't want to get my hopes up in case the nightmares came back again.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you, but it's five thirty and you haven't eaten anything for a while, and we also need to go back to your house. Charlie will be home from work soon."

"It's okay. I'm glad you did. It's not a good idea for me to get my sleep schedule all messed up."

I lifted my head off the pillow and placed my hands on the mattress at my sides, trying to figure out how to sit up and avoid the pain in my stomach, since I remembered that it had become more tender from my laughing fit with Alice. Before I could think much about it, Edward carefully placed his hands behind me and pulled me up. He kept his arms loosely encircled around me, and our gazes locked, his eyes searching mine.

I wrapped my arms around him and closed the distance between us, resting my head on his shoulder. "Thank you. For listening. For everything," I whispered.

He leaned his head against mine and tightened his hold. "Thank you for trusting me," he whispered back.

**xxxxx**

After showering, drying my hair, and changing back into my jeans and a T-shirt that I borrowed from Alice, I entered Edward's bedroom to find him sitting on the bed and gazing out the window. He turned toward me when I sat down beside him.

"It's sunny," I commented, looking out the window. Edward nodded.

It hadn't rained all day, and I remembered that Charlie had told me in the morning that tomorrow was supposed to be sunny as well. Although I felt lighter than I ever had since my living nightmare, I couldn't forget that I had to go back to school on Monday, or the phone call from Jacob and the fact that he was still out there somewhere.

I wanted to get out for a bit and enjoy the weekend, just Edward and me. "It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow, too. Let's go out, just the two of us. We could go hiking to the meadow. The _normal_ way, like the first time you took me there."

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Since when do you like hiking?"

"Since I went with you."

His gaze softened, and he pulled me onto his lap. "Are you sure you're up to it? It's several hours of hiking, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine. If I get tried you can carry me," I promised.

"Alright, then. It's a date," he said, the corners of his mouth tugging up into a smile.

Our faces were only a few inches apart, and then I felt his cool lips brush against mine. It was only for a fraction of a second because Edward suddenly jerked away.

"Jesus, I'm sorry, Bella, I—"

I cut him off by wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing our faces close again.

He moved his head back a bit and searched my gaze. "Are you sure? Because you don't have to—"

"Just kiss me, Edward." I _had_ automatically tensed when his lips had touched mine, and I was still tense because I was scared that I might lose my grip on reality, but I also desperately wanted to feel Edward's kisses again, and I decided it was worth the risk.

His lips pressed delicately against mine, and I could sense his hesitation. It wasn't the same kind of hesitation I'd felt from him before—when he had been unsure of his ability to stay in control. This time he hesitated because he was gauging _my_ reaction.

I parted my lips slightly in encouragement.

His mouth molded against mine then, and all the tension left my body. One of his hands moved to my neck while the other remained at my waist, and his arm curled around me. I melted into him, my heart fluttering.

When we finally broke apart, he hugged me close, and I brought my eyes up to his. "You're amazing," I told him.

His lips tipped into his crooked, dazzling smile, and his eyes seemed to sparkle. "Glad I haven't lost my touch."

"I don't just mean with the kiss."

"You're not so bad yourself," he teased affectionately.

I hadn't felt this happy or seen Edward this happy ever since _it_ had happened. My heart soared. "I love you," I said, snuggling into him.

"I love you, too," he said tenderly.

**EPOV**

It was a quarter after ten in the morning on Saturday, and I stood gazing out the window in the small family room of Charlie's house. Charlie was working today, but yesterday evening when I'd brought Bella home, he had arrived soon after, and the three of us had watched a movie together.

I was now waiting while Bella was upstairs showering and getting ready for our hiking trip. As predicted it was a beautiful sunny day, and I smiled as I thought of all the progress we'd made yesterday.

But…

What the hell had possessed me to kiss her like that without even giving any warning? Granted, it _had_ ended up having a wonderful result. To hold her close, feel her soft, warm lips against mine... My skin seemed to warm at the memory.

I quickly shook off the memory so that I could get back to scolding myself. I _must_ remember to be more careful. I must take things slow. I would like to think that I had somehow known that she wanted me to kiss her and that it wouldn't trigger a panic attack, but I wasn't quite that gullible. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder was much more complicated than that; no one, including Bella, knew what could trigger one of her distressing recollections. I had felt her tense up as soon as my lips had touched hers, which was what had brought me back to my senses. She had _wanted_ to kiss me, but it was obvious that she had also been afraid that it might uncontrollably trigger one of her recollections. The relief I'd felt when she had relaxed in my arms had been immense.

So much so, that I'd almost managed to not think about it. To not think about what that monster had done.

My fits tightened at my sides.

_Nothing_ could have prepared me for hearing her speak of it aloud. _Nothing_. And how I'd managed to hold myself together through it, I didn't know. I'd wanted to bolt from the room and hunt him down until the ends of the earth. To look him in the eye and see the stark terror there as I inflicted every kind of torture known to man. Not even his own mother would've been able to recognize him after I'd been through with him…

My jaw flexed and my fingers twitched, the urge, no, the absolute _need _to get my hands on him engulfing every cell of my body.

It wasn't only the physical harm that he had inflicted that was horrible. He'd also tortured her with his words, and it had sickened me to hear everything he'd said to her.

And when she'd been unable to look at me as she spoke...

It had probably been just as well in the end because I was sure that I'd been unable to keep that inferno of rage from leaking out into my expression. Not to mention that I didn't know how I would've handled seeing all the pain in her eyes on top of everything else. It had been horrible enough to hear it in her voice, hear her struggle to speak as she held back sobs, and see her small frame shaking profoundly. I had desperately wanted to comfort her, but she had always pulled away. I had understood why she hadn't been able let me touch her while she spoke of unthinkable horrors, but it hadn't made it any easier to sit there and do nothing while she suffered.

And to hear about that monster touching her like that…

I couldn't think of it.

And no matter how awful, no matter how horrible, she'd needed to purge that horror. And I could be grateful that she'd opened up to me, no matter how much it had hurt. She had trusted me enough, loved me enough to bare those hurts open to me. And that spoke to me more than I could ever put into words.

My fits loosened slightly, and I turned from the window

The beast still needed dealing with, and I had to keep myself together if I hoped to find him. Last night Bella had only had one nightmare, and instead of her reliving what had already happened, her nightmare had been of Jacob coming back for her.

To add to that, yesterday evening Angela had called because she'd been worried about Bella. When Charlie had called up to Bella from downstairs to say that Angela was on the phone, Bella had paled instantly. I'd realized that it was because she'd been afraid that it might be Jacob again, getting someone to speak into the phone for him, pretending to be Angela. I'd had to assure her that I'd recognized Angela's voice. She still hadn't wanted to speak to Angela, though, and she'd asked Charlie to tell her she'd talk to her at school on Monday.

The phone call reminded me of something that was bothering me. How had Jacob known to call my house instead of Bella's? It was true that he would probably expect Bella to spend quite a bit of time at my house, but it still would have made more sense for him to at least call Bella's house first. However, I'd checked Charlie's home phone and there hadn't been any calls until after the call from Jacob to the Cullen home phone.

And had it been merely a coincidence that he had called when I wasn't there with Bella? I had a sickening feeling that it hadn't. But it wasn't possible that Jacob was close enough to be able to watch us. I could smell his awful stench from miles away as well as hear his thoughts. And I'd even gone so far as to search for cameras outside of Bella's house and found none. So how could he have possibly known that Bella was at my house and that I hadn't been with her?

I didn't have an answer. But my gut was telling me that it hadn't been a coincidence.

**BPOV **

I climbed out of the shower and pulled on my bathrobe. Despite the lurking threat of Jacob and that I would have to go back to school and face everyone on Monday, I was determined to enjoy the day with Edward.

When I pulled open the bathroom door, I could hear Edward and Alice's voices coming from downstairs. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but it sounded like an argument, and when I stepped out of the bathroom I thought I heard my name.

My curiosity got the better of me, and I took the three steps required to reach the top of the stairs. As I made my way down the stairs I heard Alice's worried voice, followed by Edward's enraged one.

"Edward, Bella's—"

"How the hell am I supposed to tell that to Bella?!" He obviously hadn't been listening to Alice when he'd cut her off, and it was also clear that whatever he'd just learned had made him so angry that he hadn't realized that I'd come out of the shower and could hear him.

My stomach filled with dread as I stepped into the kitchen. "Tell me what?" My voice sounded small.

"—listening," Alice finished with a sigh.

To my surprise there were three of them in the room: Edward, Alice, and Jasper. The fact that Jasper was there as well made everything much worse. If Jasper was there and Edward was still as angry as he evidently was…

I was suddenly terrified of whatever it was that Edward didn't know how to tell me.

**A/N: So, what did you think of this chapter? I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Any thoughts on what Alice and Jasper told Edward?**

Song inspiration:

(1) 'You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)' - Josh Groban (2) 'Not Alone' - Red


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Many, many thanks for all of your wonderful reviews. They really do mean the world to me.

_**Disclaimer:**__ Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 19**

**EPOV**

The minute the three of us entered Charlie's tiny kitchen, I turned to glare at my brother and sister, my brow furrowed in frustration. They had both become fairly appt at thinking around things, just enough to irritate the hell out of me. All I'd been able to pick up from their thoughts was that they'd come to inform me about a conversation between Jasper and Sam.

Alice was unusually quite, and Jasper's face was wiped of all expression, both of which told me that I wasn't going to like whatever they were about to tell me. To add to that, the fact that they'd come to speak to me face-to-face while I was at Bella's house indicated it wasn't something minor.

I could hear the rhythmic beat of Bella's heart and the sound of the shower. Although I was certain she wouldn't be able to hear anything over the shower, we had moved to the kitchen as a precautionary measure.

Neither Alice nor Jasper spoke immediately after we had entered the room. "Well…?" I pressed, my annoyance escalating.

Alice spoke quickly, fearing I would hear it from her thoughts first and interrupt. "Sam believes there might be a way to remove Jacob's shape shifting ability and they're looking into it."

My frown deepened. How was that a bad thing?

Then it hit me, and Alice's thoughts reinforced the conclusion I'd drawn. The pack wanted to remove Jacob's abilities when he was found instead of killing him.

My body became completely rigid, and I answered with only one word, but my expression and tone were dangerous and unyielding in a way that would have terrified almost anyone. "No."

There was a heavy silence for several seconds. Then Jasper spoke steadily. "It's not very likely that they'll be able to figure out a way to do it, and if they can't find a way, they agree that they'll have no choice but to eliminate him," he said, studying me intently and ready to utilize his gift when necessary.

Alice shifted her gaze from Jasper to me and added, "Sam only wanted to warn us in the event that—"

"Don't you even _realize_ what Bella would have to _go through_?" I snarled, already knowing what she was going to say. Sam's reasoning was that removing Jacob's 'special' abilities would enable him to be dealt with the regular way—the human way. If he wasn't eliminated, Bella would either have to let him go free or decide to prosecute him where she would have to follow through the long and difficult legal process that would end in a trial. Even with the pack testifying against Jacob, the chances of being able to lock him away were slim to none. There wasn't enough evidence. But it didn't matter because there was absolutely _no way_ in hell that I was going to allow him to live, human or not.

"Sam believes it to be the most just way of handling it," Alice said quietly.

My jaw clenched, and my muscles locked. _Just?_ _Just?!_ My lips stretched tight. "Five minutes," I said through my teeth. "Five minutes of torture before I snapped his neck and it still wouldn't been anywhere _close_ to enough to call it justice." My entire body shook with anger now, and if it weren't for the waves of calm Jasper was sending my way, I would've been destroying Charlie's kitchen. I glared at Alice, my eyes ablaze. "Don't tell me you _agree_ with Sam."

Alice glared back at me, her golden eyes wide and intense. "Of _course_ not! We're on your side, Edward!"

My anger ebbed slightly, but it didn't last when Jasper spoke.

"But unfortunately, if the pack does managed to find a way to terminate Jacob's shape shifting ability and they are then against killing him, we won't have much of a choice but to—"

"The _hell_ we won't!" I thundered.

"We don't like this anymore than you do, Edward. But if we go against them, the treaty would be off," Alice reminded me.

"I don't give a damn about the treaty!"

"Edward," said Jasper in a warning tone. "You know as well as we do what we'd be risking if we went against the pack. They could expose us all. It would mean a fight between them and us. We'd stand a good chance of winning, but at what cost?"

"And you know Bella wouldn't want that," added Alice.

I knew they were right, but it didn't mean I liked it.

Jasper reached out and clasped a hand on my shoulder. "Edward, it's highly unlikely that they'll be able to figure out a way to strip Jacob of his wolf side. Carlisle thinks it would be impossible. Let's not worry about something that isn't likely to happen."

I shrugged out of his grasp and fought against his attempts to calm me. "I don't care how likely it is! The point is that there _is_ a chance! A chance that we'll either have to let that monster go free, or choose to battle through the long and difficult legal process where there'd only be a slim chance of being able to lock him away anyway!" My hands were clenched into fists at my sides, and as my anger grew at the thought of Jacob going free, everything else escaped my notice, including the thoughts and abrupt change of expression on the faces of Jasper and Alice.

"Edward, Bella's—"

"How the hell am I supposed to tell that to Bella?!" I hissed.

Then I realized what had escaped my notice, but I was a few seconds too late.

Bella's quiet voice came from behind me. "Tell me what?"

"—listening," Alice finished with a sigh.

I turned to face Bella, my anger dissipating as I took in her fearful expression. She stood in the doorway, wrapped in her bathrobe, her hair soaking wet. When we all turned to look at her, she hugged her robe more tightly around herself.

"Bella…" I started, taking a step toward her.

She took a step back and shook her head. "What's going on? Did something happen? Did Jacob hurt someone?" The questions flowed quickly, and her voice became more and more frantic.

Before I could answer, Alice stepped in. "No, everyone's fine, Bella. Calm down." Bella relaxed slightly, and Alice went to her side, placing her arm around Bella's shoulders in reassurance. "How about you go change and then we'll talk."

"Then you'll tell me what's going on?" she asked, her eyes flickering over to me.

I met her gaze and nodded.

After Bella had gone upstairs to change, Jasper said quietly, "You don't need to tell her, you know. Not unless the pack actually does find a way to remove Jacob's abilities. There's no point in upsetting her until there's actual cause for concern."

I shook my head. "I can't keep this from her. She has a right to know."

Alice nodded in agreement.

"I suppose you're right," Jasper agreed with a sigh.

"But I do wish I didn't have to tell her until after our hiking trip," I added. Then I jerked my hand through my hair in aggravation. "Damn it! She was the happiest I've seen her in a while this morning. And so was I, for that matter. Why does something always have to destroy that?"

Neither of them had an answer.

**xxxxx**

"Sam's just doing what he thinks is right," Bella said after I had expressed my extreme dislike of the wolves.

We were sitting side by side on the couch in the small family room. Alice and Jasper had just left a few minutes ago.

Bella had taken everything much better than I'd expected. Alice had been the one to explain everything to her, while I had focused on controlling my anger and Jasper had worked at keeping everyone's emotions at bay.

I studied Bella's face carefully, wishing I could hear what was going on inside her head. "Do _you_ think he's right?" I asked.

"I don't know what's right," she answered, dropping her gaze to her lap for a moment. When she looked up at me again, she spoke firmly, angrily, but her eyes only held pain. "I just know that I want him gone. Completely. Wolf _and_ human."

I reached out and took her face between my hands, keeping my gaze locked with hers. "He will be," I said firmly. "Even if the pack somehow manage to find a way to get rid of his wolf side, I'll find a way." I didn't know how I would find a way. I just knew I would have to. I couldn't listen to the voice of reason inside my head that was reminding me that we hadn't even found Jacob yet. I just kept telling myself that no matter what happened, I would make him pay for what he'd done.

Bella reached up to wrap her hands around my wrists. "Alice and Jasper are right. Let's not worry about something unless it actually happens." She paused, and I was once again amazed at how well she was handling everything. "Let's just go. I don't want to let this ruin the day."

**BPOV**

I pulled open my closet door to look for something to wear for the hiking trip. Edward was waiting downstairs for me. I had just eaten lunch, and as soon as I was ready we were leaving. Earlier, I had just thrown on the first thing I could find because I had been anxious to know what had made Edward so angry. It hadn't been quite as horrible as I'd feared—I'd been terrified that Jacob had managed to hurt someone like he'd threatened—but the news certainly was distressing. Still, it was unlikely that the wolves would find a way to strip Jacob of his wolf side, and, most importantly, I didn't want to let Jacob ruin everything. I wasn't going to sit around, terrified of what would happen next. For the rest of the day, I didn't even want to think of Jacob. I wanted to go out and enjoy the beautiful sunny day with Edward.

With that thought in mind, I focused on deciding what to wear. Right now I was wearing a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. I wanted something more comfortable than jeans, and it was too warm outside to be wearing long-sleeves, especially when I was hiking.

However, as soon as I pulled on a sleeveless shirt, I realized. _Stupid! So stupid, Bella!_ I couldn't wear anything sleeveless.

I examined the discolorations covering my arms and blinked back tears. The minor bruises on my forearms had almost faded completely, but the severe bruising on my upper arms, where Jacob had grabbed me violently multiple times, was still very visible. The bruising was yellowing in some areas, but most were still a deep blue or purple, and the yellowing seemed to make the finger shapes more apparent.

Much to my frustration, a couple of tears escaped. I wiped them away angrily. I hadn't even left the house yet, and I was already being reminded of Jacob.

Although I knew that Edward had already seen the bruises and that there wouldn't be anyone else around to see them, I still didn't want them to be visible. They looked hideous, and I knew that it would just upset Edward whenever he looked at them. So I searched for my cardigan sweater and pulled it on over my shirt, leaving it unbuttoned. It was a light brown cardigan with three-quarter length sleeves, which would be cooler than full-length sleeves but would still cover the bruises on my upper arms.

Given how warm it was today and that I would be hiking, I might have considered wearing shorts, but that was completely out of the question; Edward hadn't even seen all the bruises covering my thighs. Instead I settled on a pair of track pants. I would just have to survive feeling a bit overheated and hope that Edward didn't notice. It wasn't really _that_ warm outside, anyway. It was warm for Forks, but in Phoenix this weather would've been considered cool.

After pulling on some comfortable running shoes, I quickly checked my appearance in the mirror. Well, at least the bruise on my face was no longer very visible. Hopefully by the time I had to go to school on Monday, it would've faded completely.

When I arrived downstairs, Edward was waiting beside the front door. "All set?" he asked with a smile.

I nodded, returning his smile.

He was wearing jeans and had changed into a sleeveless shirt that showcased the sheer breadth of his shoulders as well as the muscles padding his chest and arms. His tremendous advantage of size and strength, so much like that of my monster, somehow seemed more apparent, and yet, I didn't feel in the least bit threatened. I was as certain as I was of my own name that Edward would never use his strength to hurt me, only to protect me.

Despite my trust for him, I knew I couldn't control my reactions when my mind was reminded of what I'd suffered at the strength of another, and I hated it. I hated how it had affected my relationship with the one I loved. I hated how I was still afraid of kissing him, not because I was afraid of him but because I was afraid of my own mind.

Edward was incredibly understanding. Ever since he'd learned what had happened, I'd noticed how cautious he was with me, but I hadn't noticed just how much until after the kiss we'd shared yesterday. I'd been so lost in the kiss that I'd only realized afterward, when I'd felt its absence, how his arm had curled around me more intimately than I'd felt from his touch in a while. I hadn't felt it again since then; his touch was gentle, loving, and protective, but never intimate. He hadn't tried to kiss me again, either. _"We'll take things slow,"_ he'd said. As much as I hated it, it was how I needed it to be.

The depth of care and understanding Edward displayed for me in everything he did, even with something as simple as how he touched me, had become clearer to me than ever before. I never would've believed I could ever love him more, yet somehow, after everything that had happened, I did.

**xxxxx**

After driving the familiar route and parking the car on the shoulder where the road ended, we made our way into the shadows of the forest. We walked side by side in companionable silence for several minutes. It was much like the very first time he had taken me to the meadow, yet at the same time it wasn't; so much had changed since then.

After a few minutes, I grabbed his hand. "I think we're past the 'lion eat lamb stage' enough to hold hands, don't you?"

His cool hand curled over mine and he laughed, the sound of it echoing through the expanse of ancient trees that surrounded us.

"And, you don't want me to fall, do you?" I added. I wasn't joking so much this time. The majority of my hiking time was usually spent staring at my feet, focusing on avoiding all the treacherous tree roots or anything else that was hazardous to someone as uncoordinated as I was.

Edward slowed, releasing my hand and snaking his arm around my waist, tucking me against his side. He pressed his lips to my hair and then murmured, "I won't let you fall."

My heart rate picked up slightly, and I felt his lips curve into a smile.

He released his hold on me and grasped my hand again, matching his pace to mine.

After that, it was as if we were the only ones in the world, and all our worries were temporarily set aside. It was a wonderful feeling.

We didn't talk about anything of importance, and for a large part of the time we walked in silence, holding hands, enjoying each other's company and the peaceful surroundings.

I couldn't remember how it had come up, but after we'd been hiking for about an hour, I was telling Edward about Alice's attempt at cooking yesterday. He was highly amused.

"So I take it that _you're_ a good cook, then?" I asked him.

"Of course."

"Isn't there _something_ that you're not good at?"

He gave me a sly smile. "If there was I wouldn't tell you about it, would I?"

I pulled my hand from his and tried to stomp off in a huff, but I wasn't paying close enough attention to where I was walking, and Edward's arm was suddenly around my waist, preventing me from falling on my face. He laughed at my failed attempt at giving him the cold shoulder, and I reached out to give him a playful smack without thinking, but I only ended up hitting air when he was suddenly standing a few feet away.

"I think that would hurt you more than it would me," he said with a smirk.

I crossed my arms across my chest. "You're such a show-off," I told him, scolding, but inwardly I was smiling. After hearing his light-hearted laughter and seeing the teasing glint in his eyes, I realized just how much I'd missed it.

**xxxxx**

I lay there with my eyes closed, enjoying the feel of the sun's rays and listening to the peaceful sound of the birds. The meadow was as beautiful and as perfect as I remembered. I turned my head to the side and opened my eyes to gaze at the wildflowers scattered within the tall grass that surrounded Edward and me as we lay side by side.

"You know what this grass reminds me of?" I asked Edward suddenly, turning my head to look at his beautiful face. Although I'd seen it many times, the way his skin literally sparkled in the sunlight still left me in awe.

He was already looking at me when I turned to meet his gaze. "No, what does it remind you of?" he asked.

"Grass bracelets." I smiled at his perplexed expression. "I'll show you," I told him. I sat up carefully but still grimaced slightly from the movement.

I could feel Edward's eyes on me, but he didn't say anything. He just pulled himself to a sitting position as well, keeping his legs stretched out in front of him and shifting them sideways slightly so that he could place himself behind me as a backrest.

"I used to make these when I was a kid. You need long grass like this," I explained, crossing my legs and pulling out several pieces of grass.

As I showed him the art of weaving grass bracelets, he absentmindedly played with my hair, and I found myself paying more attention to the movement of his fingers than my own.

After I'd explained to him how it was done, I handed him some pieces of grass, feeling a twinge of disappointment when he dropped his hand from my hair to accept my offerings.

Edward's attempt at grass weaving was a disaster.

"Hah!" I exclaimed triumphantly as I looked over my shoulder at him. "I think we've finally found something that Edward Cullen isn't good at."

He rolled his eyes and dropped the tangled mess of grass onto the ground beside him. "It's much simpler for someone with smaller fingers." To prove his point, he held his large, glistening hand out next to mine, which I had resting on my knee.

"You're just saying that because you don't want to admit that you're not good at something," I threw back.

"Grass weaving can hardly be considered as a practical skill," he said smoothly.

"Fine," I huffed. "If you're so perfect…" I trailed off, turning around to stare straight ahead. "…what is it that you love about someone like me?" My voice was barely audible now, the playful edge now absent.

Edward's arms encircled me from behind, and he placed his chin on my shoulder. "Everything," he breathed.

The intensity I could hear in that one word took my breath away, and when I finally found my voice I started babbling. "Don't be silly you can't possibly love everything, I'm obviously pretty plain looking and I'm so uncoordinated that I'm pretty much disabled and—"

"Bella," he said fiercely, shifting so that he was sitting beside me and taking my face between his hands. "You're absolutely beautiful."

His butterscotch eyes gazed deeply into mine as he spoke, and I felt heat rush to my cheeks.

"Ah…and there's that lovely blush."

My face grew even warmer, and his eyes twinkled with amusement. I averted my gaze downward, and he chuckled, releasing my face.

"You won't see it anymore after you change me, you know," I reminded him.

He sighed. "Don't tell me you think there's truth in what Jacob told you about my feelings for you changing when you become a vampire."

"N…no," I said softly, but I didn't sound very convincing.

Edward cupped my chin in his hand. "Bella, you have to know that nothing would ever change the way I feel about you."

"I know. I guess I just don't want you to be disappointed in any way."

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. This…" He released my chin to brush his hand across my still flushed cheek. "This just goes so well with your personality I love so much; warm and sweet." He paused, smiling when the color didn't fade from my face. "And, about your clumsiness, aside from when it causes you to injure yourself, I love that about you, too."

I stared at him in bewilderment. "You can't be serious."

"I certainly am."

"_Why? _Because you like to be my knight in shinning armor while I'm the damsel in distress?"

He laughed. "Perhaps. I don't know exactly. It just makes you…_you_."

"That makes absolutely _no_ sense."

He took my hand in his and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "Kind of like it makes no sense that you didn't run screaming when you found out I was a vampire?"

He had me there.

"You're an amazing person, Bella; brave, kind, selfless. You always look for the good in everyone, and—"

"That just makes me gullible. I…I should've realized what Jacob was like. I was obviously wrong to trust him."

"Bella…"

I shook my head, knowing what he was going to say. "I know. It's not my fault, right? But I just…" I trailed off, searching for a way to explain. "I don't feel like I can trust myself anymore to…to know who to trust, and it's…" I looked down at his hand, holding mine, and used my other hand to trace patterns across its shimmering surface. "…it's _scary_. Like that day when I went to school…I couldn't help but look at everyone and wonder if they weren't really who I thought they were. And…" My voice faded into a whisper. "…it _really_ scares me."

"Ah, Bella. You can't let what happened change the way you live your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't be careful. But Jacob betrayed your trust. He's the one with the problem, not you. You're going to have to learn to trust yourself again."

I looked up at him, and he gazed at me with gentleness and understanding. I didn't reply; we both knew that no matter how much I wanted to, it wouldn't happen over night.

Edward shifted and carefully enveloped me in his arms, his chest supporting my back. I automatically leaned into him, and I felt his cool cheek press against my hair. I hadn't thought he'd noticed that I was feeling slightly overheated, but he very lightly rubbed my arms, and I wondered if maybe he actually _had_ noticed after all. Either way, I could've stayed there in his arms forever, with the beauty of the meadow surrounding us.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"You're an amazing person, too. I mean…_vampire_."

I felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled softly.

I decided that I wanted to make our time in the meadow even more perfect and that I didn't want to let anything ruin it. I'd kissed Edward yesterday without triggering anything, so why not now? Before I could let myself be afraid, I twisted in his arms, hooked one arm around his neck, and pulled his face down so I could touch my lips to his. As his lips met mine, his hand slid to rest on my thigh. It was an innocent enough touch, but the panic set in when suddenly all I could feel was Jacob's hands forcing my legs apart. A soft, startled cry left my throat, and I froze, squeezing my eyes closed, trying to block out the inevitable pain and humiliation.

But it never came.

Instead I felt gentle arms around me. "It's alright, love. You're alright."

As he rocked me gently, I realized what had happened. My muscles relaxed, and tears of frustration flowed silently down my cheeks. I always kept ruining everything. "I hate this."

"I know," Edward replied softly. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything. I'm just so messed up," I said hollowly.

"No, baby, you're not. You're strong. You're dealing with everything so well." He placed several tender kisses on my cheeks, kissing away my tears.

I snuggled closer, resting my head on his shoulder.

One of his hands stroked my hair while I felt the other cover mine, and after about a minute of silence he asked with concern, "Bella? Are you alright, love?"

I realized that I had his shirt knotted tightly in my fist, and I released my hold. "I am now," I whispered.

He pulled me down with him to lie amidst the grass and wildflowers, his chest pillowing my head. I don't know how long we lay there in silence, holding each other close, but when sleep tried to claim me I fought to stay awake. I wanted to enjoy every minute we had together in our special place.

"You can sleep," came Edward's soft voice. "I'll carry you home."

"No, I'm not tired. And I don't want to leave yet."

"We have to, love. It's getting late, and Charlie will get worried." He sat up, pulling me with him, keeping his arm wrapped firmly around my waist.

"Fine. But I want to walk back." I _was_ feeling tired, but I wanted to draw everything out as long as I could.

Edward sighed. "Bella. I _know_ you're tired. Last night was the only night within the last week that you got a half-decent night sleep. Besides, we don't have enough time to hike all the way back."

"Let's just hike part of the way, then."

He gave me a stern look.

"It's a compromise," I pointed out.

"Alright," he agreed reluctantly. "But we'd better get going, then."

**xxxxx**

Unfortunately, my clumsiness increased exponentially with my fatigue. We'd only been hiking for about half an hour when I lost my footing for what seemed like the millionth time. This time, instead of just steadying me, Edward scooped me up in his arms, cradling me against his chest. "Alright, that's it. I'm carrying you home now," he said firmly.

I couldn't protest. I could almost hear my muscles sighing with relief, and Edward's cool body felt wonderful now that I was really starting to feel overheated. I hooked an arm around his neck and pressed my forehead against its cool, smooth surface.

"What—no arguments? What have you done with my Bella?" he teased.

"I'm allowing you to be my knight in shinning armor and sweep me off my uncoordinated feet," I mumbled into his chest.

His body vibrated as I was once again rewarded with his light-hearted laughter. "Ah, of course. You won't just admit that I'm right that you're tired, will you?"

"No," I mumbled again.

"Well, it was worth a try," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. Then we were moving at his extraordinary pace, though with my eyes closed the only indication was my hair flying out behind me.

**xxxxx**

Charlie was already home when we arrived, so Edward walked me to the door, giving Charlie the impression that he was going home and would see me tomorrow, but he didn't actually leave, of course; he came in through my window and waited upstairs for me to retire for the night.

Charlie cooked us each a ready-to-serve frozen dinner in the microwave. We sat at the small table, eating in an awkward silence, the only sound being the scrapping of our knives and forks across our plates.

Ever since he'd found out what had happened there'd been this awkwardness between us, sometimes worse than others. I could see him watching me closely, and I didn't need to ask Edward to know what he was thinking. I knew he cared about me and was worried that I wasn't dealing with everything. He wanted to help me, but he wasn't sure how. After what had happened the last time he'd touched me, he avoided physical contact.

We'd been eating in silence for about ten minutes before Charlie finally spoke. "So, you're going back to school on Monday?"

I nodded.

"You sure you're up to it?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow Alice is going to try and help me catch up with all the work I've missed."

He set down his knife and fork, and gave me a measuring look. "That's not what I meant, and you know it."

I shoved my food around on my plate with my fork. "I'll be fine, Dad," I assured him, but he wasn't the only one I was trying to convince.

There was another minute of silence. Then I heard Charlie take a deep breath. "Your mother called today while you were out."

My fork clattered to my plate, and I looked up, my face stricken. Charlie had agreed to leave it to me to tell Renee what had happened, but if he'd spoken to her on the phone…

"Don't worry, I didn't tell her. But I really think that _you_ need to tell her."

"We've been through this already," I reminded him.

"Look, I know your mother can be a bit of a scatterbrain, but she's stronger than you think, and she loves you very much." He paused briefly. "I really think it'll help you to talk to her, Bells," he said gently.

"I can't tell her something like that over the phone, and I'm not leaving to go visit her," I said firmly.

"I'm not suggesting you do. I'm sure you could get her to come and visit you here."

I shook my head. There was no way I could tell Renee.

He sighed. "Please just think about it, Bells."

I agreed to think about it, but I'd already made up my mind and I wouldn't be changing it any time soon.

**xxxxx**

I spent Sunday with Edward and Alice, attempting to catch up on all the schoolwork I'd missed. Aside from Friday, Alice had been attending school, and she'd gone to see my teachers to pick up everything I'd missed. Even with Edward and Alice's help, I still hadn't managed to catch up with everything by the end of the day, and Monday rolled around much too quickly for my taste.

On Monday morning I didn't get off to a very good start. I hadn't slept well the night before because I'd been too anxious about the coming day, and to add to that, I discovered that it was a very warm day. It was cloudy, so it wouldn't be a problem for Edward and Alice, but the warm temperature meant that people might find it strange that I was wearing long-sleeves. The bruise on my face was pretty much invisible now, but my upper arms were still pretty hideous. There was no way I could wear short-sleeves.

It wouldn't have been such of problem if it weren't for the fact that I knew the entire school was already gossiping about me. When I'd asked Alice about it she hadn't told me much, only that I just had to ignore the gossip, but after my episode last Monday in first period as well as the fact that both Edward and I had been absent for a week following the incident, I knew there would be lots of rumors going around.

Although Edward could still watch out for me while I was in first period by listening to the thoughts of my classmates, he suggested that I skip first period for my first day back. I immediately agreed. First period was the only class that I didn't have with Edward, and his presence helped keep me calm.

The outside air was warm and muggy, almost suffocatingly so, and I gripped Edward's hand more tightly as we made our way to the entrance of Forks High School in time for our second period Calculus class.

I recognized the familiar, powerful feeling of dread taking root in my stomach. Since the rape I'd already had to face many different types of probing from different people: the police, the doctor, Charlie…and now it was my peers at school. At least this time they didn't need to know the truth, though hearing all the rumors might almost be worse.

When we entered the building and joined the crowds of people moving from first period to second, the suffocating feeling in my chest only intensified. I kept my head down, trusting Edward to guide me, but I could feel all the eyes on me and hear all the whispering. I had to concentrate on breathing in and out.

Edward lightly squeezed my hand. "Just ignore them," he whispered.

It was much easier said than done.

When we arrived in front of our classroom, I looked up to see Mike walking toward us with Jessica following behind.

"Bella! You're back."

I cringed when several people that hadn't already been staring turned to stare after hearing Mike's loud voice. He did look genuinely happy to see me, though, and I tried to force a smile, but it disappeared when I took in Jessica's icy glare. She kept her distance, standing behind Mike as he stopped in front of me, but she continued to glare at me with extreme distaste.

Edward released my hand to wrap his arm around my waist protectively, and Mike glanced nervously at Edward before turning back to me. I snuck a glance at Edward's face; his expression was hard and unfriendly as his eyes remained fixed on Mike.

"So what's going on with you?" Mike asked me with a slight frown. Then he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "After what happened last Monday—"

"I just had some issues I needed to deal with," I said quickly. With all the gossip going around I wasn't going to bother to try and come up with an explanation for my behavior or my absence from school. But of course, Mike wasn't going to leave it at that.

"What—"

"That's code for _mind your own business_," Edward said curtly.

Before Mike could respond we were saved by our Calculus teacher who started rounding everyone up for the start of class.

Edward and I sat in our regular seats next to each other at the back of the class, but many people still managed to look over at us and whisper to each other. I did my best to ignore them and focus on the lesson, but it was pretty much impossible.

I knew that Edward would be able to hear what they were whispering as well as their thoughts. However, when I looked over at him, his expression was unreadable. At first I thought that he was somehow managing to ignore everyone, but then I noticed the remains of his pencil beside his clenched fist on the desk in front of him and realized that he was just good at keeping his feelings hidden.

As soon as Calculus finished, Angela came to talk to me. She was the only one that actually seemed genuinely concerned about me and that wasn't interested in all the rumors. She didn't push me to tell her what had happened, either. She just told me that she was worried about me and that she wanted me to know that she would be there for me if I wanted to talk to her about anything. I thanked her for her concern but told her I was fine and not to worry about me.

Everything only became much worse as the day wore on. After I'd spoken with Mike and Angela, no one else came to speak to me—not to my face, anyway. Even Mike now seemed to be ignoring me, and during lunch Angela was the only person that talked to me.

Edward never left my side, and even though I knew that his obvious protectiveness was only leaving room for more gossip, I was grateful for his closeness—it made me feel like I could breathe through the suffocating stares and whispering.

A few times I asked Edward what people were saying about me, but he always answered with, "It doesn't matter." In the end I decided that I didn't really want to know anyway, and I felt bad when I realized how difficult it must be for him to hear _everything_.

Despite how slowly the school day seemed to pass and how much I'd wanted to just disappear, I was extremely grateful because I made it through the day without having any panic attacks. However, excluding when Mike and Angela had spoken to me, no one had come near me, and I was suspicious that part of the reason for that was because most of them were intimidated by Edward.

My suspicion was proven true the following day when I attended first period. As soon as class ended I grabbed my books, shoved them into my backpack, and tried to make a quick escape, but Mike confronted me before I exited the classroom.

"Bella, wait up," he called, hurrying to my side as I slung my backpack over my shoulder. "I want to talk to you."

The classroom emptied quickly, and we were soon the only ones left in the room.

I turned to face him, searching for an excuse. "I can't talk right now, Mike, I—"

"Why? Because Cullen isn't hanging over your shoulder?" His extremely bitter tone surprised me. He'd never been anything but nice to me before. "Is it true that you staged what happened last Monday to get attention?"

"_What?_" I was horrified. "Of course not!" Like I would actually _want_ that kind of attention? ! Well I guess I now knew what one of the rumors was, and I was fairly certain I knew who had come up with it—Jessica.

"What happened, then?" Mike challenged.

He certainly appeared much more confident than he had yesterday when he'd spoken to me while Edward was present. I wondered if he'd be behaving differently if he knew Edward was listening and seeing everything that was happening at that very moment. I knew Edward was on his way. The only thing slowing him down was that he had to move at a human pace from his class to mine.

"I don't want to talk about it, Mike. Please just leave me alone," I told him firmly, but as I turned toward the door, he grabbed my arm to stop me. His grip wasn't very forceful but because of my bruises, the pressure was enough to be painful, and I winced. Mike didn't seem to notice, though, and my heart started to pound against my chest when he didn't release me. _Calm down, Bella. Calm down_.

"Were you trying to get more attention from Cullen? Is he treating you badly?"

I kept my voice quiet because the last thing I wanted to do was draw attention to myself again. "No, Mike…please let go of me." I tried to pull my arm away, but he still wouldn't release me. _Everything's fine. Breathe, Bella. Breathe_, I reminded myself.

"Release her—_now_," came a frighteningly ominous voice.

_Edward_.

Mike let go of my arm immediately. "Chill out, man. We were just talking." He was trying to appear unintimidated, but I could detect his anxiety, and when I looked over at Edward, standing a few feet away, I could see why; he was glaring at Mike, his eyes seemingly dark, his mouth and jaw rigidly set, as if carved from stone.

"I guess I'll just talk to you later, then, Bella," Mike amended before hurrying out of the room as if he'd suddenly remembered he had something extremely important to do.

Edward closed the distance between us in a flash. His expression now soft, he gazed down at me with concern, and I realized that my heart was still beating rapidly. "I'm okay," I assured him.

He pulled me close, and as my heart rate slowly returned to normal, I realized just how close I'd been to having another panic attack.

**EPOV **

I spun the bottle cap of Bella's water bottle on the table in front of me using my thumb and forefinger and attempted to block out all the chatter and thoughts around me. Lunchtime was always the worst; it was almost impossible to ignore everyone's thoughts.

I focused on listening to the sound of Bella's heartbeat. She'd just gone to the bathroom down the hall. I also kept an eye on Mike. After his confrontation with Bella in the morning, I wasn't going to take any chances that he might decide to confront her again.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket while the bottle cap was in mid-spin, and I allowed it to roll off the table and onto the floor as I pulled out my phone. A glance at the call display indicated that it was Alice. She'd skipped school this afternoon to go hunting because she wanted to be around after school to help Bella with catching up on schoolwork. Although I knew all the material inside and out, I still had to write out two essays that I'd missed the week I was away, and so Alice had agreed to help Bella and me catch up with everything.

After pressing the appropriate button, I started to speak into the phone. "Al—"

Alice's frantic voice cut me off before I could even finish saying her name. "Where's Bella?"

I sat up straight. "Why? What is it, Al? She's fine. She just went to the bathr—"

"Get to her _now_."

She certainly didn't need to tell me twice. I didn't bother to reply. I just stood up as fast as humanly possible while shoving my phone back into my pocket.

Then I heard it. Bella's frightened gasp. "Let me g…" Her soft, terrified cry was suddenly muffled.

Someone had grabbed hold of her. But it wasn't Jacob.

**Author's note:**

Okay, so I hope you don't all hate me now after giving you another cliffhanger. I'm sorry but it just had to go this way. We are getting closer and closer to a Jacob confrontation as well as finding out more about what he's up to, and I have to build up the suspense :-)

You will find out how Jacob knew to phone Bella at the Cullens in the next chapter.

Based on the reviews for the last chapter, I'm guessing that no one was expecting what Edward found out about the pack's plans. And I know I'm repeating myself a lot here but because of what you now know the pack are trying to do, I feel the need to enforce this to you: **No matter which way it goes,** **you will get to see Jacob pay and there will be a Jacob confrontation. **

I do have the way in which Jacob pays planned out, but I've been known to change my mind, and I do take into consideration all of your comments and suggestions, so please let me know how you feel. You all have a big influence on my writing and without all your lovely and supportive reviews this story wouldn't have made it past the first few chapters.

Also, I know the chapters aren't coming very quickly, and I'm sorry. But grad school is keeping me busy as well as a bit stressed out, and I find that I can't write when I'm stressed. So keep all your wonderful and motivating reviews coming, and I will do my best not to keep you waiting too long for an update.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: I'm sorry this took a while. I did my best not to keep you waiting too long, but grad school has been attacking me lately, and trust me when I say that you wouldn't want to read anything I write when I'm feeling particularly stressed, lol. I've been so busy that I've only been able to see the Eclipse movie once, lol. This chapter is also VERY long so that's also part of the reason it took me a while to finish it.

Once again thank you all so much for your support. You've been so amazing with your reviews and messages. I love you all!

Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize from Stephenie Meyer's books.

**Chapter 20**

**BPOV**

_Stop being so paranoid, Bella!_ I inwardly scolded while turning on the tap to wash my hands. There was no way Jacob would try to get to me while I was at school. There were too many people around. Besides, Edward would hear me if I called, and if Jacob got anywhere near the school, Edward would catch his scent. I was perfectly safe. Still, I couldn't eliminate the uneasiness that had been tugging at me relentlessly ever since I'd entered the bathroom, all of about two minutes ago.

I glanced over my shoulder again, my gaze sweeping over the five stalls lined up against the wall and then flickering to the ground-level window to the right of them.

_Paranoid, _I reminded myself. Even if Edward couldn't—and I knew he could—catch Jacob's scent before he got this close to the school, it wasn't like Jacob could possibly know I was alone in the girl's bathroom right now. Despite reminding myself of this, I couldn't help but wash my hands hurriedly, desperate to get back to the lunchroom as soon as possible. _I'm so pathetic!_

Just as I turned off the water, the door swung inward.

Before I could even move my eyes to focus on the large figure that had entered the room, an iron-hard arm was clamped around me, locking my arms at my sides and pressing forcefully against my ribs, and I gasped as my back was aggressively jerked against a solid wall…no, a warm, rock-hard, masculine chest.

Terror filled me so quickly that the room seemed to spin for a moment, and my voice came out softer than I'd intended. "Let me g…"

A hand was suddenly pressed over my mouth, stifling my voice and making breathing almost impossible as I was forced to breathe through my nose while panic welled up inside me. "Shut up," snarled the deep, unfamiliar voice from just above my ear. "If you cooperate this won't take long."

My heart was beating so violently that I could feel the pounding throughout my body. A voice in my head screamed, _Fight back!_ I couldn't move my arms, so I kicked out behind me with as much force as I could muster. The heel of my foot hit something solid, presumably the leg of my captor, and I heard a muffled curse. The arm around me loosened slightly, and I took advantage by throwing myself forward using all of my strength.

It had the desired results, but as I came free from his hold, I felt something slash through my skin at my side just below my ribs, the sharp pain causing me to let out a gasp as I stumbled forward.

I fell to my hands and knees just as something clattered to the floor, and my eyes widened on the small pocketknife that lay beside my right foot. Before I could grab it or even take a gulp of air, I was jerked upward again, my back ramming against the metal frame separating two bathroom stalls. My cry of pain came out as a soft whimper as the large hand was once again clamped over my mouth.

_Oh, God_. He was _huge_. My eyes were level with his chest, and it seemed as if he were a yard wide at the shoulders. Terrified, my gaze flew upward to his face. Just like his voice, I didn't recognize his face. He was young, probably in his mid-twenties, but the hard set of his features and his steely-blue eyes radiated an alertness and dangerous air that suggested experience beyond his years.

"Well that was a brave move," he said. "Not very smart, though." His eyes flickered to my side where blood was already seeping around the slash in my shirt, then back up again. "Let's cut to the chase, shall we? I'm here to deliver a message from Jacob."

The room began to spin around me.

"He says to tell you to ditch the—and I'm quoting here— 'leeches' and he'll find you. If not, things will get messy."

_Edward_. He'd hear what was happening and come to rescue me. _Everything will be okay. Focus. Stay calm. _

My vision focused and all I could see was the huge figure in front of me, his eyes gleaming, seeming to miss nothing as his gaze swept over me.

Panic closed in around me as if I were trapped in a tiny space with the walls moving toward me.

**EPOV**

I felt the growl build in my throat, anger riveting through me.

Shoving past a couple of teens in a liplock and then turning the corner, I gouged the remaining distance between me and the girl's bathroom.

I already knew I was too late. He had already done what he'd set out to do. After zeroing in on his thoughts I'd had to watch it play out in my mind, unable to move faster through the crowded lunchroom.

Jacob had sent him.

A human.

To scare her.

I could scarcely believe it. Was there nothing he wouldn't stoop to?

I couldn't think of that now.

I quickly scanned to make sure no one was looking my way, and then made a lunge for the door.

The son of a bitch better hope he was out that window within one second, or he was going to be in for a nasty surprise. Jacob may have sent him, but he had absolutely no idea he was dealing with vampires and werewolves.

It was all I could do not to tear the door off its hinges as I thrust it open.

Jacob's goon wasn't stupid; he took one look at me and then disappeared out the window.

Resisting the urge to follow behind him, my gaze fell to Bella. The smell of her blood was thick in the air. Though he'd only been ordered to 'rough her up,' she'd gotten injured in the scuffle.

I sank to my knees in front of her, and she shrank away, squeezing her eyes closed, keeping her arms wrapped tightly around herself.

_Oh, God_. How could I have let this happen?

Her eyes flew open then and frantically scanned the room before settling on me. I felt a surge of relief flow through me when I read the recognition in her eyes. "Edw…"

"Shh," I hushed, reaching out to take her face between my hands.

I felt a sting to my heart when she briefly recoiled under my touch before relaxing. "It's alright," I whispered, smoothing away the strands of hair that had stuck to her face and noticing that her skin felt clammy.

She looked like she was on the verge of losing consciousness. A jolt of fear plummeted through me. Her wound couldn't be that bad, could it?

I glanced down to assess the damage, but she still had both arms wrapped around her middle as if to hold it together.

I released her face and reached down to lightly touch her arms. "Bella, love. Let me see."

She shook her head and tried to move away. "N-no…I'm okay…you should…you don't need to…"

It took me a few seconds to process and make sense of her reaction. When it clicked, exasperation was added to my anxiety and worry. "Damn it, Bella!"

She jumped from the sudden change in my tone of voice, and I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to get a better handle on my emotions before speaking again. "Don't you _dare_ worry about me." My voice was softer, but I couldn't keep the exasperation out of my tone completely. There she was, trembling, breathing shallowly, and bleeding, and yet she was worrying about _me? _It was true that I could feel a burning in my throat from the scent of her blood, but I'd long since gotten over the urge to act on it. "I've already told you; it doesn't bother me anymore. And you're _not_ okay. Now let me see," I said firmly, reaching out again.

She didn't move away this time, and her arms loosened their hold around her middle. She looked away, turning her head to the side, and when realization sank in, I might have laughed at the irony if I hadn't been so worried about her. I could remember her telling me that the sight and smell of blood made her feel sick, and I felt relieved when I realized that that was probably why she looked like she was ready to pass out. When I carefully pulled her arms away from her body, however, I wasn't quite so sure.

Her shirt clung to the right side of her waist, and the amount of blood told me the slash was fairly deep.

Cursing under my breath, I picked up the pocket knife and shoved it into the right pocket of my jeans to remove evidence of what had happened, then cradled Bella to my chest and scooped her into my arms as carefully as I could.

The screen on the window had already been slid aside, and I moved fluidly through the opening, carful not to jostle Bella.

Just as I made it through the window, I heard Alice approaching.

_Carlisle is waiting for you at the house. I called him and told the others to leave..._

**xxxxx**

Carlisle was ready for us when we arrived. He motioned for me to place Bella on the sofa in the living room, which he had covered with a large towel, and his medical supplies were already laid out on top of the table in front of it.

When I bent to place Bella on the sofa, her arm tightened its hold around my neck. "No…please don't leave me," she whispered, her voice frantic.

I inhaled sharply. "I'm not going anywhere, love. But you need to let Carlisle look at your wound," I reminded her.

She loosened her hold, and I carefully pulled her arm from around my neck and laid her across the sofa so that her injured side was facing outward. Then I knelt down beside her and lightly stroked her hair. "I'm right here," I assured her.

"You don't need to stay, Alice," Carlisle told Alice, who was standing a few feet away and still wasn't breathing. She hesitated but then nodded and exited the house.

Carlisle grabbed a dining room chair and placed it in front of the sofa, perching himself on the end of it. "Let me take a look here, Bella. Can you remove your hand for me?"

She nodded, sliding her hand away.

The burning in my throat intensified, but I kept breathing normally. Ever since I'd felt the unthinkable pain of losing her, I was completely in control of my vampire instinct. My number one instinct was to suppress anything that might hurt her. I no longer craved her blood, and although it was uncomfortable when the scent was as powerful as it was now, I didn't want to weaken my senses by terminating my breathing.

Carlisle bent to examine the wound, and I noted that the bleeding had slowed. Thank God for that. When he started to roll up her shirt, however, she suddenly jerked away, whimpering softly, her breathing labored.

My heart twisted. "It's alright, love," I assured her, combing my fingers through her hair. "Carlisle's just trying to get a better look at your wound."

After a few seconds, she nodded, but her chest continued to heave up and down as she breathed in quick, shallow breaths.

I carefully slid onto the sofa behind her and pulled her close, rubbing small circles on her arm, hoping to calm her.

"Sweetheart, I just need to move your shirt up a bit, okay?" said Carlisle.

She nodded again, but I felt her tense when he pushed up her shirt to expose her abdomen.

"It not too bad," he concluded. "But I'll need to clean it up and you're going to need some stitches."

I managed to calm Bella at least somewhat, and Carlisle made quick work of cleaning the wound, applying a topical anesthesia, and stitching up the wound.

When Carlisle announced that he was finished, my gaze slid downward. The bruises covering Bella's stomach were still very visible, some turning yellow, others still a deep blue, and when I took in the new marks—the line of stitches in her side and the red mark across her ribs—something inside me snapped.

I set Bella away from me, then fled from the room and out the back door before I let loose.

I flew through the backyard, halting at the edge of the river and then swinging back around to face the house. I felt the weight of the knife that was still in my pocket, and I reacted without thinking. I pulled it out and hurled it at the back wall of the house—the one made of glass.

But it never hit its target.

Carlisle was standing in front of me, knife in hand.

Then his arm was around my shoulders, pulling me into a tight embrace.

And then I fell apart.

**BPOV**

I sat there. Unmoving. Numb. I barely felt Alice pulling off my torn and stained shirt and helping me into a new one. "He just needs a few minutes," I heard her say.

Then my tears started falling. There was always something to ruin our happiness. Edward and I would never get our happy ending. Jacob would never give up, and we weren't even close to finding him.

Alice tried to comfort me, but it didn't have any impact. My tears kept falling, and I tried to withhold the sob that was building in my throat.

I don't know how many minutes went by, but Edward was suddenly standing in front of me. He didn't say anything. He just reached down, grabbed my hand, and pulled me to my feet. It didn't matter that I felt as if my legs couldn't hold my weight, because Edward was soon pulling me into a fierce embrace, supporting all of my weight and practically lifting me off the floor. He was always so ridiculously gentle with me, especially since he'd seen all my bruises, but this time was different. It wasn't painful, but unlike when he usually held me, I could feel the pressure on my bruises.

But I didn't care.

He held me as if he never wanted to let me go.

And I didn't want him to.

I hugged him back just as fiercely, and he buried his face in my hair, while my tears stained his shirt.

Eventually, I felt him loosen his hold. Then he sank down onto the sofa, pulling me with him, keeping one arm wrapped securely around me. I pressed myself into his side, and his icy fingertips were wiping away my tears.

"Jacob sent him," I whispered.

His arm tightened around me. "I know."

"Carlo Berruti."

I jumped at the sound of Alice's voice. I'd been completely unaware that both Alice and Carlisle were still in the room.

Carlisle sat in the chair to the left of the sofa, beside Edward, and when I looked over at him he gave me a small, reassuring smile.

Alice sat across from the sofa, perched on the edge of her chair, lost in thought.

"That's his name. Jacob's puppet," Edward explained with a hiss. "I was foolish. I figured Jacob would be on his own, since the pack…" He trailed off, and I could detect the bitterness in his voice as he spoke of the pack. "since they broke away from Jacob's control. But I never once considered the possibility that he might recruit _humans_ to get at Bella. I wasn't on the look out for that, and I should have been."

I opened my mouth to release my wrath on him for blaming himself again, but Carlisle beat me to it.

"You weren't the only one to make that mistake, Edward. None of us thought of it." He frowned. "In fact," he muttered, "I still can't believe—"

"Oh my gosh!" Alice exclaimed suddenly. "That's how when Jacob phoned he…" She trailed off when her gaze settled on something above my head, and I turned to look up at Edward's face. By the time I did so, his expression was wiped clean, but I knew that he had just had a silent conversation with Alice, preventing her from saying something he didn't want me to hear. I'd seen it many times before.

And suddenly I was angry. "Don't do that! Don't try to hide things from me!"

"Bella…"

I pulled away from him, immediately feeling the loss, but standing my ground anyway. "Don't _Bella _me. What about the phone call? I have a right to know! I don't need you to protect me from the truth. I can handle it!" I wasn't so sure about that, but I couldn't stand being kept in the dark, and hearing what they were hiding couldn't be worse than what Jacob had already put me through. "Whatever it is, I've been through _much_ worse!"

Edward cringed at that, his hard-set features twisting into a painful grimace, and I immediately wanted to take back my words. "I suppose you have," he whispered.

Sucking in a steadying breath and reining in my anger, I crawled back toward him, reaching out to touch his arm. "I'm sorry…I just…"

He brought his arm up around me again and sighed. He was silent for a moment before he finally spoke. "We think it's too much of a coincidence that Jacob called you here without at least calling you at Charlie's first. I checked Charlie's house phone, and there weren't any calls around the time he called you here. And then there's the fact that he called the very time that I was away from you."

An icy chill ran down my spine. My throat was suddenly dry, and my voice came out hoarse and shaky. "You mean…are you saying Jacob's watching us?"

Edward rubbed my back, and I could sense his agitation. "No, no, not Jacob, love. Not himself, anyway. He can't come near you without me catching his scent or hearing his thoughts. But…"

"He can send someone else. Someone like Carlo Berruti. A human," Alice finished.

"Wait," I cut in. "He's getting people to…to…" I trailed off, still in shock.

"It is rather unexpected," Carlisle admitted. "And I have a difficult time believing that Jacob would have the resources or know-how to orchestrate something like this. He's still a child." Edward gave him a look hot enough to melt steel, and he quickly modified his words. "Legally, that is."

"I wouldn't put anything past him anymore, Carlisle," Edward said between clenched teeth. "You forget he's also a werewolf."

Edward's gaze bore into Carlisle's for a moment, and I knew they were having another silent conversation. I bit back my frustration.

"Just think rationally about this for a moment, Edward," Carlisle finally said aloud. "How could Jacob even have found someone to do such a thing as this?"

"I don't know, Carlisle, but clearly he's managed it somehow."

My head was spinning as I tried to make sense of everything, but Edward and Alice started spitting out seemingly random bits of information at an alarming rate, and I felt as if I were trying to keep my eye on the ball in a fast-paced ping-pong match.

Carlisle's voice suddenly rang out loudly. "Hold it," he said, raising his hand up in a silencing gesture. All three pairs of eyes turned to focus on him. "You two need to back up, slow down, and stop skipping over things."

I glared up at Edward and grumbled, "Yeah, we don't all have special fortune telling or mind-reading abilities."

His lips turned upward briefly. "Sorry. We got a bit carried away."

"So Carlo Berruti is the human Jacob sent to deliver his message to Bella today. Correct?" Carlisle asked, taking charge.

Edward's lips flattened into a tight line, his eyes darkening.

"Yes, that's correct," Alice replied. "I was…looking into his future for information and that's how I figured out his name."

"But…how did he…how did he _know_ where I was?" I managed to question, bracing myself for the answer.

Edward took my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine. "There's nothing to stop anyone from entering the school during school hours, I'm afraid, if they can blend in well enough…"

"And then he watched and waited for the right moment," I finished in a whisper, horrified by the extremes that Jacob was taking everything to.

Edward squeezed my hand and then continued, his voice quiet, rough, and strained. "Jacob is playing with the weak points in our abilities. With my mind-reading I can always hear the hum of voices in the background, but I have to focus on a specific voice to hear what they're thinking. If I'm already familiar with someone's mind, I can easily pick out their voice and hear it from farther away. I know Jacob's mind, so I can easily pick up on it from miles away. But when it's a stranger…like Berruti, his thoughts are hidden in the background until I actually focus on them."

"And I didn't see anything until the last minute," added Alice. "I called Edward immediately, but…"

She left her sentence unfinished, and no one spoke immediately. The air was thick with tension, and all I could hear was my breathing, which seemed unnaturally loud.

I was the one to break the silence, my voice barely above a whisper. "And you said that…that Berruti was only watching me at school, but…you're right that the phone call was too much of a coincidence, so…" I trailed off as the pieces slowly fell into place.

He'd gotten _multiple_ people to spy on me?! Could they even be watching the house right now? My breathing became even louder. "Edward, you have to change me _now_!" I cried frantically, leaping to my feet. It felt like the floor was moving under my feet, but I soon realized that it was me that was shaking.

"Bella. Calm down, love." I felt Edward's strong arms encircled me, and I collapsed into him, allowing him to pull me back down on the sofa.

"Y-You have to do it now, Edward. It's the only way to end all of this," I whispered.

"No it's not," he said firmly.

I just kept shaking my head and whispering, "You have to…"

He took my face between anxious hands, his golden eyes penetrating deeply into mine. "Please listen to me, Bella," he pleaded fervently. "You need to grasp this. Once you're a vampire, there's no going back. It's a life altering change, and it's an extremely traumatic adjustment. I won't put you through that until you're ready. You may not see it now, but I _know_ that if I change you before the time is right, you'll regret it forever."

The intensity of it all—his words, his voice, and his gaze—was pulling me into a whirlwind of emotions. But how could I regret it? I would be free of Jacob, and I would be spending forever with Edward.

His thumb caressed my cheek, and he continued. "You need closure of your human life. You need to give closure to all the people you're leaving behind."

My heart caught. _Charlie_. _Renee_.

His tone softened. "Because you won't be able to see them again. You need to finish high school and watch the proud faces of Charlie and Renee as you receive your diploma on graduation day. You need to let them see that you're moving on with your life"—my tears started to flow, and he leaned his forehead against mine—"but that you're happy. That you're marrying someone who loves you more than they ever thought possible. And that he'll do everything in his power to keep you safe."

"Oh, Edward," I whispered.

"I won't let Jacob take that away from you, Bella. I won't let him force you into this when you're not ready."

He was right. I wasn't ready. I did need closure, for both my parents and myself. After everything I'd already put Charlie through, how could I do that to him? If I suddenly disappeared right now, when he was already so worried about me, it would destroy him. Charlie and Renee needed to see that I was happy before I disappeared. I also realized that I wanted them to be there at my wedding, and it now seemed so ridiculous that I had ever been hesitant to marry Edward for fear of what others might think. What did it matter what everyone else thought?

And I realized that there was something else that I wanted before Edward changed me. Something I wanted more than anything but that now seemed almost impossible.

I wanted what had been Edward's side of the compromise that we had made before Jacob had turned my life upside down.

I wanted Edward and I to have a real wedding night.

I wanted Edward to make love to me before he changed me.

My tears started to flow down my cheeks more rapidly as I realized just how close to impossible it now was. Even before my living nightmare, Edward had been reluctant to hold up his side of the compromise, for fear of hurting me with his strength. And now…

Now I was driving another wedge between us. I couldn't even _kiss_ him without initially being afraid of having a panic attack. Everyone said I just needed time. But _how much_ time? How long before the memories stopped haunting me?

Edward's hands were anxiously stroking my face. "Bella. Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound so harsh. I just wanted you to grasp the consequences and see how important it is not to rush into it."

"I…I know," I whispered. "But Jacob…he won't leave me alone until I…until I go to him willingly…or…"

Edward took my hands in his. "We're going to find him soon, Bella," he said firmly. Then his eyes blazed with intense ferocity. "And then I'm going to send him to the darkest pit of hell where he belongs."

"Edward's right, Bella."

My head snapped in Alice's direction. I'd once again forgotten that she and Carlisle were still in the room. They'd been so quiet.

"After what happened today we're much closer to finding him," she continued.

I didn't share her enthusiasm. "And how's that?"

"We just have to do some digging, Bella. First of all, we can talk to Billy and see if he knows anything about this guy. And then—don't give me that look, Bella. I know that talking to Billy most likely won't help us but we have to cover every possibility. The other angle is for me to keep taps on Berruti, see if he can lead us to Jacob. He has obviously communicated with him somehow, so if I keep watch on him, he might lead us to Jacob."

Carlisle leaned forward in his chair, his brows drawn together. It was clear he was as doubtful as I was about all this. "Perhaps…but Jacob's moving around too much, both far and wide. Don't forget that Rosalie traced the phone call all the way to a pay phone in Denver."

My eyes widened at that. He'd called from Colorado?

Edward was shaking his head at Carlisle. "That's just what he wants us to think. He knew we'd trace the call, so he tried to make it look like he'd gone far. I'd bet that he's actually staying fairly close."

I shivered at that, and Edward pulled me closer to his side.

Alice sighed. "Well, either way we should consider every possibility."

Carlisle stood up. "I completely agree. And I think we should start digging immediately."

He went on to divide up tasks, refusing to let me help, telling me that I needed to focus on my schoolwork since finals were coming up soon.

Despite everything that was being done to find Jacob, I was terrified by the realization that there could be more people out there that Jacob had sent.

"Everything's going to be alright, love," Edward murmured, wrapping both arms around me and softly kissing the top of my head. "We're close to finding him now."

It didn't seem like we were nearly close enough.

**xxxxx**

After Tuesday afternoon, when Carlo Berruti had delivered his 'message' from Jacob, everything got worse.

Through Wednesday and Thursday my anxiety grew, and my nightmares of Jacob's return intensified.

It was now early Thursday evening, and I was settled on the sofa in the living room of the Cullen house, attempting to bury myself in my Calculus—my most challenging subject—while Edward was in the kitchen preparing me the snack he'd insisted on making for me. Of course, my attempt at distraction was a failure.

I felt as if there was a dark cloud hovering over my head, following me everywhere, moving closer, growing larger, until it would eventually swallow me whole.

I couldn't be alone. Edward wouldn't _allow_ me to be alone—not that I wanted him to, but I hated how trapped it made me feel. I couldn't even close myself in the bathroom at home without the fear creeping up on me. I was terrified to be alone anywhere, even when Edward was nearby; the terror would come whenever I couldn't see him. It was ridiculous, irrational, and most of all…pathetic.

Not only was I terrified to be alone but I also couldn't stand crowds. At school yesterday and today I hadn't been able to stop wondering if any of the people around me were one of Jacob's spies, and it had been extremely disturbing.

Edward had kept trying to reassure me. He was constantly on alert, listening, searching through everyone's thoughts. But I knew that it was still possible for him to miss something. It would be impossible for him to be able to hear _everything_ that _everyone_ was thinking.

I'd been too disturbed to really even care much about the stares and whispering that had continued to follow me around at school, and everyone had kept their distance, even Mike. Though, with the end of the school year, finals, prom, and graduation less than a month away, the attention I'd been drawing was dying down quickly. I'd already noticed less stares and whispering yesterday compared to my first two days back.

I was also ridiculously jumpy. Any sudden movement or sound would startle me. My clumsiness made matters worse. Yesterday, Edward had ended up rescuing two plates in one night. I'd insisted on making dinner for Charlie and myself, tired of everyone not allowing me to help with anything. I'd been in the process of removing a plate from the cupboard when the phone had rung, causing Edward to have to rescue the first plate. He'd then had to catch the second plate when I'd been startled by the sound of Charlie slamming the door of his cruiser shut when he'd arrived home.

Then, later that same evening, Edward and I had been sprawled out across my bed doing homework—I'd been trying to focus on a particularly difficult Calculus problem—when the sound of a dog barking outside had caused the mechanical pencil I'd been clutching to shoot upward, heading straight for Edward's left eye. He'd moved his hand at lightening speed and grabbed it before it had hit its mark—not that it would've done any damage if it had.

It was at times like that that it seemed fitting for someone like me to have a boyfriend that was indestructible. If it hadn't been for the dark cloud that kept hovering overhead, Edward and I probably would have laughed at the incident. But neither of us had.

Over the past two days, every time something insignificant had startled me so immensely, I'd read the concern on Edward's face, and I'd hated it.

I hated how everyone felt the need to walk on eggshells around me, trying not to do anything that would upset or startle me. I hated how Charlie would watch me with concern and tiptoe around me awkwardly. I hated how I always caused so much trouble for Edward's family. I hated how everyone around me was so much stronger than I was, in more ways than one.

I felt so useless.

Pathetic.

Weak.

Carlisle had spoken to Billy, and as predicted, it hadn't gotten us any closer to learning Jacob's whereabouts. Alice hadn't turned up anything useful from Berruti yet, either.

Despite this, Edward had been constantly assuring me that they would find Jacob soon. However, I was fairly certain that he'd only been saying it to comfort me; he was good at keeping his feelings hidden, but I had sensed it each time he'd tried to assure me. It had been undetectable in his tone when he'd spoken, and I hadn't even found it when my eyes had searched his. But it had been there. His anxiety had been there. I'd felt it in his touch. In the way he'd held my hand. In the way his arm had curled around me. In the way he'd stroked my cheek. He was worried, too.

No one had spoken of the pack and their search to find a way to remove Jacob's shape shifting ability. No one wanted to acknowledge the possibility that even when, or if, Jacob was found, my nightmares might still be far from over. The pack hadn't figured out a way to remove Jacob's abilities yet, but the threat was there.

_Don't think about it. _I tried to shift my focus back to the Calculus problem that I'd been staring at and started tapping the end of my pencil on my notebook. _Let's see…the derivative of the cosine function is_—

I jumped when out of the side of my vision I saw a large figure walking toward me, and my pencil hit the small, wooden coffee table in front of me and then rolled underneath it.

A glance toward the figure told me it was just Edward returning from the kitchen. He'd even been walking at a human pace. God, I was so pitiful, and it only made it that much worse that I was always around vampires who I knew could hear every single lurch of my heart. At least I wasn't the type of person that screamed when they were startled.

Edward lowered himself down on the sofa beside me.

My eyes widened when he handed me the plate he was holding and I took in the large sandwich. "That's not a snack, Edward, it's a _meal_."

"Considering you ate hardly anything for dinner, I figured you needed a meal."

"I'm not hungry."

He sighed. "You're not eating enough, Bella. Please just try to at least eat some of it."

About half an hour later I'd managed to eat most of it, and, thanks to Edward's help, I'd also made some progress with my Calculus homework.

Just when I decided to take a break from Calculus, Emmett and Rosalie entered the living room, and I watched with curious eyes as Emmett dumped a huge black bag beside the chair in the corner of the room before turning to face Edward and me. "Hey, Bella!" he boomed, his gaze raking over me. "Wow, you look like shit."

"Emmett!" Rosalie scolded with disbelief. "Just ignore him, Bella," she told me before turning back to Emmett. "Honestly, Emmett, don't you have any kind of filter for what comes out of your mouth?"

"Nope," he replied, grinning. "And did I tell you how gorgeous you look today, babe?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't suck up."

"Bella knows what I meant. She's not offended." He flashed me his full-fledged grin. "Right, Bella?"

I couldn't help but smile back. The truth was it felt refreshing that he spoke his mind without feeling the need to make sure it wouldn't upset me. Not to mention, I _did_ look a mess. My appearance had been the last thing on my mind. I was wearing a pair of old sweats and a baggy, long-sleeved shirt (my stitches were visible when I wore a fitted shirt), I couldn't even remember the last time I'd brushed my hair, and my exhaustion probably wasn't helping my appearance either.

"See?" Emmett said smugly after he took in my answering smile. "And we've got just the thing to perk you up with, little sis," he told me eagerly. "I figured you might like to—" He cut off abruptly and rolled his eyes. "Oh, loosen up, Edward! Rose thinks it's a good idea, too."

My gaze shot to Edward's face, and I was shocked to see his stony expression. His eyes were tight as they remained fixed on Emmett, and the muscles in his jaw were stretched taunt. "It's completely unnecessary," he said between clenched teeth.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, irritated.

"Well, I thought that since you're going to be human for a little while longer, I could help you learn some self defense," Emmett replied cheerily.

Whatever it was that I'd been expecting him to say, that certainly wasn't it. "What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

His enthusiasm wavered after my reaction. "Er…well, you know. I thought you might like to learn some _human_ self-defense moves."

It all started to sink in slowly. _Of course_. What with Jacob sending humans to try and frighten me, and the risk that the pack would find a way to remove Jacob's abilities, learning self defense made perfect sense. Maybe this way I would be a little less useless. I was suddenly eager to take Emmett up on his offer. Then I remembered Edward's reaction, and I could almost feel the tension radiating from his body. Why was he so against the idea? Didn't he want me to be better at protecting myself?

Rosalie seemed to read my mind. "Don't worry about Edward, Bella. He doesn't like the idea because he thinks that by suggesting it to you it will make you think that we believe you'll _need_ to use self-defense. That it'll make you think he won't be able to protect you himself."

"Can you read minds now or something, Rose?" Emmett teased.

"I know my brother. I don't need to read his mind to know that that's what he's thinking."

Edward was glowering at her. "That's not the only reason, Rosalie."

She sighed heavily. "Okay, Edward, what's the other reason?"

"Bella's exhausted. And she hasn't even gotten her stitches out yet. She's not up to learning self defense right now," he replied sharply.

"Maybe you ought to let _her_ be the judge of that, Edward," Emmett advised.

I could agree with that. "Edward," I started, and he reluctantly tore his gaze from Emmett to focus on me. I took his face between my hands. "I know you're just trying to look after me, but I _want_ to do this."

He didn't reply, but I knew I'd won because his shoulders slumped slightly and I could read the defeat in his eyes.

After hearing that I was keen on his idea, Emmett immediately returned to his usual boisterous self. "Just forget about Eddie-the-spoil-fun over there, Bella. I've got the perfect equipment for you here." As soon as I dropped my hands from Edward's face, Emmett surprised me by grabbing my hand and pulling me up off the sofa. Once again, I got the impression that, unlike everyone else, Emmett wasn't walking on eggshells around me, and it made me feel less suffocated.

Emmett's size _was_ intimidating, but his goofy nature made it impossible not to relax in his presence. He was beaming at me excitedly, and when he turned toward the large, black bag, there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. He was like an overgrown kid.

I briefly glanced over my shoulder at Edward, and I could have sworn I saw amusement flicker across his face.

When I turned back to Emmett he was rummaging around inside the black bag. "Let's see…Ah ha!" he exclaimed. Then he swung around to face me, holding 'the perfect equipment.' "Ta da!" he announced. "It's for practicing some of your self defense moves."

He was holding a cylindrical, plastic rod that was about three feet long. He held it vertically, and attached to the top of it was a Styrofoam head, similar to what one might find in a beauty supply store. Attached to the head, using several layers of transparent tape, was a photograph of Edward's face.

I couldn't help it; I erupted into a fit of laughter.

"Well I'm glad _you're_ amused," came a smooth, sarcastic voice from behind me, but when I turned around to face him, Edward was fighting back a smile and I could definitely read the amusement on his face at that point.

Rosalie was rolling her eyes at Emmett's antics.

Emmett was positively gleeful. "And, I've got a backup one, too," he told me, pulling out another rod-and-head that was identical to the first, with one exception; where the photo of Edward's face should have been, there was a photo of Mike Newton's.

I laughed again, and this time I heard Edward's light chuckle join me.

Emmett was still grinning from ear to ear, but Rosalie was shaking her head at him. "You forgot _your_ head, Emmett," she said, and I didn't miss the double meaning.

After the laughter had died down, I realized something. How did Emmett know about human self defense moves? When I asked him, he told me he'd studied up on women's self defense on the Internet, and he'd also purchased some practice equipment. He'd obviously gone to lots of effort, and I was deeply touched by it. I tried to thank him, but he just shrugged it off as nothing.

Edward still wasn't too happy with the idea, and as Emmett rearranged the furniture in the living room to give us more room he made me promise to take things easy.

"So what moves am I suppose to be practicing with these heads?" I asked Emmett, pointing to the two rod-and-heads that he had nicknamed 'Eddie' and 'Mikey.' "Are they supposed to be like punch bags or something?"

"No, _no_. Here's the first rule, Bella: no punching," he replied, waggling his finger at me.

I frowned. "Why not?"

"_Because_, Bella, learning how to throw a punch is not typically taught in self defense," he replied as if it was completely obvious. "Using your fists can be dangerous because you can easily break your wrist or your fingers. _You_ of all people should know that. I seem to recall a punching incident with a certain werewolf."

I heard a fierce growl from behind me. "I should've killed him right then," Edward snarled.

Rosalie sighed. "Bringing that up wasn't the best idea, Emmett."

After the tension had loosened, Emmett went on to teach me a move called the 'Ear Slap Strike,' which was pretty much what the name implied. It was a very simple move, but apparently it had lots of 'shock and pain value.' It was so simple that even _I_ couldn't mess it up, though I ended up having trouble keeping a straight face while practicing the move on 'Eddie,' and Emmett got a kick out of seeing me miss the target when he would move it away instead of holding it in place for me.

After that I learned the 'Palm Heel Strike,' 'Ultimate Foot Stop,' and 'Ultimate Knee Kick,' moves. They were all relatively simple moves, but the 'Ultimate Knee Kick' proved to be the most challenging. I lost my balance several times while I was practicing the move, and Edward ended up hovering behind me, ready to catch me if I fell, which I did—twice.

Emmett suggested I practice some of the moves on him, assuring me he would move away before I hit my mark, but Edward put his foot down to that one. He was afraid that I might still somehow hit Emmett and injure myself, which was rather ridiculous considering the speed Emmett could move, but Edward wouldn't relent.

Emmett then suggested that I practice with Charlie. I was enthusiastic about that idea because I was fairly certain that Charlie would be pleased. I also hoped that maybe it would help ease away the awkwardness that had formed between us.

Overall, I was amazed at how simple all the moves were. It wasn't about the physical strength you possessed. It was about remembering simple but key points that could make all the difference. It was about knowing _how_ and _where_ to strike. After I'd learned the 'Ultimate Foot Stop,' I'd realized that when Berruti had grabbed me from behind, I should've aimed for his foot, not his leg, because it would've stunned him for longer.

Although I knew self-defense would be useless against those with superhuman strength, like Jacob, I _felt_ stronger, whether it made sense or not.

**xxxxx**

When I arrived home later that evening, just after 8 pm, I turned on my computer to check my email before I went to bed, and I settled into my desk chair to wait for it to start up. The truth was I _was_ exhausted. Edward had been right about that. On Tuesday and Wednesday night, my nightmares had prevented me from getting much sleep, and now, after the self-defense lesson, I felt completely dead on my feet. But it had been worth it. Besides making me feel less useless, I'd also actually had fun. Emmett's cheerful and goofy nature had made it easy to forget my fears for a little while.

I turned in my chair to look over at Edward who was seated on my bed. There was obvious concern etched on his face.

"You look so exhausted," he observed. "The self defense _really_ isn't necessary, you know," he added softly, as if willing me to believe him.

I moved from the chair to his lap, curling up against his chest while his arms immediately enveloped me.

"I _know_ you'll always protect me, Edward," I assured him wholeheartedly. "That's not what this is about. It's about me. Learning self-defense just makes me feel less useless. It makes me feel stronger. I know it's not really that rational, but neither is the way…" My voice became quieter as I struggled to put my feelings into words. "the way I'm so afraid to be alone in the room, even when I know you're less than a second away. Or the way I keep jumping at any sudden movement or sound. It's pathetic."

I felt Edward rest his cheek on the top of my head. "It's not," he whispered, and I could detect the torment in his voice. "It's completely understandable after everything that's happened."

"Maybe," I said softly. "But it still makes me feel weak."

He shifted me in his arms and tilted my face up so that he could gaze intently into my eyes. "Bella, you may not be very strong physically, but you're strong in the way that matters most." He placed his hand over my heart. "In here, Bella. _Inside_ you're stronger than anyone else I've ever met. Don't _ever _forget that."

For the life of me I couldn't figure out what to say, so instead I just snuggled into him, and felt my eyes slide shut.

At some point, through the haze of my semi-conscious state, I felt my head sink into something that was too soft, and my eyes flew open.

I was lying across my bed now, and Edward was standing beside it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he said. "I just have to let Charlie see me leave."

I nodded, now fully awake.

He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "I'll just be a minute," he promised.

As soon as he left, I got up to check my email, and, true to his word, Edward was back before I even opened my email program. He settled in on my bed while I went through my email.

There was an email from Renee. She'd just sent it about half an hour ago, and I scanned through it quickly, planning to reply to her tomorrow.

But one word caught my attention, and I froze in place as the horror of it sank in.

**Author's note:**

Okay, so I have lots to say here:

(1) I ask that you suspend your disbelief of this new development about Jacob and sending humans after Bella etc until you later learn what is behind it all. It will make more sense later, trust me.

(2) I would like to acknowledge karene. Her review inspired the self-defense idea. Thanks karene! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

(3) I'd just like to point out that I didn't invent the self-defense moves talked about in this chapter. They are real self-defense moves. If you are interested there is a wonderful website on women's self-defense where you can go through online instructions to learn basic self-defense moves. Here is the site:

(4) Song inspiration for this chapter: 'Hero' by Mariah Carey.

(5) I don't really know how fast the chapters will come, but I will do my best. And even if the chapters don't come very quickly, I promise you that the story will get finished.

(6) Please review! I'm anxiously waiting to hear from you all!


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you so much to all of you that are still with me! Your support means more than I can say.

Brace yourselves…looong chapter.

_Disclaimer: Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 21**

**BPOV**

_Denver._

I couldn't tear my eyes away from that one word.

It took several seconds for the shock to wear off. Then I shot up out of my desk chair to dash across my bedroom to the phone on my bedside table, but I was thwarted when my foot caught on the leg of the chair, and a quiet, frustrated sob escaped as I stumbled and tried to regain my balance. When Edward caught me up in his arms before I could fall, I shrugged out of his hold, my only thought being to get to the phone, but my knees buckled beneath my weight and I collapsed into him in defeat.

"Bella? What is it? What's wrong?" he questioned anxiously as he lead me toward the bed.

I sank down on the mattress, grabbing his arm hysterically as he sat down beside me, and my words tumbled out in my panic. "Denver…he knew…can't believe I forgot…have to call her…and…and…"

He rubbed my arm. "Bella, love, please calm down. You're not making any sense."

I took a deep breath and tried again. "Jacob…he didn't call from Denver to make us think he's far away. Renee's email…reminded me…she's leaving Florida tomorrow. She's going to Denver for a week to…to visit a friend. Jacob knew because…because…" I had to take another gulp of air before continuing. "he was there when I mentioned it to Charlie…several weeks ago." I paused again and took another deep breath. "That's what the phone call from Jacob was about. He…" I trailed off as Jacob's words ran through my head.

"_I don't want to hurt anyone, but I will if I have to. Come away with me and no one will get hurt."_

"_Just think about it, Bells."_

"H-he's threatening Renee." My voice broke on my mother's name. The pack was looking out for Charlie, but I hadn't even thought of Renee. She had no one to look out for her. Jacob could easily hurt her to get to me. I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it sooner, or made the connection immediately after I'd heard that the call had been traced from Denver. I'd completely forgotten that Renee was going to Denver tomorrow. There was no doubt in my mind that Jacob had made that call to send the message to me that he would go after Renee if I didn't agree to go with him willingly. Had he _already_ gotten to her? She'd just sent the email less than an hour ago, but I still had to call her and make sure she was okay.

I didn't even pause to assess Edward's reaction. I was now sitting on the bed next to my bedside table, and I reached over and snatched up the phone. With shaky hands I scrolled through the list of preset phone numbers and selected Renee's number. It was now 8:47 pm, which meant that it was 11:47 pm in Florida. Renee didn't have caller ID, and I prayed that she would answer the phone.

I gripped the phone tightly and held it to my ear. I could sense Edward's eyes on me, but I kept my gaze averted downward, staring at my lap where my left hand was clenched into a fist. Edward's hand slid over my fist, and while he rubbed the back of it soothingly with his thumb, I started counting each ring.

_Buzzzz._

_Please let her be okay._

_Buzzzz._

_Please. Please. Please._

_Buzzzz._

_Oh, God. Oh, God._

"Hello?"

My shoulders sagged in relief when I heard Renee's sleepy, yet surprised, voice.

"Who is it?" came Phil's groggy voice from the background. They had obviously both just turned in for the night.

_Oh, God_. What in the world was I going to say to her? I quickly pulled the phone from my ear and hit the 'end call' button with my thumb before letting the phone slide from my grasp and land on the mattress beside me.

My initial relief began to fade. Jacob hadn't gotten to Renee _yet_, but she certainly wasn't safe from him, especially now that she was going to Denver tomorrow.

I leaned forward and held my face in my hands, trying to stop the dizziness as a million different thoughts started swirling around in my head, and I couldn't keep any of them straight.

Edward's arm came around me, and he lightly rubbed my back. "Renee's going to be fine."

I pulled my face from my hands and shook my head quickly. "H-he hasn't gotten to her yet, but she's not safe. We have to…we have to do something!" I choked out.

"Yes," he agreed. "You have to call her back and get her to switch her flight and come visit you here instead of going to Denver."

I stared at him in shock, trying to process his words.

"It's the only way she'll be safe," he reasoned. "We can protect her if she's here in Forks, just until we find Jacob."

"But…how am I supposed to…to get her to cancel her plans to visit her friend at the last minute and come here instead? She's not going to just drop everything and come here."

"I think she will," he said softly. Then he took my hand and held it between both of his. "You have to tell her, love. You have to tell her what happened." His golden eyes swam with gentle understanding as he spoke.

It felt like my stomach had somehow dropped through the mattress and hit the floor, and I inhaled sharply. He was right, of course. There was no doubt in my mind that if I called her back and told her that I'd been raped, she'd drop everything and fly over here as fast as possible. That is, if she didn't have a heart attack and drop dead after hearing the news, or maybe, in the less extreme case, she would work herself up to such a state of panic that she'd be completely incapable of doing anything, let alone make the arrangements to fly over here as soon as possible.

In spite of the risks, I knew I didn't really have much of a choice. If I didn't get her to come here, she'd be in grave danger. I could only hope that Charlie had been right when he'd said that Renee was stronger than I thought.

Knowing how difficult it was going to be, but not wanting to allow myself time for my terror to build, I slid my hand from Edward's grasp and picked up the phone again. After selecting Renee's number, I held the phone to my ear.

Buzzzz.

_Stay calm._

Buzzzz.

_Please don't tell me she's not going to answer now._

"Listen up!"

I jumped several inches off the bed and nearly dropped the phone when Phil's furious voice pounded into my ear.

"I don't tolerate prank calls. If you think you can just—"

"Phil?" I squeaked.

"Bella? Is that you?"

He sounded very uncertain, and I couldn't blame him for that. In fact, I was shocked that he'd actually recognized my voice at all; I'd barely recognized it myself. Despite my efforts to remain calm, I felt dizzy with panic. How in the world was I going to tell Renee something like this over the phone?

"Are you still there?"

My fingernails dug into the palm of my hand as I once again balled it into a fist in my lap. "Yes," I finally managed to choke out. "It…it's me."

"Is everything okay? You sound terrible."

"I…can I speak to Mom?"

"Of course. She's right here."

I heard some rustling noises, then my mother's frantic voice. "Bella?"

_Great_, I thought sarcastically. _I haven't even told her anything yet, and she's already starting to freak out. _

Edward grabbed my fist and smoothed out my fingers before my nails broke through my skin, and I squeezed his hand instead.

"Hey, Mom."

"Bella! You sound awful! What's wrong? Are you ill? What happened? Why are you calling so late?"

I groaned quietly as she continued to spout out numerous questions, each sounding more frantic than the last. I knew what I had to tell her, but I had absolutely no idea how to do it.

She finally paused from her list of questions to take a breath, and I forced myself to take advantage. "You-have-to-come-here-and-visit-me-instead-of-goi ng-to-Denver-tomorrow," I managed to shoot out at top speed.

There was a fairly long pause, and the only indication that she was still on the line was the sound of her deep breathing. At first I thought that maybe I'd spoken too quickly and she hadn't understood, but then she spoke. "What? Why? Tell me what's going on, Bella." There was a mixture of shock and distress in her voice.

Now that the moment to tell her had arrived, I was completely losing my nerve.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her. Not over the phone_._

"Bella?!"

"I…I just need you to come…as soon as possible…_please_," I finished in a hopeless whisper. There was no way she would agree to come so last minute. I was going to have to tell her.

After several agonizing seconds of silence, she spoke. "I'll call you early tomorrow morning as soon as I've made all the arrangements and booked my flight to Seattle."

I almost dropped the phone. "Y-you…_what?_"

"You're my daughter, honey. You always come first. If you need me, I'm there. We'll talk when I get there."

If I had been a cartoon on TV, I was pretty sure my jaw would've hit the floor. How could she have agreed to my outlandish request so easily without even pushing me for an explanation? To add to that, she all of a sudden sounded very calm about everything.

Still, no matter how strange, I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "I…thanks, Mom," I said softly.

"Do me a favor and get some sleep. You really sound like you need it. I'll call you before you leave for school tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll manage to book a flight that leaves tomorrow."

After exchanging brief goodnights, we rung off. Still recovering from my shock, I pulled the phone from my ear and then just stared down at it. That had been much easier than I'd thought. _Wait_. What if she didn't manage to book a flight soon enough and Jacob got to her before she got here?

Before I could think it through any further, Edward gently pulled the phone from my hand and placed it back on its cradle. "She's going to be fine, love. She'll be here at around 9 pm tomorrow."

I threw him I perplexed look, and he smiled slightly while holding up his cell phone. "Text message from Alice," he explained.

"Oh. Right."

My scatterbrain mother was going to somehow manage to book a last minute flight. I was still shocked that she'd agreed to my request so easily.

Edward was studying me closely, so I voiced it aloud. "I can't believe she agreed to everything so easily. I didn't even tell her about…" I trailed off, knowing he would know what I was referring to.

"It's not really that surprising," he said quietly.

I frowned.

"Bella, you sounded really upset," he supplied gently.

Translation: I'd sounded absolutely terrible. God, I hadn't thought I'd sounded _that_ bad, but I guess I must have because it would explain my mother's reaction. She had somehow managed to calm herself down at the end, but I'd bet that she was totally freaking out now, and Phil was probably the one who would end up making the arrangements for her. _Oh, no_. I was going to be in for it when she arrived tomorrow night. She'd said 'we'll talk when I get there.' She would demand I tell her what was wrong. But I couldn't worry about that now. The important thing was that she would be safe.

But when was all of this going to end? Who else was Jacob going to threaten? The Cullens and the pack couldn't protect everyone I knew.

Edward reached out and grasped my chin, and his eyes delved into mine with smoldering intensity. "Bella," he said in a warning tone. "Don't you _dare_ get any crazy ideas and fall into Jacob's trap. You see what he's trying to do here, don't you?" He didn't wait for my reply. "He knows there's no way in hell that he'll be able to get through me and get to you, so he's getting desperate, and he's trying to get to you by other means. Why do you think he didn't just come right out and threaten Renee when he spoke to you on the phone instead of going to all the trouble of calling from Denver hoping you'd get the message when we traced the call?"

I frowned again. I hadn't even thought of that. It _was_ strange.

Edward answered his own question. "He did it this way because he wanted to deliver the message to _only_ you." He continued to grasp my chin so that I couldn't look away, and his scrutinizing gaze was becoming rather unnerving. It took a few seconds for me to process his words. Then everything clicked.

Jacob was trying to scare me into leaving the protection of Edward and his family, and he knew that Edward would stop me if I tried, so he was trying to keep him in the dark as much as possible.

Edward was obviously trying to make sure I wasn't going to do anything like what I'd done when I'd thought that James had kidnapped my mother. I spoke as firmly as I could, hoping to ease Edward's worries and relieve myself from his piercing gaze. "That's stupid. He should've known that wouldn't work."

I had no idea what Edward read from my expression, but he seemed to be at least somewhat satisfied with my response, because his gaze softened and he released his hold on me while nodding in agreement. "He's making mistakes in his desperation. That's why we're going to find him very soon." He pulled me into his arms and dropped a kiss on my forehead. "Then I'll make sure you never have to worry about him ever again," he said fiercely.

I leaned into the solid length of him, and despite the overload of unsorted thoughts running through my head, I was unable to keep my eyes open…

**xxxxx**

I was running. Every muscle in my body burned painfully, and I was gasping for breath while my heart pounded violently against my chest. Sheer force of will was the only thing keeping me going now. I'd lost track of how long I'd been running, and still I couldn't even _see_ the exit. The long, familiar rectangular room seemed to stretch on for miles with no end in sight.

I stumbled and fell to my knees, the palm of my hands colliding against the smooth, wooden planks that made up the floor. As I scrambled to my feet, I looked on in horror as the mirrors that stretched across the walls on either side of me started to move toward me. By the time I was on my feet again, there was only a foot between me and the wall on each side, and I grabbed the waist high bar that was attached to the wall to steady myself before I took off running again. The ballet studio had transformed into a narrow, endless hallway.

I was trapped.

And I was completely alone.

I didn't know what it was that was driving me to keep running. I just somehow knew that I had to keep going before I was too late.

Suddenly, several feet in front of me, the walls stretched apart to form a large, rectangular room, and I realized that I was already too late.

Jacob stood before me with a sick, twisted smile stretched across his face. Across the floor at his feet lay the lifeless bodies of Charlie, Renee, Phil, Angela, Ben, Eric, Mike, Jessica…

Each time I blinked more bodies kept appearing…

I jerked awake gasping for breath with tears streaming down my cheeks and sweat caked across my forehead.

Edward's icy fingers stroked my cheek, and his arm pulled me securely against his chest. "Shh, it was just a dream," he soothed.

Yes, it had only been a dream, but it was based on reality. All my human acquaintances were vulnerable and in danger from Jacob. It would be impossible to be able to protect everyone. The only way to make sure they were safe was for me to leave Edward's protection and let Jacob take me, which would be exceedingly difficult to do because Edward certainly wouldn't allow it. But even if I could somehow find a way around him, I still couldn't do it. It wasn't because I wasn't willing to sacrifice myself to make sure everyone I cared about was safe. No, it was because I couldn't hurt Edward like that. I loved him more than anything, and now, after everything that had happened since that horrible night, I knew he loved me as much as I loved him. I knew that if I sacrificed myself to Jacob, Edward would be devastated. I couldn't do that to him. I loved him way too much to hurt him that way.

And, no matter how impossible it seemed, I wanted to hold on to that small chance that Edward would be right; that everything would be all right. That no one would get hurt and that soon I wouldn't have to worry about Jacob any longer. That Edward and I could somehow get through everything and have our happy ending. If there was even the slightest chance of that, how could I possibly throw it all away? The answer was simple: I couldn't.

**xxxxx**

When I pulled myself out of bed in the morning I was far from feeling completely rested, but I did feel less exhausted than I had the night before. I'd only had one nightmare, and I wasn't going to complain; I'd had worse.

Just as Alice had predicted, Renee phoned me in the morning before I left for school to inform me that her flight to Seattle was leaving in about an hour and she would arrive later this evening. When she arrived in Seattle, she would take another plane to Port Angeles, and then a taxi to Forks.

Charlie was pleased when I told him I'd asked Renee to come visit me so that I could tell her what had happened. It was exactly what he'd been constantly trying to get me to do, and he was so relieved I'd finally given in that he'd suggested that Renee stay with us instead of at a hotel (Phil wasn't coming with her because he was too busy with his coaching), but I wasn't so sure I liked that idea. Besides, I was fairly certain Renee would refuse the offer. It was true that Charlie and Renee had been divorced for many years now and that they werecompletely civil with each other; in fact, they appeared to get along quite well, but I knew from experience that all of that would go out the window if they were living under the same roof.

Although I knew the most important thing was that Renee would be safe, knowing it didn't help in the slightest to ease how much I was dreading her arrival. By some miracle I hadn't needed to tell her about the rape over the phone, but I knew I wouldn't be so lucky when we were face-to-face.

At school, time seemed to pass slowly as I anticipated Renee's arrival later in the evening. At least it kept my mind occupied from thinking too much about whether or not Jacob had more people spying on me, and I was grateful when I made it through another school day without any mishaps.

However, much to my frustration, Forks had been having unusually warm weather over the past several days. During the day, the temperature remained steady in the low twenties, and although it remained cloudy, the rain showers that came off and on kept the air humid and made it feel hotter than it was. It was so typical that it was warm when I still had to wear long-sleeves to hide my bruises. I probably should've been grateful that it wasn't hotter, but I'd gotten use to the cooler weather since moving to Forks.

When Edward and I arrived at my house after school, I felt the need to throw some cold water over my face, and I made my way to the bathroom. As soon as I entered, I pulled off the thin cotton cardigan sweater that I was wearing. Underneath I was wearing a loose-fitted T-shirt, and I gazed down to examine my arms. It had been exactly two weeks since the rape, and many of the bruises had now faded, but a few of the worst ones, though now brownish in color, were still very visible.

I quickly tore my gaze from the sight as I crestfallenly determined that I still had to wear long-sleeves.

After washing my face, I made my way to my bedroom. Edward was sitting on the edge of my bed and was pulling out his Chemistry homework from his book bag. When I went to retrieve my homework from my backpack, I saw his gaze slide to my arm, and I realized that I hadn't put my sweater back on. I automatically crossed my arms and covered the marks on my upper arms with my hands. "I…um, forgot my sweater in the bathroom," I mumbled while turning toward the door.

Before I could take a step, however, Edward was towering over me from behind, his large hand covering mine and gently curling around my arm, keeping me in place. "Bella," he said, his voice filled with sad understanding. "You don't need to hide your bruises from me."

"I…I know," I whispered. "I just…"

He turned me around to face him. "You just what?"

"It makes you sad when you see them," I answered quietly, averting my gaze from his.

He sighed, then sank down on the bed and held his arms open in invitation. I couldn't bring myself to refuse, so I stepped into his arms and allowed him to pull me onto his lap. "It makes me sad when you're uncomfortable," he said softly.

"I'm comfortable," I argued while leaning into him, but my right hand was still covering part of my arm, and Edward had to carefully pull it away. As he uncovered the worst bruise, I told him dully, "They're fading, but this one's still hideous."

He bent his head, and I felt his cool lips brush across my arm. "There. All better now," he declared with a smile.

My skin tingled from the cool, soothing feel of his lips, while the sweetness of the gesture warmed my heart.

"I can think of one good thing about the warmer weather," he told me, pulling me closer against his icy body in explanation.

"Mmhm," I agreed as I cuddled into him. "I might just have to stay here forever now," I teased, though wishing I could do just that.

**xxxxx**

I sat on my bed with my legs crossed and my Biology homework in my lap. Edward was on my computer working on his History essay, and I could hear the soft clicking of the keyboard as he typed. I'd been staring down at the same question for several minutes, while glancing at my watch about every 30 seconds. It was 8:41 pm, and I was extremely jittery. I knew Renee would arrive any minute now, and I could no longer concentrate on my homework.

When I started to restlessly tap my pencil on my textbook, I heard Edward stop typing and sigh. I looked up when he sank down on the bed in front of me and covered my hand with his, terminating my pencil tapping. "Bella, would you please calm down. I'm sure Renee's not going to take things as badly as you seem to think. And I really think it will help you to talk to her."

I groaned. "Did you get that from Charlie? He said the same thing."

"I think he's right, Bella."

I shook my head. "He's not. You don't know what Renee's like. She won't be able to handle something like this. She'll probably have a heart attack."

Okay, so I might have been exaggerating a bit. But not a lot.

"I know her better than you think. I had a good look into her mind that weekend we went to Florida to visit her, remember?"

About two months ago, we'd used the plane tickets I'd gotten for my eighteenth birthday to go to Florida to visit Renee, and I hadn't seen her since then. I guess it was true that Edward had gotten to know her pretty well in that time, given his mind reading ability. But no matter what he said about her, I was sure she would completely freak out when I told her that I'd been raped, and I didn't know how I was going to manage to deal with it.

"You mother certainly is different," Edward admitted. "I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like her—and that's saying a lot. It's true that she often has her head in the clouds, but when it comes down to the important things…well, I'd say she's a force to be reckoned with."

"I suppose that's one way of putting it."

He sighed when he could see that he wasn't really getting through to me. "Well I guess we'll find out soon enough. Her taxi is pulling up in the driveway."

My eyes widened, and my breath caught in my throat.

"Calm," he reminded me while lightly squeezing my hand.

I took a deep breath and nodded.

I had attempted to make myself look as presentable as possible by brushing my hair and changing into one of my nicer long-sleeved shirts. The last thing I needed was to look a mess on top of everything else. Renee was already worried about me as it was.

I heard Renee's knock as I exited my bedroom, and while Charlie went to answer it, I slowly made my way down the stairs with Edward following silently behind me.

As soon as Charlie opened the door, I recognized my mother's voice. "Charlie! It's good to see you. How are you?"

"I'm doing alright," came Charlie's gruff, less enthusiastic reply. "And you?"

"Fine. I'm—Bella!" She spotted me at the bottom of the stairs and her wide blue eyes shone with happiness and relief.

In that moment, all of my anxiety drained away, and a smile spread across my face; it was so nice to see her. "Mom!"

We met each other half way and she pulled me into a warm hug. Unfortunately, the moment didn't last. When we drew apart, my anxiety seeped back, and my protective wall came up as she began to study me closely, her eyes narrowing in concern. "My God, Bella, you look like you haven't gotten any sleep lately. And have you lost weight? Because you're looking pretty thin. You're not sick, are you?"

I jumped in quickly before she could spit out anymore questions. "No, Mom. School's been keeping me busy because of finals and stuff, and I've been getting less sleep than usual."

Her forehead creased slightly. "Well, you and I need to have a long chat. I've been so worried!"

I cringed. This was _not_ going to go well.

At that moment, Renee spotted Edward standing behind me. "Oh! How rude of me. I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, Edward."

"No need to apologize," came Edward's polite response. "I'm sure you and Bella have a lot of catching up to do. I was just on my way out anyway." He started to move past me as he spoke, and I quickly grabbed his hand to prevent him from leaving.

"Well, actually, Mom…" I started. "it's getting kind of late and I _am_ pretty tired, and I'm sure you must be tried, too, because of the time difference between here and Florida, so we can just talk tomorrow when we have more time and all." I quickly stopped myself before I started babbling too much.

Charlie threw me a disapproving look. He obviously wanted me to talk to her now, and I was pretty sure that Edward felt the same way, considering he had been about to leave to give me time to talk to her.

_It'll be better to tell her tomorrow when she's more rested_, I tried to convince myself, but deep down I knew I was just trying to delay the inevitable.

"I suppose it _is_ getting pretty late," she agreed, glancing at her watch.

Charlie jumped in. "You're welcome stay here, Renee. There's no need for you to stay at a hotel."

She waved him off with her hand and a shake of her head. "Don't be silly, Charlie. I wouldn't want to impose. Besides, I've already signed in at the hotel. I dropped my luggage off over there as soon as I arrived and then came here."

I let out the breath I'd been holding. It was clear that Renee wasn't going to agree to stay with us, and Charlie didn't bother to argue.

Renee turned her gaze back to me. "Tomorrow's Saturday, so how about the two of us go and do something fun together? Say around 11? That way we can sleep in. We could go to Port Angeles. I know there's a lovely view of the bay. We could look at some of the shops and then have some lunch somewhere."

"I could drop you both off there," Edward volunteered before I could reply. "I have some shopping I need to do there as well, and you can just call me on my cell when you're ready to go home."

"Perfect!" Renee exclaimed with a smile. "It's all settled then."

Clearly, no one was going to ask me for my input, though I could hardly refuse to go out and spend some time with her, considering she'd come all this way to visit me.

**xxxxx**

At around 11:15 the following morning, Edward was driving the three of us to Port Angeles. I was sitting in the passenger seat next to Edward, and Renee was sitting in the back seat. Edward drove slower than usual, obviously not wanting Renee to think he was a reckless driver.

Other than a few casual questions from Renee—directed to both Edward and me— about how school was going, we drove in silence. I knew that she was waiting for us to be alone before she interrogated me. Of course, she didn't know that Edward would be nearby and would be able to hear everything anyway.

With Jacob and his spies still out there, I certainly didn't like the idea of this outing with Renee. Although Edward would be lurking nearby, if one of Jacob's thugs decided to come after me again, there would be a delay before Edward could get to me because he would have to move at a human pace. Edward had assured me that now that he knew to look for them, he would be searching through the thoughts of everyone around us and would be able to prevent any of them from getting near me. I trusted that he wouldn't be allowing me to go out with Renee if he wasn't sure he could keep us safe, and I knew I was being paranoid, but I couldn't help but feel uneasy about it.

I did feel better knowing that I now had at least some idea of how to defend myself. This way, if the thoughts of one of Jacob's goons did happen to escape Edward's notice, I had a chance of being able to hold my own until Edward could get to me. However, I knew self-defense could only take me so far, and I'd only had one day of self-defense practice; I certainly wasn't an expert on it yet.

Edward drove down a side street near the boardwalk in Port Angeles and pulled to the side of the road to drop Renee and me off. He seemed to sense my distress, because even though Renee's watchful eyes were observing us, he reached over and smoothed my hair from my face in a soothing gesture. "Call me when you need me. I'll be there in a flash," he told me with a reassuring smile, his words holding a deeper meaning that Renee wouldn't catch.

I nodded and forced myself to climb out of the car.

It was another warm and cloudy day, but it was less humid than it had been yesterday, and there was a slight cool breeze here by the bay, so I felt fairly comfortable in my long-sleeved blouse and lightweight khaki pants.

Renee was wearing white pants with a summery looking T-shirt that had a flower pattern with _Florida_ printed across it.

"Well, it's a lovely day! Perfect for walking along the bay," Renee commented just after Edward dropped us off and we were making our way to the touristy area of town, where there was a string of little shops and restaurants along the picturesque boardwalk.

"Um, yeah, we've been having some pretty warm weather, for here anyway," I replied, trying to enjoy the small talk while it lasted. I knew it wouldn't be long before the questions would start.

It probably would've been better if I'd just told her about the rape yesterday and gotten it over with, but I hadn't been able to bring myself to tell her.

Unfortunately, it wasn't any easier now, and when the questions started to come, I found myself coming up with many different excuses as to why it wasn't the right time to tell her. In truth, I knew that there would never really be a right time or way to tell her.

And yet, as we walked along the boardwalk and she questioned me about what I'd been so upset about over the phone and why I'd wanted her to come visit me at the last minute, I gave her every possible explanation I could think of, but none of them even came close to the truth.

I told her that I'd been having a hard time at school. That I was really stressed out about graduating and going to Collage (I'd applied to several Collages, but was still waiting to be accepted). That I'd really missed her and needed her support.

Renee had always been good at detecting if I was lying, so I was surprised but relieved when she hadn't pushed me further. Maybe I wouldn't need to tell her after all.

I was anxious the whole time we were out, but the worst was when we went to have lunch. After about an hour of walking and stopping at a few shops, we stopped to have lunch in a small café, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't eliminate the fear that took firm residence in the pit of my stomach. When we had been walking along the boardwalk I'd been telling myself that nothing could possibly happen with so many people around, but inside the small café, aside from the elderly couple at a table in the corner, Renee and I were the only customers.

I was too preoccupied to notice the name of the café when we entered, and after we'd gotten our food, what I was eating didn't really register.

Renee started discussing different possible Collages. She didn't appear to notice my anxiety, and I was surprised when part of the time we ate in silence. It was unusual for Renee not to be engaged in conversation when she had company. In fact, her behavior was a bit unusual all round, but my mind was too occupied with trying to keep myself calm to pay much attention.

I utilized the excuse of too much homework and studying in order to keep our outing short, and after we'd finished lunch, I used Renee's cell phone to call Edward and inform him we were ready for him to pick us up.

We met up with Edward outside the café, and as soon as I saw him it was as if I could suddenly breathe more easily.

**xxxxx**

"You need to tell her, Bella," said Edward, his expression grim.

We had just walked through the front door of Charlie's house after dropping Renee off at the hotel. She would be coming over for dinner a bit later on.

Charlie came stomping into view before I could reply. He fixed his gaze on me, his eyes lit with fierce disapproval. "You didn't tell her yet?!"

"Thanks a lot, Edward," I muttered, shooting him a dirty look. He'd obviously known Charlie would hear him.

Charlie ignored the exchange and continued to scold me. "Didn't you get her to come here so that you could tell her? She's your mother, Bella. You can't keep this from her. You—"

"Shut _up_!" I exploded. "You don't have any idea how I feel! You don't know what it's like! Neither of you do! I don't have to tell her anything! Just leave me _alone!_"

With that, I flew past Charlie and up the stairs to my room, slamming the door behind me.

I flung myself across my bed and buried my face in my pillow, trying to smother the tears I could feel prickling behind my eyes.

After several minutes I heard the soft click of my door opening. Then I felt the mattress dip beside me. I didn't move from my position; I didn't need to look to know who it was.

"Bella…" he started, and I felt him place a gentle hand on my back.

I pulled my head up from the pillow. "I don't want to hear it, Edward! If I don't want to tell her, it's none of your business!"

I scooted out from under his hand, curling up on my side facing away from him.

Why did they have to keep pushing me to tell her? What good would it do? It would only cause her pain. She'd be better off not knowing.

I continued to lay there, the pressure of everything taking its toll.

Edward didn't move from his place on the bed behind me, and he remained silent as I lay there with my back to him.

After several minutes, he started to comb his fingers through my hair soothingly. By that point, all my anger had drained away, and my unshed tears finally began to fall when I felt his touch. I felt horrible for yelling at him. He certainly hadn't deserved it. I hadn't even apologized, and he'd already forgiven me.

I pulled his hand from my hair and pressed the back of it to my lips. "I'm sorry, Edward," I said quietly.

His reply was to drop a kiss on my shoulder.

I turned around to face him and found myself encircled in his arms.

"Bella," he said gently. "What you discuss with your mother is between you and her, and I won't interfere," he assured me. "But I want to remind you of something." He paused. "Renee's extremely insightful when she's paying attention. There's something about her simplistic view of the world that allows her to see right through to the truth of things. She sees much more than you realize, Bella."

**xxxxx**

A couple of hours later, about two hours before she was supposed to arrive for dinner, Renee was parading into my bedroom.

"I'll be downstairs with Charlie," Edward said bleakly.

As soon as he'd left the room, Renee was shutting the door behind him and then turning back to face me. I sat unmoving on the end of my bed, and she fixed her gaze on my face.

I stared back at her in shock, and the saying 'if looks could kill' ran through my head.

Never in my life had I seen her look so tense, or serious. Her wide blue eyes were fierce and determined, and I felt as if they were piercing right through me to my soul. But what bothered me most of all was the haunted look behind the determination in her eyes.

"Who was it?" she demanded, her voice forceful as if to say, _'You'd better start talking.'_

It took me several tries before any sound came out of my mouth. "W…what?" It came out an octave higher than usual.

"Who did this to you?" she demanded again, but this time I could detect the ever so slight waver breaking through the firmness of her voice.

_No_. She couldn't possibly know. Could she?

My eyes locked with hers, and I felt the air whoosh from my lungs.

She knew.

I didn't know how she knew. But somehow, she did.

"Charlie told you?" I asked in a whisper.

"No one told me anything," she replied, her voice flat. Then she took the few steps required and sat down beside me.

I stared straight ahead, disbelieving. How could she know if no one had told her anything? How could she know and manage to be so composed?

When she spoke after several seconds of stunned silence, the strength in her voice had been stripped away, and she sounded broken and utterly defeated. "I wanted so badly to believe I was reading all the signs wrong, but…" Her eyes were unfocused, as if remembering something. "…Charlie's behavior…_your_ behavior…and _Edward_!"

The way in which she had spoken and emphasized Edward's name made me suddenly feel defensive. "Edward would _never_ hurt me!" I exclaimed, annoyance seeping into my voice.

"Oh, I know that," she said immediately, but the slight bitterness in her voice confused me. "In fact, I'm more sure of that than anything else. I swear that boy would allow himself to be tortured to death before he ever laid an abusive hand on you." She sounded troubled by this, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why. "The question is…who did?" Her voice softened on the last two words, but her expression told me she wasn't going to back down.

It took me several seconds to respond.

"Jacob," I whispered.

She closed her eyes. "Tell me it's not as bad as I think. Tell me he didn't…" She took a deep breath. "tell me he didn't rape you," she whispered, but the complete hopelessness in her voice told me she already knew my answer.

Tears gathered in my eyes, and I remained silent.

I don't know who moved first, but we were soon locked in a tight embrace, while tears streamed down both of our faces, and it actually felt wonderful just to have someone to cry with.

"My poor baby. My poor baby girl." Her voice came out in a tormented whisper.

After we both had no more tears left to shed, we drew apart, and Renee asked sadly, "When? When did it happen?"

I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Two weeks from yesterday," I answered quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me, Bella?! I would've come!"

"I know, but I…I just couldn't."

She took a deep breath. "Please tell me that Edward or your father murdered that bastard."

I smiled weakly. "They wanted to." I paused, but then answered her unspoken question, knowing I didn't really have much of a choice. "We don't know where he is."

She certainly wasn't happy to hear it, but she didn't seem surprised by it either. "That would explain a lot. When you and Edward visited me in Florida, I noticed how protective he was of you. But now! It's like he's expecting someone to come out and take a shot at you! I'm shocked that he even let you out of his sight when we went out earlier."

I almost laughed. I knew that Edward had been watching me through Renee's thoughts, and he was probably doing the same thing now. "He's worried Jacob will come back for me," I explained quietly.

"But the police will find him soon. He can't hide for long," she said, trying to sound confident, but disbelief flashed across her face as she took in my expression. "You didn't report him?!"

"No, I did, but…"

"But what?! Don't tell me he's going to get away with this!"

"There's not enough evidence," I said softly. "I reported it, but I didn't press charges. They'd never stick."

I told her that I hadn't gone to the hospital immediately and that by the time I'd gone it had been too late for evidence. Of course, she was extremely upset to hear it, and I hadn't wanted to tell her, but there was no way around it.

"You should've known better, Bella!" she scolded.

I cast my eyes downward and didn't reply.

Her voice softened, and she took both of my hands in hers. "Oh, Bella, I wish I'd been there for you!"

I looked up at her and gave her a small smile. "It's okay, Mom. It's not your fault. I didn't tell you. And you're here now."

She nodded. "And I'll stay as long as you need me."

"Mom…how did you figure out…what happened? If Charlie didn't tell you…"

She frowned. "Did you really think you could keep something like this from me? You're my daughter; I've known you all your life. And you're not that difficult to read, Bella. You're like Charlie. Both of you are horrible liars." She paused, and when she spoke again she seemed to struggle with her words. "When we were out…you were so…_anxious. _And then when anyone came near you…" She trailed off, and the depth of sadness that appeared in her eyes made my heart ache. "He hurt you so much, didn't he?" she asked in a pained whisper, and I knew she was referring to more than just the physical kind of hurt.

"I'll be okay, Mom," I told her as convincingly as I could.

Her arm came around my shoulders, pulling me into a half-hug, and her next words rendered me speechless. "You don't always have to be the strong one, honey. I know I've never been much of a mother, but you've never really needed one. You've always been so strong and independent. But I'm here when you need me."

She certainly wasn't behaving how I'd expected. And how had she picked up so much from the short time I'd spent time with her in Port Angeles?

"Am I really that easy to read?" I asked her numbly after about a minute of silence, pulling away from her so I could focus on her face.

"It wasn't only your behavior," she replied. "I noticed Charlie being…well…worried about you and more distant, like he was afraid to upset you. And I noticed things are…" She hesitated, throwing me a concerned look, as if she was afraid that what she was going to say would offend me. "_different_ between you and Edward. He's protective and comforting toward you but…well…he's more _careful_ around you." She continued to study me worriedly, awaiting my reaction.

I knew what she was trying to get at, and I was shocked at how much she'd actually picked up on. When Edward and I had gone to visit her we'd barely even touched when she'd been watching, and she'd only just arrived yesterday and hadn't had much time to observe us. Regardless of this, she'd picked up that the intimacy level of our relationship had changed since she'd seen us last. I'd known she could be insightful if she put her mind to it, but this went above and beyond. On top of that, she was handling everything much better than I'd expected; Charlie and Edward had been right about that. Apparently I didn't know her as well as I'd thought.

I could hear Edward's words in my head.

"_Renee's extremely insightful when she's paying attention. There's something about her simplistic view of the world that allows her to see right through to the truth of things. She sees much more than you realize, Bella."_

Now I understood what he'd been getting at. He'd known that Renee was starting to figure everything out on her own.

I realized that Renee was looking more and more worried as she studied me, still awaiting my reaction, and I pulled myself from my thoughts. "Yes," I agreed softly, unable to keep the sadness out of my voice. "Things are different between us…it's been difficult. But Edward is so understanding about everything. He's been wonderful."

I frowned when I took in her expression. There it was again; that same troubled look I'd seen when she'd been talking about Edward earlier.

"What _is it_ that you think Edward's done wrong?" I asked her, exasperated.

"Nothing really…but that's just it."

"You've lost me."

"Well…" Her face scrunched up. "he just seems a little _too_ perfect."

A short laugh escaped my lips. "You've got to be kidding me!" When her expression remained troubled and serious, I shook my head in disbelief. "You're unbelievable! Most _normal_ parents think that no one is ever good enough for their kid. _You_ on the other hand, don't approve of him because you think he's _too_ good for me?!"

"No, that's not what I meant…it's just that…when something _seems_ too good to be true, it usually is. And I get the feeling that he has some kind of secret. There's just something…_mysterious_ about him. I mean, he _seems _like a very nice person, but…I just feel like I'm missing something important about him. And it kind of scares me."

_She_ was really starting to scare _me_ with her insightfulness.

Although she'd always been more like a best friend than a mother, we'd always been pretty close, and now that I'd come clean with her about the rape, I was actually glad of it, and I found that I suddenly wished I could tell her _everything_. I wanted to tell her everything about Edward. I wanted her to see him the way I did.

But I couldn't tell her about the vampire world. It would put her at risk.

So instead I tried to shrug off her concerns as nothing by making light of her words. "Mysterious, eh? Edward would be amused to hear that," I said with a laugh.

"I'm reading too much into things, aren't I?"

I avoided answering the question directly. "You just need to get to know him better, Mom. I'm sure he'll be able to win you over," I said with a knowing smile.

She laughed. "Yes, he's quite the charmer, isn't he?"

I just grinned.

Her face grew serious and she patted my hand that was resting in my lap. "I'm glad you've found someone special, Bella. Especially…" She trailed off, and her voice softened. "well…especially now." She paused. "But I'm going to be keeping an eye on him—just in case."

"I guess I can live with that."

There was a moment of companionable silence before I spoke again. "Um, Mom I…" I looked down and started to play with the bottom of my blouse as I struggled to voice it aloud. "I'm glad that you know now…what happened. And that you're here."

She pulled me into a hug. "So am I," she whispered. "You know I love you so much, right?"

I felt tears sting in my eyes again and blinked them back. "I know. I love you, too, Mom."

Just after we pulled away there was a knock on my bedroom door, and Edward's amused voice drifted through the door. "Charlie wanted to make sure that the both of you hadn't dropped dead in here."

The door opened slowly to reveal Edward standing in the doorway, with Charlie standing just behind him.

Charlie threw Edward a dirty look and muttered something under his breath, looking embarrassed, while Edward looked kind of smug. I had a feeling that their impeccable timing hadn't been a coincidence.

I smiled. I couldn't explain it, but despite Charlie's dirty look, their interaction made me feel as if they were finally starting to bond with each other, and I couldn't be happier about it. Edward was definitely winning Charlie over. Now he just had to do the same with Renee.

"Charlie," Renee said curtly, standing up. "You and I are going to have a long chat about keeping secrets from me that concern our daughter."

"It's not his fault, Mom," I said quickly, pulling myself up as well. "I asked him not to tell you."

"That doesn't mean he should've listened!" she scolded.

Charlie sighed as Renee stomped over to him.

Edward moved toward me, sliding his arm around my waist, and I leaned my forehead against his chest.

I had a feeling it was going to be a very long night.

**xxxxx**

I slowly started to awaken to the feeling of something poking into my back. This didn't feel right. Where was I?

I could remember Renee hugging me goodnight before leaving for the hotel for the night. After that I had climbed into bed, curling up against Edward. I must have fallen asleep immediately because I couldn't remember anything else after that.

But I was much too uncomfortable to be lying in my bed. I forced my eyes open to take in my surroundings.

_Okay, don't panic._

I pulled myself up to a sitting position, and the ground beneath me felt damp. Grass, ferns, moss, and shrubs littered the muddy earth around me. A long, thick tree root stretched across the ground directly beside me, obviously the source of my stiff back. I looked up and saw…trees, trees and more trees.

I was in the middle of the forest.

I had no idea _where_ in the forest, but I was unmistakably _somewhere_ in the forest.

And I had no idea how I'd gotten there.

Edward would never leave me alone like this. But then where was he?

"Ed-ward?" My voice was quiet and uneven. The awfulness of the situation was finally catching up with me, and I heard the rasping of my breath as I pulled myself up on shaky legs.

It was dark, but not dark enough to be nighttime. It was cold, much colder than it had been over the past few days. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. I was still wearing my clothes from yesterday. Hadn't I changed into my pajamas when I'd gone to bed?

There was no breeze. It was calm and silent. Much _too_ silent.

Aside from the fact that I was in the middle of nowhere and had no idea how I'd gotten there, I knew something was very wrong. I could feel it throughout every fiber of my body.

Never in my life had I felt so alone.

I pushed myself to move forward. Not because I had any idea where I was headed, but because I couldn't bear to stand in complete silence doing nothing.

My legs felt like they were lined with lead, and I trudged onward slowly, the sound of my footsteps squishing into the soft earth seeming to echo on for miles.

I tripped, stumbling into a large tree trunk. I leaned against it for a moment, trying to fight the urge to curl up on the ground and let the misery take me.

Then I smelt it.

A slight breeze had started up, carrying the awful burning smell toward me, and I recognized it at once. I'd smelt that same heavy burning odor when Edward and Seth had burned the pieces of Victoria and Riley.

I looked around, and sure enough, I could see a thick, purplish cloud of smoke floating upward between the trees, not far from where I stood.

A horrible feeling settled over me, and I started moving toward it. The feeling grew rapidly, and I broke into a run. Soon I was stopping a few feet away from the raging fire. I looked around but couldn't see anyone.

"Edward?" I rasped.

"Oh you won't be seeing him again," came a horribly familiar voice.

I froze as Jacob—clad in only a pair of shorts—strode out from behind the trees about twenty feet away from me. The smug smile he gave me made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Not ever," he added. "He's really _burnt out_, if you know what I mean," he said with a laugh, gesturing toward the flames.

My heart lurched. "No! You're lying!" I shrieked.

"Nope. He's nothing more than a pile of ashes. It's just you and me now, like it always should've been."

_No, no, no, no. It's not true. It's not true. It's not true. Not Edward._

At that moment, something caught my eye, and I was taking two steps forward and falling to my knees dangerously close to the flames. The heat was scorching and the smoke suffocating, but I ignored it, focusing on the tiny oval shape that had caught my eye.

There, lying amidst several pieces of torn and muddy fabric, was Elizabeth Masen's ring. My engagement ring. The one that Edward had been holding onto for me for safekeeping. The one that, ever since I'd agreed to marry him, he'd been keeping in his pocket.

"No!" I cried out in agony, snatching up the ring.

It was true.

Edward was gone.

Forever.

My heart stopped beating. I could no longer feel the ground beneath me as I collapsed onto my side, clutching the ring to my chest. I couldn't feel the cold air against my skin. Or the heat from the flames. All I could feel was the unbearable pain slowly ripping me apart.

Edward Cullen would never walk the earth again.

Never again would I see his dazzling smile that had never failed to make my heart flutter.

Never again would I hear the sound of his deep laughter that had always filled me with such warmth.

Never again would I feel his loving touch as he held me in his arms and told me that he loved me.

My fist tightened around the ring. I would never become Bella Cullen. I would never get the chance to show him how much I loved him.

My body was shaking with heart wrenching sobs as my world started to fall apart.

I saw movement above me and knew it was Jacob, but I no longer cared. Nothing mattered anymore. I squeezed my eyes closed and begged for death to take me too.

_Edward. No, no, no, no…_

**xxxxx**

"_Bella. I'm right here, love."_

Was I imagining it?

His voice slowly grew clearer. Then I felt his hand tenderly cup my cheek.

My eyes flew open.

It had all been a horrid dream.

I was lying on my side in my bed, and Edward was kneeling in front of me. He was perfectly fine. I could see every curve of his face, and his golden eyes gazed down at me in concern.

The sheets tangled around me as I jerked upward and flung my arms around his neck, burying my face into the nook of his shoulder and filling myself with the scent of him.

It took a moment, but then his arms folded around me.

"I love you," I choked out just before I turned my head and crushed my lips against his.

He was momentarily stunned, but then he responded, his lips moving against mine.

But it didn't last. There was much too much urgency and desperation in the way my lips moved over his, and he sensed it. He carefully pulled my face away from his. "Bella," he murmured. "What is it, love? You're scaring me." His thumbs brushed across my cheeks, and I realized that there were tears rolling down my face.

"N-Nothing. It was nothing. It wasn't real. Just a dream. Not real. Not real," I repeated, talking to myself more than to him. My arms were still locked around his neck, and I tried to pull him closer to me.

When he realized that I wasn't going to let go of him, he reached down and untangled me from the sheet before scooping me up and settling himself on the bed with me in his lap.

I slid my arms from around his neck and wound them around his middle instead so that I wouldn't have to reach up. I held onto him so tightly that my arms started to hurt, but I didn't care. With the nightmare so fresh in my mind, my heart felt extremely fragile, as if it would break as soon as I let go of him.

The palm of his hand moved up and down my back. "Bella," he said in a soft, troubled voice. "Everything's going to be alright. I won't let anything happen to you."

But what about him? _Stop it, Bella! It was just a nightmare. _But it was by far the worst nightmare I'd ever had. Nothing was worse than Edward ceasing to exist.

I knew Edward had noticed that my nightmare had been different than all the others. He tried to get me to tell him about it, but I couldn't. I didn't want to think about it, and I certainly didn't want to voice it aloud. I just wanted to forget it completely.

He didn't pressure me further. "It's still early. You should try and get some more sleep."

"No!" I blurted out. The dim light of another cloudy day was filtering in through the curtains covering my window, but it was still only around seven in the morning, which _was _early for a Sunday. But there was no way I was going to go back to sleep. "Please, just hold me," I whispered into his chest, my arms still keeping their death grip around him.

**xxxxx**

Two hours later, I was trying to get some homework done because yesterday night Renee, Edward and I had made plans to spend time together this afternoon, and I had a pile of work to do before school tomorrow.

I'd finally managed to get myself to release my death grip on Edward by assuring myself that my nightmare could never happen. Jacob could never win in a fight against him. Edward was stronger, faster, and he could read Jacob's mind. Jacob didn't have help from anyone other than his human thugs, who certainly wouldn't be any use against Edward, so that wouldn't be a problem either. Edward was safe from Jacob. It had only been a horrible nightmare. I'd been constantly reminding myself of this over the last two hours.

While Edward and I were working, his cell phone rang. I couldn't pick up much from his short conversation, and his expression was unreadable.

After he'd hung up, he turned his attention to me. "Carlisle wants to talk to us."

We arrived at the Cullen house about fifteen minutes later, and I realized that whatever Carlisle wanted to tell us was something big because he'd called a family meeting of sorts, and every Cullen was present to hear what he had to say.

The Cullens had been taking turns guarding Renee when she wasn't with Edward and me, and before I could ask, Carlisle assured me that Seth was currently watching out for both Charlie and Renee. I hated that they all had to spend so much time protecting my parents, but what else could we do? I also hated how Edward had to focus all of his efforts on protecting me. Of course, he'd never complain, but I could imagine that having to constantly search through everyone's thoughts would be pretty draining for him, mentally at least. When I'd gone to Port Angeles with Renee he'd had to hang about doing just that, and it certainly couldn't have been much fun for him.

I tried to be positive and hoped that Carlisle was going to tell us that they'd obtained information about Jacob's whereabouts, but as I took in his somber expression, I knew it wasn't going to be good news. Edward's reaction confirmed my suspicions. Carlisle had obviously been trying to hide his thoughts so that he could tell everyone at once, but Edward picked up on what he was going to say just before he spoke, and whatever it was made him extremely furious. Carlisle and Jasper calmed him down just enough for Carlisle to tell the rest of us what was going on.

"_It seems that Sam's figured out a way to inhibit Jacob's shape shifting ability." _

His words seemed to bounce around in my head without fully sinking in, and I had difficulty picking up much of anything after those words had been spoken. I heard everything that was said, but none of it registered. Not until Edward and I arrived back at my house.

Settling down beside me on my bed, he took my hands in his. "Please talk to me, Bella," he pleaded.

I realized that I hadn't said anything since Carlisle's first words had been spoken, and everything that had been said after that now finally sank in all at once.

Apparently, Sam had been doing an extensive amount of research over the past week. He had met up with the elder Quileutes and they had dug deep into their histories to find a way to inhibit Jacob's abilities. They were now confident that they had the answer: vampire venom. It was poisonous to them, but they believed that if a very minute amount were injected into Jacob's bloodstream, it would deactivate his werewolf gene without being enough to poison him.

Of course, they would need vampire venom to do this, which would mean cooperation from the Cullens, but the point was that now that they'd figured out an alternative to killing Jacob, they felt it was the only right way of dealing with him.

Everyone had been furious when they'd heard Carlisle's news, especially Edward and Rosalie. I'd never seen Rosalie that angry before.

"_What the fuck is wrong with them?!" _she'd roared. _"Does Sam actually think that that will stop him from coming after Bella?!"_

I knew that Sam was only trying to do what he thought was morally right, and the truth was, I couldn't say in all honesty that he _wasn't_ right. But I also wanted all of this to be over. I wanted Jacob out of my life for good. Dealing with him the human way meant I would have to battle against him in court, and the lack of evidence would make it almost impossible for me to win. And even if I could, it would take a lot of time to get there. In that time, I would still have to keep looking over my shoulder for him. It was obvious that he wouldn't stop coming after me, even if he were human.

After lots of anger had been thrown around, the Cullens had decided to speak with Sam immediately in the hopes of convincing him that Jacob had to be eliminated. Due to the animosity between the Cullens and the pack, the pack had not been informed about what had happened with Carlo Berruti. The hope was that this new information would convince Sam to change his mind about how Jacob should be dealt with.

Now that I was replaying everything that had been said and making sense of it, I realized that Carlisle had been reluctant to disagree with Sam. It was clear that now that an alternative had been presented, he was having a hard time going against his morals. He didn't believe in killing anyone unless he hadn't another option. Still, he had agreed with the decision to speak to Sam, though I was pretty sure Edward's anger hadn't really given him much of a choice. Jasper had needed to work extremely hard to keep everyone as calm as possible. I wondered if maybe he had something to do with why the awfulness of the situation was only hitting me now.

And it was all coming down on me with tremendous force.

Apart from Edward, who had brought me back home, _all_ of the Cullens had left immediately to meet with the pack at the treaty line. I could think of only one reason as to why they would _all_ need to go.

"Oh my god!" I cried suddenly. "They're going to fight the pack, aren't they?!"

Edward tightened his hold on my hands as if to keep me from jumping to my feet. "No, no, calm down, love. They—"

"Then why did they all have to go?!"

"Because they want to _prevent_ a fight." He took in my bewildered expression and continued. "We don't trust them, Bella. And Sam doesn't trust us. He won't meet with us without bringing reinforcements, and so we're just evening the playing field. That way neither side will be tempted to initiate a fight."

I realized then why Seth was currently the one looking out for Charlie and Renee. Sam had obviously gotten Seth to deliver their news to Carlisle because both of them held the least hostility for the other side. I knew that Seth had been really affected by what Jacob had done, and he was probably the only one in the pack that didn't agree with Sam, so rather than forcing him to get involved in the meeting between both sides, Sam had gotten him to guard Charlie and Renee. That way both sides were one 'man' down. I could tell that Edward had wanted to go so that he could give Sam a piece of his mind, but of course he wouldn't leave me alone, and he certainly wouldn't bring me to their meeting. That in itself told me a lot. They weren't planning to fight each other, but the tension sure would be thick.

I was suddenly more certain than ever that there was no way out. Everything was just getting worse and worse. We hadn't even found Jacob, and look at all that was happening. Even if Jacob were found soon, everything would be far from over.

Edward took in my expression and tried to calm me once again. "Bella, it's going to be—"

"No!" I yanked my hand from his and jerked to my feet. "Don't say it, Edward! Stop telling me that everything's going to be okay! Because it's _not!_ EVERYTHING IS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY!" I roared, picking up the first thing in my reach—the phone by my bed—and throwing it against the wall.

I stood there for a moment before I fled from the room, down the stairs, and out the front door of the house.

I couldn't bear to just sit around waiting to hear from the rest of the Cullens. I had no idea where I was going, but my feet took me behind the house and into the forest where I just kept running, as if I could somehow run away from everything.

I knew Edward was following closely behind me, but he didn't say anything, nor did he try to stop me, even when I stumbled a few times. He seemed to understand that I needed to let loose.

I eventually began to slow my pace a bit, and that was when I noticed that it was much colder outside than it had been over the last several days, just like in my nightmare. As I took in my surroundings and the similarities they had to my horrible nightmare, I realized something.

It was true that even if Sam couldn't be convinced that Jacob should be eliminated, a fight would most likely not ensue today because Carlisle wouldn't allow any of the Cullens to initiate a fight, and Sam wouldn't have enough incentive to want to risk a fight, not until one of the Cullens actually acted against them and killed Jacob. But I knew that that was exactly what Edward would do the second he got a chance, regardless of Sam's views on it.

I jerked to a stop mid-run, and then swung around. Edward stood just two feet away from me. His hair was windblown, and a few strands were hanging in disarray over his forehead. His golden eyes were soft, but searching, as they gazed into mine with concern.

And suddenly he didn't seem so invincible anymore. My worst nightmare _was_ possible. He could be killed. Not by Jacob directly, but if he went against the pack and killed Jacob, a battle would undoubtedly occur between the Cullens and the pack. One with lives lost.

_Not if I have anything to say about it_, I thought. I couldn't let that happen. I would do what Sam wanted and battle against Jacob in court.

"Edward, you have to promise me something." I was surprised when I heard the strength of my voice because inside I was terrified. "If they can't get Sam to change his mind—No! _Listen_ to me!" I shouted when I could tell he was about to interrupt. "You have to promise me that if they can't change his mind, you won't kill Jacob."

His eyes widened in shock. Then he said steadily, "Don't worry about the pack. We can handle them. They—"

"_No!_" I shrieked. "_Promise_ me, Edward!" Tears were starting to stream down my face, and my whole body was shaking violently.

Edward was extremely distraught. "Bella…" he whispered.

I grabbed onto him hysterically, tugging at his shirt as I stared up at him. "I can't lose you, Edward!" I choked out.

I took in his stricken expression just before he pulled me tight against his chest and whispered into my hair, "You're not going to lose me."

My fingers fisted in his shirt. "Then promise me."

I waited, but he didn't reply.

"_Promise_ me!" I cried again, pulling away from him. "Please." My voice was much quieter, desperate now.

When I looked up at him, I could read the tortured conflict in his eyes as he stared down at me.

Then his head suddenly snapped up, and I barely registered the feel of his steel grip on my waist or the sensation of my feet leaving the ground before I was standing with my back against a huge tree truck, several feet away from where I'd just stood less than a second before.

Edward was in front of me, crouching in a defensive position. I couldn't see his face, but I could feel the sudden tension, anger, and alertness radiating from him.

I felt my blood start to pump through me violently as I realized what was happening. "J-Jacob's coming, isn't he?" I asked in a whisper.

When Edward didn't reply, I took a step forward to see if I could see anything.

Edward's hand shot out and pushed me back against the tree rather aggressively. "Stay behind me!" he hissed. "They're almost here."

His vigilant gaze only turned toward me for the briefest moment before focusing straight ahead again. But it was enough. Enough for me to see that, behind all the fury in his eyes, there was fear. Fear that made my blood run cold. Edward wouldn't be afraid to face Jacob. Then I realized. "W-what do you mean _they_?" I asked in a soft, shaky voice. "You mean…it's not…it's not Jacob?"

"Oh it's him all right," Edward snarled between clenched teeth. "But he's not alone."

**Author's Note:**

Ok, so FINALLY Jacob makes an appearance. Who's excited? Cause I'm VERY excited. I won't say how Jacob will be dealt with, so I don't think I'm ruining anything by saying that he will be out of the picture very soon. Then Bella can really start to heal and the focus will be on Bella and Edward instead of finding and getting revenge on Jacob.

So if you're excited for the next chapter, review and let me know! It keeps me motivated and helps updates to come faster.


	22. Chapter 22

I know I left you all with an evil cliffhanger and I meant to get this chapter out sooner than this, but RL hit me hard and unexpectedly. I think grad school is going to be the death of me, lol.

But I can't thank you all enough for your reviews! They really brightened my hectic last few weeks!

Ok, now I'm REALLY nervous about this chapter because I know you've all been looking forward to the Jacob 'showdown' and I don't want to disappoint anyone *bites nails nervously*

Well, here we go…

**Chapter 22**

**BPOV**

A cold blast of wind jerked me out of my frozen state of shock, and my heart suddenly started to beat furiously again.

Jacob was coming.

And he wasn't alone.

Who could possibly be helping him? All the members of the pack had broken away from his control. Hadn't they?

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Edward murmured in obvious torment. "I never thought she'd be capable of something like this." He didn't move from his position in front of me, nor did he turn to face me as he spoke; he remained tense and alert.

His tone and posture terrified me. "Who…?" I started in a whisper.

"Tanya," he spat as if it were a curse.

"_What?"_ I questioned softly, disbelieving. I'd never met her, but I knew that Tanya and her coven were like extended family to the Cullens. Plus, she was a _vampire_. How could she possibly be helping Jacob? "How…? How can that be?" I whispered.

"They have a common goal," Edward replied in disgust. He shifted slightly in front of me, and I couldn't think clearly enough to make sense of his words while knowing that Jacob and Tanya would be arriving any second.

With my back still pressed against the tree trunk, I leaned a little to the left so that I could see just past Edward's shoulder and follow his gaze.

Several yards in front of where we stood, there was a wide opening in the expanse of closely spaced trees, and Edward's vigilant gaze was fixed on some point just beyond it. I squinted into the trees, trying to catch any sign of movement. The dim sunlight filtering down through the canopy of trees was growing dimmer by the second. It wasn't raining yet, but it was clear that a storm was near.

Another gust of wind sent my hair flying, and I wrapped my arms around myself tightly, shivering. It was so much colder today than it had been over the past few days, and I hadn't grabbed my jacket when I'd run out of the house. Still, right now I couldn't care less about the weather; there was a much bigger storm on its way.

Less than a minute passed before I caught movement in the distance, and the next thing I knew, two figures were edging toward us, moving slowly into the opening between the trees only a few yards away.

Clad in his usual attire of only a pair of shorts, I recognized Jacob's huge form and confident stroll at once.

And it was nothing like when he'd haunted my dreams; seeing him again now was much, much worse. All of my horrible memories threatened to suffocate me, and I felt like I was going to be sick. Without looking at his face, I quickly glanced over to the figure a few feet to the right of Jacob, the one I knew would be Tanya.

She moved with such elegance, and as she drew nearer, I saw that she was even more beautiful than I'd imagined her to be, maybe even lovelier than Rosalie, if that were possible. She was tall and lean, while her expensive looking designer clothes showcased curves in all the right places. Her long, curly, strawberry blonde hair framed her flawless face.

My stomach sank to my toes_. This _was the vampire who had expressed an interest in Edward? And Edward had chosen _me_ over _her_?

They drew to a stop, and I could feel Jacob's eyes on me, sending chills throughout my body. I knew I would have to at some point, so I forced myself to meet his gaze.

At that moment, Jacob's crazed, all-consuming obsession for me was clearer than ever in his wide, satisfied smile. He was finally going to get what he wanted most—me. Edward couldn't take on both Jacob and Tanya, and Jacob knew it.

I tried to think of any way out. Maybe the Cullens and the pack would come. There was a chance of that, though I knew it was small. It was unlikely that they would realize what was happening in time. Alice's sight was blocked now that she was with the pack. She wouldn't know we were in trouble until she was no longer in their presence, and by then it would probably be too late.

Panic welled up inside me; I tore my gaze from Jacob and back to Tanya. I once again found myself asking why on earth she'd be helping Jacob. Did she even know what he'd done? She was like family to the Cullens, though I knew she'd wanted Edward as her mate. She couldn't possibly want to fight him, could she?

I repeated Edward's words in my head._ "They have a common goal."_

What in the world had he meant by that? I felt like I was missing something obvious.

Tanya flashed Edward a stunning smile. "Edward, darling, it's lovely to see you."

A spark of anger briefly broke through my terror. _Darling?_

"How could you do this, Tanya?" Edward snarled.

She laughed once. "You brought this on yourself."

Edward suddenly shifted about an inch to the left, his attention now fixed on Jacob.

Jacob laughed. "Quite handy that mind-reading trick of yours, isn't it?"

I couldn't see Edward's face, but I could see his body shaking with fury. I knew he wanted nothing more than to rip Jacob to pieces, but if he attacked him, he would be leaving me unprotected. Jacob knew this, and he was obviously going to milk it for all it was worth.

"You know, I don't know why you both keep fighting what is so obviously meant to be," continued Jacob. "Just look at how perfectly everything worked out today. First, your bloodsucking family and those traitors of mine all conveniently meet up together—well, except for Seth, but I took care of him easily enough; he'll be out for a while."

_Oh, God. Poor Seth!_ I prayed that he hadn't been seriously injured.

"And then they all believed Tanya so easily!" Jacob laughed again. "They really think they're on my trail. Not too smart, are they?" He smiled smugly.

The tiny spark of hope that I'd been holding onto was snuffed out. Tanya had betrayed the Cullens. She must have met up with them just before coming here and sent them in the wrong direction, along with the pack. They'd never figure out what was going on soon enough.

"And then you arrange such a perfect place for us to get everything settled," Jacob added. "When are you going to see that Bella and I are just meant to be together?"

I jumped when a ferocious growl suddenly ripped from within Edward's chest.

Jacob just grinned wider, clearly enjoying himself. Then his eyes settled on me again. "What about you, Bella? Are you going to make things easier and stop fighting what's obviously meant to be? No one has to get hurt."

The words were barely out of his mouth before Edward's arms locked around me and we were hurling backward. Edward had reacted a split second before Jacob had moved forward. He set me on my feet again, but this time he kept his arms around me, holding me against his chest and angling himself so that he was still between me and Jacob. "You'll never touch her." His voice was surprisingly quite, but it somehow made it sound even more threatening, and when I looked up at him, his gaze fixed on Jacob, I barely recognized him; his features were twisted into a look that was more menacing than anything I'd ever seen. And yet, his arms were gentle around me, and I _felt_ safer than I had only seconds before.

I even noticed Jacob's confidence waver slightly before it was firmly back in place. "Those are powerful words, considering you're outnumbered," he said with a smirk.

"Now, now, let's just calm down, boys," Tanya said in a patronizing tone. Then she turned toward Edward and me, smiling sweetly at Edward. "Bella and I haven't even been introduced yet. Aren't you going to introduce us, Edward?"

Edward just glared at her heatedly.

Tanya gave an exaggerated sigh. Then she turned to me, flashing me a huge smile, but her hard and unfriendly gaze told me it wasn't genuine. "I'm Tanya Denali," she said in a loud voice, as if she thought I was hearing impaired. She took a step forward while holding out her hand to me, but Edward shifted me away from her. She shrugged and dropped her hand back to her side. "You must be Bella. Has Edward told you about _us_?"

She was really starting to irritate me, and I was getting more and more confused.

"There never was, and there never will be an _us_, Tanya!" Edward spat.

Tanya's smile didn't even waver. "He's a good liar, isn't he?" She said to me. "But I'm sure you're smart enough to see the truth."

"It'll never work, Tanya!" Edward hissed.

Tanya continued as if he hadn't spoken. "He doesn't really love you, Bella. He's quite fond of you, I'll admit. But he'll tire of you again soon, just like when he left you before. You couldn't satisfy his needs the way I can. So he came to me," she finished, flashing Edward a knowing, sultry smile.

For the briefest moment I felt my heart twist in my chest, but then I could hear Edward's voice in my head, louder than anything else, as I remembered the night I had questioned him about Tanya.

"_You're the only one who has ever touched my heart. It will always be yours," _he'd said_._

"You know it's not true," Edward whispered to me, jerking me back to the present.

"I know," I said firmly, ashamed that I'd even doubted him for a second. He'd proven to me many times how much he loved me.

Surprise flashed across Tanya's face, and her smile disappeared.

Jacob snorted. "You're so trusting of him, aren't you, Bella?"

Edward tightened his hold on me.

"Well, I wonder how he feels about our night together, huh, Bella?"

The moment the words left Jacob's lips, I heard Edward's breathing hitch, and his body went completely rigid.

My eyes flew upward to his face. His features were twisted into a horrified grimace, but what tore at my heart the most was the pure agony I could see in his eyes as he stared straight ahead, his eyes unfocused.

My gaze darted between the unbearable torture on Edward's face and Jacob's expression of extreme concentration.

Then it hit me in one powerful jolt.

"_Jacob makes vivid mental pictures,"_ Edward had told me once.

"No!" I cried, choking on a sob. "Stop!"

Jacob just laughed, and the unbearable pain in Edward's eyes only intensified. He was frozen in place and seemed to be completely lost in the horrible images I knew were playing out in his mind. So much so that I was able to squirm out of his arms very easily—I slid out from under them, falling to the forest floor on my hands and knees. "Stop! Stop it!" I cried out again as I tried to scramble to my feet.

"Afraid he won't want you anymore, Bella?" Jacob taunted.

"No! Just stop!" I made it to my feet and managed to take two steps toward Jacob before I stumbled over the uneven ground and collapsed again. "_Please!_" I begged, my voice quavering with desperation.

Jacob's concentration faltered for a moment and he started to turn toward me, but before he'd even finished turning his head, Edward appeared in front of me in a blur of movement.

Jacob's gaze snapped back up to study Edward's face, and then he laughed again. "You know, I don't think I will stop. I was just getting to the best part."

"No! Please don't!" I cried out between sobs, jerking to my feet again.

However, this time, when I tried to move toward Jacob, Edward caught me around my waist from behind, pulling me tight against his chest. "I'm fine," he rasped, but the hushed agony in his voice contradicted his words and sent another shooting pain through my heart.

Jacob's smile grew as he continued to stare at Edward in concentration.

Tears poured from my eyes as I struggled hopelessly against Edward's hold on me, wanting nothing more than to launch myself at Jacob and disrupt his concentration. "No, no, stop it!" My cries came out in a hoarse whisper now, and my body went limp in defeat as I realized my attempts were useless.

Then, as if seeing the agony in Edward's eyes and hearing it in his voice hadn't been horrible enough, when I stopped struggling, I could feel him shaking as he held me against him, and I knew that this time it wasn't from anger; his face only held pain.

I choked on another sob as my heart ripped again. Hadn't it been bad enough that I'd had to tell him about that horrible night? Now he had to _see_ it as well? I couldn't bear it.

I knew the exact moment that the torture ended, because Edward's rigid pose loosened slightly, and then I felt him press his face to my hair and hug me closer.

I took in Jacob and Tanya's stunned expressions as they watched Edward's reaction and finally realized what they'd been trying to do, and it was so obvious that I couldn't believe I hadn't realized sooner.

"_They have a common goal,"_ Edward had said.

Jacob wanted me.

Tanya wanted Edward.

They _both_ wanted to push Edward and me apart.

And it hadn't been enough for them to just do it by force. Tanya had been trying to convince me that Edward didn't love me and had cheated on me, while Jacob…

"_Afraid he won't want you anymore, Bella?"_ he'd taunted. He'd been hoping that that was exactly what would happen.

Neither of them had succeeded in their attempts, and they realized it now. But I knew that it wouldn't stop them; they were ready to use force. Jacob would do whatever it took to get what he wanted, and judging from the look of pure hatred Tanya was giving me, it was clear that she would do whatever it took to get rid of me.

I was fairly certain I knew what their plan was. Tanya would keep Edward distracted so that Jacob could grab me and make an escape. I knew that Edward was a good fighter, especially with his mind-reading advantage, but I also knew that Tanya was almost a thousand years old and had a great deal more experience. Although I was comforted with the idea that Tanya would only act to prevent Edward from protecting me from Jacob and wouldn't try to kill him, I was terrified in knowing that soon I would once again be in Jacob's clutches.

There was no escaping it.

In that brief moment, before all hell broke loose, Edward held me tightly and I felt like I was dying inside from the pain of the silent goodbye. He knew as well as I did that he couldn't protect me this time; yet he refused to admit it to himself. I felt his lips brush against my temple a fraction of a second before his arms disappeared from around me.

He stood in front of me now, facing Jacob and Tanya. "I'm going to send you to hell, Jacob Black," he said with unbelievable malice and certainty. "But first I'll take you apart piece by piece while you beg for death."

"Is that so?" Jacob replied, his tone mocking. "What are you waiting for then?" He spread his arms wide in invitation.

Edward took a step forward.

I noticed Jacob and Tanya exchange glances. Then everything was happening at once.

Edward was pushing me backward while Jacob flew toward me from one side and Tanya collided with Edward on the other.

I hit the ground on my back with a painful thud, briefly knocking the wind out of me. As I looked up, gasping for breath, I saw Edward launch himself at Jacob, who stood only inches away from me, while Tanya grabbed Edward from behind.

After that, they became a blur of movement, and it was impossible for me to keep up. All I could do was stare in horror.

Then Jacob was yanking me up from the ground and carelessly tucking me under his arm. The last thing I saw before he took off with me was the trunk of a huge maple tree snapping with a thunderous crack as Tanya hurled Edward into it.

**EPOV**

This could _not_ be happening. I couldn't _allow_ it to happen. But I couldn't get to her.

I watched in absolute horror as the very thing that I swore to never let happen took place right before my eyes.

Tanya took advantage of my momentary distraction, and I found myself slamming into one of the ancient maple trees, which snapped at the impact. Everything inside me seemed to snap along with it, and I roared in outrage as I flung myself in the direction that Jacob had gone. But Tanya once again thwarted my attempt to get to Bella.

My rational thinking was completely non-existent by that point, and I just kept attacking, doing everything I could to eliminate what stood between me and Bella.

But I still couldn't get to her.

I'd failed her _again_. I'd promised her I'd keep her safe. I'd promised her I'd never let that monster touch her again.

At some point, as I continued to miss my target with each strike I made, I could hear Emmett's words from that day I'd gone hunting.

_"You've got to get a hold of your anger or you'll be useless when it comes to protecting Bella."_

He'd been right. No matter how difficult it was, I had to focus. So I forced myself to take a step back—away from Tanya.

And to ignore her verbal attacks on Bella.

And to pull my mind from Jacob's thoughts as he took Bella further and further away from me each second.

And, the most difficult of all, I forced away the awful images he had shoved into my head and drove into my heart.

I forced myself to focus only on figuring out a way to get rid of Tanya. A way to get to Bella before it was too late.

Because there _was_ a way. There had to be. I refused to believe otherwise.

My thoughts were racing through everything I knew about Tanya to find a weakness that I could use.

I considered myself to be a fairly skilled fighter, especially with my speed and mind-reading ability. However, Tanya had centuries and centuries more experience and was highly skilled. Not to mention the fact that she knew me well and had always been surprisingly good at hiding her thoughts from me.

_Damn her to hell along with Jacob!_ She'd always been trying to force herself on me, but I'd never thought her capable of something like this. But I should've. I should've seen this coming.

She'd always hated Bella—not that she'd actually met her. No, she hated her because she couldn't stand that I'd fallen in love with 'a mere human,' while never looking twice at her. I'd always made it clear that I wasn't interested, even before I'd met Bella, but it hadn't bothered her as much then because she'd figured that I just wasn't interested in _anyone_. Then when Bella came along, that assumption was proven false, and to say that Tanya was disconcerted by it was putting it _very_ mildly. She certainly wasn't accustomed to rejection.

Tanya, Kate and Irina were the originals behind the myths of the succubus, and they were very manipulative and used to getting their own way.

Tanya didn't really love me, but by refusing her advances, I had made getting what she wanted that much more appealing to her. She thought I was just playing hard to get. She was certainly far from foolish, but her egotistical outlook…

It hit me then; I knew what I had to do.

It seemed ridiculous to think it would work, considering I'd always made it exceptionally clear to Tanya that I didn't return her feelings. But I knew that it _would_ work. She was blinded by her pride. She refused to believe the truth. So why wouldn't she accept proof of the lie she'd been telling herself?

I was disgusted by what I had to do, but I would do whatever it took to get to Bella.

So I concentrated on my plan, starting with flashing Tanya a seductive smile. Once she let her guard down, I would strike.

**BPOV**

_Oh, God_. Had I been wrong? Did Tanya want to kill Edward after all?

_No, no. He's fine_. _He'll be fine_, I told myself.

But I'd never see him again.

_No_. I couldn't believe that either. It didn't matter that Jacob was running at full speed and that I knew we were already miles away from Edward and Tanya. Or that I could already feel a few drops of rain, which would eventually start to conceal our trail. Or that Tanya was a skilled vampire who would do everything in her power to keep Edward from me.

It didn't matter because I knew that Edward would never give up on me. So why should I give up on him?

I tried to think of anything I could do. I had to try and get Jacob to slow down. The father away he took me, the less likely it was that Edward would be able to find me.

As he ran, he held me so that my back was against him, his arm locked painfully around my ribs to hold me in place. I started to struggle as much as I could, ignoring the pain from the pressure on my ribs as his hold tightened further in response.

Eventually, my efforts had the desired result, though he was furious. He stopped abruptly and released his hold on me, but before I could fall, he grabbed both of my arms and yanked me upright.

I sucked in a deep breath of air, trying to calm myself and ignore the pain and loss of circulation in my arms.

It was strange. There I was, staring straight at the enraged face of the one person who had been haunting my every step, yet in a way I was less terrified than I'd been. Maybe it was because I no longer had to fear when he would appear, or maybe it was more than that.

"_Why_ do you always have to keep fighting me, Bella?" he asked furiously. "I don't _want_ to hurt you, but you always leave me no choice!"

Anger started to bubble up from deep inside me. "There's always a choice! Edward w—"

I gasped at the impact when Jacob shoved me backward and I collided into the tree behind me.

"He's not as perfect as you think he is, Bella!" he roared. "Why can't you see it? ! It's so obvious what's going on between him and Tanya! He doesn't really love you! _I'm_ the one that loves you!"

"No," I said quietly, but firmly. "You don't even know what that is—what it means." My voice grew louder and more confident as I spoke. "It means that Edward would _never_ hurt me, no matter how angry at me he got. It means that we _trust _each other. It means that if he tells me there's nothing between him and Tanya, then there's nothing between them!" My emotions were overwhelming me, and my voice grew quiet again as I swallowed the lump in my throat, my hand automatically wrapping around the bracelet Edward had given me. "It means that he'll love me no matter what…" My voice broke as I recalled Edward's tortured expression while Jacob had forced him to see what he'd done to me. "…no matter what you do," I finished in a whisper, while Jacob grabbed me again, his expression livid.

He violently yanked me forward by my hair, and a soft cry of pain escaped my lips.

"You're mine, Bella! And I showed that bloodsucker of yours that you're mine!"

"Never. I'll never be yours," I managed to whisper, but the strength I'd felt earlier was fading rapidly.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back and Jacob was hovering over me, his bare chest only inches from mine. My terror took over me then, and I fought to breathe in and out.

"Have you forgotten about our night together, Bella? Why don't I refresh your memory?" He eyed me hungrily as he spoke, and my body shook in response. "And"—he pulled out a cell phone from his pocket—" how about I get Tanya to bring your bloodsucker here to watch in person this time? Just in case he's still not clear on the fact that you belong to _me_."

My heart froze in my chest. "N-no," I choked out.

The drizzle had now turned to a light rain that mixed with my tears and washed away my hope of being rescued.

Jacob's hot hand stroked my cheek possessively. "I've missed you. And I know you've missed me, too. You just won't admit it."

Just as his hand started to move downward from my cheek, he suddenly sat up straight and then jerked to his feet, his gaze sweeping the trees behind me.

Renewed hope surged through me. It had to be Edward. He'd gotten past Tanya. He was coming for me. Why else would Jacob look so worried all of a sudden?

I wouldn't allow myself to consider any other possibility.

Determination flowed through me, and as Jacob yanked me to my feet by my arm, the location of his grip, as well as his position, triggered Emmett's voice from when he had taught me the 'ultimate knee kick' self defense move.

"_Stay as relaxed as possible."_

"_Don't lock your knee or you'll lose your balance."_

"_Use the attacker for balance. Grab onto their shoulder and pull them in for extra leverage as you drive your knee up, aiming for the groin area."_

His words came at me all at once, and, feeling empowered, I reacted quickly.

It was only a split second before my knee hit its target that I caught sight of the knife that Jacob was starting to pull out of his pocket.

**EPOV**

_Please, please let me get to her in time, _I pleaded over and over as I fled from the burning pile of Tanya's remains after finally picking up on Jacob's trail.

Killing Tanya had been easy once she'd let her guard down. But why in God's name had I hesitated before killing her? Yes, she _had_ been like family, but none of that mattered after what she'd done—all while _knowing_ what Jacob had done to Bella.

We'd been looking at everything all wrong. _Tanya_ had been the mastermind behind the ploy to keep watch on Bella through the humans. She'd been the one who had paid off that human scumbag Carlo Berruti to scare her. It was no wonder we hadn't turned up anything.

Tanya, like most vampires, had had more money than she'd ever needed, as well as a multitude of experience in illegal dealings and covering her tracks—there was simply no way around it when we had to constantly keep our true form hidden from humans.

Tanya also knew all there was to know about how to hide in the blind spots of Alice's visions.

I should've known that Jacob couldn't have orchestrated everything on his own. I should've figured out that Tanya was helping him. I knew better than anyone just how much my relationship with Bella had bothered her. She'd come to 'visit' me more times than I'd told anyone. Each time I'd turned her down and figured she'd lose interest eventually. I was a complete fool.

Everything had gone so horribly wrong. _Everything_ that had happened today had worked to Jacob and Tanya's advantage. They hadn't been planning on anything until Tanya had run into my family and the pack. As a result, Alice hadn't seen anything before she'd left for the meeting, and once she was with the wolves her vision was blocked completely. Tanya had seen the perfect opportunity and both her and Jacob had acted on it.

My family had trusted Tanya when she'd told them she'd caught Jacob's trail, and after convincing the pack, all of them had set out after Jacob, unknowingly going in the wrong direction.

Then I'd taken off into the woods after Bella without even making sure I had my cell phone. Carlisle had been constantly reminding all of us to keep our cell phones on us so that we could contact each other if something came up. But no, I hadn't even been able to do that right.

A few drops of rain started to come down, and I willed myself to move faster, knowing that once the storm hit it would be near impossible to follow Jacob's trail.

As I weaved through the trees at an unbelievable speed, I couldn't push away the images that Jacob had thrown at me while Bella had stood watching.

There were no words. No words to describe how it had felt. The worst part was that seeing it through Jacob had made it seem as if _I_ was the one hurting her, and it had both horrified and terrified me.

_Never_ had anyone's thoughts grabbed hold of me like that before, and I'd horrified myself further by almost allowing Bella to throw herself at Jacob in order to stop him. After that, I'd managed to partially block out Jacob's thoughts, but I'd still caught glimpses, and they'd be forever etched into my heart.

It had taken every ounce of strength I'd had just to _partially_ block out what Jacob's mind had been screaming at me. I'd kept myself rooted to reality by focusing on Bella as I'd held her, listening to her heart and telling myself over and over that I'd never let it happen again.

And now I'd allowed that monster to get hold of her _again_.

At that moment, I zeroed in on Jacob's thoughts.

I'd found him.

_You're going to regret the day you were born, you son of a bitch, _I thought.

But he'd heard me coming and picked up my scent. He reacted quickly. _If I can't have her, bloodsucker, than no one will, _he thought, yanking Bella to her feet while his hand flew to his pocket.

_Oh, God, no._ I was only seconds away, but as he pulled out the knife, intending to thrust it into Bella's heart, killing her instantly, I knew I was going to be seconds too late.

Just as that awful realization hit, I took in the sight of Bella executing a perfect 'ultimate knee kick,' as well as the pain and shock that flashed across Jacob's face.

It only stunned him briefly before he started to bring the knife toward Bella again, but it had given me all the time I'd needed.

I collided into him, sending him to the ground and knocking the knife out of his hand before it hit its mark.

I didn't even say a word, but the fear in his eyes as he stared up at me was unmistakable.

I could have laughed aloud when I read from his thoughts why he wasn't even going to transform into his wolf form; he was hoping that if he stayed in his human form Bella would feel sorry for him and stop me from torturing him to death. He was unbelievable.

After a brief glance in Bella's direction to make sure she was out of harms way and wasn't seriously injured, I let my hatred consume me as I focused on Jacob.

I had to concentrate on not killing him immediately. I wanted to make him suffer first. I wanted him to feel the fear and pain he'd made Bella feel. Then I'd make sure he never took another breath. He deserved to die a million times over.

He howled in pain as I first broke his arm, then his nose. His face became nearly unrecognizable as I continued my attacks, but as I observed his pain and fear, I knew it would never be enough. No amount of pain and suffering I inflicted on him would ever be enough after what he'd done. Still, nothing was going to stop me from trying.

**BPOV**

I felt the pang of pain when my knee hit its target with a force I didn't even know I possessed, but as I read the pain and shock on Jacob's face while he stumbled forward slightly before righting himself again, I knew it was worth it, even as I saw the knife start to move toward me.

I closed my eyes, but never felt it penetrate. Instead I felt something whiz past me, knocking me off balance and sending me tumbling backwards at the same time that I heard the sound of two rock-hard bodies colliding.

My eyes flew open, and as soon as I saw Edward, I knew I was safe. As I watched what was enfolding before me, I couldn't bring myself to do anything except sit there, unmoving, as if my mind was somehow disconnected from my body.

It was raining heavily now, making it more difficult to see, but I could hear Jacob's pained cries. I knew what was happening, but I couldn't bring myself to stop Edward. I couldn't even remember why I should.

Until I heard the snarling and caught sight of the huge black wolf.

"Edward!" I screamed as Sam lunged at him from behind.

As I leapt to my feet, I glanced downward for the briefest moment to catch my footing. When I looked up again, squinting through the blur of the rain, I gasped at the sight before me.

Sam certainly hadn't come alone. They were _all_ here.

All nine wolves—Sam, Quil, Embry, Jared, Paul, Seth, Leah, Collin and Brady—stood side by side in front of Jacob, while all seven Cullens stood facing them.

None of them were looking my way; they were tense and ready for battle, and I could almost see the sparks flying between both sides.

"He deserves to die!" I heard Edward snarl.

Sam growled in response.

It was happening. My worst nightmare was about to come true.

They were going to fight each other, and there would be lives lost.

The Cullens were my family. I couldn't bear to lose any of them, and I would die inside if I ever lost Edward.

When they all sprang forward, I cried out for them to stop, but none of them paid me any notice.

It was pouring now, and a flash of lightening lit up the sky every now and again, casting an eerie glow across the blur of fast-moving shapes in front of me. I couldn't see well enough to know what was going on, and the sound of the rain seemed to ring in my ears, drowning out the sounds of the battle that was taking place.

Not knowing who was winning and who was losing was pure agony, but I didn't know what to do.

I was soaked to the bone and starting to feel numb from the cold as the wind whipped around me. I felt as if my legs would give out from under me at any moment.

"Bella…"

I whirled around to face the direction that Jacob's voice had come, and I could just make out his shape kneeling several feet away from me.

"I love you," he whispered just before he thrust the knife he was holding into his chest.

I stared at Jacob's lifeless body in complete shock and disbelief. I was devoid of any emotion, even as I took in the sight of all the blood. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Not until the sudden stillness around me registered.

I looked around frantically. They all stood completely motionless. There was no need for them to fight each other now.

My gaze continued to dart around, but they all stood straight and unharmed. I could make out…one, two, three…nine wolves….Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme, Carlisle…and Edward…they were all fine.

My gaze lingered on Edward, who was standing maybe fifteen feet away, and once I'd assured myself many times over that he was unharmed, our eyes met.

Then everything and everyone else around us seemed to disappear.

I don't think I even managed to take a step toward him before he was crushing me against his chest. I buried myself in his arms, and all I could do was sob.

Edward cradled my face between his shoulder and his hand. "It's over," he whispered. "It's all over," he repeated, his lips pressing against my hair.

**Author's note:**

It's OVER! Lol. Just in case anyone is unsure, this is NOT the end of the story (and yes, for once I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger, ha ha). There's still quite a bit more to come. But don't worry, Jacob won't be coming back from the dead or anything ridiculous like that, lol. I think Edward and Bella deserve a break, don't you? :-)

Happier times are on the way, BUT, everything is not going to just magically be ok either. It's going to take some time for them to heal from everything they've been through, and that's what the rest of the story will be about.

As always, the focus will be on Edward and Bella, but there will also be lots of family interactions as well, and Charlie and Renee will be taking on important roles in the story.

In a number of reviews I've been asked how far I plan on taking this story (i.e. wedding, honeymoon, beyond…), and I can't really give a definite answer. I have an idea of where things are headed, but I don't have everything completely planned out. I prefer to see where things take me and what I'm inspired to write. As my readers, you all have a huge influence on what I'm inspired to write. So please feel free to share your thoughts on anything you'd like to see included in this story.

However, I do have to warn you that my updates will most likely come fairly slowly. I would love to spend hours a day writing, but unfortunately grad school has to come first. I'm nearing the end of my Master's degree (I'm suppose to finish by May), and things are getting VERY busy and stressful for me. I'm starting to write out my thesis, and I'm desperately trying to get all my experiments done by the end of December. I'm not abandoning the story. I'm just warning you that updates will most likely come slowly. I hope you understand, and I really hope you will still keep reading! At least I didn't leave you with a cliffhanger this time! :-)

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter. I REALLY hope you weren't disappointed by it, but let me know either way. **

I'm just adding this in after reading some reviews for this chapter. I certainly didn't mean for it to come across that Jacob was sacrificing himself for Bella. He killed himself for selfish reasons. He saw that he wasn't going to get what he wanted. He was fairly certain that the Cullens would beat the pack and that Edward would torture him even more than he already had. So he took the easy way out—the cowardly way out. The part where he said 'I love you' to Bella was merely to emphasize how crazy he is (though I'm sure you've probably already got that point a while back, lol). And Edward DID punish him. He suffered at Edward's hands. Maybe it didn't seem that way because I'm not someone who can write overly graphic and gory scenes, but I tried to give hints. He was injured pretty badly by Edward. I hope this clears things up for some people.


	23. Chapter 23

First, thank you for not forgetting about this story! Second, I know what you're thinking. _Where the hell have I been? _I know it's been FOREVER. So sorry about that. This is just a VERY hectic time for me. My thesis has been consuming me. I haven't even found the time to do any fanfic reading, and I had to put this chapter on hold several times. Not only has it been difficult to find time to write this story, but also when I do find the time to take a break from my thesis work I often find it difficult to be in the right mindset to write this story because I've been so stressed. However, I do love writing it and I am so thankful to all of you that have left me such encouraging reviews/messages.

_Disclaimer: Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 23**

**BPOV**

It was over.

Jacob was gone.

Dead.

He'd killed himself. It was almost impossible to believe. It would've been easier to believe that I'd lost my mind and imagined his suicide. But I knew I hadn't imagined anything. All of it had happened. Jacob and Tanya…working together, doing everything they could think of to come between Edward and me. Jacob forcing Edward to see—

_No. _I wasn't going to think of any of it right now. Not Jacob and Tanya's attempts to drive a wedge between us. Not how close I'd been to reliving the worst night of my life. Or Edward attacking Jacob, clearly intending to kill him, and how I hadn't even wanted to stop him. Or the fight between the Cullens and the wolves. Or Jacob's suicide. I wasn't going to think of any of it because right now the only thing that mattered was that Edward was safe. My worst nightmare hadn't come true. He was fine. The feel of his arms enfolded around me was very real, and I focused only on that, drawing from the strength and comfort it always provided.

The wind and rain continued to thrash around us, and I pressed my face into Edward's chest and tightened my hold around him as my sobs slowly subsided. We were both completely soaked, and since Edward would undoubtedly notice how much I was shivering, I expected him to pull away in an attempt to keep me warmer. But he didn't. Instead he reached up to cradle the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my sodden mop of hair, while his arm continued to hold me securely against his side. And it was just as well; I was fairly certain that I wouldn't be able to hold myself up without the support. I sagged into him in exhaustion and relief, trying to shut out the image of Jacob…the knife…all the blood…

I could hear Carlisle and Sam's voices coming from nearby, but I couldn't make out what they were saying, and I didn't want to risk looking their way. I was too afraid of catching sight of Jacob's lifeless body again. So I kept my face hidden behind Edward's chest.

The heavy rain slowly turned to a light drizzle, and at some point Edward was lifting me up in his arms and taking off in the direction that I assumed would take us home. It wasn't until he abruptly slowed his speed to the equivalent of a human fast-paced walk that I realized that Sam was following behind—in his human form.

Then, as he drew up beside us, I could just make out the group of figures moving toward us from up ahead, which explained why Edward had slowed his pace. I recognized Charlie's uniform first, followed by those of two of his deputies. Charlie obviously recognized us at the same moment because he broke into a run, closing the distance between us in a matter of seconds. "Bella!" he choked out as he drew to a stop, his eyes wide in horror.

What on earth was he doing out here in the woods?

One of the deputies pulled out his hand-held police radio, and I picked up on the words 'we found her.'

Charlie had pulled together a search party? ! I hadn't been gone for that long, had I? Not to mention, Charlie had been at work when I'd left and shouldn't have even noticed that I wasn't home. _Oh, God_. How were we going to explain everything that had happened?

"She's alright," Sam assured Charlie.

Charlie didn't look convinced. "What the_ hell _happened?"

Panicked, I glanced up at Edward, and then Sam. I was shocked that Sam was here—and in his human form. He and Edward had been ready to kill each other earlier. Sam now looked unbelievably calm. Edward, on the other hand, was shooting daggers at him, though he had to have known that Sam was following, and he hadn't made any move to stop him.

"Let's get Bella inside and then we'll explain everything," Sam replied.

I knew I had to look awful; my eyes stung from my tears, I was soaked, and I couldn't stop shaking, so it was no surprise that Charlie didn't argue with Sam's suggestion.

It wasn't long before Edward was placing me on Charlie's small sofa and wrapping me up in a large towel. He sat beside me, while Charlie and Sam remained standing.

Charlie was extremely anxious. He took a deep breath and shoved his fingers through his hair. "Jacob. It was Jacob, wasn't it?" he demanded fiercely, his anger simmering, threatening to bubble over.

Nobody replied immediately, but it was as good as a confirmation for Charlie. He dropped his hand from his hair and clenched it into a fist at his side; I'd never seen him look so furious.

"Chief Swan—" Sam started.

"Where is the son of a bitch?" Charlie interrupted. His tone was forceful and sounded more like a demand than a question.

A weighted silence settled in the room before Sam responded quietly. "He's dead, sir."

Charlie's fiery expression froze in place.

Once those three words were spoken, the fact of the matter was that Charlie needed to step up and play his role as the Chief of police, as of against the enraged father.

Aside from informing Charlie that it had been a suicide, Sam didn't provide him with any details yet. He knew as well as Charlie that it was a serious matter and needed to be handled as such.

Although I knew that I would probably have to be questioned at some point, I was relieved when it seemed—based on what I picked up from the few quiet words exchanged between Charlie and Sam—that Sam would go to the police station with Charlie and explain everything. Maybe they could tell that I wasn't up to answering any questions now, though Charlie clearly didn't like the idea of leaving me, and I knew that he wouldn't unless I assured him I was fine. "I'm fine, Dad," I told him, my voice only a bit unsteady, stronger than I felt. He had to do his job, and it wasn't as if he'd be leaving me alone.

Charlie's gaze focused on me for a moment, flickered to Edward, and then settled on me again. Finally, he nodded. "Your mother's at the station. She's been worried sick. I'll let her know you're here and she'll be here soon, alright?" He spoke softly and it was more of a reassurance than a question, but I nodded anyway. I had a feeling he wouldn't be leaving if it weren't for the fact that Renee would be able to stay with me while he took care of his police duties.

"Make sure you change into some dry clothes, Bells, okay?"

I nodded again.

Finally, Charlie was following Sam from the room and to the front door of the house, where I heard it close behind them.

Despite assuring him that I would change into some dry clothes, I didn't move from my position on the sofa, nor did Edward. He was keeping his distance, most likely because he didn't want to make me colder. I was still shivering, but I didn't care. I needed to feel him close. Maybe Edward felt the same because he returned my embrace after only a moment of hesitation.

"You're hurt," he said. It was then that I realized that he had been unusually quiet. Sam had been the one communicating with Charlie. Edward hadn't said a word since I'd collapsed in his arms sobbing and he'd repeatedly assured me that everything was finally over.

"I'm fine," I replied as confidently as I could.

"You're bleeding."

That took me off guard. "I…I am?" The words tumbled out as I forced myself to pull away from him, not wanting to cause him any discomfort.

Edward gave a short, humorless laugh at that.

I ignored him and focused on locating the source of bleeding. Well, it was no wonder I hadn't noticed; it was just a minor graze on the back of my arm, between my shoulder and elbow where there was a small tear in my shirt. It wasn't even bleeding much. Still, I pulled my arm away when Edward reached for it. He was always telling me that it didn't bother him anymore, but even though my blood was no longer a temptation for him, I knew it still caused him discomfort.

He sighed. "You're incorrigible. How many times do I have to tell you that it doesn't bother me anymore?"

"Okay, then," I stated matter-of-factly. "In that case…" I left my sentence hanging as I wound my arms around him again and let my head fall to his shoulder. I was going to be selfish, just this once. Because a part of me was still panicking inside, unable to face everything, and I wanted to hide in the comfort of Edward's arms, just for a little while.

"Bella…" Edward started, his voice soft. "You're going to get sick like this. You need to—"

"No. I'll be fine." I'd meant to sound firm, but my voice broke slightly on the last word, and Edward's arm slid around me in response. He wrapped me up in the towel as much as possible before hugging me close again and gently combing his fingers through the tangles in my damp hair.

I finally found myself starting to relax, as if I were just catching my breath after a seemingly endless race.

Unfortunately, the moment didn't last. After several minutes, I suddenly felt Edward go tense. Then he set me away from him and pushed to his feet. Just as a wave of fresh panic began to wash over me, I heard the front door open and Carlisle and Sam appeared in the opening to the living room.

Sam was back from the police station already? I hoped that that was a good sign, and I took a calming breath as I realized the reason for Edward's sudden anxiety; he was anything but happy to see Sam again. He stood completely motionless but looked just about ready to launch an attack.

"Edward," Carlisle warned, his voice holding the air of authority.

In truth, I wasn't too sure how I felt about Sam at the moment either. I knew he'd only been trying to do what he'd felt was right, but if someone had gotten hurt…

_No. Don't think about it. Everyone's fine. Everything's fine._

If Sam was in the least bit unnerved, he kept it well hidden. His eyes met Edward's as he spoke. "I explained everything as Carlisle and I discussed, but I wanted to make sure we were on the same page so that when you're questioned—"

"Fine," Edward cut through, his tone as cold as ice. "You've done your part. I can handle myself. Now I suggest you get out of my sight before I do something—well, I'm not sure I _would_ actually regret it."

My mind was working slowly and I hadn't thought of it earlier, but it hit me then.

"Are you alright, Bella?" Carlisle asked me with concern, taking in my expression.

Edward's gaze flew over to me at Carlisle's question, and I struggled to voice my fears. "Edward's not…I mean they don't think he…"

Sam seemed to know what I was trying to ask. "Don't worry, Bella," he told me. "Edward's not in any trouble. There's no doubt that it was a suicide and that Jacob's injuries were inflicted out of self-defense. The questioning is merely procedure."

I relaxed at his words but cast my eyes downward to avoid his sympathetic gaze.

"I'm not going to tell you again, Sam," Edward warned, his voice deathly quiet. "I'll handle everything from here."

When Sam didn't respond immediately, I looked up to see him studying Edward. Finally, he spoke. "You know why I had to stop you, Edward," he said quietly.

Furious wasn't a strong enough word to describe Edward's expression; he looked…scary.

"Sam." Carlisle took a step forward. "Now's not the best time to discuss that. It's probably best if you leave now." He spoke politely, yet firmly.

Sam's gaze remained fixed on Edward, as if he were looking for an answer to an unspoken question. Then finally, he turned to Carlisle, nodded once, and disappeared from the room. The sound of the front door opening and closing echoed loudly.

No one moved immediately, but then Edward disappeared and reappeared again, holding the bottle of disinfectant and a cotton ball from the bathroom.

Knowing it would be useless, I didn't even bother to protest when he took my arm and started rolling up my sleeve. He paused briefly when he uncovered several red marks on my arm, which would undoubtedly form into bruises by tomorrow, but he proceeded to clean the graze on the back of my arm without comment. "Are you hurt anywhere else?" he asked grimly after he'd finished.

It took me a moment to answer; the shock of everything had kept me from even thinking about assessing any injuries.

"Maybe Carlisle should—"

"No, I'm fine," I insisted. In truth, I'd never felt more physically spent than I did then, and my blood was still pumping through me aggressively, creating a dull throbbing throughout my entire body. Still, although I probably had some bruising on my back from when Jacob had thrust me into the tree as well as on my knee from when I'd executed the knee kick, I knew that I wasn't seriously injured. "Just a few bruises. No big deal."

I'd expected my words to assure him, at least somewhat, so I was shocked to see they seemed to have the opposite effect. The haunted look in his eyes…the depth of it…it was unbearable. "Really, Edward. I'm fine." My voice had gone slightly hoarse, a lump appearing in my throat.

He looked away for a moment, and then said, "Renee will be here soon. Let's get you upstairs." He scooped me up in his arms before I could reply or protest about him carrying me, though I was actually grateful for it.

_Renee_. I hadn't even remembered she was here in Forks until Charlie had told me how worried she'd been. Now I remembered that Edward and I had made plans to spend some time with her in the afternoon, which meant she would've arrived here and found us missing.

As Edward carried me into my room, I spotted my phone on the floor, beneath where I'd thrown it against the wall before fleeing from the house earlier. It was no wonder Charlie and Renee had been so worried and that Charlie had pulled together a search party even though I hadn't been gone for very long. Renee would have assumed the worst after seeing the state of my room.

Edward and I settled down on the edge of my bed while Edward explained what Sam had reported at the police station. I had to force myself to concentrate in order to absorb everything, but I knew the importance of getting our stories straight.

Sam had told the police that Seth had spotted Jacob, realized that he was going after me again, and tried to stop him. They'd fought, and Jacob had rendered Seth unconscious. Sam, Quil, and Embry had found him and gone after Jacob when Seth had told them what had happened and where Jacob was headed. The three of them had found Edward and Jacob fighting and pulled them apart, intending to call the cops so that they could deal with Jacob. However, Jacob had killed himself before they could do anything.

Edward and I would say that Edward had gone home briefly to retrieve a book that he'd forgotten. Then, while he was gone, I'd felt the need to get out, so I'd left him a note and gone for a walk. When Edward had arrived back and seen the note, he'd gotten worried and gone looking for me.

This was the story we'd all be sticking with, and in all honesty, it wasn't really that far from the true version of events. Carlisle and Sam had thought it best to stay as close to the truth as possible. Edward assured me that since there were four of them reporting Jacob's death as a suicide, no one would question it; that there wouldn't even be a need for the police to investigate it further. In reality, there had been a lot more witnesses than that, but of course it would've been impossible to explain the presence of all the Cullens, as well as the entire pack.

It was then that I suddenly remembered. "Tanya!" I blurted out. "What—?"

"I took care of her," Edward cut in, his tone signaling the end of the discussion.

But I wasn't going to leave it at that. "How…?"

"There was only one way of dealing with her, Bella."

"She's dead," I whispered. My eyes searched Edward's, looking for what I knew he would try to hide. I knew all too well how much it hurt to be betrayed by someone close. "Edward, I'm sorry—"

"I'm not," he interrupted, his tone icy. "She deserved to die." His eyes were hard and expressionless, but I knew what lay beneath. He hadn't been interested in Tanya's advances, but they'd known each other for about a century; she'd been like family to him.

"Renee's here," Edward announced, glancing toward the door. When he turned back to face me, his eyes were soft again. "I'll be downstairs."

I wanted to grab him and stop him from leaving, but I held myself back as I heard Renee calling my name from downstairs, and I braced myself for all the questions she would throw at me.

She was a mess when she appeared in the doorway to my room, with her hair flying every which way and her make-up smudged, but she surprised me once again; she just pulled me into a hug and held me without even saying a word.

Half an hour later found us settled on my bed again. Although I felt like I'd had all of my energy sucked out of me, I had managed to shower and change into some clean and comfortable clothes. Renee, who had insisted on drying my hair for me, sat behind me with her legs tucked under her and my hairdryer in hand.

"So, you've got your own personal superhero now, don't you?" she asked just after turning off the hairdryer. Her tone was light but the question took me off guard, and I didn't like the direction it was heading. "Edward's stronger than he looks," she added.

I was glad she was behind me and couldn't see my face because it took me a moment to compose myself. She hadn't asked me any questions about what had happened, but clearly, Charlie had filled her in on the story, including how Edward had come out the victor in a fight with Jacob. I had a feeling that she wouldn't be the only one to be surprised by this, and from an outsider's point of view, who could blame them? Edward didn't even have a scratch on him, and Jacob had been _huge_.

Renee settled beside me and put her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a half hug. "I'm just glad you're safe now. And that that bastard got what he deserved."

I just nodded.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I know," I replied quietly. _Everything except vampires and werewolves_, I added to myself.

"Well," Renee said after a long moment of silence. "I think we need to get you something to eat. I'll go see what I can pull together for dinner."

She rose, and I glanced toward my bedroom door, sensing his presence. Edward stood in the doorway. He'd changed his clothes as well, I noticed. When I caught his gaze his lips curved into a half smile, but there was a vacant look in his eyes that had a knot forming in my stomach.

When Renee spotted Edward, I noticed her glance between the two of us before nodding to Edward and leaving the room as he stepped aside to let her pass.

"Did…I mean is everything okay…with the questioning?" I asked him, knowing that two officers had just been questioning him downstairs.

"Of course. I told you there was nothing to worry about."

"Okay…" I trailed off, the knot tightening when he didn't move from his position beside the doorway. "What are you doing standing all the way over there?" I asked, trying to keep it light as I came to my feet and starting moving toward him. My knee was still a little tender from when I'd executed the knee kick move, so I was shifting my weight to favor my left foot when I walked. It was only very slightly, though, and I didn't expect Edward to even notice. I guess I should've known better; he flew to my side as if he expected me to collapse.

_Typical overprotective Edward_, I thought. But I smiled. I now had him where I wanted him. His arms became sturdy anchors around my waist, and I allowed him to lead me back to the bed. "My knee's just a bit sore," I explained. "But it was worth it," I added. It had felt wonderful to fight back, and seeing Jacob's expression…it had definitely been worth it. I would need to thank Emmett later.

Edward's hand closed over mine as he sat down beside me, and his gaze fell steady on my face now. "I'm so proud of you. After everything you've been through…" He trailed off. "Most people would've just fallen apart." He paused, his gaze shifting straight ahead. "I did. When I saw Jacob grab you…and I couldn't get to you…it took everything I had to pull myself together. But you…" He stroked his thumb across my wrist. "…you kept yourself together."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Only because I knew that you'd never give up on me. I knew you'd find a way to get to me."

He shook his head. "You don't even realize, do you? Bella, when Jacob heard me coming, he reacted quickly. If you hadn't struck back at him when you did…" He trailed off. "I would've been too late." His voice grew more and more pained as he spoke. "When he realized he couldn't have you for himself, he was going to kill you. He would've killed you instantly. Not even my venom would've been able to save you." He reached out to cup my cheek in his hand. "I almost lost you forever," he finished in an anguished whisper.

I turned my head to place a quick kiss in his palm, then wrapped my arms around his neck and lightly brushed my lips over his. "But you didn't."

**xxxxx**

Later that evening, at around 8pm, I was going to _attempt_ to get some sleep. It wasn't that I wasn't tired. In fact, I knew that I was beyond tired at this point, but there was a part of me that couldn't even think about falling asleep; the part that was still expecting to wake up and find that the events of earlier that day had all been a dream.

Charlie wasn't home from work yet, but Renee was still here, and I could hear the tap running in the kitchen where she was washing up the dinner dishes. I knew she wouldn't leave for the night until Charlie was home.

When I entered my room after brushing my teeth, Edward was settled in the rocking chair in the corner. It occurred to me then that he no longer needed to stay with me every minute of every day now that Jacob was gone. "You…you'll stay, right? Tonight?" I asked him, suddenly uncertain as I sank down onto my bed.

"Of course," he said immediately. Then he frowned. "Unless you wanted to be alone."

"No! Of course I want you to stay. I just thought that maybe you…I mean because…"

In a few long strides, he crossed the room, effectively cutting off my babbling. "Come here, you silly girl," he said affectionately as he pulled me into his arms.

"I love you," I said, snuggling into him.

He cradled my head against his chest. "I love you, too," he breathed. "So much."

It wasn't that I hadn't known, but right then I'd needed to hear the words. Neither of us moved for several minutes, and it wasn't until I felt Edward's fingertips brush against my cheek that I realized a few tears were escaping. "Is it really over?" I asked him quietly.

His chin came to rest atop my head. "Yes. It's really over. He's gone. He can't hurt you or anyone else ever again. Everything's going to be alright now."

"I can't believe he killed himself," I whispered.

He pulled away suddenly and took my face between his hands, his eyes delving into mine. "Listen to me, Bella. Don't you _dare _feel even the tiniest bit sorry for that monster. He didn't know how to love. He killed himself because he was a coward. He knew he'd lost and didn't want to face the consequences."

"I know. And I don't. The Jacob that I loved…he died the night he raped me." It was getting easier to say the words aloud, but still difficult, especially when I read the anguish in Edward's eyes before he pulled me back into his arms.

**xxxxx**

Sleeping proved difficult, but I did eventually manage to doze off in my exhaustion. It was maybe a few hours later when I was pulled out of my semi-conscious state by the sound of Edward and Charlie's voices coming from the doorway of my room. They were speaking quietly, obviously thinking I was asleep.

"…and…ah…what about you?" came Charlie's somewhat awkward voice. "You doing alright? Because…well…"

"I'm sure you know it takes more than just size and strength in a fight, Chief Swan."

"Yes, of course. Well, I'm just glad you're alright."

There was silence for a moment, and I wished that I could see their faces, especially Charlie's, but if I turned toward the door they would know I wasn't asleep.

"Goodnight, Charlie," I heard Edward say.

"Hold on, Edward." There was a pause. "I want to thank you. If you hadn't gone after Bella today…"

Edward spoke even quieter now, and I had to strain to hear. "You shouldn't thank me," he said, and I frowned. "If Sam hadn't stopped me, I would've killed Jacob," he admitted, his voice unwavering. "I would've killed him without hesitation."

My eyes widened in shock. What on earth had possessed him to confess something like that to Charlie—the chief of police? ! I wanted to slap some sense into him. Instead I held my breath while waiting to hear Charlie's response. The seconds ticked by agonizingly slow before he finally spoke.

"As the chief of police I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. But as Bella's father…the truth is…I would've done the same."

**xxxxx**

I wasn't sure which had shocked me more: Edward's confession or Charlie's response. I now lay awake in Edward's arms. After wishing Charlie goodnight, Edward had come back through my window. I hadn't been able to continue pretending to be asleep, so Edward had realized that I had been awake during their conversation, but he wouldn't discuss it with me, insisting that I needed to get some sleep. Eventually, I did. But I soon regretted it.

I was sucked into another horrible nightmare. I was in the forest again, with my back to the ground and Jacob hovering over me. But this time I had no opportunely to use my self-defense move. He had me pinned to the ground, his hands roaming my body before he started to tear away my clothes.

But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that Tanya stood only a few feet away, her arms locked around Edward, forcing him to watch, just like Jacob had threatened.

"No, no, please!" I begged over and over again, to no avail.

It seemed like forever before I realized that the ground beneath me was becoming softer, and that the hand in my hair was now gentle and loving, that the hand on my shoulder wasn't holding me down but was gently shaking me awake.

I choked on a sob as Edward's face came into focus.

"You're alright, love. You're alright," he soothed as he stroked my hair.

I grabbed onto him, and he hugged me close. "Shh. You're safe now," he whispered, rocking me back and forth.

I squeezed my eyes closed and focused on his touch: his fingers combing through my hair, his hand moving up and down my back in comfort, and his lips feathering against my forehead. His touch comforted me in a way that nothing else could, the gentleness and love radiating from it washing away the feel of Jacob's aggressive and possessive touch. I pressed myself closer to him and tried not to think about how closely my nightmare related to reality. I didn't know how much Jacob had forced Edward to see, but I wasn't about to ask. It was completely humiliating, and most of all, I couldn't bear to see the agony in Edward's eyes again.

**xxxxx**

The time I'd spent outside in the pouring rain without a jacket as well as the lack of sleep I'd been getting finally caught up to me when I awoke the following morning with a fever. I had to stay home from school, and I felt progressively worse and worse as the day wore on. All I could do was stay in bed and try to sleep it off. The following day was pretty much the same, and I didn't start to feel better until the evening.

Typically, Edward was ridiculously over concerned. I guess it was because none of the Cullens ever got sick, and although I'd caught the odd cold, it had been a while since I'd been sick like this. Still, it wasn't really a big deal. I kept telling Edward this, but he refused to leave me and go to school. He allowed Charlie and Renee to believe that he had because he would make sure he was seen leaving every evening and arriving just after school finished, but he would come back through my window, disappearing only when Charlie or Renee came to check on me. It was silly because I was pretty much dead to the world for two days, having taken sleeping pills and only waking up occasionally, but Edward was always there when I woke. It certainly wasn't that I didn't want him there. In fact, I really didn't want to be alone, but I knew it would be extremely boring for him to sit around my room the whole day, and more importantly, his dark eyes told me he needed to hunt. However, Edward wouldn't relent, and I didn't have the strength to argue.

Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper paid me a visit Tuesday—when I missed school for the second day—but I was still pretty out of it, and they didn't stay long because everyone kept insisting I needed my rest.

I felt better Wednesday morning, though I still wasn't well enough to go to school. I was getting more and more worried about all the school I'd missed. Finals were now only two weeks away, and I was so behind in everything. What if I failed and didn't graduate?

"Don't worry about that now," Edward told me when I'd expressed my concerns to him that morning. "You can see how things go once you're feeling like yourself again. If you still think you won't be ready for finals, you can get them deferred."

I shook my head. "They're really strict about stuff like that."

"Bella," he said gently. "They make exceptions when you have good reason."

I averted my eyes from his. I didn't want to be given special treatment. I wanted to graduate with everyone else.

Edward could see I wasn't too happy with the idea. "It might not be necessary, love. Just see how things go, alright?"

I nodded, allowing my head to sink back against my pillow.

**xxxxx**

By the afternoon of that day I was feeling much better. The past three days had gone by in a blur, thanks to the sleeping pills I'd taken, and I now felt as if I was finally waking up to the fact that Jacob was gone, and that maybe I really could get my happily ever after.

"How're you feeling?" Edward asked from the chair next to my bed once he noticed I was awake.

"Much better," I replied, pulling myself up to a sitting position.

"I'm glad," he said softly. Then he was silent again. Too silent.

"Come here," I demanded quietly, reaching over to grab his hand and pull him toward me.

He smiled softly and settled beside me on the bed, leaning up against the headboard and putting his arm around me when I snuggled up against his side.

After about a minute he started to pull away. "Charlie's coming," he explained.

"I don't care," I told him, tightening my arm around him to prevent him from moving away.

He looked down at me in surprise. Charlie knew Edward was up here with me, but we usually tried to keep minimum contact when he was around.

"He's going to have to get used to seeing us together," I said firmly.

A moment later there was a knock on my bedroom door. "Bells?" The door opened and Charlie poked his head in. When he spotted Edward and me, he suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I…ah…"

For a moment I was embarrassed, but I quickly pushed it away. It was ridiculous. There wasn't anything to be embarrassed about. It wasn't as if we were unclothed. I felt my cheeks heat at the thought. _Get a grip, Bella!_ _You're as bad as Charlie!_

"I just wanted to check and see how you were feeling," he finished.

"A lot better now, thanks, Dad."

"Good, good." He turned to leave, but then stopped and mumbled something about how I should be more careful not to pass my flu onto Edward.

"Edward doesn't get sick," I blurted out without thinking. "I mean…he doesn't get sick that often," I amended.

Charlie raised his brow at me and then cut his gaze to Edward.

"It's true," Edward confirmed. "I can't even remember the last time I was ill."

Charlie mumbled something unintelligible before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

After waiting a moment for Charlie to be out of earshot, Edward gave me an amused look. "You're a horrible liar, you know that, right?"

I shrugged. "Charlie's not very perceptive, anyway. It's Renee you should be worried about," I told him, frowning slightly as I thought about it. "You should've heard some of the things she said the other day."

"Don't worry, I can handle your mother," he assured me. "I can read her mind, remember?" he added when he could see that I wasn't convinced.

"And…?" I prompted.

"And what?"

"Isn't she suspicious?" I asked, irritated by his obvious lack of concern.

"Well, I have to admit, her theories are much more creative than yours were."

I gasped.

He laughed.

"Edward Cullen, that is _so_ not funny!" I scolded, sitting up straighter and crossing my arms.

He laughed again.

"Can you be serious for a moment here?" I asked, my irritation growing as I remembered my discussion with Renee earlier in the day when I'd tried, unsuccessfully, to convince her that she should go back to Florida. As much as I was happy she was here, I didn't want her to be pulled away from her life back in Florida with Phil, and staying in a hotel for a long period of time was far from ideal. Then there was the problem of trying to keep Edward's secret now that she was planning on sticking around for a while.

"Relax, Bella. I told you I could handle her."

"You do realize that she's going to be staying in Forks for a while, don't you? And she's staying in a hotel that's like five minutes away!"

"Which is exactly why Esme is going to invite her to stay at the Cullen house."

"Ha, ha, very funny," I said sarcastically.

"Who said I was joking?"

"_What?_ You _can't_ be serious."

"Haven't you ever heard of the saying, 'hiding in plain sight'?"

"You _are_ serious!"

"Of course."

"It's crazy!"

He laughed at my expression. "It'll be fine. Trust me."

"Are you two leaving us out of all the fun?"

I jumped and turned toward the bedroom door at the sound of Alice's voice.

"Charlie let us in," Rosalie explained. Both her and Alice stood in the doorway.

"Alice! Rosalie! Can you please knock some sense into Edward here? He…"

"Actually, I think it's a wonderful idea!" said Alice as she bounced across the room toward us.

I groaned. "Of course you do."

"Really, Bella. You should be more worried about the people at school," said Rosalie, as she followed behind Alice.

"Rosalie!"

"She needs to be prepared, Alice."

"Yes, but you didn't have to bring it up now!"

"Why should I be worried about the people at school?" I asked, afraid I already knew the answer. "They know now, don't they?" I asked quietly when no one replied immediately. "…about the…rape?" I finished in a whisper.

"Well…not exactly," Alice said carefully. "I mean, they don't know for sure, but…"

"But they might as well, because it's the biggest rumor going around right now," I finished.

She nodded.

"Guess I'm not really that surprised," I said dully. "In a town this small it was bond to get out somehow." I definitely wasn't looking forward to going to school now.

"Well Jacob's suicide was in the paper," Rosalie pointed out. "They didn't provide details, but..."

"Don't worry about it, Bella," interjected Alice.

"Easy for you to say," I muttered.

Alice flung herself down on my bed, pushing her way between Edward and me and slinging her arm around my shoulder. "Let's just forget about that for now, okay? We came here to cheer you up!"

It was almost impossible not to be cheerful when Alice was around, but after we'd been chatting for about half an hour, I began to notice the worried looks that both Alice and Rosalie were throwing in Edward's direction every now and then. Edward ignored them, but he'd also barely said a word since Alice and Rosalie had arrived.

Knowing Alice and Rosalie wouldn't tell me anything if Edward had asked them not to, I used the excuse that I was feeling tired so that I could speak to Edward alone.

"Of course everything's fine," Edward told me after Alice and Rosalie had left and I'd questioned him about the worried looks they'd been giving him.

I shook my head, not believing him for a second. "Does it have to do with Sam?" I pressed. "You're not planning to fight the pack, are you?" My voice went up in pitch as I felt a wave of panic.

"Bella, calm down. As much as I'd like to…no. Not as long as Sam stays the hell away from me," he added with obvious loathing.

"Edward…I don't want you to hate each other so much because of me, because of what happened with Jacob. I mean…it doesn't matter anymore now, because Jacob's gone now anyway…"

"Like hell it doesn't!"

I jumped, shocked by the intensity of his reaction.

"If Sam hadn't interfered…" He trailed off, then spoke with fire in his eyes. "That monster didn't even get anywhere _close_ to what he deserved. He should've died _slowly_ and _painfully."_ He paused, and the fire in his eyes grew dimmer, revealing the pain that I'd never wanted to see there ever again. "After what he did to you…"

His unfinished sentence hung in the air, and I knew that I could no longer hide from what I'd been desperately trying to forget. Neither one of us had spoken of it since it had happened, three days ago, but it had been hanging between us, haunting our every move, and I knew it couldn't be ignored any longer. "How much did you see?" I whispered.

"It doesn't matter," he said firmly.

"Yes it does," I insisted, my eyes filling with tears.

He took my face between his hands and stared me in the eyes. "_No_…_it_..._doesn't_," he repeated, emphasizing each word. "_Nothing_ will ever change the way I feel about you. You hear? _Nothing_."

"I know that," I said honestly. "But…" I pulled away from his hold so that I could look away. I knew that he would love me no matter what, and that the rape hadn't been my fault, but it was still humiliating. I couldn't bear the thought of him having to see any part of what had happened that night. "You never should've had to see that," I finished in a whisper as my tears slid down my cheeks.

There was a long moment of complete silence before Edward responded. "It was my fault it happened in the first place."

He spoke so quietly that I almost missed it, but my head snapped up as soon as his words registered. "Don't you _dare _start blaming yourself again! How could you have possibly have known what would happen when I went to see Jacob that weekend?"

"If I hadn't left you for all those months, you and Jacob never would've become close and it never would have happened."

I opened my mouth to argue, but he cut me off.

"_No_. I know you've forgiven me for it, but there's nothing you can say that will make me forgive myself. I'll never forgive myself for it. _Never_."

**Author's Note:**

As you may have noticed, there was no EPOV in this chapter. Don't worry. You will be able to get inside Edward's head in the next chapter (no repetitive POVs. I promise).

Ok, I know this chapter is still a bit depressing, but I promise that those happier times are coming. As I mentioned before, I'm trying to be as realistic as possible, and I don't think it would make sense for everything to just be magically ok.

Thank you again for all the input on the last chapter. I'm sorry that I was a bit of a fail at promptly responding to all of you. Please know that I cherish each and every review.

I had a few people asking if Renee was going to find out about the vampires. I haven't decided on this yet. Any votes? Thoughts on this?

I'm pleased that most of you said you would like to see this story taken to the wedding/honeymoon, and I hope that I haven't lost too many of you due to my slow updates. I do plan to see this story through to the end, but unfortunately updates are still going to be slow as I'm still working away on my thesis. I may try to write shorter chapters, so that updates can come faster.

As always, I would love to hear from you and know that you are still with me :-)

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you a very happy new year!


	24. Chapter 24

Hello my lovely readers. Once again I thank you all for sticking with me and being so patient and understanding about my slow updates. When I submitted the last chapter I was afraid that I would have lost many of you, but you guys gave me the best New Year's gift ever by proving me wrong! Big hugs to all of you!

Disclaimer: Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I only own the plot. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 24**

**BPOV**

I couldn't bear it any longer.

I shoved my Calculus textbook and notebook off my lap and onto the bed beside me before curling up on my side facing the wall, not even bothering to yank the pillow down from where I'd had it propped up against the headboard as a backrest. Instead I curled my arm under my head as a pillow.

"Are you alright?" Edward questioned from behind me, a frown of concern lining his tone. He touched my shoulder. He'd been sitting beside me with his laptop in his lap.

"I'm fine," I said without turning around to face him. "I just need to lie down for a bit."

As if he detected the falsity of my words, his fingers began to move up and down my arm soothingly.

I closed my eyes at his touch, trying to pretend for a moment that everything _was _fine.

But it wasn't.

"…_there's nothing you can say that will make me forgive myself. I'll never forgive myself for it. Never."_

It was now Saturday morning, and over the past two and a half days, the weight of Edward's words had grown heavier and heavier, the tightening in my chest becoming unbearable.

He refused to discuss any of it, sweeping everything under the rug as if it didn't change anything, as if none of it mattered.

But I knew it did.

Ever since Jacob's death…ever since Jacob had forced him to see…

I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought to hold back tears. I didn't know how much he'd seen. He wouldn't say a word about it. But it had obviously been enough.

I could often see it…that haunted look in his eyes.

I turned my face into the bend of my arm, and Edward's hand slid from my shoulder.

The ache in my chest intensified. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Jacob was gone, and so was Tanya. So why did it feel like Edward was slipping away from me?

I felt a single tear escape as I remembered back to yesterday night.

Edward and I had cuddled together on the sofa to watch some TV, and for a short moment I'd been able to convince myself that nothing had changed between us.

How wrong I'd been.

He hadn't pulled away when I'd moved my lips over his, but he might as well have. His body had been completely rigid as he'd held me, the kiss awkward…strained.

And it hurt. It hurt so much that it was difficult to breathe when I thought of it.

We were drifting further and further apart. I couldn't bear it, but I had no idea how to fix it. He wouldn't _let_ me try to fix it. He wouldn't even acknowledge that there was anything wrong between us.

I still hadn't gone to school on Thursday or Friday, reason being to give myself time to completely recover from my flu. That was what I'd led everyone to believe, anyway. In truth, I'd been perfectly well enough to go to school by Thursday, but after our conversation the day before I'd wanted to spend some time alone with Edward. I'd foolishly thought that I could fix everything. But I couldn't fix anything if he wouldn't talk to me about any of it.

At that moment, I felt his fingers start to comb through my hair, and it took everything I had not to fall apart completely.

I wanted to jerk away and scream at him for pretending that everything was okay, but at the same time I wanted to turn around and throw myself into his arms.

Eventually, the latter won out, and as I launched myself at him, he had to yank his laptop from his lap in one of his lightening fast reflexes while his free hand caught me around my waist.

I hooked an arm around his neck and buried my face in the hollow of his shoulder, murmuring a barely audible "I love you," as if the words might somehow fix everything.

He set the laptop down on the bedside table so that he could wrap both arms around me, and then pressed a kiss to my hair. "I love you, too," was his soft reply.

I didn't doubt that he did—I'd never make that mistake again—and it was in moments like this that everything almost seemed to be as fine as he kept pretending it to be. But I knew it wasn't; his arms held me close, and yet I missed him.

I shifted in the circle of his arms so that I could gaze up at him.

He met my gaze, his look questioning, but cautious.

I took in his black irises and reached up to trace the bruise-like shadows underneath them. "You must be thirsty."

He shrugged. "Not really."

"You should hunt now," I told him, and as I dropped my hand from his face, he reached out to grasp it in his.

"You'll be alright?" he questioned softly.

I tried to ignore his searching gaze. "Of course. I'll just be working on Calculus for the rest of the day, anyway."

I'd noticed earlier in the week that he needed to hunt, but he'd refused to leave me when I was sick, and over the last two days I'd been too selfish to mention it again, desperate to feel that everything was right between us before I let him out of my sight for long. Clearly, that wasn't going to happen, though. Edward needed to hunt, and I needed some time alone to think things through.

At that thought, I felt the prickle of unshed tears and had to once again hold them back. I refused to believe that I couldn't get through to him and fix things between us; the thought of it hurt way too much.

Edward lightly squeezed my hand. "Alright, but don't work too hard. You're still not over that flu yet."

Or so he thought. I hadn't needed to lie down because of my flu; it had been because of the growing ache in my chest.

"I won't go far. I'll be back soon," he assured me.

I nodded, and after dropping a kiss to my forehead, he was soon on his feet and making his way downstairs so that Charlie would see him leave through the front door.

Once I was sure he was far enough from the house, I buried my face in my hands, and all I could do was weep.

I couldn't remember picking up the phone, but I soon found myself shakily punching in the Cullens' home phone number, my tears softly hitting the keypad.

Alice answered on the first ring. "We'll be right there," she told me before I could even say a word.

The next thing I knew, Charlie was answering the front door, and shortly after that, there was a soft knock on my bedroom door.

"Bella?" The door opened before I could reply.

I could barely see anything through my tears, but I knew it was Alice and Rosalie.

"Aw, honey," Alice sighed as she pulled me into a hug.

I just clung to her and wept.

"That no-good selfish _jerk_!" Rosalie exclaimed furiously. "I _knew_ this would happen! Where the fuck is he? I'm going to give that brother of ours a piece of my mind!"

"Rosalie!" Alice scolded. "You're not helping." She rubbed my back in comfort. "Don't worry, Bella. Emmett and Jazz are on their way to set him straight."

**EPOV**

"Don't you two have something better to do?" I hissed, tossing the now completely drained elk carcass aside and turning to face my two brothers as I heard them approach.

Emmett snorted. "Damn right we do. But unfortunately we have to babysit our idiotic brother, because apparently he's not even coherent enough to make sure he doesn't starve."

"Don't be ridiculous. I haven't been starving myself."

"You haven't fed for over two weeks!"

"It's not that big of a deal. I've had a lot on my mind."

"Yes, and that's why we need to talk," Jasper insisted for what seemed like the millionth time. My whole family had been pestering me over the past week while Bella was sick. Even Bella had noticed the worried glances Alice and Rose had been shooting in my direction the last time they'd visited.

I glared at him, my irritation escalating. "How many times do I have to tell you? There's _nothing_ to talk about! I already told you everything that happened."

"Bullshit!" Emmett exclaimed. "That's fucking bullshit, and you know it!"

"We'll do it by force if we have to, Edward," Jasper threatened. "But either way, you're coming home with us right now."

I took in his piercing gaze and knew my irritation would be much greater if he weren't trying to smooth things over with his gift. Ever since the day of Jacob's suicide, he'd been analyzing me through my emotions at every chance he got. He was now convinced that I hadn't told them everything that had happened that day, which _was_ true. But it was completely irrelevant. Telling them that Jacob had shoved those horrifying images into my mind wasn't going to change anything. I'd never be able to forget, and no matter how much it hurt, it was just something that I was going to have to learn to live with.

Regardless, it was obvious that Jasper and Emmett weren't going to give in, so I resentfully followed them back to the Cullen house in an attempt to get them off my case.

**xxxxx**

Carlisle and Esme were waiting for us when we arrived, and I sighed heavily as I entered the front door leading to the large, open-spaced living room. Emmett and Jasper entered behind me, and I wordlessly moved to perch myself on the bench of the grand piano.

Bracing myself for the interrogation I knew was coming, I moved one hand over the keys and hammered out random snippets of some of my compositions, trying to ignore the four pairs of concerned eyes as well as the numerous questions running through their minds. They were the ones that had wanted to talk to me, so they'd better get on with it.

Esme moved first, sliding onto the bench beside me and placing her hand over mine, thwarting its motion across the keys. "We're worried about you, Edward."

I sighed again, pulling my hand out from under hers. "Well don't be. It's a wasted effort. I'm fine."

"Sure you are," Jasper said sarcastically, and I turned to glare at him. "That's why you keep moping about. I may not be able to read your mind, Edward, but you can't hide your feelings from me. I _know_ you haven't told us everything, and if you won't talk to us, then maybe Bel—"

"Don't even _think_ about it!" I hissed. I would _not_ allow them to interrogate Bella. I'd seen how much it pained her to think about what Jacob had forced me to see, and I certainly wasn't going to allow anyone to pressure her to talk about it, or anything else that had happened the day of Jacob's death. "God knows she's been through enough!" I added, my heart twisting in my chest as I thought of it. She'd been through hell and back. Even before the rape she'd been through so much…James, Victoria, then the worst of it all…the violent betrayal of her best friend. She'd seen much violence in her short life, so much that her outlook on it was not as it should be. _"Just a few bruises. No big deal," _she'd told me after Jacob had almost killed her and had once again left his mark in the form of violent bruises. She'd spoken as if being on the receiving end of someone's brute strength was the norm. It had killed me to realize that it _had_ been the norm for her. But no longer. She'd never receive another bruise by someone else's hand. I would make sure of that.

"Then talk to us." Jasper's quiet voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I realized my mistake as I recognized the sudden change in his tone.

I looked away from his now solemn and sympathetic gaze, trying not to let my mind wander again as I attempted to keep my emotions in check. "What is it that you want to know?" I asked stiffly.

Carlisle moved to sit on the sofa directly across from me, leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees and his hands clasped together. "Let's start with Tanya. I think we'd all like to better understand her actions," he said bleakly.

Emmett snorted in disgust. He had settled himself in the chair in the corner of the room, while Jasper remained standing, his stance tense as he focused on the difficult task of keeping everyone's emotions at bay.

I ground my teeth together in anger before speaking. "There's nothing to tell. She betrayed us and deserves to rot in hell with Jacob. End of story."

"I don't understand how she could've done something like this," Esme said quietly.

All of them had been shocked by Tanya's actions, possibly more so than I had. I'd known better than anyone how much she'd hated Bella and how much she'd been unable to accept my rejection of her advances. I should've put the pieces together and figured out she'd been helping Jacob.

"She was completely delusional," I said bitterly, remembering how easily she'd believed my pretense. Then I shuddered, utterly revolted by what I'd had to do to get her to let her guard down. I hadn't had to take things too far, but her thoughts had wandered _much_ farther.

As the revulsion rolled through me again, I noticed Jasper's gaze as he tried to make sense of it. Always the practical one, he'd been wondering how I'd managed to defeat Tanya when she had centuries more experience than I did, so it didn't take him long to connect the dots.

"Ah, so that's how you did it," he said.

Not wanting to discuss that subject, I ignored his comment and turned to address everyone. "The only thing that matters is that she's out of our lives for good."

"It's never that simple, Edward," Carlisle insisted. "Killing someone is never easy, no matter what they did. Especially if you once trusted them."

I looked away from his searching gaze, remembering the brief moment before I'd dismantled Tanya's head from her body, the moment when her thoughts had been full of apologies and pleas for me to forgive her. I was furious at myself for hesitating, even in that brief moment. I could only read the thoughts on the surface of the mind, and Tanya had been selfish, and manipulative. If I had given in to her pleas and spared her, she would have stabbed me in the back as soon as I'd let my guard down, once again preventing me from rescuing Bella. Even if there had been a chance that her thoughts on the surface had matched those within, she'd still deserved to die after what she'd done, and, most importantly, I certainly couldn't have taken the risk that her pleas had been false, not when Bella had been in the hands of that monster. I'd had no choice but to kill her.

"You did what you had to do," Carlisle continued. "But don't try and fool yourself into believing it was easy. It will only make it that much more difficult to put it behind you." He paused. "Which brings me to my next concern."

"No, they knew nothing," I replied before he could ask.

"Tanya's family?" Emmett questioned.

I nodded.

Carlisle sighed. "But how do we break the news to them?"

"With the truth," I said immediately. "If they can't accept it, that's their business."

He nodded. "I'll try to get a hold of them later today."

None of us were happy that it was likely to sever our ties with the Denali coven, least of all Carlisle, but what other choice did we have? Lying was never a good route.

"Seth called earlier," Carlisle said, shifting my focus back to him. "He wanted to speak with you."

I focused on Carlisle's thoughts as he remembered back to the phone call.

"_He's not in at the moment. Can I deliver a message?"_ Carlisle had asked.

Seth had fumbled over his words._ "I just…ah…just tell him that…that I'm sorry."_

"He's a good kid," I said quietly.

"Sam says he's been hit the hardest with everything that's happened with Jacob," said Carlisle.

"Yeah, I can see that," Emmett inserted. "The poor kid used to worship that piece of shit."

My anger had begun to surface at the mention of Sam. "Sam said that, did he?" I snarled. "Did he also mention how hard it was for Seth to be _forced _to stand up and fight _for_ that monster?"

Carlisle sighed. "You're going to have to let go of your hatred for Sam, Edward. It's not doing any good now, and he was just trying to do what he felt was right."

"Was he now?" I spat, jerking to my feet. "Would he, do you think, have had the same view of what was 'right' if Jacob had raped Emily? If he'd watched her suffer and live in fear for weeks on end? If he'd had to hold her hand as she suffered through an examination at the hospital? If he'd heard her terrified cries every night when she'd had nightmares? Or how about if he'd had to _see_ that monster rape his precious Emily? Would he have felt the same way _then?_" I thundered.

I was so overcome with anger that it wasn't until I heard Esme's quiet gasp that I realized I'd just told them the very thing I'd been trying to avoid ever having to tell them. "Oh my god," she whispered, her eyes wide with horror.

I hadn't exactly told them what had happened, not in so many words, but they'd figured it out easily enough.

Carlisle's sad eyes looked to me for conformation. "You saw? From Jacob's thoughts, you mean?"

Apparently whatever he saw in my expression was answer enough, and I sighed, turning to gaze out the window that overlooked the front lawn. The air outside was slightly murky, and a few drops of rain were starting to fall.

"That would explain a lot," Jasper said bleakly.

"But couldn't you just block out his thoughts?" Emmett asked in a mixture of shock and disbelief.

I laughed bitterly. "Not when he was doing his damnedest to shove them at me."

"He _what?_"

"Not completely, anyway," I added quickly.

"I think you'd better tell us _exactly_ what happened, Edward," Carlisle pressed.

I shoved a hand through my hair, tugging at the strands in aggravation. "Jacob and Tanya took it upon themselves to do everything in their power to tear Bella and me apart—in every way possible." I pursed my lips, then added sourly, "Of course, Jacob also thoroughly enjoyed his attempts to drive home his point that he'd already…" I raised my fingers to quote his thoughts, "_branded Bella as his_."

Emmett growled. "I swear to god, if that piece of shit wasn't already dead…"

He left his sentence hanging, and after Jasper sent some calming waves throughout the room, I went on to explain how Tanya had tried to convince Bella that I'd cheated on her and how Jacob had hoped I'd be disgusted with Bella after he'd shoved those horrible images into my head.

"Oh, Edward," Esme said softly, pushing to her feet and moving toward me after I'd finished. When she reached me, she reached up to sandwich my face between her hands. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"What difference does it make?" I asked stiffly, pushing her hands away. "It's not going to change anything. It's just something I'm going to have to learn to live with."

They were silent then, but hearing all their pitying thoughts was worse than the questioning.

Without another word, I turned and moved briskly up the stairs to my room to escape the intensity of their thoughts.

Esme, however, had other ideas, as she followed closely behind me. She settled on the edge of the bed while I stood facing the back wall of my room, gazing out across the river to the Olympic mountain range beyond.

She didn't speak, but her thoughts revolved around everything I'd just revealed.

This was exactly why I hadn't wanted to tell any of them what had happened. I'd been doing everything in my power to _not _think about it, and now I'd have to be reminded of it every time any of them just simply _thought _about it. They wouldn't even have to say anything. All it would take would be one thought, and then I'd once again be fighting to push away those awful images.

My supposed 'gift' was turning out to be more of a curse.

I stood there for several minutes, and Esme still didn't say a word. I knew she was waiting for me to come to her. Eventually, I found myself sinking down onto the bed beside her, my shoulders slumping forward as I braced my elbows on my knees and rubbed a hand over my face.

_I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been for him to see that_, Esme was thinking.

"That's not even the worst part," I told her quietly. "The worst part is that it was like _I _was the one hurting her." I looked up to gaze out the wall-sized window again and watch the rain hit the surface of the river below. "I tried to block it out…I didn't see _everything_, just bits and pieces, but…" I closed my eyes, my voice losing strength. "The way she looked at me…so terrified…"

"Edward!" Esme scolded, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, forcing me to look at her. "She was looking at _Jacob_, not you!"

I sighed. "I know. But it _felt _like she was looking at me. And…" I turned to stare straight ahead again, my voice tightening around the ache in my throat. "It's my fault. It's my fault it happened in the first place."

"Oh, Edward," Esme sighed. "How many times do we have to tell you to stop blaming yourself? It's _not_ your fault."

"It _is _my fault," I insisted, turning to look at her again. "Don't you see? When I left her for all those months, I left her broken, _vulnerable_. If I'd never left, she never would've grown close with Jacob and none of this would've happened."

"You can't know that." It was Carlisle who'd spoken. I looked up to see him standing next to the shelving to the right of my door, his gaze focused on the framed photograph of Bella and me on the top of it. "Maybe she would've grown close to Jacob anyway. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything." He turned to face me. "Or maybe it would've been as you say. Let's say for arguments sake that you never left her and she never developed her friendship with Jacob. Who's to say that would have changed anything? Who's to say it wouldn't have made things _worse?_"

"That's far reaching," I muttered.

"Is it?" Carlisle challenged. "We both know Jacob had his sights set on Bella long before you left. If you'd never left and Bella hadn't spent much time with him, maybe it would've infuriated him further. Maybe he would've been even more violent and ended up raping _and_ killing her."

I cringed at the harshness of his words.

Carlisle's eyes softened as they watched me. "We could go on all day analyzing and arguing the _maybes_ and _what ifs_, but in the end we can't truly know how, or if, they would've changed things."

I knew what he was saying, but it was just so damn hard. So damn hard to just _accept_ that I couldn't have done anything. Especially after seeing flashes of what had happened—all through Jacob's eyes. Bella's face … her terror… her pained cries…

Oh, God. I couldn't bear it. I slumped forward, pressing my hands against the back of my head and staring at the floor. Seeing that… it was torture. It was as if she were crying out to me, asking me why I hadn't been there to protect her, why I hadn't done something to stop it from happening.

Esme's arm came around my shoulders. Then she was pulling me into a tight embrace, and I found I couldn't pull away from her this time. "Some things are just beyond our control, no matter how strong we are," she said, her voice soft, reassuring, in the way only a mother could be.

After a moment of silence, we drew apart, and Carlisle spoke.

"_Jacob_ was the one that raped Bella, not you," he reminded me. "You can't blame yourself."

_Jacob._ Even just hearing his name sent fury bubbling up from within me. "Damn right he was." My voice was soft and deadly. "And if Sam hadn't interfered…"

"Edward…" Carlisle started, sighing.

My anger expanded within me, like a rubber band being stretched to its limit from every angle, and as I took in Carlisle's tone, expression, and thoughts, it snapped.

In a split second, my entire CD collection was on the floor and I had Carlisle pinned between me and the now empty shelving. "HOW CAN YOU TAKE SAM'S SIDE?" I snarled.

"Edward!" Esme cried, shocked.

Carlisle, on the other hand, was completely calm and not in the least bit surprised. "Leave us, Esme," he demanded quietly.

I was too focused on Carlisle to pay much attention to Esme, but from the corner of my eye I saw her disappear from the room.

"Why didn't you just fight along side the wolves, then? !" I roared. "Or were you planning to switch sides halfway?"

"You already know the answer to that, Edward," he replied, his eyes soft and sympathetic as they gazed back at me. "You're my son, and I will always stand by you."

I released my hold on him then, but turned away, my body still shaking with rage. I knew his words were sincere, but I couldn't understand his views. That monster should've suffered so much more than he had. How could he think otherwise?

"Listen to me, Edward," Carlisle continued, his voice firm and determined. "Do I think Jacob deserved to die a painful death? Yes. Did I want to see him suffer after all the pain he caused you and Bella? Yes. Did I want to see him live as a human and watch Bella suffer through a court battle? Of course not. Did I think that Sam's alternative was the right thing to do?" He sighed. "I honestly don't know. But did I want to fight the pack over it and risk losing you or any other member of my family? No. Did I feel Sam's alternative was the lesser of two evils? Yes. But when I knew there would be nothing I could do to convince you of this, and that when the pack stood between you and Jacob my only options were to fight with you or against you, would I have fought against you? Of _course_ not. I would have been by your side to the end, had it been necessary."

I'd turned around to face him at some point throughout his monologue, my anger slowly slipping away piece by piece with each word spoken. Then I said quietly, "I know you would have. I'm sorry, Carlisle. I just…I can't _stand_ that he didn't suffer more after everything he did. He didn't suffer anywhere _near_ enough."

Carlisle gazed at me with compassion and understanding. "But would it ever have felt like enough, even if Sam hadn't stopped you?"

I knew the answer before he'd even asked the question. "No," I admitted in a whisper, sinking down onto the end of the bed and staring at the huge mess of CDs scattered around the room.

Carlisle moved to my side and squeezed my shoulder. "He's dead, son. You have to let go. As much as we all would've liked to watch him die slowly, everything worked out for the best."

"So you did agree with Sam," I muttered.

He sighed, settling down on the bed beside me. "I don't know, Edward. It was a difficult situation. I didn't initially, because it seemed unlikely that we'd be able to send him to jail. But then…"

"Sam told you about Billy," I finished. From Sam's thoughts I'd discovered that he'd spoken to Billy and that Billy had agreed to testify against Jacob in court. He'd agreed to inform the court that Jacob had admitted to him that he'd raped Bella. It wasn't true, of course, but Billy knew that in a way it _was_ true, because the entire pack had learned of the rape from Jacob's thoughts, which was an irrefutable source. It certainly wouldn't have been easy for him to testify against his own son, but he could no longer lie to himself and deny the truth.

"With his own father testifying against him," Carlisle said carefully, "as well as the pack, Jacob wouldn't have stood a chance in court."

My jaw clenched, and I met his gaze. "Bella still would've had to suffer through a court battle."

"You know I didn't want that either, Edward."

"But you still think it was the right thing to do," I said tightly, fighting to keep my anger from resurfacing.

"Edward," he started slowly, cautiously, and I automatically closed off his thoughts from my mind, knowing I wasn't going to like what he was about to say. "Do you remember what you told me when you returned to me and Esme after going off on your own for a few years?"

"That was different," I said quickly.

Carlisle's eyes swam with sympathy as they gazed back at me. "You told me that you couldn't escape the debt of so much life taken, no matter how justified."

I tore my gaze from his. "It's not the same thing," I insisted.

"The people you killed," he continued gently, "were murders and rapists, just like Jacob."

"Jacob wasn't human."

Carlisle sighed. "Alright. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's not the same thing. In any case, it doesn't matter now, does it?" He paused, then grabbed both of my shoulders, forcing me to meet his intense gaze. "You can't keep living in the past, son. You've been holding onto far too much anger and guilt. You have to let go of it all. Jacob's gone, but Bella still needs you. If you can't let go and move forward, neither will she, and it's going to eventually start to force you both apart."

My gaze slid to the floor where the framed photograph of Bella and me lay surrounded by CD cases. There was now a crack down the middle of the frame. "I think it already has," I whispered, the realization clawing its way out from within me.

**BPOV**

My shoulders heaved with my short breaths, and I tried to stifle my sobs by burying my face in my pillow.

"It's going to be okay, Bella," Alice was saying, and I felt her hand on my back.

I'd shed more tears than I'd ever thought possible within a few short hours. When Alice and Rose had first arrived, they'd managed to calm me, assuring me that Edward would get over his 'moping' and that everything would be fine.

But then I'd discovered that Edward hadn't told them, or any other member of his family, much of anything that had happened the day of Jacob's death. In fact, he'd barely spoken to his family at all since that day.

Realizing just how much what he must have seen from Jacob's thoughts had affected him, I'd fallen apart again, and Alice and Rosalie hadn't been able to calm me down this time. Although I was comforted by their presence and attempts to cheer me up, there was only one person who could ease the ache in my heart.

"Edward!" I suddenly heard Rosalie scold, and I jerked my head up from the pillow as my gaze flew to the bedroom door. "Oh, no you don't," she continued, "If you think you can just…"

I didn't hear the rest of her scolding as my gaze locked onto Edward's tall form in the doorway.

He ignored her as well, marching straight past her and into the room. The next thing I knew, Alice was yanking Rosalie from the room and Edward was gathering me up in his arms, the sturdy hardness of his chest and arms cradling me.

I sagged into him, my arms resting limply against his chest as I tried to steady my still labored breathing. One of his hands moved to my face and his cool fingers wiped at my tears clumsily, anxiously. Then, as if deciding that wasn't going to work, his hand dropped to my waist again while his lips brushed away my tears instead. My eyes fluttered closed automatically and he softly kissed my eyelids before trailing down to my cheeks again. "I'm sorry, Bella," he muttered. "I'm so sorry, I—"

I cut him off by turning my head and pressing my lips to his.

He responded almost immediately, his lips urgent, yet somehow gentle at the same time. He deepened the kiss, his hand moving to cradle the back of my head. And there was no strain or awkwardness this time; our lips moved in perfect synchronization. My arms were still sandwiched against his chest, and my fingers grabbed his shirt, clutching the fabric in a tight fist as if it would keep him where I wanted him if he decided to pull away.

He didn't, and I eventually had to pause to take a breath. "I missed you," I sighed against his lips.

He pulled his head back slightly so that he could look me in the eyes. His eyes were light butterscotch now, and his pale skin was ever so slightly flushed from his recent hunting trip.

As I took in his intense gaze, I could no longer detect any of the cold remoteness that had been haunting me, and I felt the invisible fist squeezing my heart loosen its hold.

"I'm so sorry," he murmured again, tracing his thumb over my bottom lip. "I promise I won't let anything come between us again."

I took his hand in mine, entwining my fingers with his. "Are you going to stop blaming yourself for everything?" I asked, my voice demanding but my gaze soft.

His eyes clouded with a sadness that made my heart ache again, and when he didn't answer immediately, I reached out to touch his cheek. "Edward?" I whispered.

He inhaled sharply, and his arm around my waist pulled me closer. "I just…I can't stand it," he whispered. "I can't stand that you had to go through that and I couldn't do anything to stop it." He pressed his face to my hair for a moment and took another deep breath. "And then…when Jacob forced me inside his head…" His pained gaze met mine, and I turned my head to hide my face against his shoulder.

"Don't do that," he whispered, his fingers gripping my chin, forcing me to look at him. "I need to see your face." He paused, then spoke so quietly that I almost missed it. "It keeps the memories away." His eyes closed for a short moment before they settled on my face again. "It terrified me…to see you look at me that way."

It took me an agonizing moment to make sense of his words. Then I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I'd been so horrified at the thought of him seeing any part of what had happened the night Jacob had raped me that I'd never even stopped to think about _how_ he'd be seeing it. Suddenly his recent behavior made more sense. The tension I'd felt from him when I'd kissed him yesterday…

"The thought of me hurting you terrifies me," he whispered, his fingers delicately stroking my cheek, as if he thought I was made of glass.

"You'd never hurt me," I said firmly, hooking my arms around his neck before touching my lips to his again.

He was hesitant at first, but then he seemed to let go of his caution, and I gripped his shoulders greedily, trying to pull him even closer.

Big mistake.

Within a split second, we were several inches apart.

I collapsed against his chest with a sigh, my breathing unsteady.

"Let's not push our luck all at once, hmm?" he said huskily. His hand stroked my hair. "I think we have more than one reason to take things slow," he added, and I could detect the hint of sadness in his tone.

I knew what he was referring to, and I'd be lying to myself if I said I wasn't still afraid of having a panic attack, but I didn't want to think about it now. Right now I was just comforted in knowing that Edward had finally let down the wall he'd built around himself. I knew he still hadn't completely stopped blaming himself for everything that had happened, but at least he was heading in the right direction now and wasn't trying to shove everything under the rug. It wouldn't happen overnight, but now that he'd opened the door to me again, I would take full advantage. I'd eventually be able to get him to forgive himself.

As I leaned more heavily against his chest, his arms drew me closer and he lightly swayed us back and forth.

We stayed that way for several minutes, comforted by each other's presence. My thoughts drifted to our future together, and for once I could imagine that, although everything wouldn't always be easy, we could get our happy ending.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"I want to wear my engagement ring."

The swaying stopped, and he looked down at me, his golden eyes meeting my mine, searching. For what, I didn't know, but his soul-searching gaze started to make me feel somewhat self-conscious. "There's no rush," he said softly.

I shook my head. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I love you, and I _want_ to marry you."

He smiled softly, and I could see the twinkle of happiness in his eyes. The idea of marriage had always been so important to him, but this was the first time I'd ever shown any enthusiasm. I felt a tingle of guilt and regret when I realized this. What had been wrong with me? Why had I cared what everyone else thought?

He didn't respond immediately, and that was when I detected his wariness. And then I realized. "You weren't just talking about getting married, were you?" I asked quietly.

"I don't want you to feel pressured," he said gently. "I know we had everything planned, but…"He trailed off and his eyes grew soft with understanding. "I know you're not ready for that yet, love."

I looked down at my lap, wanting desperately to deny it. I knew he was referring to his side of the compromise we'd made, the part where he had agreed to make love to me on our wedding night before he changed me. I still wanted that more than anything, but I couldn't deny that there was an irrational part of me that was afraid.

His hand rubbed my arm. "I told you before; I not in any hurry. I want it to be the right time."

I look up at him, my eyes swimming with tears. "I want this, Edward, I do," I whispered.

He hugged me closer and began to sway back and forth again. "I know," he said. "But let's take things one step at a time, hmm? Starting with getting you through exams and graduation. Then we'll talk about possible dates for the wedding."

I nodded against his chest, trying not to think about how I'd have to go back and face school on Monday. After a moment of silence, I said, "But I still want to wear my ring."

He became still again. "I…I don't think we should rush into that either."

I frowned up at him. "Why not?"

"I just think we should give your parents a bit more time before we spring that on them."

I was still frowning. "You never cared what they thought about it before."

A slow smile spread across his face. "That was because I knew that there was no chance they would approve of it anyway."

"And now you think they will?"

"I _know_ they will—if we wait for the right time."

I narrowed my eyes. "How can you be so sure?" I could see hope for Charlie, but Renee…well, that was a different story.

He smirked. "I have my ways. Just give me a chance to work my magic."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. So long as that's the reason you don't want me to wear the ring, and not because you're trying to get rid of me."

"Never," he breathed, his lips brushing against my ear, making me shiver. "You're stuck with me forever."

"Good," I sighed. "Because, vampire-strength or not, I'm never letting you go."

**Author's Note:**

So…? Are things looking a bit brighter for our lovely couple now? My intention was for this chapter to end on a happier note, but as I was reading it over I realized it's still a depressing chapter. Gosh, I'm a depressing writer, aren't I? Lol. I do have happier times pictured in my mind, I swear—just may take some time to get there :)

So far Bella hasn't even left the house since coming home after Jacob's suicide, and in the next chapter we will be seeing how she handles getting out and going back to school. There should also be some Renee/Bella/Edward interactions going on.

Speaking of Renee, I thank you for all the input you gave me about whether or not she should find out about the vampires. It actually ended up being pretty much a 50/50 vote on it, lol. But I gave it a lot of thought and decided on NOT having Renee (or Charlie) find out about the vampires. I have various reasons for this but the main reason is that I fear it would complicate things too much and take away from the main focus of the story. I feel confident that I made the right decision on this and I won't be changing my mind. I hope the half of you that wanted her to find out will understand. I don't want to spoil the story by telling you what I'm planning, but I would like to say that I will be handling the issue of what happens with Bella's parents when she is changed MUCH differently than in breaking dawn. Be assured that BOTH Charlie and Renee will also get a happy ending.

So I don't think you need to hear my spiel again about why updates will be slow. I'm sorry about this and I'm doing my best not to keep you waiting too long. You have all been so encouraging and supportive and I can't thank you enough. This is a very stressful time for me and I know that without all your encouraging words I would have put this story on hold completely while working on my thesis. I hope you will continue to enjoy this story and I always love hearing from you!

**NEW NOTE (March 7):** I'm honored to announce that Mistaken Trust has made it to the final round of voting at the Inspired FanFic Awards for Favorite vampires (under 1000 reviews). Thank you to everyone who voted! The final round of voting goes until Mar 14. You can go here to view the nominees and vote for your favorites (link is also on my profile): ?zx=f1e4b5affd255de7


	25. Chapter 25

I know. I suck. Sorry. I'm doing my best with the updates, I swear. I know I've said this many times, but THANK YOU for not giving up on this story. And thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who has left me such kind and encouraging words.

**Please note: **Just in case it's not clear enough when you read, this chapter starts off only a few hours after the last one. It's Saturday, and Jacob's death was the Sunday before.

Disclaimer: Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I only own the plot. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 25**

**BPOV**

I sat at my desk hunched over my computer keyboard with my face in my hands, staring at the little black cursor flashing in the top left corner of the empty computer screen, willing it to magically start typing out my essay for me. I was way behind in all my schoolwork, and I had no idea how I was going to get everything done before finals, especially when my brain didn't seem to be functioning properly. "Ugh," I grumbled, pulling myself up from my chair and collapsing onto my bed. "Kill me now."

I heard Edward's light chuckle as I buried my face against the mattress, and I peeked out at him from under my hair when he sat down on the edge of the bed beside me.

"Absolutely not," he murmured, smoothing my hair from my face.

Sighing, I pulled myself up and pressed my forehead against his shoulder.

It had only been a few hours ago that I'd been a complete emotional mess, terrified that he had built an impenetrable wall between us, and I now had this constant need to feel him close. The past few days, when I'd felt him drifting further and further away, had been unbearable, and I needed the assurance that he wasn't about to push me away again. Not the verbal kind of assurance. I needed to _feel_ it.

He combed a hand through my hair, then dropped a kiss to the top of my head, and my heart seemed to sigh in relief.

"You should take a break," he suggested. "Maybe take a nap."

I felt completely drained of energy, and the idea of taking a nap sounded heavenly, but it was already late afternoon and I had barely gotten anything done. I'd given up on finishing my Calculus today, but I needed to at least get a good start on my _King Lear_ essay before the end of the day. "I can't," I groaned. "I have _way_ too much work to do."

"You still need to take breaks," he insisted.

"Not before I even get anything done," I argued.

"Bella…"

"And let me guess," I muttered against his shoulder as if he hadn't spoken. "_You_ are already completely caught up with all your schoolwork. Am I right?" I pulled my head up to meet his gaze. He opened his mouth to reply, but I cut him off. "Wait, don't answer that. I don't want to know," I grumbled.

He laughed.

"Not funny," I muttered again.

He must have sensed my distress, because he grew serious again, taking my hand in his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You're going to be fine, love. We'll put together some study sessions. Alice and Rose have already offered to help."

"I know. It's really sweet of them," I said with a smile. "Even though study sessions with Alice have often ended up being more of a distraction than anything else," I added with a laugh. "At least Rose has promised to keep her in line. She—" I broke off as I noticed the way he was studying me, a slight smile playing across his lips. "What?" I demanded.

He shook his head, his smile widening. "Nothing. I'm just glad you and Rose are getting along so well."

"Oh…yeah, um…we're…good friends now." I glanced down at my lap, struggling to find the right words.

"She loves you, Bella," Edward said simply. "She already considers you her sister."

Rosalie and I had definitely grown much closer over the past month, but it was nice to hear just the same. "I guess we…well, we understand each other better now."

"She's very protective of you."

My eyes widened and I looked up at him. "She is?"

He chuckled. "Didn't you notice her this morning? She was ready to rip my head off. And I shudder to think of what state I'll find my car in when I get home."

"Your car?" I repeated stupidly.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, my car. When Alice was dragging her from the room to give us time alone, she was imagining all the things she would do to it once she arrived home."

I gazed at him in shock. "But why?"

He sighed. "Honestly, Bella. Why do you think?" His voice grew quieter. "She's furious at me for upsetting you—not that I blame her."

"Oh," was the only thing that came out of my mouth, and I gazed downward again.

Before I even knew how it had happened, I was in Edward's lap, his arms locking around me in an inescapable hold. "God, I'm so sorry, Bella," he said fiercely. "Jacob and Tanya did their damndest to tear us apart, and I managed to accomplish it all on my own. I'm so sorry," he repeated.

I relaxed backward into his embrace and reached a hand up to grasp his arm. "I know," I said.

He pressed his cheek against the top of my head. "What can I do to make it up to you?"

I focused my gaze on my fingers as I began to trace patterns along the bulge of muscles on his forearm. "You can forgive yourself," I answered quietly. "For everything."

I heard him take an unsteady breath. I knew the direction my words would force his thoughts, and I almost wanted to take them back. Whenever I thought of him seeing anything of that worst night of my life, every part of me seemed to cry out with the horror of it. But I'd promised myself I would get him to forgive himself, and that was what I would do, no matter how difficult it was or how long it took.

"None of what happened with Jacob was your fault," I insisted.

His only response was to hug me closer. I knew it was as good as I was going to get for now. At least he hadn't argued with me.

"And there's something else you can do," I added after several minutes of silence.

"What's that?" he murmured against my hair.

I twisted in his arms and smiled mischievously. "Write my _King Lear_ essay for me?" I asked, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Done."

"After all, it's only—wait, _what?" _I gaped at him once his reply penetrated.

His lips curved into a smile, but I could tell he was serious. "I'll write it tonight."

"I was only joking, Edward."

"Well I'm not. You've been pushing yourself too hard. I know you don't want to have to take extra time to graduate, but your health and well-being are more important than anything else. Don't worry about the essay. I'll take care of it if you'll take the rest of the day off."

How could anyone possibly argue with that? "So let me get this straight; Mr. straight A, model student is suggesting I cheat?" I teased, gazing up at him in mock horror.

He rolled his eyes. "My entire presence at school is a lie. I'm hardly a model student."

"True," I agreed with a grin. Then I frowned. "Wait. You can't write it for me. The teacher will know right away that it's not my writing."

He shook his head. "No he won't."

"Edward, I don't write anything like you," I reasoned.

"I know your writing style well enough. I can adapt my writing to fit," he said with a shrug. When he could see that I wasn't convinced he added, "Trust me, Bella. It'll be fine. You already have the outline done, right?"

I was still shocked that he was actually serious, but I wasn't about to argue with him. I just nodded, climbing off his lap to retrieve the piece of paper from on top of my desk.

At that moment, I heard Edward's cell phone chime, indicating an incoming text message, and when I turned back to face him, he was rolling his eyes as he glanced down at it. "What?" I questioned, curious.

"Emmett," he explained with a shake of his head.

"What—"

I was cut off by a knock on my bedroom door, then, "Bells?"

I turned to face the door as Charlie pushed it open.

"You doing alright?" he asked cautiously, his gaze flickering to Edward before settling on me again.

I knew he'd heard me crying this morning just after Edward had left for his hunting trip. But he'd never been any good with emotional touchy-feely stuff, so when Alice and Rose had arrived, he'd kept his distance.

"I'm fine," I assured him. "Just stressed with schoolwork."

From the look he gave me he obviously didn't believe for a second that that was what had triggered my emotional breakdown this morning. "Bells…" He hesitated. "Just…let me know if you need help with anything."

"Sure, Dad. I will," I said, trying to sound nonchalant in the hopes of easing his concern.

He nodded once, turned to leave, then hesitated and turned back to face me. "You want me to order in for dinner?"

"Dinner?" I repeated, glancing over at the clock beside my bed and realizing it was already after five. "Oh! Right. I didn't realize it was already so late. No, don't order in. I'll put something together with the leftovers from yesterday."

"You sure? Because—"

"Dad," I interrupted, my tone firm. "I'm fine. I'll be down in a few minutes to make dinner."

"Right. Okay then," he muttered, turning from the room.

Once he was out of earshot, I sank down on the bed beside Edward and sighed. "It's as if he thinks I'm going to shatter into a million pieces if he gets too close or says the wrong thing."

"I think you two need to talk things through with each other," Edward suggested.

I shot him a doubtful look. "And what exactly are we supposed to talk about?" I took in his cautious gaze and narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "Do you know something I don't?"

He shrugged. "Not really. I just think maybe you need to spend some time together. Charlie's off work tonight, and you"—he reached over to grab the paper containing my essay outline from the bed beside me—"are taking the rest of the day off," he reminded me.

I knew he was probably right. I hadn't seen or spoken much to Charlie this past week. He'd been working longer hours, and I'd been trying to sleep off my flu. Not to mention that I'd been too upset by the ever-increasing wall Edward had been building around himself to pay attention to much else.

I felt a tug to my heart at that thought, and my eyes immediately sought out the warmth of his gaze. I knew it was silly, but I felt like I'd just gotten him back, and I really didn't want to let him out of my sight tonight, even just for a few hours so that I could spend time with Charlie.

He threw me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about me. Apparently my brothers seem to think I need babysitting." He held up his cell phone in explanation. "They're pretty much on their way here to get me, anyway," he told me with a quick laugh.

I smiled slightly. Thank God his family had been able to get through to him. "Well I guess you'd better get going then," I said, trying to sound cheerful. Even though I might want to, I couldn't very well keep him chained to my side.

"I'll be back later tonight," he promised.

"You'd better," I warned.

He smiled softly as he stood, then hesitated for a moment before leaning down to kiss my forehead.

But I wasn't having that. As he straightened again, I grabbed his arm, pulled myself to my feet, and wrapped my arms around his neck. His reluctance to initiate any kind of intimacy between us was clear. Only when I made my intent obvious by stretching up on my tiptoes and trying to pull him down to my level did he meet me halfway, his hand moving to cradle the back of my head. As soon as our lips touched they moved together desperately, longing, as if expecting something, or someone, might reach out and snatch everything away in an instant. God knows it had happened countless times.

When we finally broke apart, he kept his forehead pressed against mine for a moment while I steadied my breathing, his thumb lightly stroking my cheek before he reluctantly pulled away.

"Love you," I told him, trying to resist the urge to grab hold of him again.

"Love you, too," he said softly. "I'll see you in a bit."

After he'd left, I set myself up with the task of making dinner for Charlie and myself. Renee was out shopping because, despite my protests, she was planning on sticking around for a while, and she hadn't brought all of her necessities with her from Florida. She was still staying at the hotel, but according to Edward, Esme was insisting on inviting her to stay at the Cullen house. I couldn't understand why I was the only one who had the good sense to see that it was a very bad idea. Well, maybe she would refuse the offer anyway. Edward seemed convinced he could win her over, but I wasn't so sure.

And I was _really_ not looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow was Sunday, and Renee had suggested that the three of us go out and have lunch together, the purpose being for her to get to know Edward better. As far as I was concerned, it spelled trouble.

"Need any help?"

I jumped, dropping the knife I'd been holding to chop up tomatoes for the salad, and swung around with my hand pressed to my heart.

"Sorry, sorry," Charlie muttered.

"No, it's fine," I said quickly. "I was…lost in thought. I didn't hear you come in," I explained, reaching down to pick up the knife. My evening with Charlie was certainly getting off to a great start, I thought sarcastically. I was about to suggest he toss the salad when the phone rang, piercing through the awkwardness that had once again settled between us. I turned to drop the knife in the sink while Charlie answered it.

"Charlie Swan, here."

My thoughts were focused on what I should do to get things back to normal between Charlie and me, so it took me a moment to realize I hadn't heard him say another word since his initial greeting. When I turned to face him again, the phone receiver was back on its cradle, and he was staring at the wall, his hands gripping the edge of the stove.

"Dad?" I questioned with a frown. "Who was it?"

"Huh? Oh, ah, wrong number," he explained as he turned to face me again.

It was then that I really started to take in his appearance. There were dark circles under his eyes that were weathered with creases, making it look like he'd aged five years in the last few weeks, and his skin seemed to lack some of its usual color.

I felt a sharp pang of guilt. It was at least partly my fault, but was there more to it than that? "Is everything alright, Dad?" I asked, concerned.

"Of course. Why wouldn't it be?" he said quickly. _Too_ quickly.

I frowned. "It's just…"

The phone rang yet again, and Charlie reached over to snatch up the receiver. "Hello?" he said gruffly. "Oh, hi, Derek." He paused to listen. I knew Derek was one of his deputies. "Well, did you explain that to him?" Another pause. Then he sighed. "No, I'll be right over." He placed the receiver back on its cradle and turned back to me. "I need to go over to the station. Jeff, my new deputy, has made a mess of things," he explained with another sigh. "I'll probably be a while. Will you be okay here by yourself?" he asked, studying me worriedly.

I had to suppress the urge to roll my eyes. "Of course, Dad. But what about dinner?"

"I'll have to grab something on the way," he told me as I followed him out of the kitchen. He disappeared upstairs for a few minutes before reappearing wearing his uniform. "You sure you'll be okay?" he asked me again.

I gave an exasperated sigh. "Just go," I ordered with a wave of my hand.

"Alright, well, lock the door behind me, will you?" he said as he stepped outside.

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered as he closed the door behind him. Anyone would think I was ten years old or something, I thought with a shake of my head. I flipped the lock into place and turned from the door. So much for spending some quality time with Charlie tonight, I thought sarcastically as I trudged back to the kitchen to finish throwing together my dinner.

I served myself a small portion of the chicken casserole I'd made from yesterday's leftovers and placed it in the microwave to heat while I finished preparing the salad. Once ready, I filled my plate and took a seat at the dining room table to eat. After swallowing the first mouthful, I was suddenly acutely aware of the silence that had settled over the house now that I was alone.

I hauled in a steadying breath, then jabbed my fork into a piece of chicken and shook my head as if to clear it. What was the matter with me? It wasn't as if I'd never been alone before. I was behaving as irrationally as Charlie. _"You sure you'll be okay here by yourself?"_ he'd asked. Of course I would. What kind of a ridiculous question was that?

Annoyed, I speared another piece of chicken, trying to convince myself that it was Charlie that was the target of my frustrations when in reality I was angry with myself. I knew why he'd asked, and I didn't want to admit that there was anything to his concern. So what if it had been a while since I'd been alone? Jacob and Tanya were both dead, and I no longer needed round-the-clock protection.

So then why did I keep literally jumping at shadows? My gaze once again flickered to the window overlooking the front lawn. The sun hadn't set yet, but it was gray and murky outside, the branches of the trees casting eerie shadows across the lawn.

I jumped to my feet suddenly and yanked the blinds over the window before flipping on the light over the table. _Madness_. Was I expecting someone to jump out of the shadows or something?

I sank down in my chair again and swallowed a few mouthfuls of my dinner, trying to calm my nerves and figure out what I was going to do with myself tonight. Even though Edward's idea to give me some time alone with Charlie was pointless now, I wasn't going to give in to the urge to call him. He was finally free from having to protect me twenty-four-seven, and he needed to spend some time with his family. The events of this morning were proof of that. They'd been able to get through to him when I hadn't. He needed them, whether he realized it or not. The last thing I was going to do was get in the way of that.

I finished the last few bites of chicken casserole and then busied myself with cleaning up the kitchen.

I needed to get out for a bit, I realized as I placed the remains of the salad in the fridge. I'd been stuck inside all week. It was no wonder I was going a bit crazy. I scanned the contents of the fridge and freezer, both of which were almost empty. I would go grocery shopping, I decided. We were obviously in dire need of foodstuff, and it would give me a chance to get some fresh air.

With my mind made up, I proceeded to make a list of things we needed from the grocery store. Then I scribbled a quick note to Charlie, telling him where I'd gone. Most likely he wouldn't be back until late tonight, but I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. Based on his recent behavior, he'd probably panic if he came home and found me gone.

After grabbing my raincoat, handbag, and keys, I left the house.

By the time I pulled into a parking space near the grocery store, night was already starting to descend, the gray sky growing blacker by the minute. As I climbed out of my truck, my pulse quickened and my eyes anxiously darted around the dimly lit parking lot. _Get a grip, Bella_, I thought. _Jacob's gone. You're perfectly safe._ But my silent lecture did nothing to loosen the ball of tension in my middle. There was an irrational part of me that was still expecting him to leap out of the shadows. _Crazy, _I told myself as I hurried across the parking lot to the front entrance of the store.

But it didn't matter how irrational I knew it was; my fear still wouldn't loosen its grip. I felt panicky and claustrophobic as I made my way through the store isles, grabbing items that were on my list and tossing them into my shopping cart. The store was fairly busy, but it only made matters worse. Even though I kept reminding myself over and over that Jacob was dead and that he couldn't possibly have sent anyone after me again, I was still struggling for calm, my hands gripping the cart handle so tightly they hurt.

When I stopped in the deli section, situated against the back wall of the store, another shopper drew up beside me, commenting on the meat prices. However, all that registered was that he was tall, dark, and standing way too close for comfort. My lungs hitched as if they might stop working, and I turned on my heel and sped off toward the opposite end of the store, my heartbeat pounding in my eardrums. _Calm down, Bella. Calm down. He was just being friendly. Everything's fine. Everything's fine. _But the small voice of reason in my head once again lost the battle as the panic crawled up from deep inside me.

I was forced to a stop when my cart rammed into a display of cereal and a few boxes toppled to the floor. I stood frozen for a moment, staring at the floor. As my gaze darted upward again, my heart nearly leapt out of my chest when I caught sight of the huge figure that had appeared in front of me, the shopping cart being the only thing that stood between us. As the figure bent to pick up the cereal boxes, however, my eyes fell to his face and I almost wept in relief.

_Edward._ I had no idea what he was doing here, but I was so relieved to see him that I didn't really care.

As he straightened his gaze locked onto mine, his eyes attempting to sooth. "Hey," he greeted, his voice a low rumble that curled around me. "I thought maybe you could use some company." His smile was soft, understanding.

I gulped and nodded. I could now sense multiple pairs of eyes on me, and I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. If the biggest rumor going around at school was as Alice and Rose had told me, the whole town probably knew it as well, and I could guess what they were thinking: _There's chief Swan's crazy daughter, the one that was raped by that Indian boy who killed himself_.

And I _was_ crazy. My fear defied all reason, yet it was very real.

The room seemed to pivot on a wobbly axis, and I was still tightly gripping the handle of my shopping cart when I felt Edward's steady hand close over mine like an anchor, his cool touch soothing against my clammy skin. "I've got it," he whispered, gently prying my hand loose so that he could take control of the cart.

My arms fell limply to my sides, and my heartbeat slowed as I felt Edward's closeness. He always seemed to radiate an energy that could calm me like nothing else could. The palm of his hand rubbed up and down my back soothingly for a moment before coming to rest against my lower back, and as he steered me toward the front of the store, I clung to him like a frightened child, my fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt at his waist in a tight fist. It was pathetic, I knew, but I couldn't seem to help myself.

Edward didn't say a word. He just led me to the cash, paid for the groceries, and then took me to his car.

As he began loading the groceries in the back of it, I finally found my voice. "What about my truck?" I asked.

"I'll come back for it later," he assured me.

It was only a four-minute drive home and neither of us spoke. I wanted to just forget the entire trip to the store. Pretend that I wasn't a pathetic mess. Pretend that I wasn't so pitiful that I'd panicked for absolutely no good reason. However, I failed miserably at that as well. To my dismay, when we arrived home and I pulled out my house key, I couldn't even slide it into the keyhole because my hand was shaking so badly.

Wordlessly, Edward placed his hand over mine and took the key from me, sliding it into the lock with ease.

Trying not to let on how upset I was with myself, I dropped my hand and turned toward the car, muttering that I was going to get the groceries. After I had grabbed two of the six bags from the back of the car, Edward drew up beside me, his arm catching me around my waist as I turned toward the door. He plucked the bags from my hands and set them on the ground before closing me in the circle of his arms.

My will crumbled then. He felt like a wall of muscle, so hard and invincible, yet wonderfully safe. And I didn't care how pitiful it was; I clung to him as if I was about to fall to my death and he was my only salvation. "I'm so pathetic," I said thinly, my voice muffled by his shirt.

"No," he whispered. "You've just been through hell."

**xxxxx**

"So what do you want to watch?" Edward asked me as I plopped myself down on the sofa beside him about an hour later. I had showered and was now dressed in my nighttime attire of grey sweat pants and a loose-fitted T-shirt.

"I don't mind," I told him as he picked up the TV remote from the small table beside the right end of the sofa. I didn't care what we watched as long as I could escape with him from the real world for a few hours. I didn't want to think about our lunch date with my mother tomorrow or, even worse, school the following day.

Perched on the edge of the sofa, Edward started to search through the different TV channels, and I scooted closer to him, dropping my chin to his shoulder as I focused my gaze on the screen.

Edward turned his head to press a quick kiss to my temple in response before facing the TV again.

On second thought, I would rather watch a movie than a TV show, preferably a _long_ movie.

"Let's watch this," I said quickly, pulling my head up when Edward flipped past a channel displaying the opening credits of a movie.

After flipping back to the channel in question, Edward turned to regard me, his brow raised skeptically. He knew that I didn't usually like to watch horror movies, and it was obvious from the creepy music and background scenery that the movie was of that genre.

"I'm in the mood for a scary, thriller type movie," I said defensively, and strangely enough, I _was_ in the mood for one tonight. I'd been jumping at shadows so much that the thought of engaging in the world of _fictional _monsters was somehow appealing.

"Alright. Scary, thriller movie it is then," Edward agreed.

He set down the remote, and I ducked under his arm, snuggling against his side. He pulled me close as he leaned back against the sofa, and I let out a quiet sigh of contentment. This was what I needed. To feel the sturdiness of his body against mine, the solidness of his shoulder beneath my cheek. It always felt so right to be cradled in his arms. It was as if, even if nothing else made sense, this was the one thing that always would.

After we were only about half an hour through the movie, I decided that it wasn't really a very good one. It wasn't even all that scary.

No sooner had that thought left my mind than the poor, unsuspecting victim on-screen received a rather gory bashing, and I gasped and hid my face against Edward's shoulder. I felt him vibrate beneath me as he chuckled, and I pulled away and crossed my arms across my chest. "Are you laughing at me?" I scowled.

"Of course not," he said, the obvious amusement in his eyes betraying his words.

When I continued to glare, he rolled his eyes and then patted his shoulder. "Get back here, silly Bella."

At that moment, I sudden scream came from the TV, and I jumped with a start and dove back into Edward's arms.

He laughed again as he caught me, but tightened his hold when I tried to pull away again. "Oh no you don't," he said, his voice low.

"You're so mean," I muttered as I shifted to get comfortable again. "You're supposed to be nice and romantic and comfort your fiancé through the scary parts," I told him as I tilted my head up to meet his gaze, smiling inwardly when I said _fiancé_ and took in the way his eyes grew softer. I'd definitely scored points for that.

Tucking me securely under his arm, he bent to whisper in my ear, assuring me that he would protect me from the evil villain of the movie. Then he kissed the end of my nose. "Better?" he asked with a smile.

"Better," I approved, dropping my head back against his shoulder. I had been hoping for more than just a simple kiss, but I guess I would take what I could get. For now.

As the movie wore on, I became less and less focused on it. Now that I was relaxing, my exhaustion was starting to take over and I was finding it difficult to keep my eyes open.

And then there was the fact that I was suddenly much more aware of Edward's touch. His arm had slid down from my shoulders to loop around my lower back, the expanse of his hand curling around my side, where his fingers were tracing the curve of my waist. Light touches, and ever so gentle, barely seeming to graze the cloth of my shirt; yet I was more aware of the movement of his fingers than anything else.

I was afraid to move even slightly, for fear he might misinterpret it and pull his hand away. I hadn't even realized how much I'd missed—or rather, how much Edward had been holding back—even just the simplest of touches. And I craved more. I wanted to feel the touch of his fingertips directly against my skin.

As if in reply to my thoughts, the motion of his hand caused my shirt to ride up slightly. But as soon as I felt the coolness of his fingers brush against my skin, his hand suddenly froze in place for a moment before I felt it disappear.

My heart sank with disappointment, my skin still tingling from the familiar, yet long deprived, caresses. He hadn't even been aware of what he'd been doing, I realized. It had been an unconscious gesture, and then reality had set in and he'd moved his hand back up to my shoulder.

I wanted to reach out and pull it back down again.

Instead, I settled for trying to press myself even more tightly against his side. I was too tired for much else. At least that was what I convinced myself of anyway.

For the remainder of the movie I found myself dozing in and out of sleep. At some point, my eyes briefly flickered open to see the end credits of the movie scrolling up the screen. "That was good," I said with a yawn.

Edward chuckled. "You didn't even watch half of it."

I shrugged slightly as my eyes drooped closed again, my head lolling against his shoulder. "It gave me an excuse to cuddle with my fiancé for a couple hours," I heard myself mumble.

There was silence for a few seconds before I heard his soft reply. "You don't need an excuse for that."

"Good to know," I mumbled again, my voice so quiet now that I could barely hear myself.

Though my eyes were closed, and my mind drifting, my heart skittered in my chest when I felt the softness of his lips press against mine for a moment. If I hadn't been half asleep I might have tried to keep him there for longer. But as it was, even the brief contact was enough to soften my bones to the point of improper function.

The next thing I was aware of was the sofa disappearing from beneath me. I gasped, my arms automatically searching for something to grab onto.

"Shh, it's alright. I've got you," I heard Edward say.

I relaxed at his words, and they were the last I remembered before slipping into a deep sleep.

**Author's Note:**

I'm hoping everyone isn't disappointed with me because I took so long to update and then there's not a lot going on in this chapter. But I promise you that none of it was random filler. There's a reason for everything. I had had more planned for this chapter, but if I had made it all into one chapter it would have been very long and would have taken forever to get to you.

There will be some EPOV in the next chapter so that you can see how he's handling things.

Anyone want to guess what's up with Charlie?

So I was nominated for the "what an asshole" award because I keep taking so long to update! LOL. KIDDING! _Jacob_ from _Mistaken Trust_ was nominated for the "what an asshole" award at the Hidden Star Awards for best bad guy in a story! Thank you to whoever nominated me! Voting hasn't started yet, and it hasn't been announced when it will start, but if you would like to check out all the great stories nominated for an award or follow the blog, here is the link: .com

Again, I'm sorry for the slow updates. Life sucks. I had hoped to finish my Master's degree by May, but things didn't go quite as planned and I won't be finished until August. May is going to be one of the worst months for me because in order to defend in August, I have to completely finish writing my Thesis by the beginning of June, and right now I'm only about half way done. Anyway, I will just have to do my best with continuing to write this story when I can and hope that you won't lose faith in me! Drop me a line so I know you're out there! It would mean a lot to me!

**New Note (added May 4****th****): **I've just leaned that _Mistaken Trust_ has been nominated for two awards at the _**Sunflower Awards**_ for _**Best Edward**_ and for _**Best Bella**_. I am just so honoured by this! THANK YOU. Voting has started, and if you are so inclined, I would love your vote! Voting goes until May 25. Here is the link (also on my profile): .com


	26. Chapter 26

Yes, I'm alive, in case you were wondering. I know it's been beyond forever since I've updated and I'm so sorry about that. I thought I'd be able to squeeze in writing this story at the same time I was writing my thesis, but it didn't work out so well, I'm afraid. I just got much too stressed and had to put everything else on hold. But the good news is I have now completed my Master's degree and am back writing again :)

Unfortunately, there's also some bad news that I feel the need to express. It is also part of the reason why it took me so long to update. About a month ago I discovered that someone had taken this story, word for word, and posted it on another website without my permission, under a different title of 'I trusted you.' I contacted the admins of the site, informing them of the plagiarized material, and they removed it promptly; however, I was very upset when it happened and my inspiration to write simply deserted me for a while. I honestly never expected to be so upset by it, but I put my heart and soul into my writing and it just really hurts to discover someone else posting it, especially since I've been writing it for about a year and a half now. And to think it was posted within a few _days_,without even any reference back to me as the author…it just REALLY hurts. I actually found out about it on the very same day that I passed my defense exam (August 23), by means of an email from another author (I am very grateful to her for letting me know about it) who also had their story stolen by the same person. Needless to say, some of the excitement I felt for passing my exam was lost. Anyway, I just wanted you all to be aware that this kind of thing is happening in the fanficiton world and to keep your eyes peeled.

That being said, I am back on board with writing this story and I want to thank all of you that are still with me! I'd especially like to thank those of you that sent me such encouraging messages/reviews and made me feel so loved.

I'd also like to apologize to the people that didn't hear back from me in response to their review. I do my best to respond to everyone because it's important to me to keep that connection to my readers, but I know I didn't manage to get back to everyone last time, and if I did, it may have been a very late reply. I'm sorry for this. I should be able to do much better this time.

Okay, I know this author's note is getting incredibly long, but since it's been so long since the last update, I'm going to give a very brief recap of what happened in previous chapters, starting with the chapter after Jacob died. In other words, **this is a **_**VERY BRIEF**_** recap of the **_**post**_**-Jacob chapters (ch 23-25):**

_Sunday (May 21, 2006): _Day of the Jacob's suicide.

_Monday – Wednesday:_ Bella is sick and says home from school.

_Wednesday afternoon – Saturday morning:_ Edward is very distant and Bella still doesn't go to school.

_Saturday morning_: Edward goes hunting. His family confronts him and finds out that he was forced to see bits and pieces of Bella's rape through Jacob's thoughts. Edward blames himself for Bella's rape. He is furious that he didn't get a chance to make Jacob suffer more before he died. Carlisle tells him he needs to let go of his anger and guilt. Edward realizes he let it come between him and Bella. He talks things through with Bella. They make up. She tells him she wants to wear her engagement ring. He tells her there's no rush and he thinks they should give her parents more time before telling them about their engagement. Bella reluctantly agrees.

_Saturday afternoon – night_: Bella is getting tired of how Charlie acts "as if he thinks she's going to shatter into a million pieces if he gets too close or says the wrong thing." Edward advises that she needs to talk things through with him. Edward leaves for the night to give them time alone. Bella notes that Charlie is behaving strangely – he seems bothered by a phone call that he tells Bella was just the wrong number. He gets called away because of a problem at work and Bella is left alone for the first time in a while. She has a panic attack in the grocery store, and Edward appears and takes her home. She and Edward watch a movie together that night and she notices how much Edward is holding back intimacy with her. In chapter 25 we also learn that Renee suggested that she, Bella, and Edward have lunch on Sunday in order for her to 'get to know Edward better.' Bella is not very happy with the idea.

**It's now Sunday in this chapter (ch 26), exactly a week since Jacob's suicide.**

_Disclaimer: Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I only own the plot. No copyright infringement is intended._

**Chapter 26**

**BPOV**

Sighing heavily, I flopped down on my bed, wishing I could just crawl under the covers and hide. Renee was due to arrive shortly, and soon after that Edward would be coming to pick the both of us up for our lunch date.

Maybe I could just say that I wasn't feeling well, I thought hopelessly, knowing fully well it would never work. They'd know I was lying. Besides, it would only delay the inevitable.

As if on cue, a loud knock at the front door resounded throughout the house, giving rise to the impending doom. I didn't move from where I lay on my back staring up at the ceiling. Charlie would answer it. I wanted to have a moment to myself to bask in the calm before the storm. No, make that more of a tornado, I amended, because, less than a minute later, Renee was already barreling up the stairs and announcing her arrival. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table and groaned. Not a good sign. Renee had arrived almost ten minutes _earlier_ than expected. She was usually such a scatterbrain that arriving on time was an impossibility, let alone early. But the keyword was _usually._ She was _usually_ a scatterbrain. Because then there were those rare instances when she had her mind rigidly set on one specific thing. Or goal. Or target.

Like uncovering the truth about Edward.

Just as that thought ran through my mind, Renee paraded into my room without an invitation, and I jerked upright, my eyes darting around as if expecting to see the words, _My boyfriend is a vampire and we're engaged to be married_ plastered about the walls. God, maybe Edward was right. Maybe I _was _overacting about Renee's desire to 'get to know him better.' But he was just way too calm and accommodating about it. He'd even gone and made a reservation at the restaurant, for pity's sake!

"Bella! How's all the schoolwork going?" Renee asked me as she bent to give me a quick hug before dropping down on the bed beside me.

"I've definitely got lots of it," I said with a humorless laugh. I knew that my pile of schoolwork was the only thing keeping this outing from turning into a whole day event, and I wasn't about to give her cause to reassess that fact. Besides, I _did_ have a huge pile of schoolwork. Why not use it to my advantage?

Renee squeezed my shoulder sympathetically. "Well try not to get too stressed. You know we'll be proud of you no matter what."

I just nodded, and she changed the subject. "It's a shame it's not sunny today, isn't it?" she commented, glancing out the window at the typical cloudy sky.

I followed her gaze to the window and nodded again._ It certainly is a shame_, I thought to myself. I'd been hoping it would be one of those rare sunny days so that Edward would be forced to cancel our plans. No such luck.

I tore my gaze back to my mother and took in her attire. She was wearing a white blouse and a flowered skirt that went just past the knees. The outfit wasn't extremely dressy, but it wasn't exactly casual either. _Great,_ I thought sarcastically. Another indication that she was completely focused on this outing.

I looked down at my own outfit. Unlike Renee, I was casually dressed, wearing jeans and a plaid, button-down shirt with three-quarter length sleeves. _And I plan on staying casually dressed, thank you very much_, I thought.

When I looked up again, Renee was staring down at my hands, and when she reached out to pull my arm toward her, I realized that her gaze was locked on my bracelet.

"Edward gave it to me," I told her quickly.

"So I see," she said with a frown. It was obvious she'd read the engraving and wasn't too happy about.

Annoyed, I yanked my arm away.

Renee's worried gaze settled on my face. "You two are pretty serious, aren't you?"

"So what if we are?" I snapped. "What's it to you, anyway?"

She sighed. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

I took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. "I know. But you don't have to worry about Edward, Mom."

She glanced at my wrist again. "It just seems like a bit of an extravagant gift."

"It's just a bracelet," I reasoned.

"With a _diamond_, and some very powerful words," she added.

My eyes widened. "Did you say _diamond?_"

"Really, Bella. Did you think I wouldn't be able to tell? I know a diamond when I see one."

And apparently I didn't, I added to myself as my gaze dropped to the tiny heart charm. It didn't really look so tiny anymore. A _diamond?_ But even as I questioned it in my head, I knew a part of me had always known. I'd just chosen to look the other way. I'd never actually _asked_ Edward if it was a diamond, so he hadn't needed to lie to me about it. He'd just allowed me to believe what I'd wanted to believe. He'd known that I would've made a fuss about accepting such an expensive gift. It seemed silly now, though. What did it matter if it was a diamond or not? It was a _priceless_ heirloom. Edward had given me something that was precious to him. That was what mattered. And it meant more than I could ever say. "It was his mother's," I explained, meeting Renee's gaze again. "His biological Mother's."

Before she could comment on that, I heard a car pull up in the driveway, signaling Edward's arrival, and I jumped to my feet.

"Well he's definitely punctual," Renee remarked as we left the room to meet him downstairs.

_This is so not good_, I thought. She hadn't even faced him yet and she was already passing judgments.

When we arrived downstairs, Charlie was opening the door to let Edward in, and as Edward politely greeted my parents, I frowned when I saw that, like Renee, he was semi-casually dressed. Why were they making such a big deal about this outing? ! It was just a stupid lunch date! Still, I couldn't help but notice how unbelievably perfect he looked in that light blue dress shirt, with the cuffs rolled up to expose his forearms, and— _That's beside the point, Bella! _I reminded myself. The point was…

My heart skipped a beat when he turned to flash me his dazzling smile. What was the point again?

He stepped toward me, and when Renee turned away for a moment to grab her handbag, he bent to whisper in my ear. "Relax, Bella. I told you I could handle her."

Yes, that was the point, I remembered, as Renee turned back to face us and I took in the way she was watching us closely. The point was that I was beginning to feel like we were about to go on trial for God knows what, and Edward was annoyingly calm about it.

"Are we all set, then?" he asked brightly.

"All set," Renee agreed.

Edward pulled the door open wide and gestured with his hand. "Ladies first."

Renee nodded in acknowledgment, then stepped outside, and I turned to send Charlie an imploring look, as if he might somehow rescue me from my misery. To my chagrin, however, he looked highly amused, the laughter in his eyes very evident as he took in my expression.

Damn him! He knew darn well what Renee was like, and that when she'd suggested this lunch it hadn't been merely a friendly gesture. Now he was goading me because _he_ didn't have to sit through it.

"Have fun," he said, smiling knowingly at me.

I sent him a murderous look, but he just grinned broader, and when I turned on my heel to face the door, I caught Edward trying to stifle a laugh as he exchanged glances with Charlie.

"Traitor," I seethed under my breath, knowing he would hear me.

His quiet laugher rang out behind me as I stomped off toward the car.

**xxxxx**

Although the drive was long, the conversation was kept surprisingly light and simple. I knew we weren't going to get off that easy, though. Renee was just charging herself up for the upcoming interrogation. The worst was yet to come.

We arrived at the restaurant exactly in time for our one o'clock reservation. We had opted to have lunch in Port Angeles, supposedly because of the limited selection of restaurants in Forks, but I knew that that wasn't the main reason. Edward had been trying to spare me—just for today, anyway—from all the gossip circulating around in Forks, most of which revolved around me.

After parking the car we headed to the restaurant's front entrance, and as I started to follow behind Edward, I found myself reaching out a hand to touch his arm before remembering our unspoken minimal contact rule around Renee and dropping it back to my side. What was the matter with me, anyway? It seemed that lately I couldn't shake the need to be connected to him through some kind of physical contact.

Though I'd barely even touched him, apparently Edward had noticed, because when my hand fell to my side, he caught it firmly in his. What was I thinking? There was nothing wrong with holding hands, and Renee could just stuff it for all I cared.

Refraining from casting a glance in her direction to see if she'd noticed, I focused my attentions straight ahead as we approached the door to the restaurant.

Upon first inspection of the interior and a quick glance at the menu posted just outside the door, the restaurant fell into the casual dining category, but its location and view placed it on the higher end of the scale. Despite the fact that I was anything but eager about the lunch date, even I had to admit that there was a beautiful view. From the north there was a view of the Ferry Coho and the working harbor, while the west facing windows displayed the Olympic Mountains. After Edward supplied the hostess with our reservation name of _Cullen_ we were led to a table near the front of the restaurant with a view of the harbor. Always the gentleman, Edward waited until Renee and me were seated opposite each other in the two window seats before taking the seat beside me. It was pretty busy, but at least the tables weren't cramped together.

Of course, Renee spent several minutes going on about the scenic view and how it would be nice to take the Ferry Coho—which traveled from Port Angeles to Victoria BC—and visit Canada. I wished she would just cut the small talk and get on with the interrogation so that we could all go home.

My sour mood only intensified when the waitress came to take our order and I took in the way she was eyeing Edward as if he were a piece of meet to be devoured. I guess I should've been used to it by now, but instead it annoyed me more than ever. After introducing herself as Kaylee, and supplying Renee and me with a fake smile, she shifted her attention to Edward, her smile suddenly way too friendly.

I gritted my teeth together. Could she be anymore obvious? Sure, Edward would know what was on her mind anyway, but that was beside the point. No doubt he was so used to women falling all over him that he barely noticed anymore. _Kind of like how they never seem to notice that he's with __**me**__, _I seethed inwardly. Or rather, none of them could imagine that he would be interested in someone of obvious ordinariness. _Not that she's anything special_, I tried to convince myself, studying the appearance of the women before me. She didn't have a stunningly beautiful face, but she did have a killer figure and was far from ugly.

I suddenly wished that I'd dressed up a little after all.

When she 'accidentally' dropped her notepad and bent to retrieve it, supplying Edward with a clear view of her ample cleavage, I had the overwhelming urge to thrust my engagement ring under her nose—the ring in which, I might add, was currently not in my possession. I should've made more of an effort to convince Edward to just forget about what my parents thought and give me that damned ring.

When she then proceeded to list the specials of the day—much too slowly for my liking—I'd had all I could take of her ogling _my_ fiancé. After a glance down at the menu in front of me, I blurted out the first dish listed, interrupting her while she was reciting the appetizer of the day—and pulling her gaze from Edward.

Renee raised her brow at me, but I ignored her. I was entitled to be in a bad mood, thank you very much. And this whole stupid outing had been _her_ idea.

**xxxxx**

About an hour later, I'd managed to calm my nerves—_somewhat._ The conversation and questions had flown smoothly enough so far, but it wasn't over yet.

Renee had just been asking what Edward planned to do after high school, and I'd been sure to tell her that he had received early acceptances into all the Ivy League schools he'd applied to.

"So Carlisle will be paying your tuition, then?"

"Mom!" I scolded before Edward could answer. "Don't you know it's rude to ask stuff like that?" She was fishing for information, and the topic of the Cullens' finances was something to keep her well away from.

"Oh that's quite alright. I don't mind," Edward inserted.

_Of course not_, I grumbled to myself. What else was he supposed to say? That he did mind? I think not.

"I'm able to pay for my own expenses," he continued. "When my parents died they left me everything they had, but Carlisle and Esme gave me the one thing they left me without." He smiled. "A family."

_That's it_; _I'm keeping my mouth shut from now on_, I promised myself. Apparently Edward had the perfect answer for everything. Not only had he somehow managed to tell her he had plenty of money without actually saying it, but he'd also come up with a perfectly reasonable explanation for how he'd obtained it.

"It sounds like you're very close with them," Renee observed.

Edward's devotion to his family was one thing that certainly wasn't a lie. Earlier, Renee had questioned him about his past and he'd had to explain his whole life story of how his real parents had died when he was four and Carlisle and Esme had adopted him when he was eleven. Of course, none of that was true, but the love and respect that had shone in his eyes whenever he'd spoken of Carlisle and Esme was as true as anything could get.

"Yes," Edward responded, "I can't even imagine what my life would've been like without them."

I turned to study him. Despite the lies spoken for Renee's benefit, there had been underlying truths that I'd picked up on, and I was amazed to realize that, within the last hour, I'd somehow gotten to know him even better—something I never would've thought possible.

"Speaking of which," Edward added, "Esme has been pestering me ever since you arrived to have you around for dinner. She's dying to meet you."

I groaned inwardly. Dinner with Renee at the Cullens' would be bad enough, but what was worse, I knew that, during the dinner, Esme would be offering for Renee to stay with them at the Cullen house.

"Oh, of course!" Renee exclaimed. "I'd love to meet your family."

They discussed the particulars of the dinner get-together later in the week and then Renee asked about Edward's siblings, and, just like I had for the majority of the last few hours, I remained silent. Edward had handled everything Renee had thrown at him since the beginning of our lunch outing, so I was inclined to let him continue to handle everything. Even though Renee's idea of 'getting to know him better' wasn't turning out to be quite as terrible as I'd feared, she _had_ been hitting him with _a lot_ of questions. That alone was enough to annoy anyone, but Edward had taken everything in stride. His unperturbed attitude was helping to keep me calm, but I still hadn't been able to relax completely, and I'd barely touched any of my food; I'd just spread it around on my plate to make it look like I'd eaten some of it.

As if pulling that thought out of my mind, I noticed Edward glance down at my plate and frown before returning his attention to Renee. Luckily, she didn't notice, and I forced myself to swallow a few mouthfuls of Chicken Fettuccini. After the second mouthful, I grabbed my glass of soda from the table and my eyes fell to Edward's plate. How on _earth_ was he managing to make it look like he'd been eating his? At first I'd thought he'd just been doing what I'd been doing, but now there was no mistaking that _at least_ half of his steak was gone.

I continued to stare at his plate in bewilderment. Granted, he _had_ suffered through a few mouthfuls, but there was no way he'd eaten over have of it, of that I was sure of. But then what the heck had he done with it? Stashed it under the table? It was crazy, but I was so baffled that I couldn't help myself; I _had_ to look, if only for my own sanity.

Unfortunately, I wasn't paying close enough attention when I lowered my glass back to the table, and I released my hold just as the bottom edge of the glass hit the edge of my plate. In the same split second that I realized the glass was going to topple off the edge of the table and hit the floor between Edward and me, Edward's hand shot out and caught it before it could meet its fate.

"Whoa!" Renee exclaimed, her eyes wide. "Nice save."

There was a brief but horrifying moment when I was sure that Edward had just made the one slip-up that would send everything crashing down around us. He had moved way too quickly for a human. This was it; she would figure everything out.

But Edward just laughed. "You tend to develop good reflexes after being around Bella," he joked.

Renee laughed at that, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "That you do," she agreed, still chuckling.

"Hmph," I grumbled, annoyed at their amusement at my expense, as well as at myself for my unnecessary moment of panic.

Feeling the dampness across my middle, I glanced down to see Coke splattered across my shirt. "Great," I said sarcastically, grabbing my napkin and aggressively dabbing at the wet splotches. This was so not my day.

I tossed the napkin back on the table, pushed my chair back, and stood up. "I'm going to try and wash this off in the bathroom," I muttered.

When Edward pushed to his feet as well so that I could move passed him, the waitress suddenly appeared beside our table, and, after seeing the spilt Coke on the table between Edward and me, offered to grab some paper towels in that all-too-friendly tone of hers.

I wanted to grab my glass and empty the remaining contents on her head.

"No, we're fine, thanks," Edward responded, and I felt his palm against my back, steering me around the spilt Coke on the floor that had escaped my notice—I'd been too busy shooting daggers at the waitress. I was delighted to note the sharpness in his tone as well as that he didn't even cast a glance in her direction.

_Ha! Take that!_ I thought as she turned her attention to the table beside us, looking somewhat disappointed.

Edward took his seat again and I headed toward the back of the restaurant in search of the bathroom, plucking the bottom of my soaked shirt away from my skin. _Ugh_. How much sugar did they put in that stuff, anyway? Ah, well. On the bright side, it gave me a chance to escape from Renee's nerve-wracking questions for a bit.

I pushed open the door to the ladies' room with the intention of taking my sweet time. When the door swung shut behind me, however, I froze in place, a sudden frightened feeling attacking my stomach, and my fingers gripped the bottom of my shirt in a tight fist as I fought against the urge to turn around and bolt back out the door. _Don't be ridiculous, Bella! _I told myself_, _my eyes darting around the deserted room, which consisted of two bathroom stalls and one hand sink. _Everything's fine. Everything's fine_.

I snatched a piece of paper towel from the dispenser, stepped toward the sink, and turned on the tap with shaky hands. After soaking the paper towel I proceeded to rub at the sticky wet splotches on my shirt. But just like yesterday at the grocery store, my attempts to reason my way through the panic were useless. The paper towel slipped through my fingers, and I gripped the edge of the sink as I struggled for calm. _Pull yourself together! _I screamed at myself, but it was no use. I had to get out of there.

In my haste, I didn't think to look where I was going after throwing open the door, and, as luck would have it, one of the waiters was walking by at that exact moment—carrying a tray of food.

I barreled straight into him, we both went down, and the tray went flying. Its contents shattered around us, including a mug that splattered a scalding liquid over my bare forearm. I jerked my arm backward and let out a small shriek at the painful shock of it, but the sound was drowned out by the loud and foul curses of the waiter.

"What on earth…?" I heard someone say, and there was soon a crowd of customers and employees forming around us to see what all the commotion was about.

"…just came bolting out of the bathroom…didn't see her…" the waiter was muttering before getting over his initial shock and turning his attention to me. "Are you okay, Miss?" His gaze dropped to the shattered remains of the mug a few feet away. "Shit," he cursed again. "Did you get hit with the coffee?"

I quickly shook my head, crossing my right arm over my left in an attempt to hide the scorching red mark that was already starting to form across my forearm. The added heat from the skin-to-skin contact made it burn all the more, but the last thing I wanted to do was to attract more attention to myself. I was already utterly humiliated, a feeling that only intensified when I caught sight of Renee and Edward moving through the crowd, and I suddenly had to fight back the overwhelming urge to burst into tears.

"Bella!" Renee called. "Are you alright?"

As I struggled to my feet, I soon felt the coolness of Edward's grip on my elbow. "It…it's nothing," I protested when he pulled my injured arm toward him. He ignored me, and the next thing I knew, he was pulling me back through the bathroom door, toward the hand sink against the wall, and then shoving my arm under the faucet. The cold water felt wonderful, but I was too upset to really notice.

Tears of frustration burned behind my eyes, threatening to break free. First yesterday at the grocery store, and now I'm afraid of a stupid _bathroom?_ Correction: I _had _been afraid. It was impossible to feel frightened now, not with the feel of Edward's rock solid body behind me, radiating nothing but strength. Unfortunately the close proximity also meant that he'd be able to feel the slight tremble of my body. "It's fine now, really," I tried again, attempting to pull back my arm and move away, hoping he wouldn't notice and realize that I'd once again been panicking for no discernable reason.

Some hope that was. His hand continued to curl around my arm like a steel band, and I was sandwiched between him and the sink.

"Bella," he said quietly, the soothing note in his tone communicating more than words.

My gaze dropped to stare at the water flowing over my arm, the pressure behind my eyes reaching the bursting point. Of course he'd already realized what had happened. Why I'd thought he wouldn't put two and two together, I didn't know. But then, apparently I was losing all sense of reason, if my inability to enter a bathroom on my own without panicking was any indication.

"Don't," Edward whispered, releasing his grip on my arm, only to reach up and catch my chin, forcing my tear-filled gaze to meet the softness of his. "You're too hard on yourself."

Renee chose that moment to enter the room, and at the sound of the door swinging open I jumped backward from Edward as if we'd just been caught doing something we shouldn't.

Renee's penetrating gaze moved between us and then landed on me. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, I'm fine," I said quickly, turning toward the door so that she wouldn't see me swipe the back of my hand at the single tear that had escaped.

**EPOV**

I watched Bella disappear into the house and then shifted my gaze to the rear-view mirror to regard Renee. The drive back from the restaurant had seemed agonizingly slow, with scarcely any words being spoken. Bella had done her damndest to hide how upset she was, but she hadn't fooled me, nor had she fooled Renee. She may have thought she'd convinced Renee she was fine, but I knew better.

"You're worried about her," I deduced.

"Yes," Renee said simply.

When she didn't supply anything further, I frowned. I was quickly learning that decoding the complex puzzle that was Renee's mind was not an easy task. Though I was supposed to be dropping her off at her hotel, I had yet to pull the car out from the driveway of the Swan residence. I'd been sure that she'd want to follow after Bella to try and find out what had upset her, but she hadn't made any move to do so. Instead, she eyed me speculatively through the rear-view mirror, and once again her words took me off guard.

"Well," she said pointedly, "are you going to sit here all day or go in after her?"

I almost laughed. Was it possible for vampires to get headaches? After spending several hours trying to sift through Renee's mind, I was starting to think I knew what one felt like.

I turned in my seat to face her, and the words slipped out before I could stop them. "You're a difficult person to read, Mrs. Dwyer."

"I could say the same thing about you," she countered, her eyes denuding as they locked onto mine. She held my gaze for a long moment before answering my unspoken question. "She doesn't need my worry. Right now she needs…security, something I can't give." She paused again. "But it seems you can. I'd have to be blind not to see that."

After another moment of silence, she suddenly pushed her door open. "Be sure to tell her to call me if she needs me, won't you?" she said as she climbed out of the car.

"Of course, but let me drive you—"

"That's not necessary."

"It's really no trouble, Mrs. Dwyer. I can—"

She cut me off with a wave of her hand. "The walk will do me some good, " she insisted, swinging the car door closed. She turned to walk away, but then halted. "And you can stop calling me 'Mrs. Dwyer,' and call me Renee." She didn't wait for a response before starting down the driveway, but after taking two steps she suddenly whirled around to face me again. "But don't take that to mean I've accepted you just yet," she warned.

I grinned in spite of myself. "I wouldn't dream of it."

**BPOV**

As soon as I entered the house, I darted up the stairs and closed myself in the bathroom before finally allowing my tears to flow. Charlie wasn't home, but I knew Edward would be back soon after dropping Renee off at her hotel, and I didn't want him to see me like this. I sank down to the floor with my back to the bathtub. Why did I have to be such a pitiful mess? Jacob was dead, damn it. He could no longer hurt me or anyone else. How many times did I have to keep reminding myself of that?

I hugged my knees to my chest, the throbbing in my forearm a constant reminder of my instability. I wasn't naive enough to think that just because Jacob was gone I would be able to forget everything that had happened. But couldn't I at least start to put it all behind me? It seemed as if every time I tried something would always yank me back down again.

I dropped my forehead to my knees, but then jerked my head up again at the sound of the front door opening downstairs followed by Edward calling my name. A few seconds later he was knocking at the bathroom door.

I attempted to steady my breathing. "I'm fine, Edward," I pushed out.

He sighed. "No you're not. Now open up."

"I…I want to be alone for a bit."

"No you don't."

I gave a strangled laugh at his resolute tone, but then found myself fighting back a wave of fresh tears. God, what was wrong with me? I was such an emotional wreck. "Please, Edward," I said thinly. "Just go."

"So you can beat yourself up some more? I don't think so, Bella. I'm not going anywhere." He paused. "And I need to talk to you about Renee."

I was on my feet and throwing open the door in a matter of seconds, my panicked words tumbling out at top speed. "She knows? ! She figured it out? ! She—" I broke off when I saw the slight smile tugging up the corners of his mouth.

"No," he said, "but it got you to open the door."

My shoulders sagged and I averted my gaze.

Edward didn't let that discourage him; he reached out to snake his arm around my waist, drawing me to him.

Giving in to the urge, I slumped against him, pressing my face against the hard strength of his chest and taking a deep breath, filling myself with the scent of him. He'd been right. I didn't want to be alone.

But that was just the problem, wasn't it? It was only when I was alone that the unreasoning panic would find its way to the surface. "Edward," I whispered. "Tell me the truth. Yesterday…when you came to find me at the store…I mean…what did Alice see? How bad was it?" I paused, pulling away from him to expel a frustrated breath. "I must have been a complete mess," I added bitterly. "Apparently panicking for no reason is my specialty."

He sighed. "Did it ever occur to you that you might not be alone on that? In fact, I may just rank higher than you on that scale."

I gave a startled laugh. "Yeah right. The last time I checked I was the one who can't even go into a bathroom alone without panicking."

"Bella…"

"Not to mention the grocery store."

"Bel—"

"And who knows where else, because you can bet it will happen again. It won't be long before Charlie and Renee insist I see a shrink. And what would I tell the shrink? That I'm afraid my _werewolf _ex-best friend will come back from the dead? Or maybe—"

"Bella!"

I froze and swung around to face him, only just realizing that I'd started pacing up and down the hallway during my rant.

Edward stood a couple of feet away, his expression solemn. "Would you just listen for a minute?" he asked quietly.

"I'm sorry," I muttered. "I mean…of course I'll listen." I took the few steps to my room and then sank down on the edge of my bed. Edward followed behind, stopping in the doorway.

"Alice never saw anything."

I looked up at him in confusion. "What?"

"You were asking about what Alice saw yesterday."

I frowned. "Yes, but—"

"She wasn't even at home. That's not why I came to find you."

"Then why…?"

He moved toward me, lowering himself down on the bed beside me. "You're not the only one who's paranoid, Bella," he said softly, his gaze fixed on some point straight ahead. "It didn't take me long before I'd come up with some ridiculous excuse to come back here and check on you." He turned to face me. "You think _you_ keep panicking for nothing, but do you have any idea of all the awful things that went through my mind when I arrived here and found you gone? Before I saw that note you left for Charlie, all I could think of was that I'd already failed you once and I'd be damned if I would ever let it happen again."

"Oh, Edward. Don't," I whispered, reaching out to settle my hand over his and realizing he had it curled into a tight fist. His grip loosened at my touch, but he averted his gaze again.

"Completely irrational, I know; of course you were perfectly safe." He gave a defeated shrug. "But sometimes our fears just take over our common sense, you know?"

"Yes," was my soft reply. I definitely knew that better than anyone.

We were both silent for a moment before Edward spoke again. "So you see, I'm even more of a mess than you are."

I opened my mouth to argue, but then stopped, realizing what he was trying to do. "It's pointless to argue with you on this, isn't it?" I said with a sigh.

"It is rather, pointless, yes," he agreed, his lips curving into a knowing smile. "Especially since I'll win no matter what you say."

I rolled my eyes. "You're impossible. I know you're just trying to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

I dropped my head to his shoulder. "Yes," I whispered.

"Good," he said huskily, reaching up to run his fingers through my hair. "I'm no psychiatrist, but I reckon the first thing they'd say is to voice your feelings and not try to hide them from those who love you, wouldn't you think?"

"Mmhm," I mumbled._ Attempt_ was the key word, I thought to myself, because I had definitely failed at trying to hide my panic attack from him anyway.

"You have to stop being so hard on yourself, love," he added gently.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and dropped my gaze to my hands. "It's just…it's just so frustrating," I whispered. "My rational side knows there's nothing to be afraid of, but…sometimes…it just doesn't matter. It's like there's two of me, and that other part of me just won't listen."

"_Two_ Bellas? God forbid! One is about all I can handle."

His teasing tone lightened the weight in my chest, and I found myself matching his grin as I grabbed the pillow from behind me to swat him with it.

He laughed, snatching it out of my hands and locking his arm around my waist, hauling me against his side and leaning down to whisper in my ear. "I think we just need to give Bella number two some time, hmm?"

I sighed. "Maybe."

I relaxed against him and we were both silent for a moment before I reached out to wrap my arm around his waist. "Thank you," I whispered.

"What for?" he questioned softly.

"Making me feel better," I said simply.

"No thanks necessary," he whispered. Then he gingerly touched the tips of his fingers to my throbbing forearm. "How's the arm?"

His normally cool touch felt icy against my sweltering skin, but so unbelievably soothing. I knew what Edward was like, though; he always worried too much. "It's fine," I lied, pulling my arm back. He gave me a look that said he didn't believe that for a second. "Okay, so it's a bit painful," I amended. "But it's no big deal." When he looked like he was going to argue, I quickly changed the subject. "So are you going to tell me how things went with Renee?" I questioned, though I was dreading the answer. Everything may have appeared to go all right on the surface, but Renee's mind was a different story all together.

"I think it went quite well."

"You _think?" _I pulled away to glare up at him, my anxiety growing. "What do you mean you _think? _You can read her mind!"

"For the most part, yes."

"For the _most_ part?! What does that mean?!"

"Calm down, love—"

I jumped to my feet. "Don't tell me to calm down! Don't you realize what could happen if she finds out? How can you always be so calm about everything? ! And this whole idea of trying to bond with her is just crazy! It's just asking for trouble. It's only going to make things worse!" I threw my arms up in the air for emphasis and started pacing again.

"Bella," Edward said quietly. "What's wrong? What's got you so upset?"

"I…" I gulped. What _was_ I really worried about? A part of me knew that I was completely overreacting, but I wasn't about to admit it now. "I…I've told you!"

"No," he said, his voice still soft, despite my raised voice, "that's not it. You're upset about something else."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out and I closed it again. Apparently he knew me too well.

Edward smiled slightly. "You're more irritable when you're upset," he explained. "Something's been bothering you all day. You looked like you were about ready to rip the waitress' head off earlier."

I felt my cheeks heat slightly at that.

"Ah, is that what you're upset about?"

I quickly shook my head.

"Come here," he demanded.

I took a step toward him but Edward reached out and pulled me the rest of the way, and I found myself grasping his shoulders to steady myself—and suddenly very aware of his physical closeness. Even though I was standing and he sitting, the top of his head was almost at the same level as mine, emphasizing his size, and I felt the thickness of his thigh muscles encasing me. But just like always it didn't last. Ever since the rape it was always the same; Edward would forget for a moment, just a short moment, and everything would be like it used to, but then he'd realize he'd overstepped the boundaries he'd set, and he'd be holding me at arms length again, whether I'd needed the space or not.

It was no different this time. Just as quickly as my heart skipped a beat with that sudden spark of awareness, I found myself seated beside him again, and though his arm still held me to him, it was different somehow.

But there would be a time to push those boundaries, and this definitely wasn't it.

"What is it, then, love?" Edward asked, the teasing note in his voice gone completely now as he regarded me with concern.

The gentleness in his voice was my undoing and I suddenly burst into tears. In the next second I found myself with my cheek pressed against Edward's chest, where he had my face carefully sandwiched beneath his hand. "Ah, Bella," he whispered. "Please tell me what's wrong. You know I can't bear to see you cry."

"I…I'm sorry!" I choked out.

He gave an exasperated laugh. "Of all the…" He sighed. "You're going to be the death of me, you know that? I can't help if you won't tell me what's wrong."

"I…I don't know! It…it's nothing, really. It's silly."

"Not to me," he said. "Not if it has you so upset."

I tried to pull away, but Edward wouldn't release me, so I attempted to sniff back my tears instead, then spoke quietly into his shirt. "It's just that…I…I want to wear my ring. I don't care what Renee or Charlie think." My fingers closed around the sleeve of his shirt. "I keep holding my breath, just waiting for it to happen," I whispered.

Edward drew back slightly to search my face, his brows pulled together in confusion. "For what to happen, love?"

"You said it yourself once before," I said dimly. "The odds always seem to be against us. And…I'm scared…scared that something will happen again…" I swallowed the huge lump in my throat. "…that something will take you away from me again," I whispered, the words barely audible.

"Ah, Bella," he said, pressing his forehead against mine and smoothing my hair. "Nothing's going to happen again. I won't allow it."

Fresh tears sprang into my eyes. "I…I had a nightmare that…that…" My voice broke, and when he pulled away again to study my face, I saw understanding dawn in his eyes. I'd never told him about that horrid nightmare—it hurt way too much—but I knew he had noticed it hadn't been like my other nightmares—I'd refused to let go of him for hours following it. "I…I found the ring and…" I gulped, knowing it was absurd but unable to shake the feeling. "…I feel like if I don't wear it…" My voice broke again.

"Hey, hey," Edward hushed, pulling me back against him, "I'm not going anywhere. It was just a nightmare."

I pressed my face harder against his shoulder. "See, I told you it was stupid," I reminded him, my voice muffled.

"It's not," he insisted. "You should have told me how you felt about the ring." He kissed the top of my head. "I was just trying to make it easier on your parents, but if it's that important to you to wear it now—"

"No," I said quietly. "…you're right…about Charlie and Renee…" I trailed off when he set me away from him, and in the next second he was pressing a small ring box into my palm and closing my fingers over it.

"You should hold on to this," he said.

"I…no…it's fine. You should keep it, until we're ready to tell them. I was just being silly." I tried to push the box back to him, but Edward wasn't having it.

"You don't have to wear it yet, just keep it somewhere safe."

**xxxxx**

Tossing the phone receiver back down on the desk in front of me, I leaned back in my chair and frowned. Was it just my imagination or had Renee been avoiding my questions? Apparently she was on her way to visit an old friend of hers, and so our phone conversation had been very brief. My frown deepened. First Charlie and now Renee? It was early evening now, and I hadn't seen Charlie since before lunch with Renee. He'd called me a couple hours ago to let me know he wouldn't be home until late tonight and to not wait up for him. It wasn't as if it was uncommon for him to be working late, but he'd sounded kind of distant when he'd called, as if something was really troubling him. Then again, in Charlie's line of work that wasn't exactly uncommon either. Maybe I was reading too much into things. But what about Renee? Visiting an old friend? Since when did she have an old friend near Forks? It was the first I'd heard of it.

"Why the frown?"

I gave a start as Edward's voice suddenly broke through my thoughts.

"Sorry," he said, lightly touching my shoulder as he moved to perch himself on the edge of my desk. "Where did you go just now? You're not worrying about Renee again, are you?"

I leaned forward to prop my elbows on the desk, resting my face in my hands. "You said everything went fine with her today, right?"

"Right," he assured me. When I didn't respond he ducked his head to my level to give me a stern look. "So stop worrying," he added, then muttered, "I swear…between you and your mother…"

My head came up. "What do you mean? She's worrying about me?"

"No. Well, yes, of course she worries about you, but that's not what I meant. I just mean that getting through to the two of you is not always easy. You're a lot like her, you know."

"Hmph." I leaned back in my chair. "And how's that?"

"Well, for one thing, getting into her mind isn't easy."

"What? But—"

He held up a hand. "I didn't say I _couldn't_ read her mind, just that it's not always that easy. It seems her mind works differently than most."

"Different how?" I asked with a frown.

"I'm not sure, really. It's difficult to explain. It's like her thoughts are just a jumbled mess sometimes and I have to really concentrate to make sense of them. It's actually quite draining." He grinned. "Makes me glad I can't read _your_ thoughts."

"Well that makes two of us."

His grin widened. "Although sometimes not being able to read your thoughts drives me crazy," he said with a shake of his head. "It's interesting, though…" His expression grew thoughtful. "I have more trouble reading Renee's mind than anyone else, aside from you, of course."

"And you think it's related?"

"Well she _is_ your mother," he pointed out.

"Great," I said sarcastically. "So we both have messed up minds."

He laughed. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. It's implied."

He just rolled his eyes.

I turned back to gaze down at my history textbook, and a moment later I saw him disappear out of the corner of my eye. I spun around in my chair to see him lying stretched out across my bed, his hands behind his head, his laptop and schoolbooks now neatly piled on the floor.

He grinned at my expression and patted the spot on the bed beside him. "You've been working hard all afternoon. Come take a break."

I couldn't get myself to refuse that offer; it was much too inviting.

Pulling myself up from the chair, I moved to settle down beside him, cuddling into his right side. My head found the crook of his shoulder while my hand came to rest against his chest, smoothing some imaginary wrinkles from his shirt, enjoying the feel of his perfectly sculpted chest under my palm. His big hand curled around my shoulder and his fingers lightly stroked my arm. I closed my eyes. It was in moments like this that I could almost pretend that everything was much less complicated between us. God knows our relationship had always been anything but simple.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked softly, the whisper of his breath touching my hair.

I pulled my head up and turned to prop my elbows on his chest, dropping my chin in my hands so that I could study him. Every little detail, every plain, every angle of his face had become engraved into my heart. His eyes—light butterscotch now—were questioning as they gazed back at me. I tried to picture him with green eyes. "Just wondering what it was like in the early 1900s; what _you_ were like."

That took him off guard. His eyes flickered away for a moment, then he asked quietly, "Why the sudden interest?"

I touched his cheek. "I want to know everything about you. Renee's questions earlier, about your past, made me realize I don't," I told him.

He took my hand in his and was silent for a moment. "I was much the same, I suppose," he said finally. "Just much more naive. I knew nothing of the horrors of the world." His thumb traced circles over the back of my hand. "Or its monsters," he added in a whisper, and I had no doubt of which monster he was thinking of. I pressed myself closer to him.

"It's after that that you should be asking," he went on. "After the change, I mean. That was when I was different." He looked toward the window, a faraway look entering his eyes. "When I woke up a vampire I didn't know who I was anymore. I knew who I used to be, but I was too horrified with what I'd become to see much else. It got easier over time, but still, all I saw in myself was a monster in disguise, and it was easy to lose myself, moving from place to place to start a new life filled with more lies, over and over again. My life—if you could even call it that—had no meaning, no purpose. I had an endless amount of time stretched before me, but no one special to share it with." His gaze focused on me again, and I felt as if I were gazing right through to his soul. "But when I met you," he continued, "it was like I found myself again." His hand curled over mine and he squeezed it gently. "When I'm with you..." He smiled softly. "I almost feel human again."

His words touched more than I could possibly tell him, so I just slung one arm over his middle and hugged him close, dropping my head back to rest against his chest, and whispered, "You'll never be alone again."

**xxxxx**

Two hours later I sat cross-legged on my bed while Edward tried to explain to me how to set up the equations in a particularly difficult Calculus problem. But as the end of the day approached, I was having more and more trouble concentrating. The thought of going back to school tomorrow had taken firm root and wasn't letting up. The entire school knew about the rape now—not that they knew for sure, but, being the biggest rumor going around, what was the difference? We'd gone all the way to Port Angeles to have lunch just so I could escape all the gossip, and even then I had managed to attract unwanted attention. How was I ever going to get through tomorrow?

Edward's hand closed over mine, breaking me from my thoughts. "Alice and I will be there with you," he said gently. "It's going to be fine."

I just nodded.

"You should get some dinner," he suggested.

"I'm not hungry."

"Bella, you barely even _touched_ your lunch."

I shrugged.

"If you won't go and make yourself something, I will."

I sighed, knowing he wouldn't give in.

"I'll be downstairs," he said firmly. A few seconds later he was gone, and I could hear him rummaging around in the kitchen.

Sighing again, I flopped backward on my bed and curled up on my side, only just realizing how tired I was. It had been a long day…

**xxxxx**

I jerked awake, gasping, my eyes frantically grabbing at every familiar object in sight, terrified I might somehow plunge back into the horrors of my nightmare. Tremors ran through me. I could still feel his hands everywhere, his hot body on top of me…

A sob worked its way up my throat, and I only dimly registered Edward springing up from my desk chair and dropping to his knees beside the bed.

"Shh, you're alright now." His voice was barely audible over the sound of my labored breathing. His face swam before me, and I felt his hand curl over my shoulder.

Heart thumping wildly, breath coming in short heaves, I let my head fall back down against the mattress, pressing my forehead to my hand that was gripping the bedspread in a tight fist. _Bedspread_, I reminded myself. No hard floor. No aggressive hands. I lay curled up on my bed, where I had evidently fallen asleep, though I now had a blanket over me—Edward's doing, I guessed.

_Edward._ He stroked my arm soothingly, and my gaze locked to his for a moment as I tried to slow my breathing. His eyes held a sad acceptance. It wasn't necessary for him to ask about the nightmare. He'd seen me wake up like this enough times to know. Though my nightmares of the rape had become less frequent, they weren't, by any means, non-existent. In a way it was almost worse, not knowing when they would come, having enough time in between to hope, to start to believe that maybe, just maybe, I could start to forget. But some things just couldn't be forgotten, that much was clear.

I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, trying to ward off the effects of the nightmare and pull myself together. Edward was used to this too—it always took me a while to recover. He didn't speak. He just pressed a soft kiss to my temple and continued to stroke my arm, my back, my hair—until my breathing slowed and the tension gradually slipped from my body.

My breathing now almost normal, I pushed myself up on a shaky hand, then hooked my arm around Edward's neck and buried my face against his shoulder. It was only then that he gathered me up in his arms, pushing himself up from his knees to settle on the edge of the bed with me in his lap.

My hands made fists in his shirt as I clung to him, needing to feel the sturdiness of his body against my own trembling frame. His hand settled on my back, rubbing soothing circles, his touch ever so gentle—completely at odds with the tremendous strength I knew he possessed. _Safe_. Nothing could touch me here. He just rocked me back and forth without saying a word. I didn't even notice my tears until I felt the dampness of his shirt against my cheek. How many more times would I shed tears because of Jacob Black? He was dead…but when would he truly be gone from my life?

"Edward," I said hoarsely, my grip on his shirt tightening. "I…I wish that…that everything could just go back to normal," I finished in whisper.

He pressed his cheek to my hair. "I know, Bella. I know."

It was a simple response; no promises that everything would go back to they way it used to be, or that everything would be okay, but somehow it was all I needed to hear right then.

**Author's Note:**

And now we have both Charlie and Renee acting strangely…any guesses? :) Two separate issues or all part of the same thing?

I owe you all an apology because last time I said this chapter would have EPOV, but I just didn't get to it yet in this chapter (the very short EPOV doesn't count. It was just there to give the interaction between Edward and Renee). But significant EPOV will be in the next chapter for sure; it starts off with EPOV. We really need to know how he's dealing with everything.

I know things are moving fairly slowly in this story right now, and it certainly didn't help that I took forever to update, but things will pick up soon. We are moving toward the wedding and more intimacy between Edward and Bella, I promise. This story is just way too close to my heart to rush through things. I do having everything planned right to the end. Well, the framework anyway, because the story always ends up taking on a mind of its own once I start writing, but the basis is all worked out in my head. Updates should also come much more quickly now. I have missed writing and all of you so much! It would mean the world to me if you drop me a line and let me know you're still reading!

**CHAPTER RECAP – ADDED April 16, 2012**

Ch1:

-Friday morning-afternoon

-Bella finally admits to herself that she needs to tell Jacob they can't see each other anymore.

-Edward is not happy about her visiting Jake that weekend while he hunts but says he's not going to try and stop her from seeing J because even though he doesn't trust J he trusts _her_.

Ch2:

-Edward gives B a cell phone just before he leaves for hunting trip

-B arrives at Jake's house that Friday evening

Ch3:

-Jacob is furious when he can't convince Bella to choose him over Edward

-Bella realizes Jacob is not the person she thought he was

Ch4: Friday

-The rape chapter

-Jacob threatens to order the pack to kill Edward if she tells anyone about the rape

-Bella believes Edward wouldn't want her anymore if he knew anyway. She vows never to tell anyone what happened

Ch5:

-Bella is plagued with nightmares. The horrors of what happened haunt her every move

-We learn that Alice is having problems seeing Bella clearly.

-E returns from hunting trip

Ch6:

-E sees bruise on B's forearm. She makes an excuse.

-E knows something is wrong and is determined to find out what it is

Ch7: Monday

-Bella goes back to school

-Has a breakdown in first period after Mike puts his arm around her

-Edward takes her home

-Charlie comes home and kicks Edward out – he thinks E has been abusive

-Call from Jacob telling B to meet up with him the next day

Ch8: Tuesday

-Edward finds out about rape

-Jacob comes back for Bella

Ch9:

-E rescues B from Jacob, but J escapes.

-Bella's mental withdrawal

-Charlie is told about rape

Ch10:

-Tuesday night

-B wakes from mental withdrawal

-Heart-heart between E & B.

-B learns that E already knows about rape and that he still loves her

Ch11:

-Wednesday morning

-E is horrified when he learns why B tried so hard to hide the rape from him

-E tells B it might help if she talks to him about rape. B is horrified at the thought of telling him the details.

-E tries to convince B she needs to go to hospital

Ch12:

-E talks with Carlisle, Rose, & Emmett about how search for Jacob is going

-Bella has shower before going to hospital.

-She's terrified at the thought of being examined.

-She's afraid of losing E once he realizes how damaged she is.

-E finds her in the shower after she has rubbed her skin raw.

Ch13:

-E & B go to hospital, and talk with police

-Many are suspicious that E has been abusive toward B

-B says the words aloud for the first time (ie. that she was raped by J)

Ch14:

-Still Wednesday

-The exam

- B talks with Esme. She finally realizes that E loves her unconditionally.

Ch15:

-Thursday morning

-E has to remind B he'd never hurt her when he takes a moment to assess the bruising on her stomach

-B's hurt & anger for Jacob's betrayal surfaces. She realizes she's still wearing the bracelet he gave. She wonders if she's the reason he suddenly went crazy

-B talk with Rose- R advises B that she can't just keep trying to forget what happened, that she has to learn to deal with it however she can.

-B realizes she now has to face Charlie

Ch16:

-Thursday

-Go back to Bella's house. B has panic attack in front of Charlie

-Talk with Charlie. He apologizes to B for always pushing her to Jacob, and to E for the way he always treated him. Advices B that maybe she should get some professional help. B asks him not to tell Renee about rape.

-Billy shows up. He thinks Bella is lying and Jake is innocent, but after a heated encounter with E and Charlie, he finally realizes she's telling the truth. Charlie kicks him out of the house. B tries to convince Charlie to forgive him and salvage their friendship

-B is pleased by how well E and Charlie are getting along

-E gives B bracelet with charm as gift. Engraving on bracelet: 'My heart is forever yours'

-B has moment of panic when E holds her wrist up

-E finally agrees to go hunting and leave B with family, but he feels uneasy about it.

Ch17:

-Friday – one week since rape

-B has girl's day with Alice & Rose

-B expresses how she hates that Edward is hurting because of her and that she knows he still blames himself for rape

-Jacob calls B at the Cullens' while E is out hunting

-E releases some pent up anger while hunting. He has a talk with Emmett about how difficult it is now that he has to treat Bella differently

Ch18:

-Friday afternoon:

-Jacob threatens to hurt people B cares about to get to her (phone call)

-B has breakdown and starts to believe she'll never be able to get past everything

-E arrives back. B realizes she needs to talk about what happened in order to move on

-B tells E details of rape

-E & B share a kiss for first time since rape

-B decides she wants to escape from everything for a short time and spend the day hiking to the meadow with E the following day. He agrees.

-Saturday morning:

-E is bothered by the fact that Jacob somehow knew to phone B at his house and not hers, and that he phoned at the only time he was away from B

-B overhears E speaking to Alice & Jasper. He's angry about having to tell B something

Ch19:

-Saturday

-B learns of Sam's plan to try and strip Jacob of wolf side instead of killing him

-E & B go on hiking trip to meadow

-B recognizes how E has been giving her the space she needs by not initiating anything between them. She is saddened by how much her relationship has changed because of rape. When she tries to kiss him in the meadow, she freezes up suddenly

-B confides in E about how she feels she can't trust herself to trust anyone anymore

-B notes there has been awkwardness between her and Charlie. He ties to convince her to tell Renee about rape

-B goes back to school on Mon & Tues. She almost has another panic attack when Mike confronts her about rumors

-On Tuesday she gets grabbed when in bathroom

Ch20:

-Tuesday:

-A human was sent to scare B into doing what J wants. She was injured. E takes her home & the Cullens devise a strategy for hunting J down. B is frantic when she realizes the lengths J is taking everything to and tells E the only option is for him to change her. E expresses all the reasons why it's not the right time.

-B realizes that the one thing she has wanted more than anything (for E to make love to her on their wedding night, before she is changed) will be near impossible now that the rape has driven another wedge between them

-Wednesday- Thursday: B's anxiety and nightmares intensify

-Thursday evening:

-We learn how B feels trapped because she can't ever be alone and she startles very easily. She hates how everyone feels the need to walk on eggshells around her.

-Emmett teaches B some self-defense to make her feel less useless. E doesn't like the idea

-B receives email from Renee. B is horrified by one word.

Ch21:

-B realizes Jacob is threatening Renee. She gets her to come visit her so she'll be protected

-Friday evening (exactly two weeks since rape): Renee arrives

-B keeps putting off telling Renee about rape. They spend Saturday together in Port Angeles

-Saturday evening: Renee confronts B. B discovers she has figured out about rape on her own. She is shocked by her mother's insightfulness. They have a heart-to-heart. Renee expresses how there is something 'mysterious' about Edward and that she will be keeping an eye on him

-Sunday:

-B has a nightmare that Jacob killed Edward

-Cullens call a family meeting. Sam has figured out a way to inhibit Jacob's abilities. The pack no longer wants to kill him. E is furious. All the Cullens, except E, set out to speak to the pack and convince Sam that Jacob should be killed. E stays with Bella

-B is terrified a fight will ensue between Cullens & wolves and is tired of E always saying that everything will be okay. She can't stand waiting around. She bolts from her house needing to let loose. E follows behind.

-B realizes her worst nightmare could come true if Sam refuses to change his mind, because she knows E will still go after Jacob and that the pack would kill him. She tries to get E to promise her not to kill Jacob

-Jacob shows up but he's not alone

Ch22:

-_Sunday (May 21, 2006)_

-Jacob confrontation

-We learn Tanya has been helping J. She wants E for herself. She betrayed the Cullens by sending them, as well as the pack in the wrong direction so that she and J could go after E & B

-Tanya tries to make Bella believe that Edward cheated on her with herself. B sees through the lies

-J forces E to see the rape through his eyes. He thinks it will make E not want B anymore. This is not the case

-When Jacob & Tanya realize the only way they can separate B & E is by force, a fight ensues

-J takes off with B while E is occupied with T

-E kills Tanya by first seducing her to get her to let her guard down

-E rescues B from J and sets out to kill J slowly and painfully

-The pack & the Cullens arrive

-Fight between wolves and Cullens

-J kills himself while they are fighting

Ch23:

-Edward & Sam take B home. E is furious with Sam. They run into Charlie. He'd organized a search party. Sam goes to the police station with Charlie to explain what happened. E stays home with B. He tells her the story they'd agreed to tell everyone.

-Renee arrives. B is worried she's getting closer to discovering the truth about E.

-B expresses to E that the Jacob she loved had already died the night he raped her

_-__Monday May 22– Wednesday May 24_: Bella is sick and says home from school.

-_Wednesday afternoon_:

-B expresses her concerns about Renee to Edward. He tells her he can handle her, and B is shocked to learn that Esme is planning on inviting Renee to stay at the Cullen house.

-Alice & Rose arrive. B learns from them that everyone at school now knows about the rape. She notices the worried glances Alice & Rose keep giving Edward & how quiet E seems. She confronts him about it after A & R leave. He assures her everything is fine. She doesn't believe it.

-B tells E she doesn't want him to hate Sam so much because of what happened.

-E expresses how Jacob didn't even get anywhere close to what he deserved

-B & E had both avoided talking about E seeing rape through J. B realizes it's been haunting them both and finally asks E how much he saw.

-We learn how E still blames himself for what happened and that he'll never forgive himself for leaving Bella (it caused her to become close to J)

Ch 24:

_Saturday Morning (May 27)_

-We learn that over the last 2 & a half days (Wed afternoon – Sat morning), Edward has been very distant. Bella didn't go to school in the hopes of fixing things between them. She didn't succeed. She can't stand how E keeps pretending that everything is fine between them. She convinces him to go hunting, then, after bursting into tears, calls Alice & Rose

- E's family confronts him. They are worried about him. They learn that he was forced to see bits and pieces of Bella's rape through Jacob's thoughts. E is haunted by it. He blames himself for Bella's rape. He is furious that he didn't get a chance to make Jacob suffer more before he died. He loses his temper with Carlisle over Sam. Carlisle tells him he needs to let go of his anger and guilt. Edward realizes he let it come between him and Bella. He talks things through with Bella. They make up. She tells him she wants to wear her engagement ring. He tells her there's no rush and expresses how he knows she's not yet ready for the wedding night. He also thinks they should give her parents more time before telling them about their engagement. Bella reluctantly agrees.

-Note: we also learn in this chapter that Billy had been willing to testify in court against Jacob

Ch 25:

_Saturday afternoon – night: _

-Bella is getting tired of how Charlie acts "as if he thinks she's going to shatter into a million pieces if he gets too close or says the wrong thing." Edward advises that she needs to talk things through with him. Edward leaves for the night to give them time alone. Bella notes that Charlie is behaving strangely – he seems bothered by a phone call that he tells Bella was just the wrong number. He gets called away because of a problem at work and Bella is left alone for the first time in a while. She has a panic attack in the grocery store, and Edward appears and takes her home. She and Edward watch a movie together that night and she notices how much Edward is holding back intimacy with her. In chapter 25 we also learn that Renee suggested that she, Bella, and Edward have lunch on Sunday in order for her to 'get to know Edward better.' Bella is not very happy with the idea.

Ch 26:

_Sunday (May 28):_

-Renee notices Bella's bracelet, and B realizes the charm is a diamond.

-Renee, Edward & Bella go to Port Angeles for lunch. Bella realizes that E chose a restaurant in PA to spare her from gossip in Forks

-B is in a bad mood during the whole outing.

-R asks E lots of questions about his past

-B once again has another moment of panic in the bathroom & draws unwanted attention when she collides with a waiter carrying a tray of food

-B is very frustrated & upset with herself for always panicking for no reason. E tells her she's too hard on herself

-E tells B that she's not the only one that has been paranoid – he too has been paranoid about her safely.

-B confides in E that she's afraid something will take him away from her again

-E gives B her engagement ring to hold onto for safekeeping

-B notes that, like Charlie, Renee has also been acting strangely when she tells B she's going to visit an old friend in Forks

-E tells B that reading Renee's mind is different than most – it's more draining

-B questions E about his past

-B has a nightmare of the rape. We learn that, though they have become less frequent, she still has them. She asks herself when Jacob will truly be gone from her life. She confides to E how much she just wishes everything could go back to normal


	27. Chapter 27

It has been much too long, I know. I'm truly sorry about that, especially since last time I said updates would come faster *cringes* Yeah. I know. Feel free to use this moment to chuck rotten fruit my way. It was certainly never my intention to take this long. It just happened. I've had lots of changes going on in my life. Who knew that after a 4 year Bachelor degree followed by a 2 year Master's in Engineering it would take months and months before I got even one single interview? It sucks, I tell you. It sucks. I know what you're thinking. If I've been unemployed all this time why have I taken so long to update? I don't even know. Every time I sat down to write there was something that distracted me. And then after reading over earlier chapters I realized I was really unhappy with the way they were written, and it made me lose my inspiration. I ended up spending several months or so editing them instead of writing the new chapter. It's just something I had to do, and I hope you will understand. Unfortunately, though, there's only so much you can do without rewriting completely, but I do feel a lot better about them now. I just told myself that they couldn't be as bad as I thought because if they were none of you would've gotten this far. I guess we are our own worst critics, right?

Anyway, I have all of you to thank for regaining my inspiration, especially those of you that left me messages and/or reviews asking for an update. I can't even begin to say how much it means to me to hear from you. **And to all my readers here still reading, THANK YOU.**

Now, who even remembers what is going on in this story aside from that Bella was raped? Yeah, it's okay, I don't blame you. It's completely my fault and to tell you how sorry I am I have written a **COMPLETE CHAPTER RECAP OF ALL 26 CHAPTERS!** Where is it, you ask? Go back a chapter (chapter 26) and scroll to the bottom and you shall find it added to the author's endnote. I put it there because it's way too long to put it here. It is basically a ~2,000 word chapter-by-chapter summary. You may prefer to only read some of it or you might want to read from ch1 to ch26, but it is there for your reference.

This chapter is almost all EPOV, which also contributed to why I took so long. I find writing his POV very difficult, especially this chapter for some reason.

**Disclaimer:** Everything twilight related belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I own the original content, ideas and intellectual property of this story. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 27**

**EPOV**

My jaw muscles snapped taut as I tried to settle for fixing the gossiping group of high school kids with my unnerving glare when I'd much rather be giving them a piece of my mind. It would have been much more satisfying than watching them quickly avert their gaze and continue whispering in low voices that they thought I couldn't hear. Why did they have to be so damn narrow-minded? Couldn't they focus on their own lives instead of trying to invade the lives of others?

_Edward_, Alice called me again in her head, sounding slightly exasperated now. _Just block them out._

I threw her a look. As if it was that easy? Ignoring the typical inane chatter of high school students was one thing, but this was a different story all together. The thoughts of pretty much every single person in the school revolved around the same thing. Not that I hadn't expected it, what with mine and Bella's prolonged absence from school, and then Jacob's suicide being front-page news. Normally, when something had the humans turning a closer eye on the Cullen family—for whatever reason—it meant it was time for us to move on once again. But everything was very different this time around. Bella had become a part of the Cullen family and we couldn't simply up and leave Forks. It wasn't as if the extra attention had anything to do with the fact that we were vampires, anyway.

I glanced down at Bella. She really didn't need any of this right now. She was putting on a brave front, but I could feel the tension radiating from her almost as easily as I could hear the slight unsteady cadence of her heart. She tripped as we made our way through the hallway to her first period class, and I had to grab her arm to right her again. I suppressed a sigh. Her clumsiness was always magnified when she was on edge. Alice was chattering away in an attempt to take her mind off all the stares and whispering, but it was obvious Bella wasn't really listening to a word she said.

"Bella!"

My gaze snapped up, and I breathed a sigh of relief as Angela came hurrying toward us and immediately pulled Bella into an embrace.

Thank goodness there were still some decent people around that didn't pry into the hardships of others for their own enjoyment.

My gaze hardened on the group of gossiping teens at the end of the hallway, in front of Bella's first period class. The same definitely couldn't be said for most people, I thought acidly.

"Cullen and the big Indian?" Austin was saying. "Now _that_ I would've liked to have seen."

"Yeah," Tyler chimed in, "I heard that Edward really did a number on him." He shot Mike a satisfied grin. "Time to pay up."

"No way, man. Edward couldn't have taken him. There's no way."

"I don't know…" Ben disagreed. "After what he did to Bella…it's not surprising that Edward—"

"Oh, pa-lease!" Jessica interrupted with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "Don't tell me you actually _believe_ that crap. I mean, come on…_raped?_ I'm sure Bella just made it all up to get attention."

Alice shot me a warning look. _Don't, Edward, just leave it alone_.

"Like hell," I hissed under my breath.

She sighed.

After a quick glance at Bella to ensure Angela was keeping her sufficiently distracted, I silently strode up behind Jessica and Mike, sidestepping into their path when they caught sight of Bella and started in her direction.

Mike staggered backward. "Hey, watch where you're—" He broke off when his gaze locked onto mine. "Oh, ah, hey, Edward. We, um, heard you and Bella were back. We were just going to—"

"Ambush her to satisfy your own curiosity?" I supplied icily.

He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"Allow me to cut to the chase, Newton. And you'd better listen hard, because I'm only going to say this once. If you"—my gaze flickered to Jessica—"if _either_ of you, do or say anything to upset her in any way, shape, or form, you'll be losing a lot more than just a bet. Have I made myself clear?"

Mike's eyes widened, and I smiled inwardly, enjoying watching him squirm as he pieced together my words.

Before he had a chance to respond, however, Bella drew up beside me, her gaze flickering between us. "Is everything okay?" she asked, shooting me a look.

"Never better," I said, my gaze never leaving Mike.

"Um, yeah…sure," Mike sputtered. "Right, well, great to see you back, Bella, we'll, uh, see you in class." With that, he darted away with Jessica at his heels.

After watching them disappear into her first period classroom, Bella fixed me with a scowl. "What did you say to them?"

"Nothing much. Just reminding them to keep their noses out of other people's business."

**xxxxx**

The unfortunate thing about gossip was, once it had put down its roots, there was no stopping it. And it spread like a weed in an open field.

Though the day seemed to stretch on endlessly, I admired how Bella kept pushing through it, doing her best to ignore the stares, the whispering, the pitying looks. But I could see it was taking its toll on her. Little wonder. It seemed the majority the human population had little regard for how their actions might affect others.

By the end of the school day my temper had worn very, _very_ thin. I almost felt sorry for Alice, who had spent the better part of the day trying to make sure I didn't cross a line that shouldn't be crossed.

Just when she had nearly succeeded, the school day finally drawing to a close, Lauren Mallory had me diving over the edge.

Bella and I had just met up with Alice after last period and were heading for the school exit when Lauren emerged from the girls' bathroom a good distance ahead of us. As per the norm, she held her nose up in the air as of she were God's gift to the world, two of her devoted followers trailing behind her.

"No way," she said, flipping her sleekly blond hair behind her shoulders. "She was always leading that Jacob guy on, even after Cullen came back into the picture. It's no wonder Jacob eventually got fed up with it. She got what she was asking for, if you ask me."

Maybe if I'd been able to at least console myself with the possibility that Bella hadn't overheard I would've been able to hold myself in check. Not likely. But it didn't matter. There was no _if_ about it. Bella had heard. Every word.

She paled instantly, her steps faltering.

And then I was lunging at the unfortunate excuse for a human being that was also known as Lauren Mallory, or at least, I would have been, had Alice not thwarted me, her hand shooting out to grab my arm. Unfortunately, there was no rational thought left in my mind. So I didn't think of why she had tried to stop me. Or why there was such urgency in her mental tone when I jerked my arm free. The only thought in my mind was sinking my teeth into Lauren Mallory.

I don't know exactly what shocked me back to my senses. But the instant rational thought flooded back the first thing I took note of was Bella standing in front of me, eyes wide in panic, palm pressed against my chest as if to hold me back. I froze.

I'd almost attacked Lauren Mallory in front of a crowd of witnesses. Even worse, Bella had flung herself between me and my target, placing her in the line of fire. That was what had pulled me back to my senses, I realized. And thank God for that.

Not trusting myself not to let my anger get the better of me again when Lauren's words still rang clear in my mind, I pulled my car keys from my pocket and thrust them at Alice so she'd be able to drive Bella home, then turned and fled from the school.

**xxxxx**

"So are you going to tell us what happened?" Emmett prodded.

I turned the rock in my hand around several times before tossing it into the river a few feet away. I often came to this spot by the river to sort through my thoughts. It was a secluded section, but it had its beauty, with the expanse of trees tightly bordering the water on either side. Apparently, however, my brothers weren't going to leave me to my thoughts. Ever since Saturday's interrogation, my family hadn't allowed me the luxury of solitude. "You already know what happened," I said, giving them my back as I gazed out across the river.

"You mean the part about you almost attacking Lauren Mallory? Yeah, we know. What we don't know is— what the hell were you _thinking_?"

"Nothing happened, so why don't we just leave it at that," I said, my tone clipped.

"Edward," Jasper started carefully.

I swung around to face them. "She implied that Bella was just _asking_ to be raped, that she led Jacob on and got what was coming to her. How the hell do you expect me to react to that?"

Neither of them responded immediately, their looks sympathetic.

It only annoyed me further.

Finally, Jasper spoke. "People are going to talk, Edward. There's nothing you can do about that."

I laughed once, a low, humorless laugh. "Right," I said bitterly, "that's right, so I'm just supposed to just stand there and do _nothing_."

Emmett shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "You can't protect her from everything, bro."

"DON'T YOU THINK I _KNOW_ THAT?"

Jasper cringed and threw Emmett a look. "Brilliant choice of words, Emmett. Just brilliant."

"Do you think this is _easy?" _I went on, hurling another rock at the water with so much force this time that the sound of it cutting through the air like a whip echoed loudly.

"Edward—"

"Did you know that she's afraid to be alone? She's too stubborn to admit it, but…" I trailed off.

"Edward, how about we—"

"Here's a better idea." I swung around to face them again, my gaze hard as I first focused on Emmett, then Jasper. "How about you watch Rose—or Alice—get raped over and over in your mind and I'll remind you how you can't protect her from everything." With that I brushed past them and took off running.

"Well that went well," I heard Emmett say in my wake, his voice laced with sarcasm.

**xxxxx**

For the rest of the week, school went more smoothly, though that wasn't saying much; it was still a struggle, but at least I'd managed to keep my wits about me. The gossip hadn't died down by any means, but with finals starting next week, it helped that everyone had more important things to worry about.

Bella was…dealing, I supposed. But she struggled, and I felt she was immersing herself too heavily in her schoolwork. Granted, after missing so much school she did have a heavy workload.

And then there was my family, who were watching my every move as if I was going to self-destruct at any moment. It annoyed me to no end.

Still, when Alice and Rose insisted on a 'girl's night/study session' for Bella on Friday, I didn't resist, despite their ulterior motive of leaving me free to spend some 'quality time' with Emmett and Jasper. They were all ganging up on me.

Be that as it may, Bella probably did need some female company right now. I wouldn't deny her that.

And so it was that Friday after school, Alice and Rose whisked Bella away, while I took my time driving myself home to spend an undoubtedly trying evening with my brothers. I considered taking off somewhere instead of heading home but discarded the idea, knowing they wouldn't let me off the hook that easily.

Several hours later, I was at my wits end.

"So let me get this straight," Emmett was saying, a hard edge to his voice as he began ticking things off with his fingers, "you don't want to watch the game, you don't want to join us for a run, you don't want to go for a hunt, and you don't want to meet Rose and Alice for football later. That about sum it up?"

"You need to get out for a bit, Edward," Jasper added. "Take your mind off things. You can't just—"

I sprung up from the sofa. "What do you know what I need?" I snapped. "You have no _idea_. What I need is for you both to leave me the hell alone. Why is that so damn hard for you to do?"

The coffee table suddenly exploded with a thunderous _crack _as Emmett's fist went through it, then he was on his feet too. "Because we care, God dammit! BEACAUSE WE _CARE_! _Why_ do we care, you ask? !" He threw his hands up in the air. "Damned if I know when you treat us like _shit_!" He kicked the table. "You're going through lots of shit right now, we get it. In fact, we get that a hell of a lot more than you seem to think we do. You think this isn't hard on all of us too? You think it's easy for us to stand by and watch you as you dig yourself deeper and deeper into your black hole of misery? Well I've got news for you, little brother. The deeper you dig, the deeper we fall with you. We are _trying_ to help you, dammit. But, by God, we're not your punching bag."

My knees seemed to buckle beneath me as I sank down on the sofa again. No, my punching bag, they were not. Though I certainly felt like I'd just been dealt a few well-deserved return blows. Emmett rarely got worked up about anything, at least not in the all-encompassing dead serious kind of way. He was the easy-going optimist who was always ready with a joke to break the ice when things went tense. Yet here he stood, tension oozing from his every pore, his gaze stony. But that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that every word he'd spoken was true.

I slumped forward, feeling oddly drained. I struggled to even find the right words to apologize. Not that it mattered. They had already forgiven me.

Emmett sighed heavily, flopping down beside me. "Look, Edward—" he began.

"No," I cut him off. "You're right. About all of it. I'm sorry."

"We're not looking for an apology, bro."

I passed a hand over my face. When I dropped it again, Jasper had moved to the edge of the chair opposite me, his eyes narrowed into slits as they pierced mine with unnerving scrutiny. "You keep shutting us out. Why?" he demanded.

I met his gaze for a moment. I'd been doing my damndest to keep their thoughts out of my head, and though I often blocked them out of courtesy, I had a different reason this time. Jasper had picked up on it.

Emmett rolled his eyes, oblivious to Jasper's careful scrutiny. "Because he's so damned stubborn and would rather dig his own grave than let anyone help."

"No. It's more than that," Jasper said steadily, his eyes never leaving mine.

I fell back against the sofa and pinched the bridge of my nose. "It has nothing to do with any of you, alright? It's just…_everything_. Half the time I can barely hear myself _think_, what with hearing all the gossip in everyone's thoughts at school…and—"

"Seeing Jacob's thoughts?" Jasper hedged.

I closed my eyes. "Yes," I hissed, my irritation returning. "Yes, by God, are you happy now? There's barely a second that goes by that those images don't haunt me. Is that what you want to hear? You want to know _why_ I keep avoiding all of you? Well, _this—_" Ithrust my hand out in their direction "—is why. I know you're just trying to help, but the truth is it would be a hell of a lot easier if you would just stop worrying about me all the time. Don't you see? I'm _trying_ not to think about it, and then every time one of _you_ thinks about it, it's like having it all shoved back into my mind."

Jasper inhaled sharply, then slowly released it.

"Ah, shit, Edward," Emmett sighed.

"Maybe that's exactly your problem," Jasper said quietly after a long moment of silence. "You're trying not to think about it when you should be trying to work _through_ it."

**xxxxx**

I stared blankly at the wall, Jasper's words from earlier that evening echoing in my mind.

How did one ever work through something like that?

The images flashed in my mind again as if to reinforce that impossibility. I fought them back. _Not now, not now_, I implored. I couldn't deal with it now. I needed this moment. I needed this moment to myself. _Just for now_. _Just for now._

Realizing how pitiful I was, I lashed out at the first thing in sight, sending a pile of schoolbooks smashing against the wall of my room. I couldn't do this. And the worst part was there was no longer a target for me to channel my anger.

Jacob was dead.

I wished he were alive so I could murder him.

I wished he were alive so that he could die an excruciating death.

And, God help me, I wished he were alive so that I wouldn't feel so damned helpless.

It was awful to think this way, I knew, but there it was.

A growl of frustration vibrated low in my throat. When he'd been alive, at least then I'd been able to take comfort in the thought of what I'd do to him when I got my hands on him. At least then I'd had something solid that I could do to help fix everything. Now…now I had to watch her struggle when there was essentially nothing more I could do. And the worst part was…not even _knowing_ how best to help her.

I sheltered her too much. My brothers had as good as said the words to me.

But how was I to know when she needed me and when it was best for me to step aside and let her work through things on her own?

Did I insist to go to the store with her when she was too stubborn to admit she was afraid to be alone, or did she need me to let her go alone anyway?

Did I go out of my way to avoid startling her when she was still overly jumpy, or would it be better for her if I fell back into normal habits regardless?

Or, the most difficult of all, did I give in to the overwhelming urge to give way to caution, even if only for a moment, and restore the intimacy between us that had been lost since the rape? Especially when it was clear she _wanted_ me to do just that? The answer seemed simple, but of course, it wasn't. It was never that simple.

Pushing to my feet suddenly, I headed downstairs.

I had the house to myself for the first time that week, and though it was a relief to be able to hear nothing but my own thoughts, the empty house seemed almost too silent, and I ended up heading out for a solitary run, with no particular direction in mind.

The rest of my family were all out playing football, including Alice and Rose, who had ended their girl's night early when they'd noticed how exhausted Bella was.

Despite remembering how Bella had all but ordered me to spend tonight with my brothers and wasn't expecting me to pay her a visit, I found myself arriving outside her house. I tried to convince myself I was there for her sake and not my own, but I knew better. I needed to see her right then. _No_, _you need to see her __**safe**__, _a voice inside me corrected.

After slipping through her bedroom window, I found her perfectly safe and sound in bed, fast asleep, just like Alice and Rose had told me she'd be. Yet it did nothing to ease the ache of helplessness inside me. She lay with the sheet a tangled mess around her, the blanket and pillow in a heap on the floor where they'd evidently been haphazardly tossed aside. Under normal circumstances the sight might have made me smile. But not now. Not knowing that Bella rarely tossed around in her sleep to this extent. Unless she'd had a nightmare.

I sank down on the edge of the bed beside her, smoothing back a tendril of hair from her forehead. She slept peacefully now, her breathing light and steady. If she'd had another one of her nightmares, it was long over now.

Resisting the urge to gather her up in my arms, I bent to pick up the fallen pillow. After slipping it beneath her head, careful not to wake her, I disentangled the sheets from around her, my stomach twisting as I took note of how small and thin she looked. She wasn't eating enough. Or sleeping enough, for that matter. She'd been pushing herself too hard. Not just with school. With everything.

"_I…I wish that…that everything could just go back to normal."_

The ache swelled within in me as I remembered her whispered words. Oh, how I wished with every fiber of my being that I could make that happen for her. She'd come a long way, but it took time…time to heal these kinds of wounds…that kind of horror…

I quickly swept up the blanket from the floor, trying to focus on the steady huff of her breathing instead of the terrified cry once again echoing in my mind—_her_ terrified cry.

I had to loosen my grip on the fleece blanket before I gouged a hole in it.

Taking a steadying breath, I spread the comforter over her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, my lips lingering there for a long moment, every part of me desperate to feel her close, to feel her..._safe_.

She stirred beneath me, and I drew back abruptly.

"Edward…?" she questioned, her voice little more than a murmur, her eyes fluttering open slightly, bleary with sleep.

"Shh, go back to sleep" was my only response, my fingers moving automatically to stroke her hair.

She seemed to accept my response because her eyes slipped closed again before even focusing on me, and her rhythmic, sleep-induced breathing resumed shortly after.

I fell back into the chair beside her bed and passed a hand over my eyes. Never in my vampire life had I ever felt so…_drained_. It wasn't the physical kind of drained, though—having the 'gift' to read minds certainly wasn't without its disadvantages, that was for sure. This whole week the constant gossip had been rubbing me raw. Normally, blocking out the thoughts of those around me wasn't such a strain. But of course it made it that much more difficult when one heard their own name numerous times within the murmur of voices. That tended to make them stand out a lot more.

And then there was the fact that every time I had even a brief flash of those terrorizing images, it was as if something tore at me from the inside.

I closed my eyes. Maybe this was my punishment. For letting it happen in the first place. For leaving her alone with that monster.

I could almost hear Bella's protest. _It's not your fault. There's no way you could've known_, she'd say for the millionth time. But as Jacob's memories flooded into my mind, taking advantage of my moment of weakness, I couldn't quite bring myself to believe it.

Not when I could see her terrified eyes staring back at me, pleading for me to stop. Not when I could see the hands in front of me griping her arms so tightly she cried out in pain…

I fell forward and pressed my hands to the back of my head, horrified to realize they were shaking. _Pull yourself together_, I ordered myself.

I lost track of how long I sat there, knowing I had to somehow do the impossible and learn to live with the horrors of Jacob's memories. That I had to put it all behind me so that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't hurt quite so much. I was failing miserably.

So lost in my own internal battle was I that I jerked at the light brush of fingertips against my shoulder.

"Edward?" came Bella's soft voice.

I didn't have time to think of how I'd sworn never to let her see me like this, or of how long she might have been awake to see me, because in the next moment she was hugging my neck, the warmth of her small body pressing against my own, and my will for any pretense, even to shield her from myself, crumbled to dust. I enfolded her in my arms, drawing her into my lap, and nothing could've made me let her go. Not even the voice in my mind reminding me that I was supposed to be the strong one, that it should've been me comforting her and not the other way around. That if I didn't pull myself together she would see I wasn't as strong as I always pretended to be.

But then, she already knew I wasn't, I realized as I felt her lips against the hollow of my shoulder, silently telling me that I wasn't alone. I knew then that I'd never fooled her. She'd always had the gift to see past all pretenses, to see right through everything to one's soul.

And that was what I loved most about her, I realized, my hand moving up her back to cradle her even more closely against me.

If only I could take back what Jacob had done to her.

I pressed my face into her hair, basking in her warmth. Every little detail about her was precious to me, details that had once been disguised by the all-consuming scent of her blood. The draw of her blood was still the same, yes, but somewhere along the line it had taken a back seat. I don't know quite how it had happened, but gradually the little details had weaved their way through; the scent of her shampoo, the silkiness of her hair, the softness of her skin, and most of all the feel of her small body filling my arms.

I felt myself relax further as I took note of those details now. If we had managed to overcome that major obstacle than surely we could overcome this one as well.

At that moment, I felt her lips against my shoulder again, soft and reassuring.

She felt so small and insubstantial in my arms. Yet her presence soothed me in a way I couldn't explain. She made me…_stronger_. It was an alarming prospect. But there was no denying it.

Being with her was stronger than me alone.

It had always been that way, I realized. But never had it been more clear than in that moment.

**BPOV**

He didn't know I was awake.

I was sure of that.

Why was I sure of this?

Because he was on the verge of falling apart—something he would never knowingly let me witness. He didn't want to let me see how much everything was affecting him.

I almost didn't move, knowing he would react and try to shield me from his own pain. But the urge to go to him was too great.

He sat hunched over with his elbows braced on his thighs and his hands folded behind his head. When I tossed the covers aside and sat up, he showed no sign of having noticed, his gaze still fixed upon the floor, and I was shocked to see his hands shaking.

My stomach knotted when I thought of what must be terrorizing him so. When I cautiously touched his shoulder and spoke his name, he jerked as if being struck.

Before he could reject my comfort I stole my arms around him and hugged his neck.

He was rigid as stone at first, but then he swept me into his lap and held me with a fierce protectiveness that had my throat clogging with unshed tears. I gulped them back; my tears were the last thing he needed right now. I pressed my lips against the thickness of his shoulder in silent communication.

After a long while I felt him loosen his hold. "I'm sorry—" he began, but I cut him off by touching a finger to his lips and shaking my head.

"Don't," I told him. "Just hold me," I insisted, knowing he wouldn't be able to refuse offering _me_ comfort.

He exhaled a strangled breath and then tucked my head beneath his chin. After another long moment he spoke again. "It's late. You should sleep."

Before I could protest he was lifting me up and depositing me onto the bed. Though he'd done it many times, the way in which he carried my weight as if it was nothing never failed to amaze me.

When he reached for the blankets, I grabbed his wrist, tugging his arm until he crouched down to my level with a frown of confusion lining his face.

"Kiss me," I demanded.

His eyes flickered with surprise and something else I couldn't name. Then he bent his head, but hesitated when I didn't meet him halfway.

I still didn't budge from where I lay; I wanted him to initiate it. Instead I hooked an arm around his neck and tried to pull him down toward me in encouragement.

He seemed to realize then the vulnerability of my position; he started to object. "I don't think—"

"See, that right there is exactly your problem," I cut in. "Don't think. Just _kiss_ me."

He searched my gaze for a moment. Whatever he saw must have convinced him because his mouth was soon settling over my own, the caress of his lips slow and tender at first but then growing more urgent as I responded to him.

Only dimly did I register that he had pushed up from the floor to sit on the edge of the bed, his upper body shifting over me. I felt the solid strength of his chest against my own, making me yearn to feel him even closer.

It wasn't until our lips parted briefly that the weight of him over me was suddenly way too heavy, the broadness of his shoulders filling my vision in a dizzying rush.

My body responded before I even realized it, and in the next second the weight had disappeared, Edward's concerned eyes meeting mine as I realized that I had gone completely rigid.

My body sagged, and I bit my lip to hold in the tears before averting my gaze . "I—"

Edward cut me off by dropping a quick kiss to my cheek and then to the corner of my mouth, his lips still holding lingering warmth from the heat of my own. "It's okay," he murmured. "We're taking things slow, remember? Baby steps."

I just shook my head, and he sighed.

"You're pushing yourself too hard, love."

"Is that why you won't initiate anything between us?" I found myself asking, my voice barely audible as I turned my face against the pillow.

There was silence for a moment, and then I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Bella," he growled, "Don't tell me you think I don't _want_ you."

I shook my head. I knew that wasn't it; the way in which he kissed me told me that. But I missed they way things used to be between us so much that I needed to hear him say it.

"Good, because that couldn't be farther from the truth," he growled again. "In fact, it's quite the opposite. I'm not sure I can trust myself to stop before I take things too far." I heard him mutter something under his breath, and then, "It's too easy with you. _Way_ too easy."

I felt my cheeks heat at that, and of course it didn't escape Edward's notice.

"Silly, silly, Bella," he said, his cool lips dropping an affectionate kiss to my flushed skin.

"I…I just needed to hear you say it," I admitted, my voice low. "It…" My fingers tightened over a fistful of blanket. "…it's hard, you know?"

He released a breath. "I know," he whispered.

I pulled myself to a sitting position, curling my legs under me, and picked at the fluff on the blanket, my gaze averted downward. "I, um…was talking to Rose earlier and…we were thinking it might help if…if I did some counseling….you know because…well of course I won't say anything about…well, you know, but—"

"Bella," he cut in, reaching a hand out to cover mine and squeeze it gently. "You know I'll always support you no matter what."

I looked up at him and nodded. "I know," I said quietly.

**Author's note:**

So Bella's finally going to get some professional help. What do you all think of this? Progress is slow, I know. But I really wanted to show how Edward was dealing with things.

It would mean a lot if you left me a review, even if it's to scream at me for taking so long to update, because at least I'll know you're still reading. I plan to get the next chapter out much more quickly, but I won't make any promises because my life is up in the air right now. I finally have a job interview on April 24 and it's for a position that is EXACTLY what I want, so I'm praying it will fall through. The interview is 3.5 hours long, though, whereby I'm interviewed by THREE people one after the other and then have to do TWO written tests! I'm kind of terrified. But, hey, one of the tests is a writing test, so after all this FF writing I should nail that one. Right? LOL.

I have two other quick things I want to bring to your attention. First, I wrote a one-shot that is a missing Edward/Bella moment from Breaking Dawn, so if you're interested, be on the lookout for it. It is already written, but I would like to wait until it goes through beta approval over on Twilighted before I post, so it might be a week or two before it's here.

The second thing is that I made an Edward/Bella video for a contest over on YouTube. The challenge was basically to create something unique that has the right Twilight atmosphere and reminds us why we fell in love with the saga in the first place. My entry into the contest won first place! Go here to watch it (you won't regret it!): watch?v=XXhgEBQ2YAk

New Note: _**May 4, 2012 -**_I'm honored to announce that _Mistaken Trust_ has been nominated for two awards at **The Wordsmith Awards** for **Best Canon Story** and for **Best Bella**! Many thanks to vampgirl79 for the nomination! Voting will be from **May 17** to **May** **26**, and if you are so inclined, I would love your vote. Go here: .com


	28. Chapter 28

I know. Worst. Updater. Ever. So sorry guys. But, hey, even though I took exactly as long to update as I did last time, this chapter is more than double the length, so technically I have improved, right? Sigh. I still suck, I know. And I feel even worse because I have the most sweetest, kindest, best readers ever, seriously. You have all been so wonderfully understanding about my slow updates, and I can't tell you how much it means to me. Thank you to all of you who have left me reviews or messages asking about how I'm doing.

To be honest, I haven't been doing all that great, and this has been the reason for my slow updates. It's been a year now since I completed my engineering degree and I still have not been able to get an engineering job. It's been beyond distressing. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but after working so damn hard and being so proud after getting two engineering degrees with a straight 4.0 average, it's so disheartening to not even be able to get a job in it. I feel like it was all for nothing.

Anyway, I try to stay positive, and I have my ups and downs, but this is what has made it hard to write. Just wanted to let you know. I go through stages where I'm so down that it completely kills my mojo! Recently I made it to the final stages of a very vigorous interview process only to be shot down and not be selected in the end. I was crushed! I went through THREE interviews for the job, making it down to being one of the final three candidates to be selected out of hundreds! I was so happy but then wasn't the chosen one out of those three! It seriously sucked, and my inspiration went down the toilet for a long time after it. I'm not fishing for sympathy or anything - I know everyone has their own troubles, but I just wanted to tell you mine so you might understand why I've been so slow at updating this story.

Another thing that I've been struggling with lately is getting my writing to come out the way I want it to. I've come a long way since I started writing this story and that's a good feeling, but I guess with that progress and experience comes a more critical eye. I've just reached that point where I want my writing to be better than it is, you know? And it can been incredibly frustrating writing and then rewriting a scene over and over so many times before it comes out how you want it. Speaking of which, I've had several people review and say that they've read the older chapters and noticed the improvements, and I wanted to say thank you for commenting. After spending months trying to improve them as best I could without rewriting completely, I can't even tell you how good it feels to know you notice the difference. Especially since I'm still not completely happy with them (I have even done more editing/improvements on them very recently). At least I know I've made them a bit better.

Anyway, all that aside, thank you for coming back to read. While this story may be hard for me to write at times, the joy I get out of it and hearing from all of you more than makes up for it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now, I believe this chapter is the longest to date (~13,000 words!), so I'm entitled to this ridiculously long author's note, right? *grimace* Sorry. I talk too much.

Below is a recap of chapter 27. If you need a recap of the other chapters too, please refer back to the chapter-by-chapter recap I posted last time in the endnotes of chapter 26.

**CHAPTER RECAP (CH 27):**

-On Monday Edward & Bella return to school for the first time since Jacob's suicide. Rumors are flying about the rape. Everyone's gossiping about it and Edward struggles to keep his anger in check. He ends up almost attacking Lauren when she makes a comment about Bella leading Jacob on. Emmett and Jasper confront him about it later. E's family has been keeping an eye on him since learning he had to watch the rape from Jacob's thoughts, and E is annoyed by their close scrutiny. On Friday Alice & Rose insist on a girl's night with B, leaving E to spend some 'quality time' with his brothers. They are worried about him and confront him about it. Some heated words are exchanged. Jasper advises Edward he has to try and work through his problems instead of trying to force away the images that haunt him. We get some insight into Edward's struggles. He goes to see Bella that night when she's asleep. Bella wakes to see him lose his composure. She offers him comfort, then orders him to kiss her (she's lying down – a more vulnerable position). She asks him why he won't initiate anything between them. She tells him that after speaking to Rose she's decided to go to counseling.

**Chapter 28**

**BPOV**

I trudged through the front door of the house on Monday after making it through another long and tedious school day.

Tedious because finals began at the end of the week, and judging by how I struggled to keep up in class, I was still far from being ready for them.

And tedious because apparently nothing had happened over the weekend that was even remotely more fun to gossip about than the alleged rape of Bella Swan.

I dropped my backpack to the floor as Edward closed the door behind us, muffling the sound of the heavy rainfall that now pelted against the roof. Charlie was working as usual, and thankfully, for the most part, Renee had been leaving me to my own devices, realizing that right now I had to invest all of my time into studying for my exams. I wasn't sure what she was managing to do with her time here in Forks, but right now it was the least of my worries.

Thank goodness the original plan of having her over to the Cullens' to meet them over the weekend hadn't happened. Edward had taken pity on me after seeing how worked up I was about that particular event, and the get-together had thus been moved to sometime after my exams. It was one less thing to worry about right now, at least.

Not that the weekend hadn't been stressful and exhausting as it was, the majority of it having been spent studying for my first two exams. The only time I'd gone out of the house was when I'd had my first session with Dr. Sandra Williams, the psychiatrist. Well, it had actually seemed more like a meet and greet than an actual counseling session, but I guess we had to start somewhere. Too bad she couldn't just prescribe some miracle cure that would somehow completely erase the unwanted parts of one's past from one's mind.

And from those around them.

After removing my rain-soaked jacket and dropping the small pile of mail I had collected from the mailbox onto the kitchen counter, I turned to face Edward, taking note of how the tension had yet to ease from his body, his jaw tight as if he was still fighting the urge to pounce on someone—A poor, unsuspecting high school student, no doubt.

Taking a step toward him, my arms encircled his waist. His constant battle against all the whispered words and thoughts was getting to him far more than he let on, I knew. The tension eased from his stance at my touch, but his eyes looked…_tired_ in a way.

His gaze met the careful scrutiny of mine.

He would need to hunt soon, too, I realized, noticing the bruise-like shadows beginning to form beneath his eyes once again.

I sagged against him defeatedly. "Maybe I should let you snack on Lauren after all."

"Don't tempt me," he growled.

I sighed. "And I guess there's no way I can convince you to just skip this last week of classes?"

"Certainly not," he said, his tone boding no room for argument.

The selfish part of me was glad. Facing the gossip alone was not an appealing thought, and I couldn't afford to miss these last days of class.

My stomach sank a few inches at the reminder.

_Soon_, I told myself. Soon I would be done with school. Soon I would be able to get my life back together. Soon Edward and I would be able to put the past behind us. Soon everything would be okay.

I drew back from Edward and did a double take when I caught sight of the large, thick envelope peeking out from beneath the pile of mail on the counter. I could clearly see the label printed on the envelope's corner. _Dartmouth?_

I reached over to snatch it up. Sure enough, it was as I suspected.

Swiveling around to face Edward again, I held it up, scowling. "What is this?" I demanded.

"An acceptance letter?" he suggested, feigning innocence.

My scowl deepened. "Considering I didn't even _apply_ to Dartmouth, that's rather curious, don't you think?"

He sighed. "I figured it wouldn't hurt you to apply."

"Edward! We talked about this already, remember? _Months_ ago!" My eyes scanned the letter congratulating me for being a successful applicant and stopped on the application date. Apparently he had only just sent in my application a week ago. I didn't even want to think of what he had done to get them to accept me after only just a week. Not to mention the fact that he'd applied _after _the application deadline.

"I know…" he responded, his tone cautious, hesitant, "but…a lot has changed since then, and I just thought that maybe—"

"You mean I was _raped_ since then!" I exploded, hot, angry tears suddenly filling my eyes. "Does that always have to change _everything?_" I cried, choking on the last word as I tossed the envelope onto the floor, my bottom lip trembling.

My words seemed to bounce around the room for an endless moment. I saw Edward close his eyes briefly, and I bit my lip and turned away. My feet moved me to Charlie's comfort chair in the living room, and I dropped down into it, hiding my face in my hands. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He didn't respond, but when I brought my head up again he was crouched before me, and the dull cast of weariness in his eyes seemed even more pronounced than when we'd walked in the door. It made me feel worse. He understood better than anyone how much I wanted everything to be as it once was. The last thing he'd needed was me driving that point further home.

"I should've talked it over with you first," he said finally. "I'm sorry."

I just shook my head.

"Bella," he began, taking my hands in his. "I'm not trying to change everything we had planned. I just…I wanted to give you more options in case you need them."

"I know," I said numbly.

He took an audible breath before going on. "And I know we've been through the argument of when you're changed many times…with you not wanting to wait and me always asking for a few more years…"

I scrunched my face up in horror at that, and he smiled slightly at my reaction.

"And I'm not trying to go back on what we decided," he continued. "Despite my reservations on that subject, I realized a long time ago that I was too selfish to deny the chance to be able to keep you forever."

My throat went tight at that.

"But please just listen to me on this one thing," he pleaded, his eyes somewhat desperate as they clung to mine, "because I would never be able to live with myself if I changed you and you regretted it forever."

I quickly shook my head. "I would never—"

He cut of my protest. "I know you think that now, but you don't fully understand…it's not something you want to rush into, and I think…" He trailed of and released a breath. "I think you may be under a misconception regarding the human memories of a vampire," he finished quietly.

I sucked in a breath. I could see where this was heading now.

He gripped both of my hands. "Human memories fade, but the ones you remember most are the ones you remembered most vividly at the time of your change, whether they're good…or bad."

My stomach seemed to drop to some point beyond the floor.

He was trying to get me to wait even longer before he changed me.

The plan had always been that my going to College would be merely pretence for Charlie and Renee's sake. That after the wedding and honeymoon he would change me. And after receiving my acceptance into the University of Alaska last week, which would be the perfect cover, I had been holding fast to that plan. The realization that the rape was once again disrupting another part of my life, prolonging my plans of finally building my future with Edward, took a piece of the hope I'd been constructing and squashed it staunchly.

The same, hot, angry pain rushed through me again, and I jerked away. "So, what, you want me to wait several years to see if I will just magically forget I was raped? I won't ever forget, Edward! _Never!_" I regretted the words as soon as they left my lips, but it was too late to call them back.

"No," he whispered, pain etched in every line of his face now. "But you misunderstand. I'm not asking you to wait…not necessarily…I just want to make sure you don't choose this life…or rush into it…for the wrong reasons."

I took several deep breaths, reminding myself that my outbursts were childish and unfounded. And that Edward deserved them least of all. I framed his face in my hands. "I want to make the change because I want to be with you for always."

He took my hands again, pulling them down into his and grasping them even more fiercely. His eyes were still pleading. "Just…just promise me that you'll make sure it's the right time. That if you need more time after the wedding, you'll do a semester or two of Collage…if you need it…that you won't—"

"I promise, Edward," I cut him off with a frown, suddenly overtaken with the overwhelming urge to reassure him, though, of what, I wasn't even completely certain. The desperation and…_fear_ in his quick and jumbled words shocked me. Rarely did he ever stumble over his words when he spoke. That was usually my specialty.

As if he sensed he hadn't gotten through to me, he went on. "I just want to make sure you understand…how difficult the change can be, the struggles that one faces…" He paused, then shook his head when I tried to protest again. "Please just listen. I know better than anyone what it's like. I didn't just live through my own change. Carlisle changed me first, remember? Emmett took to this life better than the rest of us, but Rosalie…she was miserable for a long time. I remember..." He hesitated, and the tension in his face grew even more pronounced. "…how much she struggled…"

I knew then what this was all about. _Rosalie_.

Rosalie, who had been turned under the worst of circumstances, and Edward who had witnessed it all. Never had I even thought about how it may have affected him. How much of Rosalie's pain had he shared through her thoughts? And how much of that pain had he had to relive all over again tenfold now that I'd met a similar fate?

"Oh, Edward," I whispered, failing in my attempt to find the right words to assure him. I tried to free my hands from his, but he wouldn't release me.

"…she resented Carlisle for changing her for the longest time, and…I couldn't bear it if you…if you had any regrets."

I finally managed to free my hands from his, and I moved them to stroke the pained ridges of his face. "Never," I said in a fierce whisper. "I would never regret choosing to be with you forever. And I sure as anything would never, ever, _ever_ resent you for something _I_ chose. This is a completely different situation. I have a choice. Rosalie didn't. And I choose _you_. Always."

His features softened, but there was still an uncertainty in his gaze that shocked me to the bone. It was almost as if he was _insecure_ about the extension of my love for him. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I cut him off.

"I know, Edward, I promise not to rush into it, okay? But I know what I want. I've never doubted it for a second." My arms moved around his neck, pulling him to me.

When he saw my intention, his lips met mine with more fever than I'd felt from him in a long while, stunning me for a moment.

Not that I was complaining. The intensity of his kiss had shivers of delight moving through me. My fingers moved through his hair to his nape, stroking reassuringly as I responded in kind, telling him what words could not.

His arm pulled me to him, and I found myself sliding off the chair and into his lap. He settled me on his thigh, taking the extra weight while still remaining completely balanced in his crouched position on the balls of his feet, despite the fact that my less the graceful landing would have sent a normal person tumbling backwards.

Still, the movement must have jolted back the caution that he had finally pushed back for a short moment because he carefully separated my lips from his. "Sorry," he whispered, stroking my cheek as if to soothe me.

I shook my head, catching his hand and touching my forehead to his. "No, this is good. This is very good."

He smiled and kissed me again, but briefly this time. Well, at least it was progress.

**xxxxx**

Three days later brought me to Thursday, with only two more full days of classes left on Friday and Monday and one more half day on Tuesday. The end of the school year—and my high school career—was nearly upon me, yet with each day dragging more than the one before it, it seemed years away rather than days.

Dropping my backpack beside my desk where it landed with a thump, I surveyed the state of my room with resigning weariness. Schoolbooks, binders, notebooks and the like were piled up on my desk and overflowing onto the floor. A pile of dirty laundry sat in the corner of my room. My bed was rumbled and unmade. I hadn't even drawn back the curtain from my window this morning. Not that it mattered really; it was another typical cloudy and dull day in Forks.

I was usually much tidier than this, but the disarray of my room certainly matched my mood, I thought dryly. After having just been through another school day, I felt rather like a wad of chewing gum, chewed up and spat out several times. Not a very pleasant analogy, but it definitely fit. Everyone still craved juicy Bella Swan gossip that they could sink their teeth into, just so that they might mince it up and mold it to their liking before spitting it out again to the next available gossiper, not even caring who they hurt in the process.

I stepped over a fallen notebook to tug back the curtain and let what little amount of light there was spill into the room.

_I won't let their words get to me_, I told myself. _I won't_.

Sometimes it was easier said than done.

Kicking the notebook aside, I glanced at my stereo clock. Half an hour before Angela would be here to pick me up. We were meeting up to escape the pressures of exam week for a few hours. It would be good for me, I reminded myself. Spending time with a friend, just as I'd often done. Falling back into normal habits, that's what I needed. At least that was what Dr. Sandra Williams had told me yesterday during our first real session.

Unfortunately, it wasn't always that easy. Angela may not be like the rest of my peers; gossiping, judging, pitying, and reminding me of what I longed to forget at every chance they got, yet still nothing could be as it once had, even with Angela.

Everything had changed.

_I _had changed. Ever since the night that reality had been cruelly forced upon me in the worst possible way, I had changed.

Gone was the naïve, trusting, innocent girl who hadn't even been able to see her best friend for who he was. Gone was the girl who had skipped through life with a false sense of the world around her.

And Angela could never understand. I no longer saw the world the way I once had, the way she still saw it. It made us seem worlds apart at times.

Still, I did need to get out for a bit. Because, the girl who jumped at shadows and was afraid to be alone was not who I wanted to be either, I told myself resolutely.

Turning from the window, I crossed the room to find something to change into before Charlie and Edward began to wonder why I was taking so long.

I could hear them downstairs discussing recent news: a local break in, increased bear sightings at a campground a couple hours from Seattle (Edward was probably filing away that bit of information for future reference), and some other political issues that I didn't really care about.

Edward was hanging about until Angela picked me up. He worried about me, I knew. Just as I worried about him, I added to myself grimly. He had been trying to convince me to slow things down and get some of my exams deferred, but that was the last thing I wanted. What I wanted was school over and done with as soon as possible.

Tugging open the second drawer of my dresser, I rummaged around for a pair of shorts. Angela and I were going jogging on the trail near her house, and the air was too warm and muggy for long pants.

I located my beige denim shorts at the bottom of the drawer.

It had been a while since I'd worn shorts, I realized. _And so what? _What did that matter?

I pulled off my jeans, tossing them onto my pile of laundry, and then donned the shorts.

Had they always been this short? They weren't excessively short, but still…they were…short.

I tugged them down slightly.

_It's fine. It's fine. _My fingers dug into the fabric. _You can't see them anymore. You can't_.

Yet suddenly the thought of going out like this made me feel…exposed. Too exposed.

_Ridiculous. You're being ridiculous_, I reminded myself.

I tried not to think of why I hadn't worn shorts in months, even on the rare hot days. I tried not to think of the dark, finger-shaped bruises that had covered my thighs and taken forever to fade completely. I tried not to think of the hands that had left them. I tried.

I tried so hard…

My fingers gripped the dresser and I held my breath, willing myself not to cry. Edward would undoubtedly hear me if I did. He'd come up here and ask me what was wrong, and I'd have no rational answer. Irrational Bella had once again veered her head. Rational Bella was saying how stupid, how stupid it was; there was nothing wrong with wearing shorts…nothing. But irrational Bella was winning. I couldn't wear them. I just couldn't.

The breath I'd been holding came out in a muffled, choking sob that I gulped back.

The bruises were gone, I knew, yet it was as if they were there, exposed for all to see, and an unexpected rush of shame filled me. I could practically feel the eyes of my peers on me once again, could hear them whispering. _Slut_. _She got what she was asking for…_

And, worst of all…the pitying looks; they would look at me as if to say, _there's_ _poor, broken Bella_…as if I'd never be fixed. As if I was forever broken. I hated them. The pitying looks. I hated them most of all.

"Bella?"

The knock on my bedroom door had me jerking with a start.

_Get a hold of yourself_, I ordered.

I pulled open the door at the sound of Edward's voice, momentarily forgetting why I'd been such a pathetic mess just moments ago, seeking only the comfort of his presence, the comfort of a simple touch of his hand in mine. When the door swung open, however, and I saw his gaze sweep downward before settling on my face again, I remembered.

I turned away abruptly as the self-consciousness and shame flooded me again. _No, you're being absurd, Bella. Absurd. The bruises are gone, the bruises are gone. It's fine, it's fine._

My attempts to pull myself together lasted until I glimpsed my reflection in the full-length mirror behind the door. Of course, I was overacting again, but when did irrational Bella ever care about that? I could still hear the words of my peers ringing in my ears. _Slut. Slut._ I felt dirty. Ugly. My shorts hung more loosely than I remembered—Edward and Renee had been right; I'd lost weight in recent months.

I felt Edward's gaze following me, and tears burned the back of my throat. Ugly. He'd think I was ugly. I'd thought the bruises were gone, but it struck me that maybe he could see them still. He had superior vision, after all. And it felt like they were there. It felt like they were there as proof. Proof that I'd never be rid of…_him_.

"Bella?" I heard Edward ask again, concerned. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head and hugged my chest. "No," I gulped. I knew he wouldn't believe that for a second. "It's nothing…I…I'm just being stupid again." I tried to laugh, a low, humorless laugh. "Just Bella number two acting up again." I'd taken to referring to my pathetic, irrational side as such. It helped to turn it into a joke at times, but I knew he'd see through me like he always did.

And like always my attempts to talk sense into myself were pointless. I told myself there was no reason to feel exposed as I did, that the shorts weren't too short, that there was nothing wrong with wearing them. I told myself the harsh words of my peers were a lie, that Jacob had been sick and twisted and I hadn't done anything wrong. I told myself I was free of him, that there were no more marks left by his hands…and that those hands couldn't touch me anymore…

Yet touch me they did.

My legs wobbled beneath me, and I sank down onto the rumpled mess that was my bed, pulling my legs up under me and then tugging the comforter up so that it covered my lower body, unable to shake the self-consciousness and shame even though I knew I was being absurd. I hugged the edge of the comforter to my chest to hide what I was really using it for. "I…I'll be fine," I assured Edward again when I saw him moving toward me. And I would. I would pull myself together and stop trying to bury imaginary bruises under blankets. The feeling of filth crawling beneath my skin would go away, because it, too, was imaginary. And I would stop being such a pathetic mess and get up from here and go out with Angela dressed exactly as I was. I waited, and none of the above happened.

"Bella…"

I saw Edward lower himself down beside me, but when his hand settled over my knee, an automatic reflex reaction had me jerking away before I could stop myself. I realized what I'd done as soon as it happened, but of course by then it was already too late to take back.

I saw Edward's stunned, and, for a short moment, _hurt _expression, before he quickly composed himself. I hadn't pulled away from just a simple touch from him like that for a long time, and we both knew it.

My eyes filled, and I heard myself mumble, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" over and over like a pitiful lunatic. Good thing I was seeing a shrink. Clearly I needed it.

"Bella…" I heard Edward say again, almost in a whisper, and it killed me to hear the uncertainty in his voice now. "Do you want me to call Alice or…Rose?" he hedged cautiously, his voice soft.

My head snapped up. "What?" I cried. "No! Why...? Why would…" I had to gulp in a breath.

The lines in his forehead creased further, almost in a grimace. "You're upset," he responded quietly, "and…" There was a pause. "and I'm making you uncomfortable."

His words were like a heavy jerk to my chest. I shook my head, distraught. "No, no you're not!" It came out as more of a croak. Nothing I said would make the slightest difference, I knew. The damage had already been done, whether he understood the reasoning behind it or not. My breathing was heavy and choked, and I had the sudden urge to claw at the skin at my thighs, where I could still feel the scars crawling just beneath the surface, almost reachable but not quite. Maybe if I clawed hard enough I would be free.

Moments after that thought went through my head I was completely and utterly appalled at myself for even thinking such a thing. I tried not to cry again.

I failed.

"Bella, sweetheart…"

I swallowed and squeezed out, "No, just give me a minute…I'm fine…I'll be fine…" I chanted it repeatedly in my head as well. Because I'd be fine, I would. Stupid, irrational Bella would fade, she would. And, eventually, she'd stop coming back for good. Why else was I going to counseling, if not to ensure exactly that?

Too bad it didn't seem to be working yet.

I swiped aggressively at my tears.

More came again in a sudden rush. And not because I was just being stupid, irrational Bella again. No, in the end what tore at me the most—more than the frustration of my instability, more than even the hurt I'd read in Edward's eyes that moment when I'd uncontrollably jerked away—was the way he now lifted a hand as if to touch me again but then dropped it seconds later. The way he suddenly seemed awkward, uncertain.

The way I'd just destroyed all the progress we'd made over weeks and weeks in one single instant.

**xxxxx**

I tossed again, rolling to lie on my opposite side and giving my bed sheet a sharp tug over my shoulder as I did so. How was it that one could be exhausted and yet unable to fall asleep at the same time? Not that I was any stranger to sleep problems by any means…But, no, I wasn't going to think about those infrequent—yet sometimes persistent—nightmares. Not now. Right now I had to try and relax my body enough to sleep. It was Sunday, and I had my second last day of classes tomorrow. Not to mention a whole slew of exams the rest of the week. If I didn't get some sleep I would be in trouble. Unfortunately my body didn't seem to be cooperating. Not that that was exactly new either.

I thought back to Thursday…And the flicker of hurt that had flashed across Edward's eyes that moment I'd jerked away.

My stomach twisted and I pressed my face into my pillow.

It was difficult, more difficult than I'd thought, putting my life back together. Putting _myself_ back together. Going back to school. Going back to simple, everyday routines.

It helped, I supposed, as Rosalie had said it would, to go to counseling and hear the councilor say my struggles were normal, that I wasn't the only victim to suffer through the same, and that they were there to help me through it. That I could be normal again with time.

But it wasn't happening fast enough. Nowhere near enough. In fact, evidently I was sometimes even taking backward steps instead of forward. That was the worst.

My stomach twisted again.

Oh, yes, that was the worst.

Scrunching the bed sheet in my fist and then releasing it, I attempted to clear my mind. Sleep. I needed to sleep, I reminded myself.

It wasn't only my long hours spent studying that was exhausting. No, there was also stupid, irrational Bella who could never quite relax, especially when alone. Hypervigilance, as my psychiatrist called it—it was very draining on the person. And the 'exaggerated startle response.' No doubt I had that one perfected. Edward tried not to make a big deal about it, pretending he didn't notice most times when I would jump out of my skin for the stupidest things, but I knew he did notice, better than anyone, in fact. After all, he could hear every irregular beat of my heart.

At that moment he looked up from where he sat in the corner of my room, writing out his final History paper for tomorrow. I could just barely make out his face through the dark room, and he caught my eye. Setting down his notebook, he came to sit on the edge of the bed and flipped the switch to turn on my bedside lamp, bathing his face in amber lighting. "Still can't sleep, huh?" he asked.

I shook my head against my pillow, surprised that he didn't sound concerned by this fact. I knew how much he worried about me.

"Sleeping can be overrated," he said. "I would know." His mouth tipped into one of those rare grins I missed so much, and my heart reacted almost painfully.

He toyed with a strand of my hair for a moment before coming to his feet and then holding out a hand to me. "Come. I want to show you something."

My eyebrows went up. All week he'd been trying to encourage me to get _into_ bed earlier and sleep, not the other way around. Propping myself up on my elbow, I eyed his outstretched hand suspiciously. "What? Where are we going?"

A ghost of a smile flickered. "Out," he said.

My eyes were wide. Maybe I'd fallen asleep after all. "Edward, it's the middle of the night."

"So it is." His hand didn't drop an inch from its outstretched position.

Befuddled, yet, as always, unable to deny him anything when he was exhibiting that easy charm of his, I accepted the offered hand. His fingers clasped strong and sturdy over mine as he helped me up from the bed. As soon as I was on my feet he disappeared in a fast-moving blur that almost sent me tumbling backwards into my bed again. "Ugh, don't you know it's way too late at night for superman speed?" I grumbled, rubbing my eyes as he reappeared in front of me seconds later.

He just grinned and held out one of my favorite sweatshirts along with my converse sneakers.

I looked down at myself, and then back up at his offerings. "This is crazy, Edward, I can't go out in my pajamas."

"Why not? No one will see you. Besides me, of course, and I think you look rather adorable in those pajamas."

I felt my face erupt into flames at his words, and I snatched the sweatshirt out of his hands, while he supplied me with a lopsided, knowing grin.

After tugging on the sweatshirt and shoes in an attempt to hide my face from him, I noted that he'd donned a sweater as well. Not that he'd need it. No doubt it was in case I needed an extra one. Even when he was being spontaneous he was ever prudent of my human frailties. But still… "You're serious about this, aren't you?" I realized, incredulous. "You do realize that I have school tomorrow, right? Where are we going, anyway?"

"Shh, you'll wake Charlie," he responded mildly, turning to face the window for a moment as if looking for something.

I took a huffy breath. "You should be more worried about what will happen when he wakes and finds my bed empty."

"I'll have you back before then," he said, his lips turning up into another easy smile, and in the next instant he was sweeping me up into his arms.

A startled gasp escaped me, and my hands flew to grip his shoulders, my heart reacting in overtime again with a sudden thrill of anticipation. I missed this Edward, I realized. The carefree, goofy side of him was just one of the many things Jacob had taken from me.

From us.

He stepped toward the window, but then stopped, and I noticed the change before he even spoke. One minute we were just a simple, carefree couple with nothing weighing us down, and the next…well, we weren't again.

"Is this okay?" he questioned quietly, the sudden afterthought of uncertainty causing a cold fist to clamp over my heart and squeeze.

I hugged his neck, pressing myself closer, and kissed the underside of his jaw. "More than okay," I whispered. He was trying so hard to do everything exactly right, to be exactly what I needed, but what about what _he_ needed?

The stiffness in his arms fell away and he smiled to let me know we were okay again.

Shifting me in his arms, he somehow managed to open the window, and I clung to him tighter. I didn't think I'd ever get used to this; it was a long drop down. Naturally, there wasn't anything to worry about, though—he sprung lithely out the opening, and I barely felt the impact when he landed gracefully on his feet below.

The outside air was cool and fresh but without being too cold. It was a perfect night, really, and the weighted moment a minute ago seemed to lift as easily as it had come. I could be grateful for that, at least.

"A little fresh air is just what the doctor orders," Edward said, as if reading my mind.

"You being the doctor, I take it?"

His lips tugged up. "Naturally."

"So you're not going to tell me where we're going, are you?" I guessed, taking note of the way he held me in his arms effortlessly, yet with such considerable gentleness—no easy task for someone possessing an unimaginable amount of untapped strength.

He smiled crookedly. "That would be correct."

"Okay," I said, earning a raised eyebrow from Edward. But I was content to let him take me anywhere as long as he held me in his arms like this.

Well, almost anywhere.

"You can't go in there!" I sputtered when he sprinted toward the entrance to the forest, which happened to look more like a yawning black hole, the surrounding trees scarcely illuminated by the streetlight peeking out from behind the front of the house. "It…it's all dark!" I pointed out, rather stupidly.

"I can see just fine."

"But—" My protest was cut off when suddenly we were flying into the darkness, my hair whipping out behind me. "Oh my god," I squeaked, hiding my face against his shoulder. Not that I could actually see much of anything anyway, but even just catching glimpses of tree limbs whirling past through the black of the night would be enough to make me feel queasy. Intellectually I knew I had nothing to worry about…but…Oh, God…we were whizzing through the forest…at top speed…in the middle of the night…without being able to see a thing. Well, _I _couldn't see a thing. Clearly, Edward could, or my skull would be smashed into a tree right about now. Better not think about that right now.

Once the initial shock wore off it wasn't quite so terrifying. Not so much, anyway. With my eyes closed I could pretend it was like the other times he'd taken me running—when there was daylight. Plus, the change I could feel coming over Edward more than made up for it. He always seemed so…_alive_ when he ran. His vampire side was always something he had to keep under extreme control around me, but this was one of the ways he could let loose and still allow me a part of it, even if only a little, and that fact was never lost on me.

When we finally came to a stop it took a moment for my slower mind to register it.

"Bella?" I could hear the amusement in his voice. "We've both arrived in one piece, as shocking as that may seem. I think it's safe for you to let go now."

"Okay," I squeaked, but my arms were still locked in a death grip around his neck.

He chuckled and gently pried them away before placing me on my feet. I wobbled slightly, and he gripped my arm. "Are you alright? I haven't made you sick now have I?"

"Nope, I'm good…fine…just fine…" I managed to steady myself, and I let out a relieved breath when the dizziness cleared. "That was fun. We should do that again."

He laughed. "Maybe later." He continued to hold my arm for a few seconds to ensure I was completely stable before relinquishing his grip.

It was then that I realized my eyes were open yet still all I could see was blackness. My hand reached for Edward only to find air, and a wave of panic rolled through me. "Edward? Edward!" The sound of my own voice rushed through my ears, and it seemed like much longer than it was before I jumped at the feel of hands around my waist. I sagged into them when I recognized Edward's cool touch.

"Sorry," he murmured. "I forgot you wouldn't be able to see much out here. I just thought I'd—" He broke off suddenly, no doubt when he realized I was actually shaking. He went completely still. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all," he said, his voice gone suddenly quiet.

"No, no of course it is!" I protested, swallowing down the tight panic that had risen in my throat, determined not to let one brief moment of panic ruin the entire night. "I'm fine, perfect. Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" My voice came out a bit muddled and anxious.

He didn't respond for a moment, then he squeezed my hand. "Well, for one, you essentially let me whisk you from your bed in the middle of the night without having any idea where I was taking you. I hope you don't do that for just anyone." I could hear the slight smile in his voice now, and I felt the weight of Jacob's ghost lift once again.

I tried to make out Edward's face through the darkness. "Nope. Only for you," I promised.

"Good to know at least some of your self-preservation is still intact."

He started to lead me forward a few steps, but I caught his arm with my opposite hand. "Edward," I whispered, all trace of humor gone now. "You know I trust you, right?" The words came with a tightening in my throat that spread to my chest when he didn't answer right away.

"I know that, Bella," he said softly, "I do."

What he didn't say was that knowing didn't always make it easier, that it didn't always make it hurt him less when I uncontrollably pulled away from his touch. And it was what he didn't say that weighed most heavily in my chest, like a knot that couldn't be undone.

I felt his thumb stroke the back of my hand. "Come," he said gently. I squinted through the darkness and let him lead me through what felt like an opening between the soft branches of two shrubs…it felt surprisingly familiar…"Since you can't sleep anyway I figured it would be a shame to waste such a perfect night."

It was then that I knew where we were. I could hear the distant sound of the river in the background, feel the tickle of the long grass through the cotton of my pajama pants, as well as the subtle breeze of now being outside the shelter of densely packed trees.

The meadow.

It had always held its own kind of magic, but, coming here at night for the first time, it had a different kind of magic.

My gaze moved upward to where the clearing opened up into the night sky, and I was awe-struck by the most spectacular display of stars I could ever remember seeing. The night was completely clear, and we were far enough from civilization that there were no nearby lights to dampen the view. Not even the moon was visible tonight. It made for a perfect night for stargazing, that was for sure. "It's beautiful," I said breathlessly. With my neck craned upward, I turned slowly in a circle, taking it all in before coming to a stop again.

A twinge of longing trilled through me. Longing for a child's folly of starlit dreams. For the sheltered comfort of fairytale endings and beliefs that the world was a place where good always prevailed over evil. That one could make a wish on a star and have it come true.

If only life were that simple.

I felt Edward's arms come around me from behind then. And he felt so strong and hard and safe that suddenly there were tears slipping down my cheeks. Just a silent, steady flow that came for no particular reason except that they needed to. There was no stopping them. They just were. And I closed my eyes and just let them come.

I felt Edward's chin nestle on top of my head—I always fit so perfectly beneath him—and then he was turning me in his arms. I flattened my palms against his chest, and he seemed to know what I needed better than I did. Because then he was kissing me. Just a soft press of his lips against mine. A sweet, surprisingly innocent kiss that was just such an act of kindness and love that my heart seemed to freeze with the wonder of it. When he moved to brush his lips ever so delicately along my jaw and then down to the tender spot above my collarbone, the tight knot in my chest that had been growing ever since that last full-fledged panic attack several days ago loosened.

I hadn't destroyed all the progress we'd made after all.

And I only realized then just how desperately I'd needed that reassurance.

More tears came, slopping miserably down my cheeks, and I squeezed my eyes closed. "Sorry," I croaked.

His arms flattened me against his chest. "You're entitled," he muttered.

After the last of my tears had sunken into his shirt, I flopped against him, letting his arms carry the majority of my weight as the late hour finally started to catch up to me.

"Here," he murmured, leading me to the right a few steps. Squinting down at my feet in an attempt to see where I was going, I stumbled slightly, and Edward's arm righted me again. He chuckled. "You really can't see a thing, can you?"

"Well it is the middle of the night, you know," I huffed.

"Yes, I believe you mentioned that already." His opposite arm caught me behind the knees and then he was gently laying me down on something soft. He'd spread out a towel amidst the grass, I realized. He'd thought of everything as usual. "See, much better," he said.

"Only if you join me."

I could just catch the tiniest bit of movement beside me as he complied, but somehow I knew when he was lying beside me.

Twisting to lie on my side facing him and propping myself up with an elbow, I reached out a hand to find him in the darkness, feeling suddenly shy when I realized that he could see me but I couldn't see him. My fingers came into contact with the hard muscle of his bicep. Evidently he'd removed his sweater. No complaints here. I traced the bulge with my fingertips before moving to slide my palm up to his chest. My cheeks warmed when I sensed Edward's eyes on me, but I couldn't seem to help my sudden fascination. There was just something thrilling about exploring him blindly. Even if I couldn't see, my hands seemed perfectly apt to marvel him by other means.

Blushing further at that thought and grateful once again that he couldn't hear it, I quickly moved my hand up from his chest to safer territory, tracing his jaw and then moving to memorize the sharp angles of his face simply by touch. I found his lips with my fingertips and then bent to press my own against them in a brief but tender kiss. When I drew back I felt his eyes heavy on me again.

"If I knew this was what awaited me I would've kidnapped you in the night and brought you here a long time ago."

My cheeks flared hot, and I ducked my head against his shoulder, hoping that maybe it was too dark for even him to notice my face was tomato red.

I felt the back of his hand stroke my cheek and sighed at his wintery touch. Nope. He'd definitely noticed.

"Do you come here a lot?" I asked him finally, turning my head back to face the brilliant, star-packed sky. "At night like this, I mean."

"Sometimes," he admitted, entwining his fingers in mine. There was pause. "During my early stages of this life…" he began slowly, "…when I wasn't trying to fit into whatever role it was I was supposed to be playing during the day…I would often find some secluded spot like this at night, just to get away…"

He almost sounded lonely all of a sudden, forlorn, and my heart caught. I brought our joined hands up to my cheek, stroking his fingers with my thumb. "To get away from what exactly, Edward?" I pressed.

"Everything," he said quietly. "For one, it was nice to escape the constant buzz of so many inane voices in my head. But mostly…mostly it just brought me comfort. The night sky and its vastness was one of the only things that didn't change when I became a vampire, you see. Even with all those enhanced senses the stars always looked the same. It made me feel…_connected,_ in a way, to who I used to be…to being _human_."

I took a long breath. I couldn't bear the lonely image his words brought me. "Wasn't there something you liked about being a vampire, Edward?" I tried. "Being immortal?"

There was a long moment of silence, then he gave me one simple answer:

"Time is worth nothing if you have no one to share it with."

The pain in those words wrapped around my heart. The thought of him spending all that time alone was devastating. "And now?" I whispered.

He kissed the back of my hand. "Now I have you. Nothing else mattered once I'd found you."

I twisted to move closer to him, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Will you tell me more about your human life, Edward?" I asked, toying with a button I found on his shirt. The last time I'd brought up this subject he hadn't seemed all that enthusiastic.

It wasn't much different this time; I could almost feel the wall of caution go up.

"You know I don't remember much of my human life," he said.

"But you remember some things."

I felt him shrug. "Bits and pieces here and there. Nothing very interesting, I assure you."

"It is to me," I said. Then I drew in a breath, gathering my courage. "Why do you always avoid talking about your human life with me, Edward?"

Silence again.

"Edward…?" I said softly.

Finally, he answered. "Is it not unsettling," he began quietly, "for you to be reminded of the fact that I'm older than even your _grandparents_?"

Slowly, but surely, the realization sank in.

"At any rate," he went on, clearly oblivious to my shock, "My life started when I found you. None of the rest matters anymore."

"Edward Cullen," I said, my voice deathly quiet. "Are you telling me you've avoided talking about your past because you think it will make _me_ feel uncomfortable about our age difference?" I might have laughed—if I didn't feel like strangling him instead.

"Well that would be the normal reaction," he mumbled.

I rolled onto my back and suppressed a groan. Did he honestly think that something so trivial would make the slightest difference to how I felt about him? "You have to know that doesn't matter, Edward. It's _never_ mattered. And you can't just toss aside your past. Your human life is a part of you—a part of who you are. It made you into the man I love, and I wouldn't change any of it."

I could see his silhouette against the starry sky as he sat up, and I sensed his eyes fierce on me now. "You're incredible, you know that?"

"Yes. But reminders are always welcome."

He gave a short laugh. "I'll be sure to remember that."

"So are you going to talk to me about your human life now?"

"Yes," he promised. I started to sit up but he pushed me gently back down again. "But not tonight."

I puffed out a breath in exasperation, then felt his lips against my temple. "Patience, my dear Bella," he whispered. "I will not go back on my word. But it's late, and you are exhausted. Or have you forgotten that it's the middle of the night?"

My insides went just a little more watery. Darn vampire. He always knew just how to get what he wanted.

He drew back, and then I felt his fingertip trace beneath my eye, just barely touching my skin. "I've been talking too much already," he murmured. "You should rest now."

Ah, now here was the concerned Edward I'd been expecting earlier. But could he honestly see well enough to see the bags under my eyes? I pressed the back of my hand to my forehead and sighed.

"Hey, hey, none of that." He pried my hand away. "You just need to relax, and you'll sleep fine."

"I don't know why I'm having so much trouble falling asleep. I should definitely be tired enough," I said dryly.

"You have a lot on your mind. Makes it hard to wind down."

"So do you," I found myself muttering, remembering that tired look in his eyes that was sometimes more apparent than others; he was good at hiding what he didn't want others to see.

But not good enough. Not from me.

"I don't sleep," he said, shrugging off my concern.

"So that's why you brought me here," I realized. "To help me wind down enough to sleep?"

"Yes."

"And you're going to make me go back already, aren't you?" I guessed.

He settled to lie down beside me again and took my hand. "Not if you don't want to."

My eyebrows went up. Sometimes there was just no figuring him.

We were silent for a few minutes, just staring up at the night sky, holding hands.

It truly was breathtaking. Edward had been right; I'd needed this. After spending days and days with my head buried in schoolbooks it was wondrously cleansing; the cool but fresh air, the constant buzz of crickets filling my ears, the thousands upon thousands of stars amidst the blackness, seemingly far but moving closer, wrapping around me like a blanket. It was oddly comforting, peaceful.

"Can I ask you something?" Edward said suddenly.

I turned my head in his direction. "I thought you'd talked too much."

He chuckled once. "Probably." He drew my hand up to his chest and his thumb stroked the bracelet at my wrist. "But the suspense has been killing me. Ever since your talk with Renee about this particular gift"—his thumb moved over the diamond heart charm—"I've been bracing myself for—"

"Wait, you know about that? You heard us?"

"—the wrath of Bella," he went on, "but have thus far been disappointed. Dare I ask if I'm off the hook, or have you just been waiting for the opportune moment to release your wrath on me regarding expensive gifts?"

"It's pending good behavior," I said.

He groaned.

"Kidding, kidding." I grinned. "You're off the hook. I like my bracelet and my _diamond_, so you're not getting it back."

"You know, just when I think I have you pegged, you still take me by surprise. Are you sure you're not going to change your mind?"

"Do you want it in writing?"

"Don't be absurd."

"How about in blood?"

"Bella!"

"Okay, okay, I was just joking. Relax, Edward."

He brought my hand up and kissed it briefly. "Thank you," he said.

"What for?" I asked, startled.

"For not throwing my gift back in my face, of course," he said teasingly, then added, "My mother's diamond…it suits you."

A heavy lump of regret suddenly appeared in my throat. Teasing as they may be, his words held a certain amount of truth; I had essentially thrown back any gift he'd tried to give me in the past. "Edward…" I started, my throat tight, "I'm sorry…for not…I—"

He put a finger to my lips. "It's alright, Bella. I understand. It makes it difficult…us not being on exactly the same playing field. If I were…a _normal_ teenage boyfriend I wouldn't have all this money. But since I do…well, what else would I spend it on, if not on you?"

I scooted myself closer into his side. "I don't like normal," I said. My hand was against his face and I felt him smile.

"Does this mean I can get you a graduation gift?" he asked.

"Don't push your luck."

He sighed emphatically.

I drew a circle on his chest with my fingertip. "I'll let you get me a graduation present, but only if it's what _I _choose."

I could almost see his eyebrow go up. "And what is it you want?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well, um, I was thinking…"

I trailed off, and he groaned. "Thinking what? You're killing me here."

"Well…" I bit my lip. "I was thinking maybe you could get me a cell phone."

Silence. He knew the significance of that request, just as I knew he would.

"You sure?" he said finally.

I nodded. I was holding my breath, I realized. I let it out slowly, trying not to think of the fact that the last time he'd given me a cell phone it had ended up smashed up against the wall of Jacob's house. I felt a bit dizzy. I closed my eyes. "I'm sure," I whispered. I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life letting these small details creep up on me, or fearing that they would. Facing them was better.

I laid my cheek against his chest, and he smoothed a hand over my hair. "Any specific type of phone you want?" he asked, his voice still gentle.

"Surprise me."

He kissed my forehead. "I can do that."

We were quiet again for several minutes, Edward's fingers moving gently through my hair.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"Will you take me to Chicago sometime?"

His fingers stopped, and he drew me a little closer. "Yes," he said after a moment. "I'd like that." His voice was quiet.

After that we lay there for a long while, the beauty of the night sky enveloping us. It must have been early morning by now. Probably not the most responsible thing in the world, being out this late when I had school tomorrow—not to mention shocking that it was actually Edward's idea…but still, in the end I felt much more relaxed now than when I'd been in bed unable to sleep. Guess that was exactly why he'd brought me here.

I closed my eyes. Even just listening to the sounds of nature was calming. The loudest was the crickets—the buzzing of what sounded like hundreds. I'd always loved the sound. It reminded me of summers I'd spent in Forks with Charlie, when we'd gone camping together. That had been one of the few things I'd actually enjoyed about visiting Forks. And speaking of camping…

My eyes snapped open, and I turned my head in the direction the sound had come. "What was that sound?" I blurted out.

"I can hear lots of sounds, love. Can you be a little bit more specific?" came Edward's response.

"That rustling sound!" I hissed, annoyed by his lax tone. "There aren't any bears in this area, are there?" My voice went up in pitch slightly.

He chuckled, sounding highly amused. "Bella. Have you forgotten whom you're with? Even if there _were_ bears in this area, I highly doubt they'd be even remotely foolish enough to get anywhere near me."

"Oh. Right."

He suppressed another chuckle.

I shoved at his shoulder, wincing slightly upon impact. "Well, maybe if you would actually let me see you hunt once in a while…"

That sobered him instantly. "Absolutely not!"

"Okay, okay. Chill. I had to try."

"Honestly, Bella, why would you even _want_ to see that?"

I shrugged. "I'm curious."

He muttered something under his breath, and I let it go at that. The rustling noise had stopped now. Probably been the wind. Gosh, I was a bag of nerves. Not that that was anything new.

"But there aren't any bears in the area anyway, are there?" I asked, tucking my head back against his shoulder.

"No," he said, then added a moment later, "However, that doesn't mean you should get any ideas about wandering around the woods at night without me, or during the day, for that matter. _You_ are likely to have a bear find you regardless."

I rolled my eyes but didn't argue; he was probably right. God knows danger always seemed to find me, I thought, feeling that tug of disheartenment and anxiety. And the thought of going through the woods alone was less than comforting. For a moment I tried to pretend Edward wasn't out here with me, and I shuddered.

"Are you cold?" he asked immediately, and before I could answer he was placing his sweater over my shoulders as a makeshift blanket.

It was large and cozy, and I curled up beneath it, cradled in the bend of Edward's arm. Any lingering anxiety seeped out of me, and we were just two people lying beneath the stars without a care in the world. For now, everything was perfect.

With the calming of my body came the undeniable need for sleep. It was welcoming, though, so very welcoming. I fought against my heavy lids for only a moment.

"It's alright," Edward murmured. "You can sleep. I'll get you home."

I had no doubt that he would. He always took care of me. My fingers tightened around the thin fabric of his shirt for a moment. My last thought before I let sleep pull me under was: who was taking care of _him?_

**xxxxx**

"Bella, I don't want you to feel you have to come to every scheduled appointment. You have a lot on your plate, and the purpose of our meetings is to talk only when you're up to it."

Dr. Sandra Williams was watching me with kind eyes.

I shook my head. "No, I…I wanted to come today."

It was four o'clock on Tuesday, only a day before the start of exams, and Sandra and I were seated across from each other in her office, where her one-on-one counseling sessions always took place. The room did not fit the stereotypical description of a psychiatrist's office in that there was no couch where one was intended to pour out one's troubles. Instead there were four comfortable, padded chairs with armrests surrounding a small coffee table. The room was small but cozy, with an orderly desk against the back wall and shelving containing numerals files and books adjacent to it. Several scenic framed photographs adorned the walls, along with a few framed pictures of smiling stick people that were clearly drawn by a child's hand. The overall atmosphere was friendly and inviting.

Dr. Sandra Williams—who'd told me to call her Sandra the first time we'd met—was nice too. This was my third session with her. She was probably in her forties and seemed very genuine and sincere, which I liked a lot. She displayed sympathy but not pity—and yes, there was a big difference between the two, though one tended to understand the difference better after having the whole town learn that one was raped. But, yes, I liked Sandra. And she was good at her job.

She was extraordinarily attentive and good at interpreting people. Unfortunately that tended to be a bit unsettling, I thought to myself, squeezing my hands together while her sharp blue eyes continued to watch me, not unkindly though. She was just one of those people who could look you in the eye and make you feel transparent. Handy talent, that. For a psychiatrist especially.

She was waiting for me to speak first; it usually worked this way, which was another thing I hadn't expected. I'd thought that she would mostly take the lead, but no, she was good at listening without pushing.

Even so, it was never easy talking about the horrible parts of one's past with anyone. It was like ripping off old scabs and digging up wounds you'd much rather forget.

Regardless, going to a psychiatrist was supposed to help in the long run, right? So here I was.

I unclasped my hands, then folded them together again a second later.

Eventually, Sandra put me out of my misery, asking me questions about how my week was going, encouraging the conversation. She was good at that, too.

She got me talking. About the easy stuff…and the not so easy stuff. But, again, that was what I was here for—the not so easy stuff.

So I told her about how on Thursday I'd followed her advice to get back into normal routines. Agreed to hang out with Angela after school to do some catching up, chatting, jogging...

And how I'd never actually managed to do said activities. Never even made it out of the house, in fact. Edward had ending up calling her, telling her I wasn't feeling well. Which had been true. To an extent. You never felt all that great after discovering you were so messed up you couldn't even put on a pair of shorts without dredging up bruises that were best left buried—especially when they were invisible.

Yes, this was the not so easy stuff to talk about. It crushed me just a little bit further each time I had to be reminded of the fact that _he_ could still affect me this way, even from the grave.

Sandra was reassuring as always, reminding me that all of the symptoms related to the assault; panic attacks, flashbacks, exaggerated startled response reactions, etc. were normal and were all ways in which the mind and body dealt with a traumatic experience. That half the battle was recognizing and understanding the reasoning behind these symptoms. She talked about how in a sexual assault the scene of the crime was the body itself, and how this made the body an enemy to the victim, reminding them of what they wished only to forget. That resolution lay in awareness and empowerment. She told me about how a sexual assault can change the core of one's beliefs, morphing them into something that is actually untrue and can unknowingly infiltrate the survivor's lives and lead to many of the symptoms. That part of the healing process is to uncover one's true belief system. That survivors must find the power to overcome the false beliefs instilled at the time of the assault, and that the key to finding that power can come in all different kinds of shapes and forms unique to the individual. Some find it in religion, for example. Another might find it by taking part in an activity that fills them with pride and self-worth—volunteering in a homeless shelter, for example. Or one might find it simply from the people in their life. Every survivor's story was different, she said.

And she asked me directly why I'd panicked suddenly at the thought of going out in the shorts.

"I don't know," I whispered. It wasn't true, of course. But how did one explain that feeling of dirty, filthiness? Of shame? The feeling that everyone would just look at you and _know_. The feeling that no matter how hard you tried you would never be rid of _it_.

"Bella," she said gently, "I want you to think carefully before answering this question, okay?" She paused briefly. "Do you feel in any way responsible for what happened that night of the assault?"

I stiffened and dug my fingernails into my palms. "I…I've told you…" I whispered. _Why_ did she have to keep asking me this question? Yes, I had blamed myself once, but I was over that, and I'd told her as much the last time she'd asked.

"Yes, but sometimes these things are more complicated than we realize. Sometimes—"

"You think I don't know my own mind?" I snapped, surprising myself with my sharpness.

She smiled slightly. "Nobody truly knows their own mind. The mind is a very complex thing." Her eyes were soft on me now. "I think you know that you shouldn't blame yourself, that primarily the fault lies with your assailant. But sometimes…sometimes when we delve deeper into the mind, we find lingering feelings, feelings that even we ourselves may not have been aware of."

I was shaking my head, but my insides were flopping uneasily at her words. I didn't want to think about this. What did it matter anyway? What's done was done.

She was watching me steadily. "Bella, what is it that those girls at school were saying?"

My head snapped up. "What?"

"You've told me a little bit about it, the talk that goes on." Her look was sympathetic. "I know it's been rough for you at school, and—"

"It doesn't matter what they say," I said quickly. "I never let their words get to me."

She gave me a sad smile. "Sometimes these things get to us more than we realize."

My stomach clenched, and I turned to gaze out the window above the desk. It was raining lightly. My throat grew clogged, and I realized she was right; their words had hit a sore stop I hadn't known was there. Or, at least, one that I'd thought I'd eliminated. After all, why should it matter now if I had or hadn't done something that had played a part in Jacob's actions that night? In the end it still came down to the fact that _he'd_ raped _me_, and I knew that, I truly did. The rest shouldn't matter. Yet somehow it did.

My shoulders shook slightly, and I closed my eyes, holding my breath before releasing it with a shuddering choked sound. "I just…I can't help but think that I brought it on somehow. That if I had only ended things with him sooner…" I swallowed. "Lauren," I said quietly, fixing my gaze on my hands. "She said…how everyone knows there's no such thing as a girl being 'just friends' with a straight, single guy, and that…" My shoulders shook again. "that I led Jacob on," I whispered.

Sandra seemed to consider that for a moment, and it made me feel that she was truly listening to everything I said. I liked that about her. A lot. She tried to level her eyes with mine, then said, "Even if that were true—and I'm not saying it is—it does not in any way excuse his actions. From the moment he took away your free will, his actions were his responsibility and his alone."

"I know that, really, I do. I just…" I squeezed my eyes closed. "How could I have been so…_stupid_?" I asked in a choking whisper. "How could I have not seen what he was really like? Edward…he always told me not to trust him…"

She let me take in some short breaths before responding. "I know it's easy to think that way, sweetie. But people like Jacob…well, their behavior is erratic at best. More often than not it's next to impossible to see that other side of them until it's too late."

I wrapped my arms around my stomach and nodded, my gaze fixed on the window. It was still raining.

I would be driving myself home, which had been at my own insistence. It was no big deal. Sandra's office was in the same building as the regular doctor's office and was only a short drive from home. But the counseling sessions always left me feeling drained, and I found myself wishing fleetingly that Edward were coming to pick me up. I wanted…What did I want exactly? It was selfish, that was for sure. The reason I'd insisted on driving myself to these sessions in the first place was to spare him from hearing yet even more thoughts of the rape—and from my therapist, no less. He got enough of that from school as it was. Yet still I couldn't help wanting him to be here at the end of the session to take me home. Silly, I knew.

"Penny for them?"

I jumped and turned back to face Sandra, realizing I'd been staring off into space for longer than I'd be aware of. "Sorry, I was just thinking."

"Want to talk about it?" she offered. "You looked troubled."

"Um, it's just Edward. He…he always seems to avoid the subject of my therapy sessions," I said quietly. "I mean, he asks how I'm doing when I come back from a session, but he never asks me how it went or anything, and I…I don't understand why…"

"Well did you ask him why?"

Something that was almost a laugh came out of my throat. "I guess that would be the obvious thing to do, huh? You make it seem so simple."

She smiled. "Sometimes it is that simple."

"You're right. I will…Ask him, I mean…"

I realized then that the session was almost over and I'd yet to bring up the subject that had been my main reason for coming to see her today.

Sandra seemed to realize I had something else I wanted to talk to her about; she was watching me expectantly again.

I fiddled with my bracelet. "Um, so there's doctor patient confidentiality between us, right?"

"Of course."

If I hadn't already gotten her attention, I certainly had it now.

My hands felt sweaty, but I gathered my courage. "Well, um, it's about Edward…" I swallowed. "I'm worried about him," I said.

She nodded. "I know this must be tough on him as well."

"Yes," I said thickly, feeling the pain well in my chest. "But it's even worse than you know." I drew in a breath. Somehow I had to tell her without giving away Edward's secret. I had to for Edward's sake. I had Sandra to help me, but who was helping Edward? Maybe if she knew the horror that Edward had faced she would be able to help _me_ help _him._

In the end it was mostly the truth that I told her. I simply told her that on that day of Jacob's suicide, before Edward had managed to take Jacob down, Jacob had forced Edward to see the rape. The words had been hard to say aloud, the pain in my chest making it harder than I'd expected to get them out, but I'd got them out just the same. Of course, I hadn't been able to tell her he'd seen it all in his mind, but since it was essentially the same thing in the end, it hadn't been too difficult to tell her the one lie—that Jacob had had a video recording on his cell phone with snippets from that night.

Sandra seemed to take this new information well, never interrupting me and hiding her shock well, because who wouldn't find it shocking, hearing that Jacob could be that cruel?

The pain squeezed my chest again, and there were tears in my eyes when I'd finished.

My fingers went to my bracelet again, the familiar feel of it beneath my fingertips comforting somehow. "It's eating away at him, I just know it is," I whispered, feeling my eyes burn again. "But I know he'll never agree to get help. He…he's headstrong, you know? He likes to pretend he's invincible."

"A very common Y chromosome trait, that," she said with a brief smile. Then her eyes were focused, gentle as she looked at me. "How about you bring him here with you to our next session?" she suggested. "The three of us can talk."

I bit my lip and nodded. I wasn't sure it would be the best idea, given that Edward could read her mind, but on the other hand, maybe she could help him.

She told me to think about it, and she also told me about couples counseling options on a more official basis and that I should talk to Edward about it. I agreed, feeling that maybe, despite the major complication of his being a vampire, we could make this work somehow. Edward needed help too, even if he was too stubborn to admit it.

And I was going to make sure he got it.

After discussing different counseling options, the one-hour session was up. A glance out the window showed me it had started raining heavily now, and I groaned silently to myself; I hadn't parked my truck that close to the entrance.

When Sandra went to retrieve her datebook from her desk so that we could schedule the next appointment, my eyes went to look through the glass panel in the door that lead to the hallway, and I leapt to my feet.

When I pulled open the door, he stopped mid-pace down the hallway, turning to face me, his hand falling abruptly to his side, and he actually looked startled, as if he hadn't heard me coming for once. His hair was damp from the rain and furrowed from where his fingers had just been pulling anxiously through the strands.

"Bella! I just got here…but I wasn't listening…I just—"

He broke off when I reached him and seemed startled once again when I stood on my tiptoes to hug his neck.

"You came," I rejoiced, sounding more pleased than the occasion probably warranted.

Edward definitely seemed taken aback. "I…I thought you didn't want me to come," he said, but his arms settled around me to return my embrace.

Didn't want him to come? And what had he meant by he 'wasn't listening'? It hit me then that he'd misinterpreted the reason why I'd insisted on driving to the therapy sessions myself. He'd thought it was because I wanted to keep my discussions with my therapist between her and me, that I hadn't wanted him to be a part of it. I suppressed a groan of annoyance and relief. _That_ was why he'd been avoiding asking me about my sessions. He'd thought_ I_ didn't want to talk about them with him. I wanted to smack him. Didn't he know by now that we were in this together?

"Ah, you must be Bella's Edward."

I dropped my arms from around his neck at Sandra's voice, my eyes darting over my shoulder at her and then back up at Edward.

His hands slid from around me to rest on my hips. "I am," he said, looking over my head at her.

My insides squeezed warmly at his response, and a tiny flush of color came to my cheeks, from shyness as much as pride at hearing him being labeled as mine. I decided I liked the sound of it. I liked it a lot, in fact.

"Sandra," she said, holding out her hand for him to take, and her eyes were twinkling brightly as she looked at us.

I realized I was gripping his arm and released it quickly so he could accept her offered hand.

"Lovely to meet you, Edward. I hope you know Bella here talks a lot about you." Her eyes were still twinkling.

Edward lips turned up slightly as he released her hand.

He looked almost…_awkward_ under her gaze. Normally he was so refined and composed around people that seeing otherwise was strange. Granted, after having been under Sandra's intuitive eye myself I could certainly relate, but usually nothing fazed him, and he actually looked uncomfortable.

I surreptitiously stroked his chest in a comforting gesture and felt his palm move against the small of my back, barely touching.

I studied him more closely. It wouldn't have been enough for anyone who didn't know him well to notice, but there were faint creases in his brow and his jaw looked tight. My heart twisted a little. Maybe he was getting from Sandra's thoughts that I'd told her about him seeing the rape. But, no, that wasn't it. He was straining to _not_ listen to her thoughts, I realized. Normally, it wasn't that difficult for him to do—he did it all the time to respect his family's privacy—but I feared he'd been so drained mentally recently that controlling his gift seemed more of a strain for him. The familiar ache settled in my stomach. Too bad I couldn't tell him he didn't need to bother blocking thoughts this time. At least not for my sake, anyway.

"So," Sandra said, and I focused my eyes on her when I realized she was talking to me, "we just need to schedule you in for your next appointment, Bella. Then it looks like I leave you in good hands," she said, smiling at Edward.

He nodded politely at her. "I'll wait for you here," he said to me, dropping his hand from my back, and I followed Sandra back through her office door.

After fixing up the next appointment and accepting some pamphlets from her about couples counseling, I thanked her and turned to leave. She stopped me.

"Bella," she said.

I turned back to face her.

"Remember what I told you about finding your power?"

I nodded.

"Well, if I'm not mistaken, the key to yours is standing on the other side of that door," she said with a faint smile.

I followed her eyes to where Edward stood in the hallway several feet away from the closed door, facing sideways from us, his head lowered as if there was something very fascinating about the faded carpet in the hallway.

Sandra stepped over to me and placed a friendly hand on my shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Hold on to that one, Bella. I believe you've got yourself a keeper." Her eyes were light, but I could tell she meant it.

I felt that rush of pride again and said to her steadily, "I know I do."

She smiled at that and moved back behind her desk. "Oh and, Bella," she said, stopping me in my tracks for the second time. "Don't forget it works both ways."

I stood there for a moment, taking in Edward's uncharacteristically disordered appearance through the door.

_Oh, I know it does,_ I thought to myself. If only I could convince _him_ of that.

**Author's note:**

Thoughts? Comments? Slaps on the head for taking so long to update? Anything…? Just drop me some kind of line. Or word. Or whatever the heck you want just to let me know you're out there. It means the world.

I feel this was a heavy chapter and it was a tough one to write. In the next chapter there is a pretty big turning point in the story, and I'm excited for that.

Now, let's talk updates because I know what you must be thinking: _Is she going to keep taking six months to update? The story will never get finished!_ I hear you, and the answer is no, I have no intention of keeping this slow pace of update schedule, and yes, the story _will_ get finished. I can't exactly promise update times, but I do promise to finish the story. Also, I promise to do my damndest to update quicker. 2012 has been a slow year and I'm anticipating 2013 will be better.

Just as a side note, and because I was feeling nostalgic now that the last movie is here, I wanted to share this Midnight Sun video that I made with you: youtube com(/)watch?v=56ZicVC46BE

I actually felt pretty sad after seeing the last movie and I didn't actually expect to because the books are what I love the most. But I guess I realized that with the movies finished the fandom may slow down a lot, and the thought of that happening made me really sad! For me it's not even close to being over! I love writing and reading fanfiction and see myself being here for a long time. But I wanted to ask, do you all feel the same? Are you not leaving anytime soon? I really hope you feel the same and will be sticking around.


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